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(Wired)   Here's your nightmare of the week: a 28-foot sea creature that just gets angry if you cut it in half. Need a pic to flash out your dreams? Got one   (wired.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, Absurd Creature, sea creatures, legendary creatures, world ocean, dorsal fins, ROV, krill, Journal of Fish Biology  
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12091 clicks; posted to Geek » on 07 Mar 2014 at 10:00 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



33 Comments   (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-03-07 10:07:00 AM  
God I hate the ocean. Can't we just drain it. Everyone is like we need to fund nasa cause alien invasions. Fark that. We need to nuke the ocean cause bloop.
 
2014-03-07 10:10:01 AM  
So the Midgard serpent has come?
 
2014-03-07 10:14:06 AM  
Why do so many writers insist on this conversational-style, aside-ridden approach? They take what would otherwise be an interesting and compelling story and completely ruin it. It's not cute, it's not funny, it doesn't make me feel a personal connection with the writer... it's annoying as hell. And whoever wrote those photo captions simply needs to be taken out back and shot.
 
2014-03-07 10:14:48 AM  
I've seen several stories about oarfish, but the ROV footage of a live one in the ocean was new for me. Pretty cool...
 
2014-03-07 10:20:35 AM  

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: Why do so many writers insist on this conversational-style, aside-ridden approach? They take what would otherwise be an interesting and compelling story and completely ruin it. It's not cute, it's not funny, it doesn't make me feel a personal connection with the writer... it's annoying as hell. And whoever wrote those photo captions simply needs to be taken out back and shot.


It's Wired, dude. Don't let it get to ya.
 
2014-03-07 10:21:24 AM  
It was the "Queen of the Naga," ... a mythical serpent thought to patrol these waters and that apparently enjoys the embrace of enlisted men.

It gets pretty lonely on those PBR's, I bet.
 
2014-03-07 10:28:28 AM  
Are they good eating?
 
2014-03-07 10:32:05 AM  
Wow that's long and so much seaman!
 
2014-03-07 10:38:35 AM  

RoxtarRyan: Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: Why do so many writers insist on this conversational-style, aside-ridden approach? They take what would otherwise be an interesting and compelling story and completely ruin it. It's not cute, it's not funny, it doesn't make me feel a personal connection with the writer... it's annoying as hell. And whoever wrote those photo captions simply needs to be taken out back and shot.

It's Wired, dude. Don't let it get to ya.


It's more than that, I see it everywhere now; in print, online, on the news. I don't know if it's a Millennial thing, an "everyone wants to be a blogger" thing or what. I think what bugs me about it is how much it reminds me of salespeople who are way too chummy and like to use your name all the time. Ditto with all the "story behind the story" BS that only serves as an outlet for journalists to become attention whores. I travel a lot so I always enjoyed CNN International or BBC as a respite, but even they are getting bad about it now. I'm liking Al Jazeera more and more.
 
2014-03-07 10:38:42 AM  
flash out?
 
2014-03-07 10:43:43 AM  
It eats krill. Probably as menacing as a whale shark.
 
2014-03-07 10:47:08 AM  
Never mind that shiat. Here comes Mongo!
 
2014-03-07 10:52:00 AM  
An oarfish is nightmare fuel? It's just a really long fish. Watch either the Planet Earth or Blue Planet episode on the deep sea. There is the real nightmare fuel.

I can't remember which one has it, but one shows a creature that carves its home out of a live jellyfish. That's farking scary.
 
2014-03-07 10:59:34 AM  
The fisherman in me wolud love to catch one of these. Then I would stuff and mount it, then release it back into the water unharmed.
 
2014-03-07 11:05:02 AM  
Flash out my dreams?
 
2014-03-07 11:34:11 AM  

mistrmind: Are they good eating?


Apparently not. TFA says sharks don't appear to eat them, and there are historical accounts of dogs refusing to eat the meat raw or cooked.
 
2014-03-07 12:10:28 PM  
I also heard they're looking for his/her owner; here's a picture of the guy:

stream1.gifsoup.com
 
2014-03-07 12:14:36 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: flash


Neon Out
 
2014-03-07 12:29:48 PM  
They can slough off a large portion of their body? That's pretty amazing for an animal of that size. The back 3/4 must be all tail.
 
2014-03-07 12:48:25 PM  
The blood will not obey. I will crawl away from a hot needle, say...oh wait, you mean there's another thing that survives being cut in half? Get the flamethrower, Mac...
jmstevenson.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-07 12:49:50 PM  
It, not I. Darn, just gave myself away.
 
2014-03-07 12:53:09 PM  
Even with such history, we're still struggling to understand this bizarre giant, which can grow to 28 feet long and, like a lizard jettisoning its tail, self-amputate up to 75 percent of its body, perhaps in anticipation of bikini season.

comedy gold Jerry!
/not really
 
2014-03-07 01:22:33 PM  
Naga, Please.
 
2014-03-07 01:28:35 PM  

Muta: Naga, Please.


fark, you just beat me.
 
2014-03-07 02:54:36 PM  

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: RoxtarRyan: Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: Why do so many writers insist on this conversational-style, aside-ridden approach? They take what would otherwise be an interesting and compelling story and completely ruin it. It's not cute, it's not funny, it doesn't make me feel a personal connection with the writer... it's annoying as hell. And whoever wrote those photo captions simply needs to be taken out back and shot.

It's Wired, dude. Don't let it get to ya.

It's more than that, I see it everywhere now; in print, online, on the news. I don't know if it's a Millennial thing, an "everyone wants to be a blogger" thing or what. I think what bugs me about it is how much it reminds me of salespeople who are way too chummy and like to use your name all the time. Ditto with all the "story behind the story" BS that only serves as an outlet for journalists to become attention whores. I travel a lot so I always enjoyed CNN International or BBC as a respite, but even they are getting bad about it now. I'm liking Al Jazeera more and more.


I think everyone wants to be Hunter S. Thompson and inject themselves into the piece, but they don't realize that you have to actually be awesome for that to work.
 
2014-03-07 03:03:42 PM  
Such self-mutilation, more formally known as autotomy, meaning "self-cutting," is perhaps most famously demonstrated by emo attention seekers.
 
2014-03-07 05:32:55 PM  
I think it's quite hauntingly beautiful.

Love the bioluminescence.

Sea cucumbers can all DIAF. Twitching sea turds, give me the heebie jeebies.
 
2014-03-07 09:56:57 PM  

dwade: God I hate the ocean. Can't we just drain it. Everyone is like we need to fund nasa cause alien invasions. Fark that. We need to nuke the ocean cause bloop.


How dense is marine life in there?  If the water were taken away, would most of the ocean floor be visible, or would it be a deep slimy pile of fish and whales?
 
2014-03-07 11:19:22 PM  

SeaMan Stainz: I would stuff and mount it, then release it back into the water unharmed.


*snert*
 
2014-03-08 01:57:24 AM  

Mad_Radhu: I think everyone wants to be Hunter S. Thompson and inject themselves into the piece, but they don't realize that you have to actually be awesome for that to work.


They're probably also missing the part where they're tripping balls.
 
2014-03-08 03:11:49 AM  

dwade: God I hate the ocean. Can't we just drain it. Everyone is like we need to fund nasa cause alien invasions. Fark that. We need to nuke the ocean cause bloop.


Bloop?
 
2014-03-08 09:58:46 AM  

Yankees Team Gynecologist: dwade: God I hate the ocean. Can't we just drain it. Everyone is like we need to fund nasa cause alien invasions. Fark that. We need to nuke the ocean cause bloop.

How dense is marine life in there?  If the water were taken away, would most of the ocean floor be visible, or would it be a deep slimy pile of fish and whales?


Let's get that one Chinese brother to find out for us
 
2014-03-08 05:00:52 PM  

dwade: God I hate the ocean. Can't we just drain it.


XKCD did it.

No, really, it's kinda neat.
 
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