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(CBS Charlotte)   Scientists have patented a new machine that will provide orgasms for women at the push of a button, making men totally redundant   (charlotte.cbslocal.com) divider line 217
    More: Dumbass, tags, orgasms, medical implants, machines  
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10798 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2014 at 6:36 PM (20 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-06 08:55:14 PM
thumbs.newschoolers.com
 
2014-03-06 08:56:24 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: honk: . . . if you build it they will come. . . .

An-n-nd, we're done here

/someone get the lights


Not yet:
... go the distance ...
 
2014-03-06 09:04:19 PM

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


Times change, gramps.
 
2014-03-06 09:04:47 PM
Until said machine also makes women's friends jealous and pisses off their parents, it'll never take off.
 
2014-03-06 09:06:37 PM

que.guero: Until said machine also makes women's friends jealous and pisses off their parents, it'll never take off.


I'd assume that it would actually do both of those things quite well.
 
2014-03-06 09:07:24 PM
This is awesome, I hope it catches on with lots of women.
And, in return for us men, lets (finally) legalize prostitution.
Win - win situation.
 
2014-03-06 09:08:59 PM

CivicMindedFive: Redundant my hieney.  Men are like lead rods and women are like uranium.  You take men away from the equation and women will burn down the world.


Men must be made of something flammable, because they've already burned the world down several times, and this time's final.
 
2014-03-06 09:15:19 PM

ArcadianRefugee: ChrisDe: Does it also kill spiders?

Or open pickle jars?

Also: holy shiat this is old news. I remember reading about the original case -- the woman undergoing spinal surgery -- a decade or so ago.

Telegraph.co.uk, 2001: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1320029/A-female-orgasm-at- t he-touch-of-a-button.html
Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants at Winston-Salem in North Carolina, came across the idea for an orgasm-producing device while performing a routine pain-relief operation on a woman's spine.

The procedure involved planting electrodes in the spine and using electrical pulses to modify pain signals passing along the nerves; the patient was conscious to help the surgeon find the best position for the electrodes. Dr Meloy said: "I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically. I asked her what was up and she said, 'You're going to have to teach my husband to do that'."


Exactly what I came to say.  I saw this in a documentary several years ago, and *spoiler alert* it doesn't work.  Or at least didn't for the women in the doc.

http://orgasminc.org/about-synopsis.php
 
2014-03-06 09:17:43 PM
Why does this have a "dumbass" tag??? It should be "Repeat" from when the vibrator was invented. Though I have to say, while it feels amazing, there ain't nothing like the real thing baby....
 
2014-03-06 09:18:16 PM

miss diminutive: Meloy explained that the idea is that orgasms could happen at the push of a button when the implant could be triggered by a hand-held remote control.

If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands, I could imagine I'd be a menace to the public. Having someone push the button while say, I was driving down the freeway would end.....badly.


But satisfyingly.
 
2014-03-06 09:18:59 PM

miss diminutive: Rhino_man: Your hypothetical scenario of an all-male military without a hierarchy is a bit unrealistic, since groups of men are generally hierarchical on their own. That's part of why I can't stand it.

Valid point. Although just because men are more hierarchical in nature doesn't mean they'll all agree to the structure or leadership of the hierarchy. I think history is rife with examples where just such a situation has led to disaster.

Rhino_man: Groups of men form chains of command. Groups of women form cliques. As a man who mostly has female friends, I never have to deal with either one... just the occasional rant about how Megan is such a biatch or some such thing.

Megan from accounting? Royal biatch.


Yup, and Megan from astrophysics class is stupid and crazy... but mostly crazy.

Then, two weeks later, "Hey, my friend is newly single, you should totally hang out with the two of us and see if something happens!"

"Is it crazy Megan from astrophysics?"

"Yes."

"Then no."
 
2014-03-06 09:24:33 PM
At the push of a button, eh?  You mean, the clitoris?
 
2014-03-06 09:29:25 PM

AcademGreen: There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.


We don't have that much time.
 
2014-03-06 09:31:13 PM

acohn: AcademGreen: There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.

We don't have that much time.


We get it, you read a book. Congratulations.
 
2014-03-06 09:35:41 PM

James10952001: At least we still seem to be needed to keep the cars running. I've met a couple of women who could work on cars but most seem to have great difficulty even checking the oil, beats me why, they aren't dumb.


I know a lot more about cars than my husband.  Heck, I bet he doesn't even know how to check his oil level, let alone how to change the oil himself.   His way of avoiding car maintenance is to just buy new cars and take them to the dealership if they need any maintenance.

Oh, and I can kill my own spiders, take out my own garbage, and reach the tops of shelves (I'm 5'9").


I still need him to open jars, though.
 
2014-03-06 09:38:41 PM
I've found Mr. Hitachi never fails...especially when Mr. Rabbit also joins the party....and it's fun to make a woman come so hard so many times she ends up like a bowl of jello...then I can have fun...muhahahahah
 
2014-03-06 09:39:53 PM

MeanJean: Mark Ratner: peace core


If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right.


I thought it he used "core" instead of "corps" in analogy to the "marine core" meme that floats around this place...
 
2014-03-06 09:49:34 PM

Gyrfalcon: Lochsteppe: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.

"God is an Iron."


It's also basically the plot of Vonnegut's "The Euphio Question". Though it's a signal from space and not an implant.

We did "Welcome to the Monkey House" in high school and I played the main character in that one. Damned if those weren't some HELLA long speeches to memorize.
 
2014-03-06 09:50:55 PM

Rhino_man: miss diminutive: Rhino_man: miss diminutive: ...

Your hypothetical scenario of an all-male military without a hierarchy is a bit unrealistic, since groups of men are generally hierarchical on their own. That's part of why I can't stand it.

Groups of men form chains of command. Groups of women form cliques. As a man who mostly has female friends, I never have to deal with either one... just the occasional rant about how Megan is such a biatch or some such thing.


So youse are basically arguing that women are stuck in a prehistoric band model consisting of maybe a 100 member extended family where decisions depends on group consensus, the whole dominated by constant bickering and alliance formations, while men evolved to hierarchical societies where their rewards come from serving kings.

In other words men evolved to compete over the attention from men while women evolved to compete over the attention from men (fathers, potential boyfriends, etc)
 
2014-03-06 09:52:26 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.


Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. I almost never give up on books but I only made it about a third of the way through that.
 
2014-03-06 10:06:02 PM

miss diminutive: This is all academic anyway; men will never be obsolete. They could invent a fully functional android with a fusion-powered pneumatic cock and we'd still need men. Not for squishing spiders or reaching the top shelf, those can be adapted to, but to basically prevent us women from murdering one another.

I'm sure a world without women would result in the same outcome for the men left behind. When I think of the top ten people that I interact with who I really despise and just can't stand...nine of them are women. I'm sure I grace the lists of countless other women as well. I need men to balance out our neurotic energy and rampant emotional backstabbery.

Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another (not implying that heterosexuality is the only "natural" course either...just that it's the dominant one).


Well said. Wll spoken
 
2014-03-06 10:16:32 PM

bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant


White gold wielder! And self-loathing leper...

/I read that entire damned series
//it's no wonder I suffer from chronic depression
 
2014-03-06 10:19:09 PM

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


Now you can stalk her, kidnap her, sedate her, implant this device w/o her knowing, release her, and then "introduce" yourself at a later date while giving her a mild tingle that she thinks is "attraction".

What? Why are you looking at me like that?
 
2014-03-06 10:19:37 PM
Does this pertain only to the vagina?

www.dvdizzy.com

or coitus?
 
2014-03-06 10:21:42 PM
Meh to this technology. Just give me a guy with a good tongue that knows what he's doing and I'm in heaven (not that I don't enjoy other parts either.) I've tried stuff like vibrators and they're just not the same.
So, no, men are absolutely not obsolete to me when it comes to sex and getting off.
 
2014-03-06 10:24:59 PM

FizixJunkee: James10952001:

I still need him to open jars, though.


Psst... Wrap a rubber band around the edge of the cap if you can. It helps immensely. :)
 
2014-03-06 10:30:12 PM

strangeluck: As the Priest gets everyone including the crowd to bow their heads. The TSA Agent, the Doctor, The Priest, and Steven all look up and to their left, they extend their arms and each receive a straw hat and a small oak cane. The lean back and in chorus:
Chorus: SIngs Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline"


- Scene-
Cast:

Betty White as Mary

Lou Ferrigno as Steven

Dennis Rodman as the TSA agent

Ryan Styles as the Doctor

William Shatner as the Priest


Bastard, I hate you so much.
 
2014-03-06 10:40:33 PM
F*ckingmachines.com
 
2014-03-06 10:40:43 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.


If he fapped, his arm would fall off. Was obsessed with not losing his ring.

/beats buzzing in the ear
 
2014-03-06 10:47:13 PM

Milos Hattrick: [media.theoratech.com image 500x500]


You aren't getting anywhere near me with any of those space hooker shoes!
 
2014-03-06 10:55:26 PM

AcademGreen: Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another

We can turn stem cells into sperm.  There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.


www.smbc-comics.com
 
2014-03-06 10:59:58 PM

acohn: AcademGreen: There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.

We don't have that much time.


This one has a title even more blunt; though the actual book isn't nearly as anti-men as you'd guess from the title.
 
2014-03-06 11:14:14 PM

HairBolus: As I recall garage door openers operated on the same frequencies as the Secret Service or something to do with the President.

There were stories about when even Reagan would go to his ranch in Santa Barbara (in a helicopter with military helicopter escort from LAX) thousands of automatic garage doors would mysteriously open.


Probably the ECM pods blasting broad spectrum RF. I grew up roughly between an Air Force base and a remote training grounds. Every now and then, if the Apaches went over while i was playing with an R/C car, it would go spasmoid and i couldn't control it with the remote until they had passed.
 
2014-03-06 11:21:55 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!


Better question is, what do men think they need women for? Never needed them for orgasms. Companionship? Hah, can't pry them off social media long enough to have a conversation. Damned things stopped learning to cook in the '70s. And no married man has ever been happy once kid #1 popped out of the fun-hole. And odds are near-certain she's fugging your best friend or the neighbor.

Be smart. Be happy. Stay single. Learn to cook. Buy a friendly dog. Realize doing anything "permanent" is a stupid mistake waiting to happen. And anytime you -think- you need a woman for something, realize renting one is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying one.

Living the good life now.
 
2014-03-06 11:42:00 PM
 
2014-03-06 11:42:21 PM

TinyFist: I bought a Sybian when I was with my ex girlfriend. She was SO excited to try it out.

About 30 seconds in she started shaking and convulsing in fits of pleasure the likes of which I've never seen.

So naturally, in a fit of jealous rage I smashed the sh*t out of that f*cking machine with a hammer.

/f*ck that vibrating saddle of pleasure.
//she wept as I was destroying it.
///hence, "ex" girlfriend.


So she's got two reasons to thank you.
 
2014-03-06 11:42:56 PM
It's a movie.
Let's just suppose men were made to be irrelevant.  Redundant systems are sometimes a good thing so will just go for irrelevant.  Then amazon women from the moon attack and all men are killed.  There's a renewed sisterly love that spreads across the planet.  So in harmony and cooperation do all of Earth's citizens now act.  Borders are done away with.  All is sharing and caring and loving nurturing natural namastes.  Then one day the scientists discover everyone on Earth is beginning to sync their menstrual cycles.  It doesn't happen all at once.  There are pockets of the population that will sync, and then break apart.  Then at times whole cities would.  It was reasoned that eventually all would become synchronized, unleashing an emotional storm, the likes of which have never been seen by mortal men.  And so, to help relieve some of this building pressure, underground clubs began to form.  Their objective was to give an outlet to these feelings and raw emotion.  To serve as something like a pressure valve.  To keep things in balance.  Because this time, they were fighting chaos with control.
Fight Club II.
 
2014-03-06 11:47:44 PM

ShatteredMinds: The end of the Y chromosome was exaggerated:

Reports of Looming Male Extinction Exaggerated
Men's Y Sex Chromosome Is Here To Stay Despite Being 'Puny'; Evolution Will Prevent Male Fertility Genes From Demise, Study Says

Also they're working on an artificial womb and eggs:

Artificial Wombs
Artificial uterus
Artificial human eggs created


This will all end in a Sheri S. Tepper novel.
 
2014-03-06 11:52:21 PM

Terrible Old Man: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Better question is, what do men think they need women for? Never needed them for orgasms. Companionship? Hah, can't pry them off social media long enough to have a conversation. Damned things stopped learning to cook in the '70s. And no married man has ever been happy once kid #1 popped out of the fun-hole. And odds are near-certain she's fugging your best friend or the neighbor.

Be smart. Be happy. Stay single. Learn to cook. Buy a friendly dog. Realize doing anything "permanent" is a stupid mistake waiting to happen. And anytime you -think- you need a woman for something, realize renting one is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying one.

Living the good life now.


Bzzzt! And why do we need women? I suppose I don't, according to your criteria, but I choose to stay with my woman. If men are staying because they need that can't be healthy. I'm glad your life is better now but try speaking for yourself maybe.
 
2014-03-07 12:16:03 AM
Then, a signal generator would be connected which would be most likely implanted under the skin of a patient's buttocks.

If they could move that to a bit more to the center....we could all come out ahead in this and get what we want.
 
2014-03-07 12:21:40 AM

kronicfeld: The tasp?


A Ringworld reference on Fark?  Louis Wu would be impressed.
 
2014-03-07 12:37:21 AM

Gyrfalcon: Lochsteppe: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.

"God is an Iron."


I read this as a kid too and agree it's probably 'God is an Iron' which was an excerpt from Spider Robinson's book 'Mindkiller' which appeared in Omni magazine.  'Mindkiller' had a sequel too called 'Time Pressure'.
 
2014-03-07 12:37:55 AM

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?


Death by Ecstasy (Larry Niven). Murder by having a pleasure-stimulating implant on overload, with a cord too short to get to anything like food, a phone, or anything else.
 
2014-03-07 12:42:40 AM

fusillade762: Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.

Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. I almost never give up on books but I only made it about a third of the way through that.


I think I lasted two chapters. I was about 12, and thought "Jeez, why doesn't this guy just kill himself already?"
 
2014-03-07 12:48:02 AM

Fafai: Duke_leto_Atredes: No complaints on performance.
Still need us for money and killing spiders.

Money not so much anymore. That's good. But the ability to kill spiders, do heavy lifting, and being a scapegoat to feel superior to will always keep them coming back.


I start off with, baby I am so sorry for everything any male has ever said all the way back to Adam.
 
2014-03-07 12:48:49 AM
Article is out of date.  We got that in the 1970s.  Women can now just watch Star Trek : the Motion Picture.

/Trekkie
 
2014-03-07 12:52:50 AM
That button works great, but why did you make it so small and hard to put your finger on?
 
2014-03-07 01:27:32 AM

Terrible Old Man: things


I did not stop cooking, I baked this just for you.

i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-07 02:37:20 AM

Kittypie070: Terrible Old Man: things

I did not stop cooking, I baked this just for you.

[i.imgur.com image 500x373]


Heh. Say the word the way the cake spells it and you'll sound like a southern belle.

-and I hialped!
 
2014-03-07 03:02:11 AM
"In the experiment they put an electrode into a monkey's brain where every time it pushed a button it had an orgasm.  The monkey died."
 
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