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(Mirror.co.uk)   Ten things you need to know about the Brazilian wandering spider... You know in case the world's deadliest spider wanders your way   (mirror.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Interesting, Brazilians, Brazilian wandering spider, the Brazilian  
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12815 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Mar 2014 at 9:43 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



116 Comments   (+0 »)
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Archived thread
 
2014-03-10 06:33:05 PM  
Makes you wonder
 
2014-03-10 06:37:45 PM  
8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

memeguy.com
 
2014-03-10 08:32:15 PM  

scottydoesntknow: 8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

[memeguy.com image 390x640]


I have the most toxic boner right now...
 
2014-03-10 08:45:57 PM  
8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.


What is this unwanted erection you speak of Alex Wynick?  All of my four hour boners are wanted, if not celebrated around my house.
 
2014-03-10 09:29:49 PM  
8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.


So where can one buy one of these magic spiders?
 
2014-03-10 09:47:09 PM  
That's a LOT of wandering spiders.
 
2014-03-10 09:48:25 PM  
I'm pretty good about these things going extinct.  If you need me, I will be standing onto of my coffee table with my pants tucked into my socks, holding a baseball bat.
 
2014-03-10 09:50:48 PM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: I'm pretty good about these things going extinct.  If you need me, I will be standing onto of my coffee table with my pants tucked into my socks, holding a baseball bat.


A flame thrower would be more effective.

Meanwhile, I assume the top of the china cabinet is available for cowering?
 
2014-03-10 09:50:59 PM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: I'm pretty good about these things going extinct.  If you need me, I will be standing onto of my coffee table with my pants tucked into my socks, holding a baseball bat.


I'm with you, mate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obZwNw20jyQ
 
2014-03-10 09:53:21 PM  
I like how the things we "need" to know about these spiders included very little about... Oh, say... How to identify them?
 
2014-03-10 09:53:51 PM  
Paging clock spider....
 
2014-03-10 09:55:49 PM  

asynchron: I like how the things we "need" to know about these spiders included very little about... Oh, say... How to identify them?


Apparently the spiders do their impression of cornholio. If you see that, squish it.
 
2014-03-10 09:59:03 PM  
I usually like spiders.. but yeah, these things can all die, thanksS


Some things are just waaayy too deadly, what with the urgent medical care needed for victims, the loss of everything a person will ever do if they die or the continued drain on resources if they're slow to recover.


I love spiders, but screw these guys.
 
2014-03-10 09:59:10 PM  
It roams around and around and around and around and around and around...
 
2014-03-10 10:00:46 PM  
Sure it's big and nasty, but is it this big and nasty ?
 
2014-03-10 10:02:22 PM  
The spider just wants a hug

cdn-www.cracked.com
 
2014-03-10 10:03:04 PM  
The only thing I need to know is the safest way to kill it...

/Hopefully without wrecking my house in the process, but in extreme cases I'm flexible
 
gja
2014-03-10 10:03:44 PM  

Prey4reign: 8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.


What is this unwanted erection you speak of Alex Wynick?  All of my four hour boners are wanted, if not celebrated around my house.


I used to have unwanted erections all the time. Then I left my ex-wife and found a woman who wants them. Problem solved!
 
2014-03-10 10:04:00 PM  

Summoner101: The spider just wants a hug


Gawd.... a ginger spider!
 
2014-03-10 10:04:22 PM  
I thought the only unwanted erection was at the chalk board.
8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.
 
2014-03-10 10:04:42 PM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2014-03-10 10:05:27 PM  
Found a better image

i141.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-10 10:05:45 PM  
My son told me the venom causes priapism, but I'm not gonna let one bite me on my peener to find out.
www.joblo.com
 
2014-03-10 10:06:25 PM  
i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-03-10 10:06:52 PM  
Brazilian wandering spider is my signature move!
 
2014-03-10 10:07:06 PM  
Well, now he's the Brazilian Sedentary Spider.

www.premiumsports.ca
 
2014-03-10 10:10:01 PM  
Wait those people found nests of these things and the house is still standing????

I've have burned that sucker down
 
2014-03-10 10:10:31 PM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: I'm pretty good about these things going extinct.  If you need me, I will be standing onto of my coffee table with my pants tucked into my socks, holding a baseball bat.


media.urbandictionary.com

Just keep an eye on the clock, the spiders go to bed in the morning.
 
2014-03-10 10:12:39 PM  
gifrific.com
 
2014-03-10 10:16:24 PM  
You all know you can just whack a spider with a shoe and it dies, right?
 
2014-03-10 10:17:24 PM  
8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours...

and the need to call in for more women.
 
2014-03-10 10:18:04 PM  
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
 
2014-03-10 10:18:28 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: You all know you can just whack a spider with a shoe and it dies, right?


Sure.  These little farkers are hiding in your shoe though.
 
2014-03-10 10:22:25 PM  

i63.photobucket.com

 
2014-03-10 10:22:56 PM  
Oh great, more spider fodder to scare the crap out of the asshole down the hall :).

/He keeps watering down the coffee
//Also, he caught me listening to Van Halen
///And said the band was better when Gary Cherone was there
 
2014-03-10 10:24:26 PM  

MNguy: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: You all know you can just whack a spider with a shoe and it dies, right?

Sure.  These little farkers are hiding in your shoe though.


Shoes come in pairs problem solved
 
2014-03-10 10:26:04 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-10 10:26:32 PM  

LtDarkstar: [img.fark.net image 600x750]


How about pubic hair that turns into spiders on command?.
 
2014-03-10 10:26:51 PM  
AKA the Brazilian wandering NOPE
 
2014-03-10 10:27:48 PM  
11.  Fire doesn't kill them, it only pisses them off.
 
2014-03-10 10:27:54 PM  
I hate spiders with a passion, yet I can never resist these damn spider threads.

/like a moth to a flame
//or a spider to a banana box
 
gja
2014-03-10 10:28:29 PM  
static.fjcdn.com
 
gja
2014-03-10 10:30:27 PM  
static.fjcdn.com

/sweet dreams......
 
2014-03-10 10:30:32 PM  
A bunch of years ago, Ford was making their small pickups down in Brazil and they were brought into this port on ships several hundred at a time. While we were going over them for damage and such we saw quite a few with spider webs on them and then we saw these pretty good sized god awful multicolored black and yellow spiders on some of them. They were truly nasty looking and I never saw anything like them before. Luckily it was wintertime here opposite of the seasons down there so the little buggers weren't moving around much. But still we didn't want to hang around those trucks long at all. I always wondered where the FDA or some other Gov't agency was who should keep tabs on imports that might have bugs or something not native to here that shouldn't be coming in. They watch for that on foodstuffs and such but there's plenty of other cargo that comes here after sitting on god knows what kind of docks somewhere else.
 
2014-03-10 10:31:40 PM  

Random Internet Persona: Paging clock spider....


Who needs clock spider when we have cock spider?
 
2014-03-10 10:33:24 PM  

24.media.tumblr.com
Spider thread! Spider thread!
Quite a few of them overhead!
One small bite....in Brazil
Sometimes leads...to a kill!
Hey there.....Here comes the spider thrrrrrread!

 
2014-03-10 10:35:18 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-10 10:35:49 PM  
img3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-03-10 10:37:01 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: MNguy: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: You all know you can just whack a spider with a shoe and it dies, right?

Sure.  These little farkers are hiding in your shoe though.

Shoes come in pairs problem solved


They are in both the shoes.  Both.
 
2014-03-10 10:37:51 PM  
Scientists are hoping they can use the spider's venom in erectile dysfunction medication.

is there anything we won't try to make into a boner pill? Are there no more pressing problems to address?
 
2014-03-10 10:39:45 PM  
Has anyone mentioned the unwanted erection yet?
 
gja
2014-03-10 10:40:23 PM  

Cork on Fork: Scientists are hoping they can use the spider's venom in erectile dysfunction medication.

is there anything we won't try to make into a boner pill? Are there no more pressing problems to address?


Nothing springs to mind.
It seems to keep popping up.
It.....ah, nevermind....
 
2014-03-10 10:42:07 PM  

Watubi: Has anyone mentioned the unwanted erection yet?


That's what she said.
 
2014-03-10 10:42:32 PM  

MNguy: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: MNguy: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: You all know you can just whack a spider with a shoe and it dies, right?

Sure.  These little farkers are hiding in your shoe though.

Shoes come in pairs problem solved

They are in both the shoes.  Both.


s22.postimg.org

Mwa ha ha ha!
 
2014-03-10 10:42:56 PM  
Imagine a bunch of drunken Farkers wandering naked in the jungle trying to get bit on the dingus
 
2014-03-10 10:44:05 PM  
TIL the most venomous spider in the world isn't from Australia.
 
2014-03-10 10:45:02 PM  
Brazilian wandering spiders?

Is that a lot?
 
2014-03-10 10:46:41 PM  

BluVeinThrobber: Imagine a bunch of drunken Farkers wandering naked in the jungle trying to get bit on the dingus


shiat, they can do that at home and save the airfare.
 
2014-03-10 10:47:53 PM  
I braved a spider thread for MGS3 references.  Expressing my disappointment, leaving a screenshot, and running away very, very quickly.

img1.wikia.nocookie.net

/THE FEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRR!
 
2014-03-10 10:48:05 PM  

Prey4reign: 8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.


What is this unwanted erection you speak of Alex Wynick?  All of my four hour boners are wanted, if not celebrated around my house.


What if it happens after your daughter has convinced to join her tea party or play dress up...
 
2014-03-10 10:49:38 PM  

Cork on Fork: Scientists are hoping they can use the spider's venom in erectile dysfunction medication.

is there anything we won't try to make into a boner pill? Are there no more pressing problems to address?


It is the essence of man
 
gja
2014-03-10 10:50:30 PM  

pedrop357: Prey4reign: 8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.


What is this unwanted erection you speak of Alex Wynick?  All of my four hour boners are wanted, if not celebrated around my house.

What if it happens after your daughter has convinced to join her tea party or play dress up...


I guess that means you'll be moving to The Castro.
 
2014-03-10 10:51:37 PM  
I am glad to see the word "poisonous" not bandied about here instead of "venomous". Well done, all.
 
2014-03-10 10:51:52 PM  

MNguy: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: MNguy: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: You all know you can just whack a spider with a shoe and it dies, right?

Sure.  These little farkers are hiding in your shoe though.

Shoes come in pairs problem solved

They are in both the shoes.  Both.


I also have workboots. And nothing can survive in them.
 
2014-03-10 10:52:15 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: You all know you can just whack a spider with a shoe and it dies, right?


Damn right! A size 11 Florsheim black wingtip and I'm in the spider killin' bidness.
Give me a pair of em' and I'll be Fred Freaking Spidey Stompin Motherfarking Got Dam Astaire.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-03-10 10:53:33 PM  
 
2014-03-10 10:54:09 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: BluVeinThrobber: Imagine a bunch of drunken Farkers wandering naked in the jungle trying to get bit on the dingus

shiat, they can do that at home and save the airfare.


Not enough spiders
 
2014-03-10 10:55:56 PM  

Watubi: Has anyone mentioned the unwanted erection yet?


I had an unwanted erection once when I was a freshman in high school.  It was not a good time or place for it.  It wasn't long after that experience that I realized I had nothing to be embarrassed of.  If a get a boner at work, it's just how things are.  Maybe it's God's work.  Maybe it's the position of the planets.  It's about as stupid as worrying over an "unwanted" pimple.  At some point you realize that this thing sticking out from your body just needs popped.  And you'll need to clean up some white, goopy stuff.  But as to the pimple, you should let it run it's course.
 
2014-03-10 11:01:11 PM  
don't get the spider loathing - esp since i'd bet a few of you are a-ok eating certain seafood that is at least as alien

i confess, when finding spiders in the yard (generally crab and banana spiders) I will often relocate them - spiders are okay but I really hate a face-full of web which happens once or twice a month
 
2014-03-10 11:02:07 PM  
demotivationalpost.com
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-03-10 11:03:34 PM  

parasol: I really hate a face-full of web which happens once or twice a month


I like seeing other people walk into spider webs.  I don't like not seeing a spider web when I walk into it.

It seems, though, that once explained, everyone present is understanding of the dilemma.
 
2014-03-10 11:05:13 PM  
And they have to be wandering spiders.  Can't just build a web and stay put.  No, they have to roam around and sneak up on you.  This is why I like poisonous chemicals so much.
 
2014-03-10 11:08:08 PM  

gja: /sweet dreams......


Reading this as I'm sitting on the pot. Thanks, ass.
 
2014-03-10 11:11:33 PM  
Remember guys, spiders are the only things that keep feminism in check.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-03-10 11:12:58 PM  

bighairyguy: Remember guys, spiders are the only things that keep feminism in check.


You forgot about mice, jars of pickles, and the Standard Transmission.
 
2014-03-10 11:13:09 PM  

jst07: Reading this as I'm sitting on the pot. Thanks, ass.


You're very polite. After sitting, I usually forget to thank my ass.
 
2014-03-10 11:13:55 PM  
I was bit by a black widow when I was 21 and living in San Bernardino. Woke up with a weird lump on my leg. It started to ache more throughout the day so I sliced it open with a utility knife blade I heated up with a bic lighter. The worse part was I could not drink for a week while on antibiotics.
 
2014-03-10 11:14:01 PM  
Isn't this a cute little face hugger I mean sea spider.

www.fossilsonline.com
 
2014-03-10 11:14:01 PM  

asynchron: I like how the things we "need" to know about these spiders included very little about... Oh, say... How to identify them?


Well, for one thing, they all speak Portuguese.
 
2014-03-10 11:18:40 PM  
I thought this was a new anti-Brazilian-wax trend.
 
2014-03-10 11:23:31 PM  

bighairyguy: Remember guys, spiders are the only things that keep feminism in check.


Unless, you're talking about black widow spiders; those hot mommas don't fark around with the males who get lucky with them.
 
2014-03-10 11:23:42 PM  

CygnusDarius: And said the band was better when Gary Cherone was there


He's a terrible person. Team Van Hagar! *flees thread*
 
gja
2014-03-10 11:25:27 PM  
I call BS. If those are Brazilian spiders why are they so hairy?
 
2014-03-10 11:28:17 PM  

433: [dailypicksandflicks.com image 600x374]
CLICK IT. CLICK IT.  CLICK IT!


Meh. Harvestmen. Not really spiders, and completely harmless.
 
2014-03-10 11:29:38 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-10 11:30:22 PM  

gja: I call BS. If those are Brazilian spiders why are they so hairy?


Are you going to wax them?
 
2014-03-10 11:31:47 PM  
www.solent-renegades.co.uk
You're welcome
 
2014-03-10 11:32:30 PM  

Dadoody: [i.imgur.com image 850x541]


Is that going in or coming out?
 
2014-03-10 11:43:41 PM  

ybishop: [www.solent-renegades.co.uk image 500x659]
You're welcome


Napalm is my solution.

Failing that, nuke it from orbit.
 
2014-03-10 11:47:11 PM  

Prey4reign: 8. The spider's bite can cause an unwanted erection in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.


What is this unwanted erection you speak of Alex Wynick?  All of my four hour boners are wanted, if not celebrated around my house.


Never waste a hard-on
 
2014-03-10 11:49:37 PM  
Oh well, I'm the type of spider who will never settle down
Where pretty girls are well, you know that I'm around
I kiss 'em and I bite 'em 'cause to me they're all the same
I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em they don't even know my name

They call me the Brazilian wandering spider
Yeah, the Brazilian wandering spider
I roam around, around, around
 
2014-03-10 11:52:28 PM  
The only thing I learned from this article is: Do not buy bananas.
 
2014-03-10 11:56:36 PM  

Mister Peejay: It roams around and around and around and around and around and around...


Damn you.
 
2014-03-10 11:59:59 PM  
I wonder how these spiders would react to psychoactive drugs?
 
2014-03-11 12:00:01 AM  
Go Packers!
 
2014-03-11 12:17:51 AM  
Where can I get one of these spiders?
Asking for a friend
 
2014-03-11 12:22:28 AM  

433: CLICK IT. CLICK IT.  CLICK IT!


ARRGGGGHHHH!

Why do I make such poor life choices like clicking on that link that I KNEW would be horrible??
 
2014-03-11 12:41:11 AM  
I don't need to know anything about this farking spider, or any other spider for that matter. Son of a biatch. Someone even posted a clown spider months ago. God damnit!
 
2014-03-11 12:42:04 AM  

Dadoody: [i.imgur.com image 850x541]


It is hard to tell from that angle, but if that picture was being realistic about arachnid sex, the spider would be fisting her.
 
2014-03-11 12:43:42 AM  
I do not need to see anything having to do with spiders, ever, especially clown-spiders.
 
2014-03-11 12:48:38 AM  

Dadoody: [i.imgur.com image 850x541]


Are you farking kidding me? Holy fark.
 
2014-03-11 12:51:10 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-11 12:56:21 AM  

gja: [static.fjcdn.com image 600x699]


the part labeled 'Spider Ass' is wrong
that's actually what they make chicken nuggets out of
 
2014-03-11 01:12:15 AM  

Apos: [24.media.tumblr.com image 448x252]
Spider thread! Spider thread!
Quite a few of them overhead!
One small bite....in Brazil
Sometimes leads...to a kill!
Hey there.....Here comes the spider thrrrrrread!


Spider concert!

public.gettysburg.edu
 
2014-03-11 01:34:48 AM  
One family had to have their home fumigated after spotting the Brazilian wandering spider on a banana - but how dangerous is it?

It's a spider. It's made of three things, legs, fangs, and evil.

Of course it's dangerous!
 
2014-03-11 06:29:05 AM  
I once had a Brazilian give me a four hour erection, but it wasn't no spider.
 
2014-03-11 07:00:01 AM  

433: [dailypicksandflicks.com image 600x374]
CLICK IT. CLICK IT.  CLICK IT!


nope, nope nope

I know what's that is :p
 
2014-03-11 07:38:36 AM  
Spider thread eh?

Take a look at what I occasionally find in my vegetable garden...
i18.photobucket.com

Came across this little fella while picking tomatoes.  You want to be careful when sticking your hand into a tomato vine...

i18.photobucket.com

Really cool web though.  And it was excellent at catching pests.  If I knew where I could buy them, I'd probably do it and put a few in the gaden intentionally.  They'd probably be good at catching those GD Mexican bean beatles that ravaged my summer squash a few years back.
 
2014-03-11 08:08:21 AM  

Mose: Spider thread eh?

Take a look at what I occasionally find in my vegetable garden...
[i18.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Came across this little fella while picking tomatoes.  You want to be careful when sticking your hand into a tomato vine...


Cool.  A spider with a silhouette of an angry Marge Simpson on its abdomen.  Who knew?
 
2014-03-11 09:16:23 AM  

Mose: Spider thread eh?

Take a look at what I occasionally find in my vegetable garden...
[i18.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Came across this little fella while picking tomatoes.  You want to be careful when sticking your hand into a tomato vine...

[i18.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Really cool web though.  And it was excellent at catching pests.  If I knew where I could buy them, I'd probably do it and put a few in the gaden intentionally.  They'd probably be good at catching those GD Mexican bean beatles that ravaged my summer squash a few years back.


Ahh banana spiders. Those are fun and pretty harmless. My buddy has a ton of them all over his ranch. We used to catch grasshoppers and throw them into the webs. They're fast little farkers! Bite the grasshopper, inject venom, and spin them completely in a few seconds.
 
2014-03-11 09:19:08 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Mose: Spider thread eh?

Take a look at what I occasionally find in my vegetable garden...
[i18.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Came across this little fella while picking tomatoes.  You want to be careful when sticking your hand into a tomato vine...

[i18.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Really cool web though.  And it was excellent at catching pests.  If I knew where I could buy them, I'd probably do it and put a few in the gaden intentionally.  They'd probably be good at catching those GD Mexican bean beatles that ravaged my summer squash a few years back.

Ahh banana spiders. Those are fun and pretty harmless. My buddy has a ton of them all over his ranch. We used to catch grasshoppers and throw them into the webs. They're fast little farkers! Bite the grasshopper, inject venom, and spin them completely in a few seconds.


Hmm... we call them garden spiders for obvious reasons, but who knows how many regional names they have.
 
2014-03-11 09:22:23 AM  

asynchron: I like how the things we "need" to know about these spiders included very little about... Oh, say... How to identify them?


Let them bite you. If you get a 4 hour errection its a Brazilian wandering spider. If not... well it still might be.
 
2014-03-11 10:29:42 AM  

buckler: I am glad to see the word "poisonous" not bandied about here instead of "venomous". Well done, all.


Except half the time they use "toxic" which is synonymous with poisonous.  Article fail.
 
2014-03-11 11:10:51 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-11 12:14:32 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Ahh banana spiders. Those are fun and pretty harmless. My buddy has a ton of them all over his ranch. We used to catch grasshoppers and throw them into the webs. They're fast little farkers! Bite the grasshopper, inject venom, and spin them completely in a few seconds.


Nope..  I wanted to say Golden-Orb Weaver, but that leads to a diff species..which is also referred to as the "Banana Spider"..

I had these all over, growing up..and, now, living on our two rural acres, I still have them everywhere..  :)  If I find them and they're *not* in my garden, I *very* careful catch and move them..no better pest control..and pretty to look at..  :)
 
2014-03-11 12:41:44 PM  

Mose: Spider thread eh?

Take a look at what I occasionally find in my vegetable garden...
[i18.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Came across this little fella while picking tomatoes.  You want to be careful when sticking your hand into a tomato vine...

[i18.photobucket.com image 640x480]

Really cool web though.  And it was excellent at catching pests.  If I knew where I could buy them, I'd probably do it and put a few in the gaden intentionally.  They'd probably be good at catching those GD Mexican bean beatles that ravaged my summer squash a few years back.


We had one of those.  When you got close it would start oscillating the web back and forth.
Very cool....from 3 feet away.
 
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