If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   A look at each state's official meat, assuming it could only have one. Looks like I'm moving Texas, after all   (slate.com) divider line 24
    More: Interesting  
•       •       •

10735 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2014 at 10:09 AM (19 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-03-11 10:17:17 AM
4 votes:
NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.
2014-03-11 10:12:14 AM
4 votes:
THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT


"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal!  Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
2014-03-11 10:15:34 AM
2 votes:
Maryland should be CRAB .yoooooo farkers....
2014-03-11 02:23:35 PM
1 votes:

ChrisDe: Tofu is not a meat. Carne asada is meat.


That's the joke.

That said,

More than 50 percent of the total value of U.S. sales of cattle and calves comes from the top 5 states: (Jan. 1, 2013 USDA Cattle Inventory Report)
1. Texas
2. Nebraska
3. Kansas
4. California
5. Oklahoma - See more at: http://www.beefusa.org/beefindustrystatistics.aspx#sthash.Ehnq5bcL.dpu f

California has more salad-eating hippies than probably any other state. But we also have more meat-three-meals-a-day dedicated carnivores than just about any other state (Texas would be the only exception), just because California has a hell of a lot of people.

I don't know if Santa Maria style "barbecue" is popular enough across the state to justify being on the list, but it's what I'd pick as a native California meat.
2014-03-11 12:20:52 PM
1 votes:

Interceptor1: I'm a native Maryland resident and have never heard of corned ham. This sites information is bogus. Try crabs or oysters. Even chicken would work.


And I was born and raised in Michigan, and spent the majority of my life in various places across the state, and I have never once had corned beef, seen it offered as a menu item in any restaurant, or considered it "our" meat. I have more cube steak (in Italian steak sandwiches) than the average American, I'd bet, though.

Also, the author missed coney island hot dogs, which were invented in Michigan (and not Coney Island, as you'd think), and are considered a must-have item when in certain places within Michigan. As a state we have some of the highest standards for hot dogs in terms of what's allowed to be in them, and if you haven't had a Kowalski or Koegel hot dog, you're missing something and you're failing as a Michigan citizen.

The thought of corned beef doesn't appeal to me, and so I've never bothered. I don't know what the fark a "Dinty Moore" sandwich is. I've lived in Detroit, and I never heard of such a thing. I know Dinty Moore as the Hormel brand of beef stew, but not as a sandwich.

I don't know where she got her information, but it wasn't from a Michigander.
2014-03-11 11:46:18 AM
1 votes:

xtalman: Pork Roll for us from the northern part of the state.  But this is the truth.


Pork Roll is for the southern part of the state...Taylor Ham up north.
2014-03-11 11:46:01 AM
1 votes:

CreepyBasementGuy: Brisket is one step below eating dog meat.


Corned beef hash says you are an idiot.
2014-03-11 11:36:00 AM
1 votes:

big pig peaches: emarche: xtalman: emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.

Pork Roll for us from the northern part of the state.  But this is the truth.

/Now I needs some pork roll.
//Living in OK and hate chicken fried steak

I grew up in North Jersey, never once heard it called Pork Roll - it's always been Taylor Ham - even though that's what the Taylor company calls it. Either way, if it isn't Taylor...it doesn't count. There  isa difference.

In central jersey it's always called pork roll atleast on delis' menus. I think Taylor ham is a brand name.


Lets stop arguing amongst each other.  This is the stuff we're all referring to. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_roll

Now lets get back to important things, like beating the crap out of loud Massholes New England Patriot fans at Giants Stadium.
2014-03-11 11:29:48 AM
1 votes:

CreepyBasementGuy: Brisket is one step below eating dog meat.


static2.fjcdn.com
2014-03-11 11:22:31 AM
1 votes:

emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.


Glad to see this was covered. The judges would also accept pork roll. Scrapple is from Delaware? I always thought that was an Amish thing. Also, if you only know PA for cheesesteaks, you're missing out. Hot roast pork on a long roll with provolone and broccoli rabe...hey, look, it's lunch time!

/NE Philly
//yo
2014-03-11 11:16:22 AM
1 votes:
I'm a native Maryland resident and have never heard of corned ham. This sites information is bogus. Try crabs or oysters. Even chicken would work.
2014-03-11 10:55:39 AM
1 votes:

xtalman: emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.

Pork Roll for us from the northern part of the state.  But this is the truth.

/Now I needs some pork roll.
//Living in OK and hate chicken fried steak


I grew up in North Jersey, never once heard it called Pork Roll - it's always been Taylor Ham - even though that's what the Taylor company calls it. Either way, if it isn't Taylor...it doesn't count. There  isa difference.
2014-03-11 10:41:24 AM
1 votes:
Kinda figured brats for WI.

//sigh....such a cliche.
2014-03-11 10:34:09 AM
1 votes:
We win!
*drool* ....Bacon!!!
2014-03-11 10:31:51 AM
1 votes:

xtalman: emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.

Pork Roll for us from the northern part of the state.  But this is the truth.

/Now I needs some pork roll.
//Living in OK and hate chicken fried steak


I torment you.

jerseyporkroll.com
2014-03-11 10:31:50 AM
1 votes:

Alassra: So glad that Pennsylvania is ruled by one "sandwich" meat.

:: sighs :: You do realize there is more to the state than Philly? I'm guessing the writer has never visited another part of PA aside from Philly.

That's okay... I'll save my angry face and make something actually delicious.

:)


aww, you're the smiley face on my eat n park cookie!
2014-03-11 10:28:45 AM
1 votes:
Whomever came up with that graphic needs to get out more. They missed on more than they got right.
2014-03-11 10:28:32 AM
1 votes:
Does this broad not know California is full of Mexicans who eat carnitas all day
2014-03-11 10:26:32 AM
1 votes:

Alassra: :: sighs :: You do realize there is more to the state than Philly? I'm guessing the writer has never visited another part of PA aside from Philly.


No one cares what the Amish eat.
2014-03-11 10:25:27 AM
1 votes:
Tofu is not a meat. Carne asada is meat.
2014-03-11 10:24:35 AM
1 votes:
Slate: one of the few websites that could ruin a mildly interesting concept by excluding 90% of actual meat because it didn't have hair at one point.
2014-03-11 10:14:47 AM
1 votes:
Pennsylvania needs to be Milk Steak boiled over hard with an assortment of the finest jelly beans.
2014-03-11 10:13:53 AM
1 votes:
Yeah? Where ya moving it?
2014-03-11 09:50:41 AM
1 votes:

kronicfeld: Smithfield Ham is the tits.


Meh. They're Chinese now. Come on out to the country and we'll get you some real Virginia ham. Or squirrel, which appears to be the other option. Got one outside right now, in fact, let me grab my shotgun.
 
Displayed 24 of 24 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report