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(Jalopnik)   Audi's 64 page hipster party guide; hors d'oeuvres may be freshly foraged by freegan dumpster divers   (jalopnik.com) divider line 66
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5303 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Mar 2014 at 10:41 PM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



66 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-10 08:33:04 PM
Chvrches

Is that song about incest or what?
 
2014-03-10 08:52:44 PM
FTA:

"...and as other automakers have learned the hard way, this demographic is one that hates to be marketed to, especially in this meticulously researched and targeted sort of way. It's clearly pandering, and millennials hate being pandered to.

Moreover, I'd wager that not a ton of people in this crowd can afford an A3 or are prepared to throw down that much cash, even if it is priced pretty well."

Marketing fail
 
2014-03-10 09:27:36 PM
Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.
 
2014-03-10 09:40:14 PM

Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.


Hey, I'm still cool!
 
2014-03-10 09:46:43 PM

Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to pesky whipper-snapper hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.


That's a bingo. The younger hipsters don't have the money for an A4, what with their vinyl collection and search for mint condition Garbage Pail Kids cards to turn into an art installation.
 
2014-03-10 10:17:28 PM
Is Audi going to make fixies? Because I don't think most hipsters are going to drive an Audi car.
 
2014-03-10 10:47:34 PM

Carotid: FTA:

"...and as other automakers have learned the hard way, this demographic is one that hates to be marketed to, especially in this meticulously researched and targeted sort of way. It's clearly pandering, and millennials hate being pandered to.

Moreover, I'd wager that not a ton of people in this crowd can afford an A3 or are prepared to throw down that much cash, even if it is priced pretty well."

Marketing fail


I agree. You have to have a career not a lifestyle masquerading as a career in order to own nice things. Unless you are living in Brooklyn bankrolled by Midwestern wealth.
 
2014-03-10 10:51:04 PM
img.fark.net
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! !!! !
 
2014-03-10 10:57:05 PM
See Hipsters, not only are you Pretentious Douchebags TM but your clique has become mainstream that even Audi is trying to sell to you because you are a marketing demographic. Also, to all those people who say otherwise, "Hipster" is definable because even Audi has a memo outlining your common trends and interests. You want this to stop (and to stop people like me from complaining about you)? Then stop trying to convert everyone to your (not really) "unique" ways and stop acting like dicks to people who don't conform to your "non-conformity"!
 
2014-03-10 11:00:35 PM
I wanted to go to the party.....now I don't.
 
2014-03-10 11:06:30 PM
Damn, I guess my new 2014 Audi A8 L W12 Quattro is right out the window.
 
2014-03-10 11:06:39 PM
So the auto show here last week had over 500 cars, I sat in 70 of them, the most comfortable
car seat that I have ever set my ass in, the Audi, I will have one next year when they become
used car market material. NEVER buy new cars.
 
2014-03-10 11:06:56 PM

Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.


As awful (and true) as that sounds, it's not as bad as Lexus marketing.
After watching a Lexus commercial I feel so unhip and inadequate I need to go eat ice cream.
 
2014-03-10 11:08:14 PM

Carotid: FTA:

"...and as other automakers have learned the hard way, this demographic is one that hates to be marketed to, especially in this meticulously researched and targeted sort of way. It's clearly pandering, and millennials hate being pandered to.

Moreover, I'd wager that not a ton of people in this crowd can afford an A3 or are prepared to throw down that much cash, even if it is priced pretty well."

Marketing fail


Um, this isn't something that Audi wrote, it's what the author of the article wrote.  Not marketing fail, because it's not marketing, it's simply observations of what might happen.
 
2014-03-10 11:08:59 PM
Audis are junk.
 
2014-03-10 11:09:48 PM

fusillade762: Chvrches

Is that song about incest or what?


It's a Scottish pop band, dummy. Sheesh!

/I googled it
 
2014-03-10 11:11:12 PM

litespeed74: As awful (and true) as that sounds, it's not as bad as Lexus Toyota marketing.
After watching a Lexus Toyota commercial I feel so unhip and inadequate I need to go eat ice cream.


FTFA
 
2014-03-10 11:16:04 PM
I guess I'm not hipster enough because even though I don't wear trendy clothes, ride my bike everywhere, fix my old crappy car myself, and don't watch TV, I have not heard of any of those beers or bands. I guess that just makes me a nerd.
 
2014-03-10 11:18:47 PM

Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.



Also: Shtbags.

Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi owner who wasn't a shtbag.
 
2014-03-10 11:19:08 PM
younger people into craft beer, locally sourced food, and musicians like Grimes, Empire of the Sun, M83 and Cut Copy. (Crap, that's like two-thirds of the Jalopnik staff, too.)

Man I hate you, Gawker.
 
2014-03-10 11:25:02 PM

hunh: I wanted to go to the party.....now I don't.


Nobody goes to those parties anymore.  They're too crowded.
 
2014-03-10 11:29:51 PM
This is my Audi A3.  I have a 2009 white one.  The abomination of the restyle that is coming for the 2015 model that doesn't have a wagon for the US is NOT ok.  I realize I am a small small small minority of the world but the 'small wagon' crowd is very loyal.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-03-10 11:30:47 PM

ZzeusS: Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi Mercedes owner who wasn't a shtbag.


FTFA
 
2014-03-10 11:31:51 PM

Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.


Pretty much this, AND marketing to spoiled millenials who have their robber baron boomer parents pay for everything. (Which usually includes stuff like fixed gear bikes, overhyped vintage clothing, and pretty much everything on the Mexican Summer catalog, which really is pretty good music.)

But that's what I see in every "Hipster Neighborhood" in America, from Silverlake to East Nashville to South Congress here in Austin. 60% are aging gen-xers way past their expiration date who still think they are cool because they saw Nirvana live, and the other 40% are annoying millenials who either have trust funds, or overpaid tech jobs (Where they will be fired from in 5 years).
 
2014-03-10 11:33:37 PM

brandent: This is my Audi A3.  I have a 2009 white one.  The abomination of the restyle that is coming for the 2015 model that doesn't have a wagon for the US is NOT ok.  I realize I am a small small small minority of the world but the 'small wagon' crowd is very loyal.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x497]


I think they are trying to get back the customers they lost when they redesigned the Audi A4 into a fuller size car.

/owned a 2000 Audi A4
//now have a 2013 - liked the 2000 model year better
 
2014-03-10 11:33:42 PM

Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.


I'm in my 40's....but I was never "hip" or "cool"

/ I'm also not rich, so this stuff isn't really targeted at me...
 
2014-03-10 11:36:55 PM

doofusss: So the auto show here last week had over 500 cars, I sat in 70 of them, the most comfortable
car seat that I have ever set my ass in, the Audi, I will have one next year when they become
used car market material. NEVER buy new cars.


See my previous post with pic.  I bought this work of beautiful engineering for $14,900 in 2011 as a 2009 model.  The US does not have a built in demand for 'small expensive wagon' whereas in Europe where gas actually costs loads of money and you may need to drive 120mph daily this thing fits right in as 'family car'. I I can pick up all my kids and their gear from school AND enjoy the 45 mile commute one way.

Everyone thinks I have a load of money and I keep saying it was cheaper than the 2009 Honda Civic I was looking at.  They only partially believe me.  True enough this is really just a VW golf GTI platform with an Audi touch or is it that the GTI is really an Audi.  I put 6 hours in the seat of it one day last week and wasn't even a bit stiff afterward.
 
2014-03-10 11:37:13 PM
If it's free, it's for me!  Especially if it's only half eaten.

www.scoutnetworkblog.com
 
2014-03-10 11:38:51 PM

gingerjet: ZzeusS: Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi Mercedes owner who wasn't a shtbag.

FTFA


What about BMW owners?

clatl.com
 
2014-03-10 11:40:06 PM

fusillade762: Chvrches

Is that song about incest or what?


They're a band. You've probably never heard of them.  They used to be good, but they sold out and went mainstream.
 
2014-03-10 11:41:41 PM
I used to like cars back in the days when there were no power windows, automatic transmissions, radios or air conditioners -- you know, before they were cool.  There are still a few brands out there doing it right.  My current car has an environmentally friendly vegan faux leather interior, and runs so quietly you probably haven't even heard of it.
 
2014-03-10 11:44:34 PM
Marketing markets.  Film at 11.

/Romer'bro'
 
2014-03-10 11:44:42 PM

gingerjet: brandent: This is my Audi A3.  I have a 2009 white one.  The abomination of the restyle that is coming for the 2015 model that doesn't have a wagon for the US is NOT ok.  I realize I am a small small small minority of the world but the 'small wagon' crowd is very loyal.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x497]

I think they are trying to get back the customers they lost when they redesigned the Audi A4 into a fuller size car.

/owned a 2000 Audi A4
//now have a 2013 - liked the 2000 model year better


True.  That's what they tried with the hatch/wagon A3 but it just didn't take.  Americans by far prefer a sedan.  This thing should sell well but may cannibalize some sales of the A4 so that's why they are trying to reach out to a different demographic in their marketing to draw in the entry level market so that in 10 years they can sell that person an A6.
 
2014-03-10 11:47:43 PM

brandent: doofusss: So the auto show here last week had over 500 cars, I sat in 70 of them, the most comfortable
car seat that I have ever set my ass in, the Audi, I will have one next year when they become
used car market material. NEVER buy new cars.

See my previous post with pic.  I bought this work of beautiful engineering for $14,900 in 2011 as a 2009 model.  The US does not have a built in demand for 'small expensive wagon' whereas in Europe where gas actually costs loads of money and you may need to drive 120mph daily this thing fits right in as 'family car'. I I can pick up all my kids and their gear from school AND enjoy the 45 mile commute one way.

Everyone thinks I have a load of money and I keep saying it was cheaper than the 2009 Honda Civic I was looking at.  They only partially believe me.  True enough this is really just a VW golf GTI platform with an Audi touch or is it that the GTI is really an Audi.  I put 6 hours in the seat of it one day last week and wasn't even a bit stiff afterward.


how is it that these assemblers do not grasp this concept? I have worked in a GM assembly plant
almost scary how these people think.
 
2014-03-10 11:48:20 PM

Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.


Hardly. Those hipsters will be turning into yuppies by their 30's. Exactly the perfect time for them to buy an Audi.
 
2014-03-10 11:51:11 PM

Forbidden Doughnut: gingerjet: ZzeusS: Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi Mercedes owner who wasn't a shtbag.

FTFA

What about BMW owners?

[clatl.com image 400x598]


Or people who rent them to pose for photos, trying to pass themselves off as suave professional actors and men-about-town?
 
2014-03-11 12:05:21 AM

brandent: This is my Audi A3.  I have a 2009 white one.  The abomination of the restyle that is coming for the 2015 model that doesn't have a wagon for the US is NOT ok.  I realize I am a small small small minority of the world but the 'small wagon' crowd is very loyal.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x497]




I really wanted a Quattro version, but it came with the VR6 and no manual (not even the DSG). It was going to be a nice step up from our unreliable and now too small Mini. Instead we moved to LA from DC, have room for two cars, and I ended up keeping the Mini and getting myself a WRX wagon with a 5 speed. Sadly Subaru did away with the WRX hatchback too.
 
2014-03-11 12:11:26 AM

Forbidden Doughnut: gingerjet: ZzeusS: Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi Mercedes owner who wasn't a shtbag.

FTFA

What about BMW owners?

[clatl.com image 400x598]


Ugh, what a douchenozzle.  Those shoes...
 
2014-03-11 12:15:10 AM
Just traded in my 2003 RR HSE for this 2012 - it's parked in my garage next to my 1995 Defender 90.

I almost went for the X5 diesel but this Evoque is a disco starship girl magnet.

www.sensethecar.com
 
2014-03-11 12:15:41 AM

buckler: Forbidden Doughnut: gingerjet: ZzeusS: Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi Mercedes owner who wasn't a shtbag.

FTFA

What about BMW owners?

[clatl.com image 400x598]

Or people who rent them to pose for photos, trying to pass themselves off as suave professional actors and men-about-town?


oddculture.com
 
2014-03-11 12:33:02 AM

doofusss: brandent: doofusss: So the auto show here last week had over 500 cars, I sat in 70 of them, the most comfortable
car seat that I have ever set my ass in, the Audi, I will have one next year when they become
used car market material. NEVER buy new cars.

See my previous post with pic.  I bought this work of beautiful engineering for $14,900 in 2011 as a 2009 model.  The US does not have a built in demand for 'small expensive wagon' whereas in Europe where gas actually costs loads of money and you may need to drive 120mph daily this thing fits right in as 'family car'. I I can pick up all my kids and their gear from school AND enjoy the 45 mile commute one way.

Everyone thinks I have a load of money and I keep saying it was cheaper than the 2009 Honda Civic I was looking at.  They only partially believe me.  True enough this is really just a VW golf GTI platform with an Audi touch or is it that the GTI is really an Audi.  I put 6 hours in the seat of it one day last week and wasn't even a bit stiff afterward.

how is it that these assemblers do not grasp this concept? I have worked in a GM assembly plant
almost scary how these people think.


No idea what that comment means.  The GTI is a work of art and so is the A3.  The GTI price range overlaps the A3.  They are the same platform, engine, transmission, etc but the A3 has some nicer touches and is less overtly sporty while possessing the same horsepower.  The EA888 2.0-liter 200 HP direct injection engine was originally an Audi designed but VW started using it in the GTI.  They are both built in Europe rather than the crappy Jetta and Passat that VW tries to pass off here built with inferior components.

So they are of similar quality in my opinion with the Audi showing a little more class in its look and a dialed back approach wheras the GTI is tuned more (only slightly) for sportiness.
 
2014-03-11 12:57:36 AM

Massagonist: fusillade762: Chvrches

Is that song about incest or what?

They're a band. You've probably never heard of them.  They used to be good, but they sold out and went mainstream.


I have heard of them. That one song gets a fair amount of radio play here in Portland. That's why I was asking.
 
2014-03-11 01:10:39 AM
America.  It doesn't matter what pose you cop but you have to cop SOME sort of pose that says "hey, I'm no poser!"
 
2014-03-11 01:13:47 AM

brandent: This is my Audi A3.  I have a 2009 white one.  The abomination of the restyle that is coming for the 2015 model that doesn't have a wagon for the US is NOT ok.  I realize I am a small small small minority of the world but the 'small wagon' crowd is very loyal.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x497]


I would love to be able to buy an A3 wagon or and A1 hot hatch.  Didn't they also make the A3 wagon with just 2 doors?
 
2014-03-11 01:15:17 AM

fusillade762: Massagonist: fusillade762: Chvrches

Is that song about incest or what?

They're a band. You've probably never heard of them.  They used to be good, but they sold out and went mainstream.

I have heard of them. That one song gets a fair amount of radio play here in Portland. That's why I was asking.


And ♪ uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh ♫♪  the eighties are back
 
2014-03-11 03:28:30 AM
Frankly I think they deserve one another.  Good for Audi.
 
2014-03-11 03:48:58 AM
 
2014-03-11 03:53:49 AM

que.guero: Just traded in my 2003 RR HSE for this 2012 - it's parked in my garage next to my 1995 Defender 90.

I almost went for the X5 diesel but this Evoque is a disco starship girl magnet.

[www.sensethecar.com image 721x376]


I don't even like SUVs generally, but as a straight guy, this kind of makes me want to sex you.
 
2014-03-11 04:49:17 AM
FTA: "The DJ should be well-established, convey the appropriate "cool-factor," and be willing to play a selection of relevant music using the A3 launch Spotify playlist as a guide."

Heh
 
2014-03-11 05:06:35 AM
Bacon and Spice Doughnut with Maple glaze?
 
2014-03-11 05:24:54 AM

debug: brandent: This is my Audi A3.  I have a 2009 white one.  The abomination of the restyle that is coming for the 2015 model that doesn't have a wagon for the US is NOT ok.  I realize I am a small small small minority of the world but the 'small wagon' crowd is very loyal.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x497]

I would love to be able to buy an A3 wagon or and A1 hot hatch.  Didn't they also make the A3 wagon with just 2 doors?


Not here they didn't.  That's in Europe along with the A1.  The A1 is way too cool to end up in the US.
 
2014-03-11 06:53:52 AM
True hipsters only drive Škoda.
 
2014-03-11 08:18:32 AM

bigworld2000: True hipsters only drive Škoda.


Škoda are VAG too.

The Octavia is the Škoda built on the same platform as the A3, along with the SEAT Leon and VW Golf.
 
2014-03-11 08:24:29 AM
Is this the line for hipster bashing?
 
2014-03-11 08:29:34 AM

doofusss: So the auto show here last week had over 500 cars, I sat in 70 of them, the most comfortable
car seat that I have ever set my ass in, the Audi, I will have one next year when they become
used car market material. NEVER buy new cars.


I test drove a VW Eos the other day for no reason other than thought maybe it'd be a nice car for the wife when her Corolla goes back from lease in September.

Super comfy, nice handling, nice power/accelleration. Well-designed cockpit and controls/features.

It's definitely in our "top 3" prospects, along with the 2014 Kia Soul and 2014 Toyota Corolla (for some reason she likes Corollas. I can't stand her car, it just feels way too cramped when I drive it...)
 
2014-03-11 08:31:51 AM

ZzeusS: Pocket Ninja: Audi is not marketing to millennial hipsters. It's marketing to insecure 40-somethings who want to pretend that they have some capacity to still be hip, but can't find hipness unless it's prepackaged in neatly consumable bite-sized portions.


Also: Shtbags.

Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi owner who wasn't a shtbag.


True dat, yo.  In toronto, it seems Audi drivers are almost all Audouches. What is it about high-end German cars that turns people into insufferable, entitled pricks behind the wheel? BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Audi....all a bunch of asshats on the roads.
 
2014-03-11 08:53:40 AM

Forbidden Doughnut: gingerjet: ZzeusS: Don't think I've ever ran into an Audi Mercedes owner who wasn't a shtbag.

FTFA

What about BMW owners?

[clatl.com image 400x598]


Believe it or not, I have actually met three BMW owners who weren't shtbags, and two of them were my grandparents.

/they are by far the minority though
 
2014-03-11 09:09:29 AM
The Audi A3 Diesel is on my radar for a commuter vehicle. I dont know who they are marketing to, I am 36 yrs old so maybe I'm too old because reading about that party just annoyed the hell out of me. Would never set foot in it and if I did purely by accident, I'd leave within 5 seconds. Oh and Hipsters dont by cars. If Audi was marketing 30 year old vintage two wheeler beach cruisers, or imitation Oakley Frogskins then they may have their customer base right.
 
2014-03-11 09:16:19 AM
It's just sad. Really, really sad.
 
2014-03-11 09:21:50 AM
Audi probably leaked this on purpose.  Now the hipsters living on their daddys' trust funds can choose to drive an Audi ironically.
 
2014-03-11 09:37:56 AM

gingerjet: I think they are trying to get back the customers they lost when they redesigned the Audi A4 into a fuller size car.


That happens in every market, sadly.

The BMW 3-series is the same size as the older 5s were. The 7s are now 5s, etc.


As for Audi, from what i have heard, they keep the A2 and wagon A3 out of the US so they dont fight against sales of VW Golf/GTI
 
2014-03-11 09:55:51 AM

Technoir: What is it about high-end German cars that turns people into insufferable, entitled pricks behind the wheel?


Says the guy who has a German car in his "top 3" prospects.

My entitlement apparently doesn't show as much since I commute in my FIAT, and keep the S4 for road trips and weekends.

LemSkroob: The BMW 3-series is the same size as the older 5s were. The 7s are now 5s, etc.


The new 2 series is just the 1 series from before, though.  Just like the new 4 series is the old 3 series coupes.
 
2014-03-11 11:19:32 AM
I bought an Audi Q5 last summer. This is right in line with the marketing peices they send me congragulating me on how much more savvy I am than you average people. They send these brochures on expensive paper so full of self congratulatory falderal that I dislike myself for being so douchy.
Still, with the 3.0 quattro it's a blast to drive even if is a SUV
 
2014-03-11 02:06:46 PM
 
2014-03-11 02:13:17 PM

Molavian: Damn, I guess my new 2014 Audi A8 L W12 Quattro is right out the window.


Of course it is. For that kind of money you buy the RS7.
 
2014-03-12 09:15:00 AM

Bruce Campbell: Technoir: What is it about high-end German cars that turns people into insufferable, entitled pricks behind the wheel?

Says the guy who has a German car in his "top 3" prospects.

My entitlement apparently doesn't show as much since I commute in my FIAT, and keep the S4 for road trips and weekends.

LemSkroob: The BMW 3-series is the same size as the older 5s were. The 7s are now 5s, etc.

The new 2 series is just the 1 series from before, though.  Just like the new 4 series is the old 3 series coupes.


Well thats just splitting up the labeling (coupes even numbers 2/4/6, sedans odds 3/5/7), but the 3 and 5 were always clearly different platforms, but if you check a mid-90s 5-series, its the same size as a modern 3-series. And in response, the 5 series also grew to the 7-series size.
 
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