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(Q13 Fox)   Burglar steals bike, leaves poop in return   (q13fox.com) divider line 35
    More: Strange, burglary, human faeces, Seattle Police  
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2260 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Mar 2014 at 6:54 AM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



35 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-10 06:57:34 AM
FTFA!: "(The) Bicycle was missing and the only thing that was left by the suspect was a pile of poop (human feces)," the police report says.

I'm so glad they cleared that up for us.
 
2014-03-10 06:59:29 AM
So, does this help catch the thief?  I mean, I know you can't dust for vomit, but...
 
2014-03-10 07:06:24 AM
i.imgur.com

Lunchbox, you're craaaaaaaazy.
 
2014-03-10 07:13:13 AM
Personally, I couldn't give a shiat.
 
2014-03-10 07:14:26 AM
that totally sounds like something i would do. just do it for the lulz.
 
2014-03-10 07:17:44 AM
Exchanging something of value for shiat you don't need isn't theft, it's capitalism.

/if it happens while you weren't paying attention, that's called "fine print."
 
2014-03-10 07:23:09 AM
If the bike was made in China, maybe they're even?
 
2014-03-10 07:26:15 AM
Poop thread!
 
2014-03-10 07:33:16 AM
I think the Sopranos made reference to how the adrenaline of committing burglary forces the body to want to dedicate. The suspect might be new to this kind of crime.
 
2014-03-10 07:33:52 AM
Did this happen on Scaturday ?
 
2014-03-10 07:39:16 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-10 07:56:33 AM
He left the greatest gift of all. Gut flora.
 
2014-03-10 07:59:41 AM

Pinnacle Point: I think the Sopranos made reference to how the adrenaline of committing burglary forces the body to want to dedicate. The suspect might be new to this kind of crime.


You mean like a statue or plaque?
I'm sure it touched them emotionally.

/yes, I know. Autocorrect
//guy in story sounds like a true enthusiast
///stinkin slashies
 
2014-03-10 07:59:49 AM

Demetrius: Personally, I couldn't give a shiat.


If you could give a shiat, you'd be a suspect.
 
2014-03-10 08:00:42 AM
Last laugh is on the thrift riding around with skidmarked underwear.
 
2014-03-10 08:01:45 AM

Cerebral Ballsy: Last laugh is on the thrift riding around with skidmarked underwear.


THIEF. When am I going to learn to preview???
 
2014-03-10 08:09:27 AM
Yay, free DNA sample. I'd like to see the thief get busted that way.
 
2014-03-10 08:15:28 AM

Resident Muslim: Pinnacle Point: I think the Sopranos made reference to how the adrenaline of committing burglary forces the body to want to dedicate. The suspect might be new to this kind of crime.

You mean like a statue or plaque?
I'm sure it touched them emotionally.

/yes, I know. Autocorrect
//guy in story sounds like a true enthusiast
///stinkin slashies


shiat
 
2014-03-10 08:20:23 AM
Sounds like a fair trade to me.

/yes, I sound fat
 
2014-03-10 08:23:41 AM
www.rankopedia.com
 
2014-03-10 08:24:10 AM
Image of owner in question with girlfriend.


img.mylot.com

1.bp.blogspot.com
Undercover officer shown waterboarding the only known suspect
 
2014-03-10 08:31:18 AM
Squeaky Fromme wanted for questioning.
 
2014-03-10 08:50:25 AM
It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human crack head.
 
2014-03-10 08:55:09 AM
What the bicycle in question may look like.

folsombikewomensracing.files.wordpress.com

Swear there is a bike in there somewhere.
 
2014-03-10 08:56:24 AM

mudpants: What the bicycle in question may look like.



Swear there is a bike in there somewhere.


I bet at least one of them could pinch a monster loaf.
 
2014-03-10 09:01:17 AM
Close up of bike without most of the distractions in the background.

stradalli.ipower.com
 
2014-03-10 09:20:56 AM

some_beer_drinker: that totally sounds like something i would do. just do it for the lulz.


I was thinking this sounds like something an anti-bicyclist Farker would do.  Next week, we'll have a story of a suv stolen and a turd left in its place.  And the turd wars would begin.
 
2014-03-10 10:59:03 AM

some_beer_drinker: that totally sounds like something i would do. just do it for the lulz.


You would totally steal a bike?  Die in a fire, good sir.
 
2014-03-10 11:33:17 AM

LtDarkstar: Yay, free DNA sample. I'd like to see the thief get busted that way.


I was going to comment that it would probably be wiser to just police up a dog's turd and get the same effect.

Its kind of the same thing at work.  You don't stop by the office and shiat on someone's desk, you drop an unrelated turd on it.
 
2014-03-10 12:09:37 PM
blogs.houstonpress.com

Wanted for questioning.
 
2014-03-10 12:25:08 PM
Turd burglar
 
2014-03-10 12:32:38 PM
I was at a local bike shop in the city getting my mass-produced common bike serviced for a new pedal bracket and some hipster-looking guy had a bike that looked like the ones farkers have been posting.

I was waiting for my bike to be finished so I was like, "hey nice bike man, what is that frame? carbon fiber?" and he just gives me this look and he's like 'yeah.'

I can understand splurging on nice things that you're into and all, but you'd think you'd be the least bit excited or enthusiastic about it.

It's like he didn't even care about it himself (per the hipster ethos I guess)... it's like even hipsters are tired of themselves.

I imagine him being the victim of this crime and it doesn't bother me at all.
 
2014-03-10 12:47:43 PM
That's why I keep my "Team Elite" carbon fiber bike inside the house. When you live in an area where it cost upwards of twice the cost of some of these newer cars, you gotta insure it. Just ask that guy if it's insured. A 5k personal article floater costs about 60 bucks a year.
If they stole one of my other bikes, I'd be upset, but not with the loss of my prized bike. Took, years, thousands of dollars, an pedaling thousands of miles to justify the purchase to my wife. Not like my Dad who thinks having two broken down "Free Spirit" 10 speeds means they're really worth something. Hell, he won't even spring for an innertube.
 
2014-03-10 05:46:23 PM
img.fark.net

"Yeesh, I just needed to borrow the bike so I could save Christmas!"
 
2014-03-10 08:27:44 PM
It's the ransom note.
 
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