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(Slate)   A look at each state's official meat, assuming it could only have one. Looks like I'm moving Texas, after all   (slate.com) divider line 196
    More: Interesting  
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10733 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2014 at 10:09 AM (19 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-11 09:32:05 AM
I never thought Nevada's state meat would be the Tube Steak.
 
2014-03-11 09:45:51 AM
Smithfield Ham is the tits.
 
2014-03-11 09:50:41 AM

kronicfeld: Smithfield Ham is the tits.


Meh. They're Chinese now. Come on out to the country and we'll get you some real Virginia ham. Or squirrel, which appears to be the other option. Got one outside right now, in fact, let me grab my shotgun.
 
2014-03-11 10:12:14 AM
THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT


"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal!  Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
 
2014-03-11 10:13:31 AM
Arkansas - rabbit

I'm assuming that the rabbit is flattened and prepared under a hot sun using the highway as a cooking service.
 
2014-03-11 10:13:38 AM
Really Florida?
 
2014-03-11 10:13:53 AM
Yeah? Where ya moving it?
 
2014-03-11 10:14:14 AM
That's why you're favorited,
 
2014-03-11 10:14:21 AM
No one likes chicken?
 
2014-03-11 10:14:47 AM
Pennsylvania needs to be Milk Steak boiled over hard with an assortment of the finest jelly beans.
 
2014-03-11 10:15:34 AM
Maryland should be CRAB .yoooooo farkers....
 
2014-03-11 10:16:46 AM

bdub77: Really Florida?


What's wrong with alligator? That shiat is good. I could eat fried alligator any day.
 
2014-03-11 10:17:17 AM
NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.
 
2014-03-11 10:17:48 AM
That was directed at you, Chip NASA.

And screw Toledo and their kielbasa, we're all about the bratwursts down here.
 
2014-03-11 10:17:54 AM
Moving Texas where?
 
2014-03-11 10:17:57 AM
As a current Texas resident, you'd move here for brisket?  I'm a fan, but it doesn't touch pork BBQ.

/I'd be moving to Tennessee for bacon, but they already have Memphis style Q
 
2014-03-11 10:19:15 AM
Kentucky needs to be either Burgoo or Fried catfish.
 
2014-03-11 10:19:25 AM
Kentucky is lamb fries? Never heard of 'em.
 
2014-03-11 10:20:07 AM
They got RI right.
 
Rat
2014-03-11 10:20:23 AM
Franklin will help you bring Texas brisket into your own backyard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmTzdMHu5KU

 
2014-03-11 10:20:37 AM

CruJones:  I'm a fan, but it doesn't touch pork BBQ.


Perhaps you should move back to the land of shiatty country music and pig slathered in disgusting ketchup sauce then...
 
2014-03-11 10:21:08 AM
Not Tennessee with Bacon?

And I 2nd that Maryland should be crab.
 
2014-03-11 10:21:08 AM
You're moving Texas?  The whole state?  I'd like to know your workout regimen,  subby!
 
2014-03-11 10:21:25 AM
Obviously written by someone without a clue as to regional food.   NC barbecue is not "pulled pork."  Pork yes, but you'll never seen "pulled" offered here.   You get the choice of chopped or sliced usually.

Having grown up in MD I have no idea how HAM got to be the meat of choice especially the way he describes it.    The main part of MD is BEEF.   Corned beef up in Baltimore where it is an regional art form.    "Pit Beef" elsewhere in the states.   The eastern shore tends to chicken however.    Nearer to DC you get the odd sausage-variant called a half smoke.

Having lived in Colorado, can't say I was ever offered mutton.
 
2014-03-11 10:23:27 AM

emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.


^This^

And it's not "ham", it's Tayor Pork-roll.  The stuff goes way back...supplied to the Union Army during the Civil War.
 
2014-03-11 10:24:35 AM
Slate: one of the few websites that could ruin a mildly interesting concept by excluding 90% of actual meat because it didn't have hair at one point.
 
2014-03-11 10:24:48 AM
ChipNASA: "You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

i651.photobucket.com

...Mom?
 
2014-03-11 10:25:12 AM
Living on the TN / NC border is pretty much perfect.  Bacon and pulled pork?  Yep, I can handle that.
 
2014-03-11 10:25:27 AM
Shouldn't each and every state be hamburger? Based on, you know, what people actually eat?
 
2014-03-11 10:25:27 AM
Tofu is not a meat. Carne asada is meat.
 
2014-03-11 10:25:29 AM
So glad that Pennsylvania is ruled by one "sandwich" meat.

:: sighs :: You do realize there is more to the state than Philly? I'm guessing the writer has never visited another part of PA aside from Philly.

That's okay... I'll save my angry face and make something actually delicious.

:)
 
2014-03-11 10:26:32 AM

Alassra: :: sighs :: You do realize there is more to the state than Philly? I'm guessing the writer has never visited another part of PA aside from Philly.


No one cares what the Amish eat.
 
2014-03-11 10:26:50 AM
I've got your official meat right here.
 
2014-03-11 10:27:02 AM
Burnt Ends for Kansas?  That kind of makes sense.  Oklahoma Joe's are great!
 
2014-03-11 10:27:46 AM

loki see loki do: Kentucky is lamb fries? Never heard of 'em.


I've heard of them, but damned if I know anyone here who'd actually eat them.
 
2014-03-11 10:27:57 AM
This is the list of plagiarism because it is the listing of the food eaten by the roommate of me in the two week period. She is the bigger person and does not have the desiring for vegetables.
 
2014-03-11 10:28:32 AM
Does this broad not know California is full of Mexicans who eat carnitas all day
 
2014-03-11 10:28:45 AM
Whomever came up with that graphic needs to get out more. They missed on more than they got right.
 
2014-03-11 10:29:06 AM

lilplatinum: Alassra: :: sighs :: You do realize there is more to the state than Philly? I'm guessing the writer has never visited another part of PA aside from Philly.

No one cares what the Amish eat.


they make some darned good cheese and bread. And pie.
 
2014-03-11 10:29:15 AM

emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.


Pork Roll for us from the northern part of the state.  But this is the truth.

/Now I needs some pork roll.
//Living in OK and hate chicken fried steak
 
2014-03-11 10:29:29 AM
Salami for Washington? One shop in Seattle represents the entire state huh? They should have gone with salmon.
 
2014-03-11 10:29:49 AM
Ridiculous rules that she doesn't even stick to.

"Meat" means mammal. Red meat is what makes Americans red-blooded. Chicken, fish, and turkey? Off the table.   What's that Florida?  Ok, you get a reptile.

Stews and sandwiches are not meat per se. The more accouterments a meat dish requires, the less likely it is to appear on this map. Hoppin' john, chili, and green chili stew are all meaty dishes highly identified with specific states-but they also contain beans, vegetables, and peppers, so they're out.  Oh my god, there's vegetables in this meat!  That doesn't work!

Hamburgers and hot dogs ... are the king and queen of American cuisine,  Oh, FFS.

It's a well-known fact that Californians don't eat meat, just tofu and kale.
 
2014-03-11 10:29:59 AM

scottydoesntknow: bdub77: Really Florida?

What's wrong with alligator? That shiat is good. I could eat fried alligator any day.


I know. Love fried gator. Now I kinda want to go have some. Need to head over to the reservation and pick some up soon.
 
2014-03-11 10:30:19 AM

meow said the dog: This is the list of plagiarism because it is the listing of the food eaten by the roommate of me in the two week period. She is the bigger person and does not have the desiring for vegetables.


Your roommate sounds hot!
 
2014-03-11 10:30:41 AM

Levarien: Pennsylvania needs to be Milk Steak boiled over hard with an assortment of the finest jelly beans.


encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

ghouls
 
2014-03-11 10:31:37 AM
Yeah, nothing says New York more than a hot dog, because we New Yorkers eat hot dogs for lunch 3 times per week.

Apparently nobody has ever heard of the New York Strip.
 
2014-03-11 10:31:50 AM

Alassra: So glad that Pennsylvania is ruled by one "sandwich" meat.

:: sighs :: You do realize there is more to the state than Philly? I'm guessing the writer has never visited another part of PA aside from Philly.

That's okay... I'll save my angry face and make something actually delicious.

:)


aww, you're the smiley face on my eat n park cookie!
 
2014-03-11 10:31:51 AM

xtalman: emarche: NJ is  NOTCapicola, you farkin tards. NJ is - and will always be -  TAYLOR HAM.

Pork Roll for us from the northern part of the state.  But this is the truth.

/Now I needs some pork roll.
//Living in OK and hate chicken fried steak


I torment you.

jerseyporkroll.com
 
2014-03-11 10:32:38 AM

El_Frijole_Blanco: Does this broad not know California is full of Mexicans who eat carnitas all day


Or that California is largely composed of Texas-like rednecks if you leave SF or LA, and that it produces 6% of the nation's beef.
 
2014-03-11 10:33:00 AM

ChipNASA: THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT


tl;dr
 
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