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(The Raw Story)   Rev. Pat Robertson reports that demons are bad drivers, and that they like to watch porn and "The Walking Dead." That certainly explains my ex-girlfriend   (rawstory.com ) divider line
    More: Weird, Pat Robertson, X-rated, State of North Carolina, Crooks & Liars, CBN, girlfriend  
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1729 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 11 Mar 2014 at 3:40 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-11 01:17:56 PM  
RUN FOR THE HILLS! OLD PEOPLE ARE WATCHING TELE-EVANGELISTS!

You know it causes them to drive through restaurants and farmers markets. You just know.

FTA:  "The TV preacher pointed out that he doubted demons had caused the car crash in this case, but it was possible."

Still smart enough to hedge, but just barely.

The main cause of demonic possession is living in the the 21st century with a 17th century mind. And I might add, not the mind of Cotton or a Pascal or a Descartes, but some idiotic peasant convert of a hedge preacher.
 
2014-03-11 01:23:14 PM  
Christ...what an asshole.
 
2014-03-11 01:33:08 PM  
"I was watching a horror movie the other day of the recommendation of others," a viewer explained in a letter to The 700 Club. "It was rather strange and awfully macabre. And then this past Sunday, I got into an accident leaving church."

"Did watching that movie cause a curse - or the Lord's protection to be lifted from me?" the viewer wondered. "Did I grieve the Holy Spirit by watching this series?"


I went to church on the recommendation of others. It was rather strange and awfully morbid. And then this past Monday, I got into an accident leaving the bar. Did attending church cause a curse? Did I grieve the holy spirits by attending church?
 
2014-03-11 01:36:18 PM  
It sort of amazes me that there are grown adults that believe this could be a documentary
blown34.com
 
2014-03-11 01:37:26 PM  
So much stupid in that.

The woman watched a horror movie, then went to church, then had the accident while leaving church. The most proximal possible influence wasn't the movie. It was the church. She crashed because she went to church, most likely as retribution from a righteous God PO'd about her following a false prophet.

Also: "..this child had gone to some double-X-rated movie, or whatever it was, and had allowed this thing to come into her." WTF, Pat?
 
2014-03-11 01:38:22 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-11 02:04:40 PM  
I'd love to see a new televangelist start up on one of the networks, except instead of "praisin' Jaysus" and soliticing money he'd be all "Hail Satan!" and do all sorts of goofy antics (for entertainment value , of course) and telling people to keep their money.

*sigh* Dare to dream...
 
2014-03-11 02:07:05 PM  
I drive pretty well, so that rules me out. Then again, I'm Catholic, and to Pat, that's probably worse.
 
2014-03-11 02:38:53 PM  
A poor person would've been locked up by now for this kind of batshiattery.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-03-11 02:54:51 PM  
And the permission was granted when this child had gone to some double-X-rated movie, or whatever it was, and had allowed this thing to come into her."

Usually it's alcohol that does that, not X rated movies.
 
2014-03-11 03:20:43 PM  
"I know this sounds kind of otherworldly, but that's the way it is and you farkwits, clamoring for anything to absolve yourself of responsibility and rational thought, are eating this up and somehow allowing me to remain relevant when I'm clearly nuttier than a squirrel at a Nutella convention" the televangelist insisted.

This is why we can't have nice things.
 
2014-03-11 03:30:47 PM  
Sounds like my kind of people.  They get shotgun.
 
2014-03-11 03:40:11 PM  

Heliovdrake: [img.fark.net image 850x526]


What's your hand doing in that pocket, Sam Harris?  Stop looking at us like that, Sam Harris!
 
2014-03-11 03:41:46 PM  
You'd think that televangelists would embrace TWD as the end of times where the dead walk the earth.
 
2014-03-11 03:51:55 PM  

gopher321: I'd love to see a new televangelist start up on one of the networks, except instead of "praisin' Jaysus" and soliticing money he'd be all "Hail Satan!" and do all sorts of goofy antics (for entertainment value , of course) and telling people to keep their money.

*sigh* Dare to dream...


From Mr. Show:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cku497rURF8

//hope this is the right video, can't exactly watch right now to confirm
 
2014-03-11 03:51:55 PM  

slayer199: You'd think that televangelists would embrace TWD as the end of times where the dead walk the earth.


The end time were heralded long ago by the gays with the AIDS, the gubmint attacking christianity, and the jihadin mooselims oh and rock rap devil worship music.
 
2014-03-11 04:00:38 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-03-11 04:06:08 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-11 04:06:19 PM  
We can meet in the middle and assume Lizzie of the Crazy Kid Gang is a demon
 
2014-03-11 04:09:21 PM  

brantgoose: The main cause of demonic possession is living in the the 21st century with a 17th century mind

going off your frakking meds.

FTFM.  But I am open minded.  Psychological trauma inflicted by theocratic fascists could be a cause, too.
 
2014-03-11 04:18:25 PM  

AbiNormal: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 480x360]


God talks to smart people too, but the smart people are smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it.

shiat, look at Jesus. Guy had all the power of God behind him and when people found out, they had him killed. anyone with a legit line to God and half a brain isn't going to try that shiat again.
 
2014-03-11 04:22:01 PM  
Demons? In my Kia? It's likelier than you think!

us.cdn3.123rf.com
 
2014-03-11 04:26:18 PM  
Rev. Pat Robertson reports that demons are bad drivers, and that they like to watch porn and "The Walking Dead."  waves his hands around and yells "HEY EVERYBODY!  LOOK AT ME!  I'M STILL HERE!  I'M STILL RELEVANT!  PAY SOME ATTENTION TO ME!"
 
2014-03-11 04:28:49 PM  
Tough choices, subby.  I mean, we all deal with our women being a demon and the bad driving thing.  But if she likes to watch porn, I'd say she's a keeper.  Just keep her on a short leash.  Partly because that's what she's into, but also because she should have been watching True Detective the last 8 weeks.
 
2014-03-11 04:34:35 PM  
So basically demons are Japanese people.
 
2014-03-11 04:36:41 PM  

exick: It sort of amazes me that there are grown adults that believe this could be a documentary
[blown34.com image 505x389]


My great grandfather was on a B-25 Mitchel over Germany that crashed because of Gremlins, you insensitive asshole.
 
2014-03-11 04:39:53 PM  
The fact that this man is taken seriously by even one person is scary. The fact that millions of registered voters take him seriously terrifies me beyond the capacity for rational thought.
 
2014-03-11 04:39:59 PM  

scottydoesntknow: "I was watching a horror movie the other day of the recommendation of others," a viewer explained in a letter to The 700 Club. "It was rather strange and awfully macabre. And then this past Sunday, I got into an accident leaving church."

"Did watching that movie cause a curse - or the Lord's protection to be lifted from me?" the viewer wondered. "Did I grieve the Holy Spirit by watching this series?"

I went to church on the recommendation of others. It was rather strange and awfully morbid. And then this past Monday, I got into an accident leaving the bar. Did attending church cause a curse? Did I grieve the holy spirits by attending church?


You picked the wrong god.
 
2014-03-11 04:45:45 PM  

hardinparamedic: exick: It sort of amazes me that there are grown adults that believe this could be a documentary
[blown34.com image 505x389]

My great grandfather was on a B-25 Mitchel over Germany that crashed because of Gremlins, you insensitive asshole.

Look, he was told not to feed furry little farkers after midnight. It's his own fault.
 
2014-03-11 05:00:35 PM  

offmymeds: Demons? In my Kia? It's likelier than you think!

[us.cdn3.123rf.com image 112x168]


Worse than that, they're Asian demons.
 
2014-03-11 05:18:44 PM  
Another call: "My neighbor does not keep the Sabbath. Should I stone him to death or should I call the police to have them do it?"
 
2014-03-11 05:23:00 PM  
"I was watching a horror movie the other day of the recommendation of others," a viewer explained in a letter to The 700 Club. "It was rather strange and awfully macabre. And then this past Sunday, I got into an accident leaving church."

"Did watching that movie cause a curse - or the Lord's protection to be lifted from me?" the viewer wondered. "Did I grieve the Holy Spirit by watching this series?"


Textbook magical thinking.
 
2014-03-11 05:25:33 PM  

exick: hardinparamedic: exick: It sort of amazes me that there are grown adults that believe this could be a documentary
[blown34.com image 505x389]

My great grandfather was on a B-25 Mitchel over Germany that crashed because of Gremlins, you insensitive asshole.
Look, he was told not to feed furry little farkers after midnight. It's his own fault.


What counts as after midnight?  Technically, it is always after any number of past midnights.
 
2014-03-11 05:30:19 PM  
And the permission was granted when this child had gone to some double-X-rated movie, or whatever it was,

Sure Pat, try to feign ignorance by pretending you don't know the nomenclature is triple X.  We all know you're into the kinkiest scat-porn out there.
 
2014-03-11 05:33:02 PM  
www.forkparty.com
 
2014-03-11 05:36:01 PM  
Holy shiatballs he must be WAY farking stoned.
 
2014-03-11 05:45:35 PM  

Farker Soze: exick: hardinparamedic: exick: It sort of amazes me that there are grown adults that believe this could be a documentary
[blown34.com image 505x389]

My great grandfather was on a B-25 Mitchel over Germany that crashed because of Gremlins, you insensitive asshole.
Look, he was told not to feed furry little farkers after midnight. It's his own fault.

What counts as after midnight?  Technically, it is always after any number of past midnights.


I think it's midnight to dawn. But then do you account for DST? Or are we talking about mid-night as in the middle of the night, any time after half way between sunset and sunup, or could it just be any time after complete darkness? And what about extreme latitudes where the sun never really goes down or really comes up for weeks at a time.

Or what if you're on a flight and you feed him, and then you cross a time-zone or something and suddenly it's midnight and he's still got a full belly? Maybe that's what happened to grampa, totally wasn't his fault.

I don't know man, time is a complicated thing. I think I'll just stick with a cat or something. Cute though!
 
2014-03-11 05:49:00 PM  

fusillade762: Holy shiatballs he must be WAY farking stoned.


That very well could be true. He does advocate for the legalization of marijuana.

Although I hope not, because he's a horrible representative for legalization.
 
2014-03-11 05:55:10 PM  
Speaking of horror movies...

static.guim.co.uk
 
2014-03-11 06:00:13 PM  
And kinda crappy porn

lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2014-03-11 06:02:44 PM  
FTA: "Did watching that movie cause a curse - or the Lord's protection to be lifted from me?" the viewer wondered. "Did I grieve the Holy Spirit by watching this series?"

God.  Less powerful than basic cable.
 
2014-03-11 06:16:08 PM  

Sgt Otter: FTA: "Did watching that movie cause a curse - or the Lord's protection to be lifted from me?" the viewer wondered. "Did I grieve the Holy Spirit by watching this series?"

God.  Less powerful than basic cable.


See, witches don't worry about this shiat. They just throw a counter curse and watch their damn tv shows.
 
2014-03-11 06:54:44 PM  

Eddie Ate Dynamite: Farker Soze: exick: hardinparamedic: exick: It sort of amazes me that there are grown adults that believe this could be a documentary
[blown34.com image 505x389]

My great grandfather was on a B-25 Mitchel over Germany that crashed because of Gremlins, you insensitive asshole.
Look, he was told not to feed furry little farkers after midnight. It's his own fault.

What counts as after midnight?  Technically, it is always after any number of past midnights.

I think it's midnight to dawn. But then do you account for DST? Or are we talking about mid-night as in the middle of the night, any time after half way between sunset and sunup, or could it just be any time after complete darkness? And what about extreme latitudes where the sun never really goes down or really comes up for weeks at a time.

Or what if you're on a flight and you feed him, and then you cross a time-zone or something and suddenly it's midnight and he's still got a full belly? Maybe that's what happened to grampa, totally wasn't his fault.

I don't know man, time is a complicated thing. I think I'll just stick with a cat or something. Cute though!


Zulu time!
 
2014-03-11 07:06:41 PM  
Isn't it about time this old farker died?
 
2014-03-11 07:40:08 PM  
img1.wikia.nocookie.net

Release the demons.  Hallelujah.  Praise Jeyzus.
 
2014-03-11 07:41:27 PM  
I see ole Pat's off his meds again.
 
2014-03-11 07:42:00 PM  
Pat is truly off his rocker.
 
2014-03-11 07:45:39 PM  
Hyperbolic Hyperbole: look at Jesus. Guy had all the power of God behind him and when people found out, they had him killed.

That's not why Jesus was crucified. It was God's plan to sacrifice part of Himself to Himself to pay for sis He knew we would commit before He made us.
 
2014-03-11 07:57:29 PM  
I once had a neighbor whose kids played with my kids. I was over at her house watching all the kids play, and one of her kids fell off the trampoline and hurt themselves. She was convinced it was because she had let them watch "Scrooged" that day, and this was god's way of punishing them for watching that movie with the bad language and such. Needless to say, I never let my kids play with her kids again.
 
2014-03-11 08:24:57 PM  

Close2TheEdge: Speaking of horror movies...

[static.guim.co.uk image 460x276]


Exactly. As soon as the fundies recognize the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre for the snuff film it was, I might consider their argument.

scottydoesntknow: "I was watching a horror movie the other day of the recommendation of others," a viewer explained in a letter to The 700 Club. "It was rather strange and awfully macabre. And then this past Sunday, I got into an accident leaving church."

"Did watching that movie cause a curse - or the Lord's protection to be lifted from me?" the viewer wondered. "Did I grieve the Holy Spirit by watching this series?"



Jimmy C. writes, "I took a part playing Jesus Christ in a Mel Gibson movie on the advice of others. It was rather strange, ignored the teachings of Jesus completely, and was awfully graphic and fixated on his final tortures. Then, when we were filming the crucifixion, I got struck by lightning. Did acting in the movie cause a curse, or the Lord's protection to be lifted from me? Did I grieve the Holy Spirit by taking this job?"
 
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