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(Slate)   A look at each state's official meat, assuming it could only have one. Looks like I'm moving Texas, after all   ( divider line
    More: Interesting  
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10808 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2014 at 10:09 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2014-03-11 10:12:14 AM  
5 votes:

"They're made out of meat."


"Meat. They're made out of meat."


"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal!  Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"


"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
2014-03-11 10:27:57 AM  
4 votes:
This is the list of plagiarism because it is the listing of the food eaten by the roommate of me in the two week period. She is the bigger person and does not have the desiring for vegetables.
2014-03-11 09:32:05 AM  
4 votes:
I never thought Nevada's state meat would be the Tube Steak.
2014-03-11 10:13:53 AM  
3 votes:
Yeah? Where ya moving it?
2014-03-11 11:34:03 AM  
1 vote:

Wasteland: loki see loki do: Kentucky is lamb fries? Never heard of 'em.

I've heard of them, but damned if I know anyone here who'd actually eat them.

Now there's a man who knows when he's got something good in his mouth.

image1.frequency.comView Full Size

/Should have explained those things better on the menu.
2014-03-11 11:29:48 AM  
1 vote:

CreepyBasementGuy: Brisket is one step below eating dog meat.

static2.fjcdn.comView Full Size
2014-03-11 11:10:53 AM  
1 vote:
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2014-03-11 11:00:00 AM  
1 vote:
She had to have a dumbass dig at California. Santa Maria style BBQ is extremely popular in California...Tri Tip would have done nicely for California. Stupid to say California or any other state is principally vegetarian.
2014-03-11 10:53:35 AM  
1 vote:
Is this one of Obama's '57' States?

Pork collar
Judd mat Gaardebounen
, the national dish of Luxembourg, is a plate of broad beans topped with sliced smoked pork collar. Pork collar is a cut near the shoulder that's rarely used in the States, so I am more than happy to yield it to Luxembourg. Gudden appetit!
2014-03-11 10:49:37 AM  
1 vote:

Burr: lilplatinum: Burr: We had breakfast an an actual amish house with the family and it was the best breakfast I ever had.

Did they wait til you were gone to molest and abuse their children?

During, made the meal much more enjoyable

Kinda like dinner theater, dig it.
2014-03-11 10:37:03 AM  
1 vote:

Sapper_Topo: Also this map is BS! South Dakota should be Chislek, Louisiana should be crawfish, North Dakota should be white tail deer, Montana should be beef period. Christ you cant get anything else here.

Listen I am the fan of the blood in the steak of me but the beef period is the newer of foods I have not had the enjoyment of.
2014-03-11 10:31:51 AM  
1 vote:

xtalman: emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.

Pork Roll for us from the northern part of the state.  But this is the truth.

/Now I needs some pork roll.
//Living in OK and hate chicken fried steak

I torment you.

jerseyporkroll.comView Full Size
2014-03-11 10:31:50 AM  
1 vote:

Alassra: So glad that Pennsylvania is ruled by one "sandwich" meat.

:: sighs :: You do realize there is more to the state than Philly? I'm guessing the writer has never visited another part of PA aside from Philly.

That's okay... I'll save my angry face and make something actually delicious.


aww, you're the smiley face on my eat n park cookie!
2014-03-11 10:29:49 AM  
1 vote:
Ridiculous rules that she doesn't even stick to.

"Meat" means mammal. Red meat is what makes Americans red-blooded. Chicken, fish, and turkey? Off the table.   What's that Florida?  Ok, you get a reptile.

Stews and sandwiches are not meat per se. The more accouterments a meat dish requires, the less likely it is to appear on this map. Hoppin' john, chili, and green chili stew are all meaty dishes highly identified with specific states-but they also contain beans, vegetables, and peppers, so they're out.  Oh my god, there's vegetables in this meat!  That doesn't work!

Hamburgers and hot dogs ... are the king and queen of American cuisine,  Oh, FFS.

It's a well-known fact that Californians don't eat meat, just tofu and kale.
2014-03-11 10:13:38 AM  
1 vote:
Really Florida?
2014-03-11 10:13:31 AM  
1 vote:
Arkansas - rabbit

I'm assuming that the rabbit is flattened and prepared under a hot sun using the highway as a cooking service.
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