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(NASCAR)   Who will gamble on strategy? Which driver will roll the dice on fuel? How many more casino metaphors can we come up with? It's the Kobalt 400 in Vegas (3:00PM ET, FOX)   (nascar.com) divider line 303
    More: Cool  
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192 clicks; posted to Sports » on 09 Mar 2014 at 2:30 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



303 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-03-09 09:24:05 AM  

Posting this for bluorangefyre who won't be with us today...

Are you not sports entertained?

img.fark.net



And now its time for...

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist. Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.

(A joint production of DanZero & bluorangefyre, with contributions by QueenMamaBee, Mzltplx, Professor Farksworth, and other Fark racing fans)

1) Every 25th post is "DANICA" and every 1,100th post is, "Screw the gredunza, I just did the double!"
2) Brian France asking "ARE YOU NOT SPORTS ENTERTAINED?" before the 10th post
3) Somebody comes in with a humorous "left/right turn/going in circles" comment
4) BOOGITY in some form when race starts
5) Idols/Buddhas/Transformers/Reactors being fired up
6) Complaints about TNT & ESPN race coverage (or if in TNT/ESPN coverage, how bad it is and how we pine for FOX again) ONLY VALID FOR 2014!
7) While we were away
8) Green flag pit stops
9) The inevitable race commentator foul up
10) Phantom debris cautions - pace dingo appears after two, Mr. McMahon appears if it benefits the driver of car #48 and/or the person who probably doesn't deserve to drive car #3
11) "Austin Dillon driving car number three... the number made famous by the late/great Dale Earnhardt."
12) If all else fails since it worked the one time we did this, start unleashing ponies if He Who Shall Not Be Named is still running near the front/running away from the field
13) Complaints and such if Jimmie Johnson wins again and celebrations from his fan(s)
14) Race is official when Kvapil, Reutimann or Wise bring out the caution (can be more than one)
15) BONUS OFFICIAL RACE: Mikey brings out the yellow
16) Something to do with potato salad and/or sugar free gummi bears
17) SPECIAL BONUS: One of us is actually at the track
18) Something not meant to catch fire does
19) We are reminded about how a track is famous for The Big One/Darlington Stripe/Eating tires/Fuel Mileage races.
20) "Because #3 car"
21) Race is boring... what are you drinking?
22) "Lord baby Jesus, smite Logano's engine!"
23) Somebody asking why they don't run in the rain followed by a quick explanation why its not a good idea
24) "Nevermind that shiat, here comes Dick Trickle!"
 
2014-03-09 12:34:51 PM  

DanZero: Posting this for bluorangefyre who won't be with us today...

Are you not sports entertained?

[img.fark.net image 300x410]

And now its time for...

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist drinking game. Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.(A joint production of DanZero & bluorangefyre, with contributions by QueenMamaBee, Mzltplx, Professor Farksworth, and other Fark racing fans)



FTFY.
 
2014-03-09 02:11:14 PM  

DanZero: Posting this for bluorangefyre who won't be with us today...

Are you not sports entertained?

[img.fark.net image 300x410]

And now its time for...

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist. Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.(A joint production of DanZero & bluorangefyre, with contributions by QueenMamaBee, Mzltplx, Professor Farksworth, and other Fark racing fans)

1) Every 25th post is "DANICA" and every 1,100th post is, "Screw the gredunza, I just did the double!"
2) Brian France asking "ARE YOU NOT SPORTS ENTERTAINED?" before the 10th post
3) Somebody comes in with a humorous "left/right turn/going in circles" comment
4) BOOGITY in some form when race starts
5) Idols/Buddhas/Transformers/Reactors being fired up
6) Complaints about TNT & ESPN race coverage (or if in TNT/ESPN coverage, how bad it is and how we pine for FOX again) ONLY VALID FOR 2014!
7) While we were away
8) Green flag pit stops
9) The inevitable race commentator foul up
10) Phantom debris cautions - pace dingo appears after two, Mr. McMahon appears if it benefits the driver of car #48 and/or the person who probably doesn't deserve to drive car #3
11) "Austin Dillon driving car number three... the number made famous by the late/great Dale Earnhardt."
12) If all else fails since it worked the one time we did this, start unleashing ponies if He Who Shall Not Be Named is still running near the front/running away from the field
13) Complaints and such if Jimmie Johnson wins again and celebrations from his fan(s)
14) Race is official when Kvapil, Reutimann or Wise bring out the caution (can be more than one)
15) BONUS OFFICIAL RACE: Mikey brings out the yellow
16) Something to do with potato salad and/or sugar free gummi bears
17) SPECIAL BONUS: One of us is actually at the track
18) Something not meant to catch fire does
19) We are reminded about how a track is famous for The Big One/Darlington Stripe/Eating tires/Fuel Mileage races.
20) "Because #3 car"
21) ...


I am expecting a lot of 1, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 22 today (especially 22, since Logano is on the pole).
 
2014-03-09 02:28:03 PM  
I may have some family obligations that I can't get out of (they want to see Mr. Peabody and Sherman), so who knows if I can watch the race.

In the meantime, set idols to full power. Make sure JJ doesn't even finish.
 
2014-03-09 02:34:43 PM  
Let's go, Smoke!
 
2014-03-09 02:40:34 PM  

kteela: DanZero: Posting this for bluorangefyre who won't be with us today...

Are you not sports entertained?

[img.fark.net image 300x410]

And now its time for...

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist drinking game. Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.(A joint production of DanZero & bluorangefyre, with contributions by QueenMamaBee, Mzltplx, Professor Farksworth, and other Fark racing fans)


FTFY.


You're try to kill us all, admit it.

Hello, Fark Racing..

/goclintyoucheatingbastich
 
2014-03-09 02:43:26 PM  
i750.photobucket.com
 
lmb
2014-03-09 02:49:39 PM  
That 24 car has got to get to victory lane! Go Gordon!!!
 
2014-03-09 02:50:41 PM  
Go Bowman!
Go Other Truex!

Lets see how many items can be crossed off on my BK Racing Expectations Checklist today:

10 points - Win Race
7 points - Top 10 Finish
5 points - Top 20 Finish
3 points - finish ahead of Danica
2 points - finish the race in one piece
1 point - not cause a major on-track incident
(15 point special bonus - manage to take out the 48)


Ryan Truex managed to complete the bottom 3 last week for 6 BK Points! (for a season total of.. 6 points since he DNQ for Daytona)
Bowman sadly, could only manage the very last item, giving him 1 point for Phoenix and adding to his Daytona total of 6, giving him 7 for the season.
 
2014-03-09 02:51:58 PM  
Ok, any occurrence of "Danica", "Toyota" or "Sprint" we drink.

Any mention of "Bodine", "Dodge" or "Winston" we do a shot.

Any mention of "Rockingham", "Hudson" or "Grand National", we all shoot up.

Ok?
 
2014-03-09 02:53:57 PM  

lmb: That 24 car has got to get to victory lane! Go Gordon!!!


Today I'm a Josh Wise fan.

Not sure that's ever happened before...
 
2014-03-09 02:54:15 PM  

Mztlplx: kteela: DanZero: Posting this for bluorangefyre who won't be with us today...

Are you not sports entertained?

[img.fark.net image 300x410]

And now its time for...

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist drinking game. Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.(A joint production of DanZero & bluorangefyre, with contributions by QueenMamaBee, Mzltplx, Professor Farksworth, and other Fark racing fans)


FTFY.

You're try to kill us all, admit it.

Hello, Fark Racing..

/goclintyoucheatingbastich


Just separating the men from the boys...
 
2014-03-09 02:55:17 PM  
Checking in, and checking out.  Prior obligation just after green flag drops.

/24 ftw
//no commercial count from me today
 
2014-03-09 02:58:20 PM  
boggi*yawwwwn*ty

mornin, kids
 
2014-03-09 02:58:28 PM  
The Bestest:

Lets see how many items can be crossed off on my BK Racing Expectations Checklist today:

10 points - Win Race


I'd give that infinity TIMES infinity.
 
2014-03-09 02:59:25 PM  
Greetings, DAM.

And thanks again Warchild.
 
2014-03-09 03:00:57 PM  
Robin Leach is the track announcer?
 
2014-03-09 03:01:26 PM  
Burton?  Welcome back!
 
2014-03-09 03:01:57 PM  
Someone auto-tune that group, STAT!
 
2014-03-09 03:03:22 PM  
They sang better than they dress.  Bravo.
 
2014-03-09 03:03:24 PM  

ClavellBCMI: Someone auto-tune that group, STAT!


Why, you want them to sound worse? Let's just program robots to do it right and skip the celebrities mangling the song. Hell, let's just get the Marine Corps band to do it every time.
 
2014-03-09 03:08:25 PM  
In the last 2 weeks, I've only had 2 of my drivers finish the race.

48th out of 50.

I'm saving my bad luck for the Chase. I'll pick JJ as my driver, and guarantee that he wrecks every week.
 
2014-03-09 03:09:23 PM  
I don't always go to races, but when I do I say "Drivers, start your engines!"

That's what he should have said.
 
2014-03-09 03:09:26 PM  
Nicely done.
 
2014-03-09 03:11:06 PM  
6th in Farkers Racing, 2nd in Virtual Waffle House. I have hit both top qualifiers two weeks running.

Won't last....
 
2014-03-09 03:11:18 PM  
i297.photobucket.com

i297.photobucket.com

i297.photobucket.com

i297.photobucket.com

Good afternoon FRL!
 
2014-03-09 03:12:17 PM  
On that shot of Knaus leaning into the 48, I imagined him saying "Diagrams!", a la DBD and pre-corporate Kane.
 
2014-03-09 03:12:27 PM  
BTW, Brett, congratulations on winning last week's GEICO Virtual Waffle House Top-Dog/Young Gun Virtual Waffle presented by Pepsi and brought to you by Home Depot courtesy of KFC and M&Ms.  We put members first, because we don't have shareholders.
 
2014-03-09 03:13:40 PM  
Kyle Larson..do not fark up my fantasy score like you did last week. This is your last chance. I swear I will run Austin Dillon instead.

Kthxbai.
 
2014-03-09 03:16:18 PM  

emonk: BTW, Brett, congratulations on winning last week's GEICO Virtual Waffle House Top-Dog/Young Gun Virtual Waffle presented by Pepsi and brought to you by Home Depot courtesy of KFC and M&Ms.  We put members first, because we don't have shareholders.


A boner pill may help with that.


Both my hometown and the city I currently live in made the home page of Fark in the last couple days. That means I will end the day in one of the following situations....
A-in Florida
B-Naked and high
C-Dead last in Farkers racing

I'm hoping for B, but the answer is always C.
 
2014-03-09 03:17:07 PM  

crotchgrabber: emonk: BTW, Brett, congratulations on winning last week's GEICO Virtual Waffle House Top-Dog/Young Gun Virtual Waffle presented by Pepsi and brought to you by Home Depot courtesy of KFC and M&Ms.  We put members first, because we don't have shareholders.

A boner pill may help with that.


Both my hometown and the city I currently live in made the home page of Fark in the last couple days. That means I will end the day in one of the following situations....
A-in Florida
B-Naked and high
C-Dead last in Farkers racing

I'm hoping for B, but the answer is always C.


I got A and B covered.
 
2014-03-09 03:17:16 PM  
Holy crap! Knaus was on tv without wearing a hat! He get hair plugs?
 
2014-03-09 03:17:24 PM  
Kevin Harvick has my uncle's business as a secondary sponsor. I wonder if that means I should root for him.
 
2014-03-09 03:17:50 PM  

BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY

LET'S GO RACIN AND GAMBLIN, Y'ALL!

 
2014-03-09 03:18:00 PM  
Boogitized.
 
2014-03-09 03:18:05 PM  
BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY!
 
2014-03-09 03:18:07 PM  
Boogity x 3!
 
2014-03-09 03:18:42 PM  
DL is so annoying.
 
2014-03-09 03:18:54 PM  
In a fit of brave dickishness, I'm rooting AGAINST Harvick and Vickers this week.

Go Josh, whoever you are.
 
2014-03-09 03:19:17 PM  
Logano is just checking out.
 
2014-03-09 03:19:32 PM  

Mztlplx: crotchgrabber: emonk: BTW, Brett, congratulations on winning last week's GEICO Virtual Waffle House Top-Dog/Young Gun Virtual Waffle presented by Pepsi and brought to you by Home Depot courtesy of KFC and M&Ms.  We put members first, because we don't have shareholders.

A boner pill may help with that.


Both my hometown and the city I currently live in made the home page of Fark in the last couple days. That means I will end the day in one of the following situations....
A-in Florida
B-Naked and high
C-Dead last in Farkers racing

I'm hoping for B, but the answer is always C.

I got A and B covered.

 *You made me snort!*

I'm getting closer to C.
 
2014-03-09 03:22:48 PM  
So... how much of a lead will they let Logano build up before they spot "debris" on the track?
 
2014-03-09 03:22:52 PM  
Confession time: I have He Who Shall Not Be Named this week.

On that note...

i750.photobucket.com

Tiny Buddha is now online.

/I win either way
 
2014-03-09 03:23:12 PM  
Time to bring up NASCAR.com's Live Leaderboard and make my badass i7 act like a Commodore PET.
 
2014-03-09 03:23:19 PM  
Wrong DW. Cars get strung out quickly because it's a cookie cutter 1.5 mile track.
 
2014-03-09 03:25:15 PM  
Commercial (side by side) at lap 9.
Back at lap 15.
 
2014-03-09 03:25:24 PM  
Mztlplx:

Tiny Buddha is now online.

Do me a favor and paint an 18 on that thing.

Just for a couple of hours, k?
 
2014-03-09 03:26:14 PM  
This race is farking boring

Slowgano out in front and Johnson trying to run him down
 
2014-03-09 03:26:56 PM  
SORRY I'M LATE BOYS!!

Initiating Idol Emergency Startup Procedure

Target Car: 48 Lowe's Chevrolet

CRACKED HEADS EVERY VALVE RATTLES OIL LEAKS EVERY TURN...
 
2014-03-09 03:27:01 PM  
Well, damn.

One down.

Hopefully, his iPod just exploded or something.
 
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