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(CBS Charlotte)   Scientists have patented a new machine that will provide orgasms for women at the push of a button, making men totally redundant   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass, tags, orgasms, medical implants, machines  
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10873 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2014 at 6:36 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2014-03-07 03:37:02 AM  
The monkey experiment was a little different than that.

Basically an electrode went straight to the pleasure centre of the brain and could be controlled by a button. Another button would dispense food. But only one button would function at a time, so in order to eat the monkey would have to take his finger off the pleasure button. They all died of starvation with their finger jammed on the pleasure button.

Although I've always wondered why they haven't experimented with using direct pleasure centre stimulation to treat dysthymia and other mood disorders. Just a low level trickle current, not enough to cause euphoria but enough to elevate the mood out of depression. Sort of a pace maker for the brain.
2014-03-07 03:41:48 AM  
A thing! That's what we call anything we don't understand.

McCoy's oneliner to Kirk in ST:TMP, tossed into a universal derpifier.
2014-03-07 04:48:05 AM  

fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Lochsteppe: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.

"God is an Iron."

It's also basically the plot of Vonnegut's "The Euphio Question". Though it's a signal from space and not an implant.

We did "Welcome to the Monkey House" in high school and I played the main character in that one. Damned if those weren't some HELLA long speeches to memorize.

Wire heads also make minor appearances in Richard Morgan's work...usually as addicts.

/loved Altered Carbon
2014-03-07 06:09:45 AM  
2014-03-07 07:07:52 AM  
Wow, it's just like the Internet, only for women!
2014-03-07 07:14:38 AM  

strangeluck: TFA mentions this device is similar to the concept of a pacemaker, some models of pacemaker can be unintentionally activated by errant signals from electronic devices, like cell phones. Or if you believe in the great pacemaker hackerconspiracy, some hacker will look for ways to scan for and activate this device for pureamusement.


Steven and his wife Mary, two business professionals from Boston, are at Logan International Airport sitting in the lounge waiting for their flight, a random person sitting maybe ten-feet away gets out their cellphone which unfortunately operates on a similar frequency to that of the remote device for the Mary's orgasm implant.

Mary gets a startled look upon her face, which begins to twitch slightly.
Mary: Mmmm, oohhh (she moans softly but tries to contain it, upon realizing what's happening)

Steven her husband, notices her becoming restless, crossing her legs and looking embarrassedSteven: Mary, are you okay? (he asks concerned)

Mary: I uh, oh god Steven, I think the implant is activating on its own, I took the battery out of the remote to prevent something like this happening.

Steven leans in closer to her and whispers
Steven: Where's the remote? Put the battery back in and try hitting the off switch.

Mary becoming visibly upset, sweat begins to bead on her brow as she squirms in her seat.
Mary: I can't! (she whimpers) I put it in the checked luggage, it's in the cargo hold of the plane by now!

Steven: Oh god Mary, I... I.. uh, I don't know what to do, I'll call the doctor and see what they say!

Steven quickly starts tapping on his cellphone, trying to pull up the number for the doctor who had implanted the orgasm device.
Mary is doing everything in her power to resist the sensations of the device, she can't stand the thought of loosing her composure in a public place, especially when they're about to board a flight to one of the biggest business meetings in their insurance careers.
Mary's face twitching strongly, she slumps back into her seat and grips the chair with one hand and strongly grips Steven's arm with the other, causing Steven to wince in pain.Mary: (Mary shrieks uncontrollably) OH GOD! Oooh! AHhhh, No this can't be happening! Not now!

As Mary's cries echo throughout the lounge, passersby stop and start to gather, trying to figure out what's happening. Steven panics and starts waiving his free arm at some nearby TSA agents who have noticed the commotion. A large African American TSA agent walks over quickly and kneels by Mary's side, thinking she's having a heart attack.Steven: Please! Help us! She needs an ambulance, her.. her.. implant is malfunctioning!

TSA Agent: Stay calm sir, I'll get help here soon, is it a pacemaker that's broken?

Mary's body is writhing in well, not so much pain, but you get the idea. Squirming in her chair wildly, her eyes bulge as she desperately tries to contain what's happening inside her. She whoops and hollers, crying softly to herself. A man passing by makes his way through the crowd and comes over to Mary and Steven, he kneels down next to the kneeling TSA agent, and identifies himself as a Doctor.Doctor: I'm a doctor, tell me what's happening.

Mary suddenly lets go of the chair and Steven's arm, grabbing the Doctor by the head, she bellows to him:

A man comes forth from the crowd of onlookers and kneels down next to the kneeling doctor and kneeling TSA Agent. He identifies himself as a Priest.
Preist: I heard you yell something about God and sex, and thought perhaps I could be of some assistance.

Mary doing everything she can to contain herself pleads loudly. Kicking her heels off, she raises her feet up and uses them like hands, gripping the Doctor's neck with her feet, she pulls him towards her nether area and grips his ears with her hands. Looking into his eyes, she screams at him:

Doctor: Madam! Please! (he says shocked, as he leans back)

The priest knowing this is getting out of control pulls Steven from his chair to kneel beside him.Priest: Kneel with us my son, we must pray.

As the Priest gets everyone including the crowd to bow their heads. The TSA Agent, the Doctor, The Priest, and Steven all look up and to their left, they extend their arms and each receive a straw hat and a small oak cane. The lean back and in chorus:Chorus: SIngs Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline"

- Scene-Cast:

Betty White as Mary

Lou Ferrigno as Steven

Dennis Rodman as the TSA agent

Ryan Styles as the Doctor

William Shatner as the Priest

+eleventy. The choice of Lou Ferrigno was inspired.

/drew, can we please get selective quoting on the mobile version? Please?
2014-03-07 07:57:15 AM  
img4.joyreactor.comView Full Size
2014-03-07 08:08:32 AM  
Subby should look up the word "redundant" I don't think it means what you think it means.
2014-03-07 08:26:57 AM  
There  are electric jar openers.
2014-03-07 08:46:46 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size

Pam's looking kinda good on the cocaine diet.
2014-03-07 08:59:09 AM  

jayessell: There  are electric jar openers.

The same gender that cannot figure out how to check a car's oil, change a tire or lower a toilet seat (or at least check to see if it is down) will figure out how to use an electric jar opener?
2014-03-07 11:33:30 AM  

fusillade762: Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.

Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. I almost never give up on books but I only made it about a third of the way through that.

I was able to enjoy the first 3 Covenant books because I liked the setting more than the main character, and some of the supporting characters (even the bad guys) were awesome.  The next 3 sucked but I stuck it out and finished them, but they made me just ignore the very existance of the last three.

But the Gap cycle?  If I wanna read about belters I can read Niven.  I tried reading  The Gap into Conflict twice and I couldn't finish it without wanting to slit my writs.
2014-03-07 11:37:02 AM  

PunGent: /loved Altered Carbon

Me too.  There's more from Morgan in that setting but I haven't read them yet.  Reader reviews call them disappointing.

If you liked Altered Carbon I recommend Neal Asher's Ian Cormac series, starting with Gridlinked.  Also Alastair Reynolds'  Century Rain.
2014-03-07 12:10:28 PM  
Many of them think we're superfluous anyway.
/bet that doctor's e-mail box is full
//very full
2014-03-07 02:19:58 PM  

TheRealist II: Hacked you say , death by electronic stimulated orgasm , PROFIT!

This would have made a great episode of Columbo.

/er, one more thing...
2014-03-07 02:56:36 PM  

kronicfeld: The tasp?

Louis? Is that you?
2014-03-07 07:16:09 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: [ image 508x306]

Doesn't DuranDuran has a patent on this?

HairBolus: [ image 500x197]
[ image 500x197]

Came for the Barbarella, leaving satisfied and smoking a cig.
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