Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CBS Charlotte)   Scientists have patented a new machine that will provide orgasms for women at the push of a button, making men totally redundant   (charlotte.cbslocal.com ) divider line
    More: Dumbass, tags, orgasms, medical implants, machines  
•       •       •

10859 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2014 at 6:36 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



217 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2014-03-06 06:58:37 PM  
Does it also kill spiders?
 
2014-03-06 06:59:01 PM  

supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?


Splooshmaker?
 
2014-03-06 07:00:20 PM  
Women have orgasms? Who cares?


/just kidding ladies
 
2014-03-06 07:00:46 PM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

media.tumblr.com

 
2014-03-06 07:01:45 PM  

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


I was a semi-ugly jerk.

/still got laid
 
2014-03-06 07:01:57 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2014-03-06 07:02:29 PM  
But without men, women will lose sammich making skills.

/Why did men invent shopping carts? To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
 
2014-03-06 07:03:41 PM  
Milo Manara, paging Milo Manara, white, sticky courtesy phone...
 
2014-03-06 07:05:00 PM  

inglixthemad: Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I was a semi-ugly jerk.

/still got laid


and now, what are you?
 
2014-03-06 07:07:05 PM  
cinema1544.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-06 07:09:04 PM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?


Larry Niven's Ringworld series has a device like this. (Tasp, IIRC). One of the main characters in the story is addicted to it and some of the plot revolves around people withholding it from him
 
2014-03-06 07:09:14 PM  

miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?


If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.
 
2014-03-06 07:11:30 PM  

fusillade762: Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants in Winston-Salem, N.C., came up with idea by accident.

"I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically,"

Which of course leads to the question of why he was placing electrodes on a woman's junk in the first place.


Spinal cord.
 
2014-03-06 07:11:58 PM  
Some women don't want to orgasm....just yet...and then they make it a habit.

Some comedian talked about getting his-"OH, you didn't get yours, I did!"  "Get yours! Not my fault."

Amen.
 
2014-03-06 07:12:00 PM  
I'm not worried, subby. Nothing can take the place of the real deal. I'd take a live human being over a button on a remote control any day. It wouldn't quite feel as good pushing your own button anyway. There's a reason they call these things 'marital aids.' It's so much more friendly with two (or more).
 
2014-03-06 07:13:00 PM  

Mark Ratner: inglixthemad: Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I was a semi-ugly jerk.

/still got laid

and now, what are you?


Someone who doesn't get laid, it seems.
 
2014-03-06 07:13:02 PM  

mentallo69: women get all the best sex toys, men get stuck with a plastic flashlight pus sy.


Be patient; we're all waiting for them to perfect sexbot technology.
 
2014-03-06 07:13:02 PM  

gja: Orgasm machine for women:
[www.blogcdn.com image 240x175]


Ouch.
 
2014-03-06 07:14:12 PM  
We'll have to invent new underpants to handle the male version, which will be (no pun) coming down the pipeline since male sexuality tends to dominate (IMO) in medicine.

/Probably be like that rat with the crack button
//Another pun not intended
 
2014-03-06 07:15:42 PM  
No complaints on performance.
Still need us for money and killing spiders.
 
2014-03-06 07:16:26 PM  

supershaft: miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?

If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.


Which is more invasive though? I'd imagine that if a woman had a choice between a headache-inducing pill and electrodes implanted in the spine for orgasms, I think most would take the pill.

I already take pills with side effects to allow myself the freedom to enjoy sex, one more wouldn't tip the scales.
 
2014-03-06 07:16:31 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Larry Niven's Ringworld series has a device like this. (Tasp, IIRC). One of the main characters in the story is addicted to it and some of the plot revolves around people withholding it from him


*Ding!* We'd accept either "droud" or "tasp", depending on whether you like wired or wireless operation, respectively. Lovely.
 
2014-03-06 07:18:13 PM  

bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant


Didn't some pop star pass 'em out at a concert, with all of them responding to his remote?

/Made it through T. Covenant, but the third book read like he ingested a thesaurus and puked it out on the page
 
2014-03-06 07:19:48 PM  

miss diminutive: supershaft: miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?

If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.

Which is more invasive though? I'd imagine that if a woman had a choice between a headache-inducing pill and electrodes implanted in the spine for orgasms, I think most would take the pill.

I already take pills with side effects to allow myself the freedom to enjoy sex, one more wouldn't tip the scales.


treasure.diylol.com
 
2014-03-06 07:20:37 PM  

Duke_leto_Atredes: No complaints on performance.
Still need us for money and killing spiders.


Money not so much anymore. That's good. But the ability to kill spiders, do heavy lifting, and being a scapegoat to feel superior to will always keep them coming back.
 
2014-03-06 07:20:50 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: [s18.postimg.org image 508x306]

Doesn't DuranDuran has a patent on this?


After she got out of that device, was she hungry like the wolf?
 
2014-03-06 07:21:38 PM  
Failed at finding the video of Sam Kinison's 'Vibrator Boyfriend' bit....
"Hmmmmm....It doesn't seem to be able to pick up the check, does it?"
 
2014-03-06 07:23:40 PM  

AcademGreen: We'll have to invent new underpants to handle the male version, which will be (no pun) coming down the pipeline since male sexuality tends to dominate (IMO) in medicine.


As I grow older, I understand why this is.

You think you're 17 forever.  And for most men, when you look in the mirror, for 20-25 years, you LOOK the same, or at least you don't notice anything different.  But you ARE changing physiologically, and one of the ways in which your body degrades is that, well, your hormones aren't as rampant as when you were 17 and you don't get those awkward 3 hour ragin' woodies anymore.  And this scares you, because the rest of you feels 17 so clearly something has to be wrong.
 
2014-03-06 07:23:53 PM  
Headline should've been along the lines of man finally finds female g-spot after all these years.
 
2014-03-06 07:25:15 PM  
If thats the case we won't have to put up with their shiat either.
 
2014-03-06 07:26:09 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: intended to be used in the most serious of orgasmic dysfunction cases because the device is as invasive as a pacemaker.

Fark that.  If some woman can find a doctor to give her 50-pounds boobies, I'mma' find me a doctor to implant one of these.


Right? I was with a guy once who has a penile implant. It was covered by his insurance. It was amazing. 54 years out with the erection of a 19 year old.
 
2014-03-06 07:26:26 PM  
Cummer button is stuck. Ahhhh, ahhh, ahhhhhh.
 
2014-03-06 07:26:44 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
/robot not included
 
2014-03-06 07:28:26 PM  

miss diminutive: supershaft: miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?

If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.

Which is more invasive though? I'd imagine that if a woman had a choice between a headache-inducing pill and electrodes implanted in the spine for orgasms, I think most would take the pill.

I already take pills with side effects to allow myself the freedom to enjoy sex, one more wouldn't tip the scales.


Well for sure the initial implantation would be more invasive, but after healing you'd be symptom free.  I'd opt for the boner switch over medicine with unpleasant side effects and hit or miss results any day of the week. They'd probably have to put some sort of rheostat on the controller so you can adjust the stimulation so you don't overload your circuit and blow a fuse(so to speak).
 
2014-03-06 07:30:08 PM  

TinyFist: I bought a Sybian when I was with my ex girlfriend. She was SO excited to try it out.

About 30 seconds in she started shaking and convulsing in fits of pleasure the likes of which I've never seen.

So naturally, in a fit of jealous rage I smashed the sh*t out of that f*cking machine with a hammer.

/f*ck that vibrating saddle of pleasure.
//she wept as I was destroying it.
///hence, "ex" girlfriend.


Admit it, you bought it for yourself and had to tell her it was for her when she found your hiding spot.
 
2014-03-06 07:32:55 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)


I have been permanently assigned the tasks of "walking the dog at midnight in the rain" "helping her friends move" and "defeating difficult video game mini-bosses before she throws the controller at the TV."

My other skills can be replaced by take-out and a Lelo Ina.
 
2014-03-06 07:33:56 PM  
"sex is a race and im undefeated!"

"what's the best way to give a woman an orgasm?  who cares."

and so on ....
 
2014-03-06 07:34:00 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Oh - and WTF makes subby think women depend on men for orgasms?


Only the ones who have found the right man.
 
2014-03-06 07:35:26 PM  

jxb465: TinyFist: 

Admit it, you bought it for yourself and had to tell her it was for her when she found your hiding spot.


*sigh*

Yes, I admit it was for me. Still, f*ck that mechanical piece of pleasure delivery.

/not like *IT* paid for dinner that night.
//she ordered the damned lobster.
///Stupid Sybian.
 
2014-03-06 07:36:50 PM  

HairBolus: [24.media.tumblr.com image 500x197]
[29.media.tumblr.com image 500x197]


fap
 
2014-03-06 07:37:39 PM  
At least we still seem to be needed to keep the cars running. I've met a couple of women who could work on cars but most seem to have great difficulty even checking the oil, beats me why, they aren't dumb.
 
2014-03-06 07:37:49 PM  
Unless the machine has the power to be wrong in an argument, we're safe.
 
2014-03-06 07:40:37 PM  
MEN! MEN! MEN!

It's a ship all filled with men, you'll never have to lift the seat, there's no one here but men !
 
2014-03-06 07:40:44 PM  

honk: . . . if you build it they will come. . . .


Winner.
 
2014-03-06 07:41:09 PM  

mentallo69: Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)

point proven. its not that women cant do those things. Its the fact you have to go out of your way to let us know you can that is annoying.  I am woman hear me roar shiat.  I'd rather see you make me breakfast


And I'd rather see you fully acknowledge that women do not exist to meet men's mating and nesting needs.  I don't think either is likely to happen.
 
2014-03-06 07:42:17 PM  
Um no. No thanks.

I'm not explaining that to airport security.
 
2014-03-06 07:45:22 PM  
This is all academic anyway; men will never be obsolete. They could invent a fully functional android with a fusion-powered pneumatic cock and we'd still need men. Not for squishing spiders or reaching the top shelf, those can be adapted to, but to basically prevent us women from murdering one another.

I'm sure a world without women would result in the same outcome for the men left behind. When I think of the top ten people that I interact with who I really despise and just can't stand...nine of them are women. I'm sure I grace the lists of countless other women as well. I need men to balance out our neurotic energy and rampant emotional backstabbery.

Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another (not implying that heterosexuality is the only "natural" course either...just that it's the dominant one).
 
2014-03-06 07:45:51 PM  

Sgt Otter: Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)

I have been permanently assigned the tasks of "walking the dog at midnight in the rain" "helping her friends move" and "defeating difficult video game mini-bosses before she throws the controller at the TV."

My other skills can be replaced by take-out and a Lelo Ina.


Nice.  Yes - those are all manly pursuits.
 
2014-03-06 07:45:51 PM  
And yet, funny enough, a lot of these machines will cease to operate, after becoming sick of their women's shiat.
 
2014-03-06 07:45:53 PM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?


Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.
 
Displayed 50 of 217 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report