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(Denver Post)   How funny were the Republican speakers at CPAC today? Here's a ranking of their "zingers." See how long you can read it before hearing the Price Is Right's "You Failed" tuba sound ringing in your head   (denverpost.com) divider line 106
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3707 clicks; posted to Politics » on 07 Mar 2014 at 6:47 AM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-06 08:49:05 PM
Marco Rubio on Charlie Crist: "He was a Republican, then he was an Independent, now he's a Democrat. He's running out of parties."

WhatisthisIdonteven.jpg
 
2014-03-06 08:54:09 PM
Did Dennis Miller write all those?
 
2014-03-06 08:58:43 PM
I got to "CPAC".  Tuba music, loud and clear.
 
2014-03-06 09:11:45 PM
 All I heard was white noise. I think I might have dozed off for a minute.

If those are their six WOWZA! lines, it's as bad as I expected.
 
2014-03-06 09:13:45 PM

Rev.K: Did Dennis Miller write all those?


Oh, c'mon

/they weren't as bad as that
//I mean... they were f*cking awful, but... well...
 
2014-03-06 09:17:01 PM
poor ryan made the take obamacare joke twice, too
 
2014-03-06 09:52:27 PM
www.troll.me
 
2014-03-06 10:04:06 PM
Hey, let's give credit where credit is due, I could see where the humor was in each of those jokes. They weren't funny, but they were definitely identifiable as approaching humor. It's a step forward.
 
2014-03-06 10:30:35 PM
Paul Ryan: "Right now, the tax code is 10 times the size of the Bible, and has none of the good news."

You're right, Creepy McCreeperson. Let's snip that part where a dollar earned from capital gains is only taxed at half the rate of a dollar earned from washing dishes. Oughta lighten it up by a couple pages, minimum.
 
2014-03-06 10:33:16 PM
Funny enough that it could be in a "Tonight Show" monologue.

That's supposed to be a compliment?
 
2014-03-06 10:56:24 PM

WI241TH: Funny enough that it could be in a "Tonight Show" monologue.

That's supposed to be a compliment?


Well, funny enough that it could've been a Jay Leno monologue.
 
2014-03-06 10:59:56 PM

propasaurus: WI241TH: Funny enough that it could be in a "Tonight Show" monologue.

That's supposed to be a compliment?

Well, funny enough that it could've been a Jay Leno monologue.


As much as I appreciate your humor and insight, I'LL THANK YOU TO GTFO OF MY HEAD, GOOD SIR
 
2014-03-07 12:24:07 AM
You know what would make those jokes funny? A page and a half of text explaining why the joke is funny.
 
2014-03-07 12:25:25 AM
How funny are these guys?  Think running sore, only intensify the pain.
 
2014-03-07 12:56:16 AM
i1282.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-07 06:51:18 AM
Well, at least none of them said anything horribly racist as most "conservative humor" tends to be.
 
2014-03-07 06:53:57 AM

Codenamechaz: Well, at least none of them said anything horribly racist as most "conservative humor" tends to be.


They still got time...
 
2014-03-07 06:59:23 AM
Odd, I see 'rankings', but not the jokes they're ranking.

Then again, they're ranked with Reagans, so how good could they be?
 
2014-03-07 07:04:16 AM
The Dems need something like this for their party. Of course the press would ignore it.
for some reason they love covering CPAC
 
2014-03-07 07:06:30 AM
Cruz criticizes "detente, which I'm pretty sure is French for 'surrender.'"

Wasn't 'detente' a '70's thing?  Wasn't that something Nixon (R) negotiated with Brezhnev (Commie King)?
 
2014-03-07 07:10:21 AM

Hobodeluxe: The Dems need something like this for their party. Of course the press would ignore it.
for some reason they love covering CPAC


That's because the worst it achieves is 'terminally boring', not 'outside to even chance of pure unadulterated racism, misogyny, bigotry, or just stupid'.

Also, Hilary has had this nomination locked down since 2009, while the GOP are basically tossing names in a hat. Their nomination will be far and away the more dynamic.
 
2014-03-07 07:10:59 AM
"Take Obamacare, not literally but figuratively..." Paul Ryan really hitting the 1950s comedian angle hard in this speech

Don't Republicans want to "take Obamacare" away, literally?
 
2014-03-07 07:23:28 AM

Hobodeluxe: The Dems need something like this for their party. Of course the press would ignore it.
for some reason they love covering CPAC


It's not sponsored by the Democrats but a few years ago the U,S. Social Forum held it's big meeting in Atlanta. If you've ever seen the movie PCU where everyone is trying to out victim each other, you pretty much know how it went. Morans kept vandalizing anything they could get their hands on to "raise awareness" of the ten thousand different flavors of their demands. It was pretty much a non-stop alienation machine designed to make even most hard core lefty say "Wow, what a bunch of pricks!"
 
2014-03-07 07:25:30 AM
What is the correlation between lack of wit and "conservatism"? Someone should do a study.
 
2014-03-07 07:29:17 AM

MisterTweak: Paul Ryan: "Right now, the tax code is 10 times the size of the Bible, and has none of the good news."

You're right, Creepy McCreeperson. Let's snip that part where a dollar earned from capital gains is only taxed at half the rate of a dollar earned from washing dishes. Oughta lighten it up by a couple pages, minimum.


The whole "laws are complex and take up a lot of space on paper" argument pisses me off to no end.  Laws and regulations  HAVE to be complicated, because laws and regulations are designed to keep people with money and power from cutting corners and harming the public trust.  Those people with money and power hire lawyers to find ways around the law.

Simple bills would only screw over the little guy trying to find a way to sue a company.  The Fuchis, Renrakus, and Ares of the world will pay to be insulated from the law.
 
2014-03-07 07:30:47 AM
"This is longer than the Bible but not as good."
"Obama is worse than Carter."
"Charlie Crist has been a member of both major parties."
Some classic bits here.
 
2014-03-07 07:33:53 AM
OK so what does it take to get the Big Money to switch over to Left Leaning Thinking?

Because they're wasting a fark of a lot of money dishing out the CPAC bullshiat. '''S

Serious replies only.

/ceiling cat
 
2014-03-07 07:37:56 AM
To be fair political speech jokes are almost never funny unless your name is Biden.
 
2014-03-07 07:39:38 AM

whidbey: OK so what does it take to get the Big Money to switch over to Left Leaning Thinking?

Because they're wasting a fark of a lot of money dishing out the CPAC bullshiat. '''S

Serious replies only.

/ceiling cat


When they figure out how to make money off of them.
 
2014-03-07 07:47:59 AM

Wadded Beef: Marco Rubio on Charlie Crist: "He was a Republican, then he was an Independent, now he's a Democrat. He's running out of parties."

WhatisthisIdonteven.jpg


"Ted Cruz was a Cuban, then he was a Canadian, now he's an American...  He's running out of countries."

-Rand Paul
 
2014-03-07 07:48:11 AM

Rev.K: Did Dennis Miller write all those?


Shiatty Dennis Miller, not the guy who was reliably 'smart' funny.
 
2014-03-07 07:51:48 AM

EngineerAU: Hobodeluxe: The Dems need something like this for their party. Of course the press would ignore it.
for some reason they love covering CPAC

It's not sponsored by the Democrats but a few years ago the U,S. Social Forum held it's big meeting in Atlanta. If you've ever seen the movie PCU where everyone is trying to out victim each other, you pretty much know how it went. Morans kept vandalizing anything they could get their hands on to "raise awareness" of the ten thousand different flavors of their demands. It was pretty much a non-stop alienation machine designed to make even most hard core lefty say "Wow, what a bunch of pricks!"


So, a Gawker comments thread.
 
2014-03-07 07:56:39 AM

HooskerDoo: What is the correlation between lack of wit and "conservatism"? Someone should do a study.


There would be a study, but Republicans would just cut funding for it.
 
2014-03-07 07:57:53 AM

whidbey: OK so what does it take to get the Big Money to switch over to Left Leaning Thinking?

Because they're wasting a fark of a lot of money dishing out the CPAC bullshiat. '''S


About the same time big money stops dishing out money on advertising.
 
2014-03-07 07:59:10 AM

wxboy: HooskerDoo: What is the correlation between lack of wit and "conservatism"? Someone should do a study.

There would be a study, but Republicans would just cut funding for it.


And then the talent agent asked: "What on earth do you call that?"

"The Aristocrats!"
 
2014-03-07 07:59:53 AM
I love how Jindal, who currently holds a 35% approval rating with a corresponding 60% disapproval rating from his own constituents wants to bag on Carter and Obama as failures.

On a national level, the support for Jindal making a run for the presidency, among Republicans draws a near life-support number of 2%.

The guy is bound for the history books as one of the worst governors in Louisiana history, with former convicts polling much better than him and he thinks it amusing that he calls others out as being failed politicians?

He shows all the self-awareness present in the majority of his Republican brethren - none.   History will be a lot kinder to Carter than it will be to Jindal who will be lucky if he even merits more than a paragraph or two in any Louisiana history book.
 
2014-03-07 08:06:18 AM
Well, some of them are almost Mallard Filmore funny.

/sorta like English pretty
 
2014-03-07 08:07:22 AM
Just... just don't do it.  Both parties.   It's only funny if it is unintentional.   "Mission Accomplished"  "It depends on what the meaning go 'is' is"
 
2014-03-07 08:09:55 AM

riverwalk barfly: Just... just don't do it.  Both parties.   It's only funny if it is unintentional.   "Mission Accomplished"  "It depends on what the meaning go 'is' is"


the only time they're funny is when someone is writing them material.  usually for the correspondents dinner.  both Bush and Obama have had a few good lines during those.
 
2014-03-07 08:16:22 AM
Rectum? Damn near Obama'd him!

*uncontrollable laughter*
 
2014-03-07 08:23:35 AM
People laden with ego, and a complete lack of self awareness tend to have a terrible sense of humor.
 
2014-03-07 08:25:25 AM

nmrsnr: Hey, let's give credit where credit is due, I could see where the humor was in each of those jokes. They weren't funny, but they were definitely identifiable as approaching humor. It's a step forward.


Very true. They were at least aiming for humor.

If this was a shooting range, they would have killed the guy standing on the hill past the target rather than the guy selling Gatorade at the check in desk.
 
2014-03-07 08:30:37 AM
I didn't make it past "zingers".
 
2014-03-07 08:32:32 AM
I'm not sure how to take all of this "humor".   I want my president/congress person to have a sense of humor.  But the whole cliche of who would you rather have a beer with conundrum is a deceptive, ignoring the issues.  Zinger does not equal funny.  Funny implies that you are fun.   Rob Ford sounds fun.  But I don't want him to be president of the USA.

/But a beer with Nixon sound fun.
 
2014-03-07 08:39:08 AM
They're pretty rank, all right.....
 
2014-03-07 08:39:29 AM

lawboy87: I love how Jindal, who currently holds a 35% approval rating with a corresponding 60% disapproval rating from his own constituents wants to bag on Carter and Obama as failures.

On a national level, the support for Jindal making a run for the presidency, among Republicans draws a near life-support number of 2%.

The guy is bound for the history books as one of the worst governors in Louisiana history, with former convicts polling much better than him and he thinks it amusing that he calls others out as being failed politicians?

He shows all the self-awareness present in the majority of his Republican brethren - none.   History will be a lot kinder to Carter than it will be to Jindal who will be lucky if he even merits more than a paragraph or two in any Louisiana history book.



Joke's not even original, it was a bumper sticker back in the first Clinton administration.
 
2014-03-07 08:44:17 AM
The biggest joke is when they trotted out their policy ideas.
 
2014-03-07 08:44:34 AM
What no 57 teleprompters jokes?
 
2014-03-07 08:46:13 AM
Those guys don't get any respect, amirite?

/they don't deserve it... soooo... yeah.
 
2014-03-07 08:46:21 AM

EngineerAU: Hobodeluxe: The Dems need something like this for their party. Of course the press would ignore it.
for some reason they love covering CPAC

It's not sponsored by the Democrats but a few years ago the U,S. Social Forum held it's big meeting in Atlanta. If you've ever seen the movie PCU where everyone is trying to out victim each other, you pretty much know how it went. Morans kept vandalizing anything they could get their hands on to "raise awareness" of the ten thousand different flavors of their demands. It was pretty much a non-stop alienation machine designed to make even most hard core lefty say "Wow, what a bunch of pricks!"


So, it's not a Democratic thing but we should criticize Democrats for it?
 
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