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(CBS Charlotte)   Scientists have patented a new machine that will provide orgasms for women at the push of a button, making men totally redundant   (charlotte.cbslocal.com) divider line 217
    More: Dumbass, tags, orgasms, medical implants, machines  
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10847 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2014 at 6:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



217 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2014-03-06 04:53:32 PM  
Apart from building, selling, repairing and profiting from them, you mean.
 
2014-03-06 05:07:58 PM  
intended to be used in the most serious of orgasmic dysfunction cases because the device is as invasive as a pacemaker.

Fark that.  If some woman can find a doctor to give her 50-pounds boobies, I'mma' find me a doctor to implant one of these.
 
2014-03-06 05:10:33 PM  
Oh - and WTF makes subby think women depend on men for orgasms?
 
2014-03-06 05:32:05 PM  
They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!
 
2014-03-06 05:50:35 PM  
Wasn't this an ongoing comic in Penthouse or something?
 
2014-03-06 05:53:20 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!


Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)
 
2014-03-06 05:57:28 PM  
The tasp?
 
2014-03-06 06:02:21 PM  
youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com
 
2014-03-06 06:13:44 PM  
That will certainly make for an incredibly awkward episodes of Family Feud.
 
2014-03-06 06:17:15 PM  

brap: That will certainly make for an incredibly awkward episodes of Family Feud Jeopardy!.


FTFY
 
2014-03-06 06:33:24 PM  
You see the concept of your grandfather or father-in-law inadvertently bringing a woman to whom he is related to orgasm in front of Drew Carey or Louie Anderson holds much more uncomfortable comic poten....aw fexor it...YOU FIXED NOTHING EXCEPT QUITE POSSIBLY MY DOG WITH YOUR TEETH!
 
2014-03-06 06:37:36 PM  
I thought that was called an ATM?
 
gja
2014-03-06 06:39:04 PM  
Orgasm machine for women:
www.blogcdn.com
 
2014-03-06 06:40:18 PM  
www.musicvideosdeconstructed.com
 
2014-03-06 06:40:43 PM  
www.beertripper.com

Sold!
 
gja
2014-03-06 06:40:46 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I thought that was called an ATM?


Pffft, that can run out of money, check up one post.
 
2014-03-06 06:41:04 PM  
Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.
 
2014-03-06 06:41:57 PM  
women get all the best sex toys, men get stuck with a plastic flashlight pus sy.
 
2014-03-06 06:41:58 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-03-06 06:42:41 PM  
Not quite.
www.bonappetit.com
 
2014-03-06 06:43:05 PM  

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


You forgot be good looking and don't be ugly.
 
2014-03-06 06:44:02 PM  
And if this product is vulnerable to remote hacking, the results could be hilarious.  Hit the master override on a crowded subway platform and watch twenty women just fall over.
 
2014-03-06 06:44:14 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Oh - and WTF makes subby think women depend on men for orgasms?


Always one self entitled liberated biatch in the crowd.

How u doin?
 
2014-03-06 06:44:59 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I thought that was called an ATM?


Out of my brain, trespasser.
 
2014-03-06 06:45:57 PM  
Meloy explained that the idea is that orgasms could happen at the push of a button when the implant could be triggered by a hand-held remote control.

If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands, I could imagine I'd be a menace to the public. Having someone push the button while say, I was driving down the freeway would end.....badly.
 
2014-03-06 06:46:17 PM  
I think I saw this device in Clooney's basement in Burn After Reading....
 
2014-03-06 06:47:34 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)


point proven. its not that women cant do those things. Its the fact you have to go out of your way to let us know you can that is annoying.  I am woman hear me roar shiat.  I'd rather see you make me breakfast
 
2014-03-06 06:48:23 PM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: And if this product is vulnerable to remote hacking, the results could be hilarious.  Hit the master override on a crowded subway platform and watch twenty women just fall over.


Forget that. Sneak it into the State of the Union address.
 
2014-03-06 06:49:14 PM  
Hey George, why does your garage door keep opening and closing?
Wife must have the wrong remote Fred.
 
2014-03-06 06:49:58 PM  
The vibrator was invented 2/100ths of a second after the electric motor was invented.
 
2014-03-06 06:50:12 PM  
This button here?

i184.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-06 06:50:52 PM  

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


Wife-like typing detected?
 
2014-03-06 06:51:11 PM  

Molavian: This button here?

[i184.photobucket.com image 400x287]


Nope.  This one.

m.eet.com
 
2014-03-06 06:52:48 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I thought that was called an ATM?


Glad to see this taken care of early.
 
2014-03-06 06:53:08 PM  
Redundant my hieney.  Men are like lead rods and women are like uranium.  You take men away from the equation and women will burn down the world.
 
2014-03-06 06:53:26 PM  
Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?
 
2014-03-06 06:53:40 PM  
Wait... headline implies that men can give women orgasms.  When did that start happening?

/always left out of the loop
 
2014-03-06 06:54:39 PM  
s18.postimg.org

Doesn't DuranDuran has a patent on this?
 
2014-03-06 06:54:51 PM  
. . . if you build it they will come. . . .
 
2014-03-06 06:54:58 PM  
Was it just the mobile version or did that article have a picture of a surgery kit under the headline for a new orgasm machine for women?

/intense machine
//desperate times?
 
2014-03-06 06:55:14 PM  
Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants in Winston-Salem, N.C., came up with idea by accident.

"I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically,"


Which of course leads to the question of why he was placing electrodes on a woman's junk in the first place.
 
2014-03-06 06:55:45 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
29.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-03-06 06:56:23 PM  

honk: . . . if you build it they will come. . . .


An-n-nd, we're done here

/someone get the lights
 
2014-03-06 06:56:48 PM  

miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands


Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant
 
2014-03-06 06:56:49 PM  

oukewldave: Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

You forgot be good looking and don't be ugly.


And get out of the house on occasion.  And be interesting.
 
2014-03-06 06:57:01 PM  
Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?
 
2014-03-06 06:57:05 PM  
I bought a Sybian when I was with my ex girlfriend. She was SO excited to try it out.

About 30 seconds in she started shaking and convulsing in fits of pleasure the likes of which I've never seen.

So naturally, in a fit of jealous rage I smashed the sh*t out of that f*cking machine with a hammer.

/f*ck that vibrating saddle of pleasure.
//she wept as I was destroying it.
///hence, "ex" girlfriend.
 
2014-03-06 06:58:04 PM  
ts2.mm.bing.net
 
2014-03-06 06:58:18 PM  
FTFA:

During the operation, a patient would remain conscious so that a surgeon could correctly pinpoint the right nerves to fit the electrodes in a patient's spinal cord.  Then, a signal generator would be connected which would be most likely implanted under the skin of a patient's buttocks

So he's gonna stick it in her pooper?
 
2014-03-06 06:58:33 PM  

bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant


oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.
 
2014-03-06 06:58:37 PM  
Does it also kill spiders?
 
2014-03-06 06:59:01 PM  

supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?


Splooshmaker?
 
2014-03-06 07:00:20 PM  
Women have orgasms? Who cares?


/just kidding ladies
 
2014-03-06 07:00:46 PM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

media.tumblr.com

 
2014-03-06 07:01:45 PM  

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


I was a semi-ugly jerk.

/still got laid
 
2014-03-06 07:01:57 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2014-03-06 07:02:29 PM  
But without men, women will lose sammich making skills.

/Why did men invent shopping carts? To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
 
2014-03-06 07:03:41 PM  
Milo Manara, paging Milo Manara, white, sticky courtesy phone...
 
2014-03-06 07:05:00 PM  

inglixthemad: Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I was a semi-ugly jerk.

/still got laid


and now, what are you?
 
2014-03-06 07:07:05 PM  
cinema1544.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-06 07:09:04 PM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?


Larry Niven's Ringworld series has a device like this. (Tasp, IIRC). One of the main characters in the story is addicted to it and some of the plot revolves around people withholding it from him
 
2014-03-06 07:09:14 PM  

miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?


If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.
 
2014-03-06 07:11:30 PM  

fusillade762: Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants in Winston-Salem, N.C., came up with idea by accident.

"I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically,"

Which of course leads to the question of why he was placing electrodes on a woman's junk in the first place.


Spinal cord.
 
2014-03-06 07:11:58 PM  
Some women don't want to orgasm....just yet...and then they make it a habit.

Some comedian talked about getting his-"OH, you didn't get yours, I did!"  "Get yours! Not my fault."

Amen.
 
2014-03-06 07:12:00 PM  
I'm not worried, subby. Nothing can take the place of the real deal. I'd take a live human being over a button on a remote control any day. It wouldn't quite feel as good pushing your own button anyway. There's a reason they call these things 'marital aids.' It's so much more friendly with two (or more).
 
2014-03-06 07:13:00 PM  

Mark Ratner: inglixthemad: Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I was a semi-ugly jerk.

/still got laid

and now, what are you?


Someone who doesn't get laid, it seems.
 
2014-03-06 07:13:02 PM  

mentallo69: women get all the best sex toys, men get stuck with a plastic flashlight pus sy.


Be patient; we're all waiting for them to perfect sexbot technology.
 
2014-03-06 07:13:02 PM  

gja: Orgasm machine for women:
[www.blogcdn.com image 240x175]


Ouch.
 
2014-03-06 07:14:12 PM  
We'll have to invent new underpants to handle the male version, which will be (no pun) coming down the pipeline since male sexuality tends to dominate (IMO) in medicine.

/Probably be like that rat with the crack button
//Another pun not intended
 
2014-03-06 07:15:42 PM  
No complaints on performance.
Still need us for money and killing spiders.
 
2014-03-06 07:16:26 PM  

supershaft: miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?

If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.


Which is more invasive though? I'd imagine that if a woman had a choice between a headache-inducing pill and electrodes implanted in the spine for orgasms, I think most would take the pill.

I already take pills with side effects to allow myself the freedom to enjoy sex, one more wouldn't tip the scales.
 
2014-03-06 07:16:31 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Larry Niven's Ringworld series has a device like this. (Tasp, IIRC). One of the main characters in the story is addicted to it and some of the plot revolves around people withholding it from him


*Ding!* We'd accept either "droud" or "tasp", depending on whether you like wired or wireless operation, respectively. Lovely.
 
2014-03-06 07:18:13 PM  

bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant


Didn't some pop star pass 'em out at a concert, with all of them responding to his remote?

/Made it through T. Covenant, but the third book read like he ingested a thesaurus and puked it out on the page
 
2014-03-06 07:19:48 PM  

miss diminutive: supershaft: miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?

If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.

Which is more invasive though? I'd imagine that if a woman had a choice between a headache-inducing pill and electrodes implanted in the spine for orgasms, I think most would take the pill.

I already take pills with side effects to allow myself the freedom to enjoy sex, one more wouldn't tip the scales.


treasure.diylol.com
 
2014-03-06 07:20:37 PM  

Duke_leto_Atredes: No complaints on performance.
Still need us for money and killing spiders.


Money not so much anymore. That's good. But the ability to kill spiders, do heavy lifting, and being a scapegoat to feel superior to will always keep them coming back.
 
2014-03-06 07:20:50 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: [s18.postimg.org image 508x306]

Doesn't DuranDuran has a patent on this?


After she got out of that device, was she hungry like the wolf?
 
2014-03-06 07:21:38 PM  
Failed at finding the video of Sam Kinison's 'Vibrator Boyfriend' bit....
"Hmmmmm....It doesn't seem to be able to pick up the check, does it?"
 
2014-03-06 07:23:40 PM  

AcademGreen: We'll have to invent new underpants to handle the male version, which will be (no pun) coming down the pipeline since male sexuality tends to dominate (IMO) in medicine.


As I grow older, I understand why this is.

You think you're 17 forever.  And for most men, when you look in the mirror, for 20-25 years, you LOOK the same, or at least you don't notice anything different.  But you ARE changing physiologically, and one of the ways in which your body degrades is that, well, your hormones aren't as rampant as when you were 17 and you don't get those awkward 3 hour ragin' woodies anymore.  And this scares you, because the rest of you feels 17 so clearly something has to be wrong.
 
2014-03-06 07:23:53 PM  
Headline should've been along the lines of man finally finds female g-spot after all these years.
 
2014-03-06 07:25:15 PM  
If thats the case we won't have to put up with their shiat either.
 
2014-03-06 07:26:09 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: intended to be used in the most serious of orgasmic dysfunction cases because the device is as invasive as a pacemaker.

Fark that.  If some woman can find a doctor to give her 50-pounds boobies, I'mma' find me a doctor to implant one of these.


Right? I was with a guy once who has a penile implant. It was covered by his insurance. It was amazing. 54 years out with the erection of a 19 year old.
 
2014-03-06 07:26:26 PM  
Cummer button is stuck. Ahhhh, ahhh, ahhhhhh.
 
2014-03-06 07:26:44 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
/robot not included
 
2014-03-06 07:28:26 PM  

miss diminutive: supershaft: miss diminutive: supershaft: Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?

Splooshmaker?

If they can give a woman an orgasm with electrodes implanted in her spine, surely they can give a man an  instant boner with the same technology. That would put viagra and it's headachy, weird blue vision right out of business.

Which is more invasive though? I'd imagine that if a woman had a choice between a headache-inducing pill and electrodes implanted in the spine for orgasms, I think most would take the pill.

I already take pills with side effects to allow myself the freedom to enjoy sex, one more wouldn't tip the scales.


Well for sure the initial implantation would be more invasive, but after healing you'd be symptom free.  I'd opt for the boner switch over medicine with unpleasant side effects and hit or miss results any day of the week. They'd probably have to put some sort of rheostat on the controller so you can adjust the stimulation so you don't overload your circuit and blow a fuse(so to speak).
 
2014-03-06 07:30:08 PM  

TinyFist: I bought a Sybian when I was with my ex girlfriend. She was SO excited to try it out.

About 30 seconds in she started shaking and convulsing in fits of pleasure the likes of which I've never seen.

So naturally, in a fit of jealous rage I smashed the sh*t out of that f*cking machine with a hammer.

/f*ck that vibrating saddle of pleasure.
//she wept as I was destroying it.
///hence, "ex" girlfriend.


Admit it, you bought it for yourself and had to tell her it was for her when she found your hiding spot.
 
2014-03-06 07:32:55 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)


I have been permanently assigned the tasks of "walking the dog at midnight in the rain" "helping her friends move" and "defeating difficult video game mini-bosses before she throws the controller at the TV."

My other skills can be replaced by take-out and a Lelo Ina.
 
2014-03-06 07:33:56 PM  
"sex is a race and im undefeated!"

"what's the best way to give a woman an orgasm?  who cares."

and so on ....
 
2014-03-06 07:34:00 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Oh - and WTF makes subby think women depend on men for orgasms?


Only the ones who have found the right man.
 
2014-03-06 07:35:26 PM  

jxb465: TinyFist: 

Admit it, you bought it for yourself and had to tell her it was for her when she found your hiding spot.


*sigh*

Yes, I admit it was for me. Still, f*ck that mechanical piece of pleasure delivery.

/not like *IT* paid for dinner that night.
//she ordered the damned lobster.
///Stupid Sybian.
 
2014-03-06 07:36:50 PM  

HairBolus: [24.media.tumblr.com image 500x197]
[29.media.tumblr.com image 500x197]


fap
 
2014-03-06 07:37:39 PM  
At least we still seem to be needed to keep the cars running. I've met a couple of women who could work on cars but most seem to have great difficulty even checking the oil, beats me why, they aren't dumb.
 
2014-03-06 07:37:49 PM  
Unless the machine has the power to be wrong in an argument, we're safe.
 
2014-03-06 07:40:37 PM  
MEN! MEN! MEN!

It's a ship all filled with men, you'll never have to lift the seat, there's no one here but men !
 
2014-03-06 07:40:44 PM  

honk: . . . if you build it they will come. . . .


Winner.
 
2014-03-06 07:41:09 PM  

mentallo69: Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)

point proven. its not that women cant do those things. Its the fact you have to go out of your way to let us know you can that is annoying.  I am woman hear me roar shiat.  I'd rather see you make me breakfast


And I'd rather see you fully acknowledge that women do not exist to meet men's mating and nesting needs.  I don't think either is likely to happen.
 
2014-03-06 07:42:17 PM  
Um no. No thanks.

I'm not explaining that to airport security.
 
2014-03-06 07:45:22 PM  
This is all academic anyway; men will never be obsolete. They could invent a fully functional android with a fusion-powered pneumatic cock and we'd still need men. Not for squishing spiders or reaching the top shelf, those can be adapted to, but to basically prevent us women from murdering one another.

I'm sure a world without women would result in the same outcome for the men left behind. When I think of the top ten people that I interact with who I really despise and just can't stand...nine of them are women. I'm sure I grace the lists of countless other women as well. I need men to balance out our neurotic energy and rampant emotional backstabbery.

Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another (not implying that heterosexuality is the only "natural" course either...just that it's the dominant one).
 
2014-03-06 07:45:51 PM  

Sgt Otter: Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)

I have been permanently assigned the tasks of "walking the dog at midnight in the rain" "helping her friends move" and "defeating difficult video game mini-bosses before she throws the controller at the TV."

My other skills can be replaced by take-out and a Lelo Ina.


Nice.  Yes - those are all manly pursuits.
 
2014-03-06 07:45:51 PM  
And yet, funny enough, a lot of these machines will cease to operate, after becoming sick of their women's shiat.
 
2014-03-06 07:45:53 PM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?


Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.
 
2014-03-06 07:46:06 PM  
.....more than they were already.
 
2014-03-06 07:47:02 PM  
Anyone ever have a remote that would splutter out random signals when the battery starts to die...

/gosh dear, you look exhausted... guess its time for some new AAA's.
 
2014-03-06 07:47:13 PM  
If another woman pushed the button, does that mean either or both of them are lesbian?
 
2014-03-06 07:50:18 PM  

mentallo69: men get stuck with a plastic flashlight pus sy.


You know how I can tell you've never used a Fleshlight?  Worth every penny.  So much so that when I left it out and the dog ate it I bought another one.  I mean...a friend of mine told me...I...aw shiat...

Stoya/anal/forbidden insert.  These are the magic words to use when ordering.

Did I mention that it's worth every penny?
 
2014-03-06 07:51:57 PM  
Is this covered by ObamaCare?
 
2014-03-06 07:52:09 PM  

Sgt Otter: Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)

I have been permanently assigned the tasks of "walking the dog at midnight in the rain" "helping her friends move" and "defeating difficult video game mini-bosses before she throws the controller at the TV."

My other skills can be replaced by take-out and a Lelo Ina.


Is she too proud to let you defeat the actual end-level bosses?
 
2014-03-06 07:52:31 PM  

TheOther: If another woman pushed the button, does that mean either or both of them are lesbian?


Only if they push it with their tongue.
 
2014-03-06 07:52:35 PM  
I am the one, Orgasmatron. The outstretched grasping hand...
 
2014-03-06 07:54:20 PM  

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


That was before MOST WOMEN were brainwashed by smartphones and addicted to pills.

/yes i believe it
//stop being a chump
///be nice but dont pick up garbage to get the ladies
////pick up litter anyway
 
2014-03-06 07:55:11 PM  

Mark Ratner: peace core



If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right.
 
2014-03-06 07:57:21 PM  

hammettman: And yet, funny enough, a lot of these machines will cease to operate, after becoming sick of their women's shiat.


So they won't be for anal use is what you're saying.
 
2014-03-06 07:58:24 PM  
TFA mentions this device is similar to the concept of a pacemaker, some models of pacemaker can be unintentionally activated by errant signals from electronic devices, like cell phones. Or if you believe in the great pacemaker hackerconspiracy, some hacker will look for ways to scan for and activate this device for pureamusement.

Scenario:

Steven and his wife Mary, two business professionals from Boston, are at Logan International Airport sitting in the lounge waiting for their flight, a random person sitting maybe ten-feet away gets out their cellphone which unfortunately operates on a similar frequency to that of the remote device for the Mary's orgasm implant.


Mary gets a startled look upon her face, which begins to twitch slightly.


Mary: Mmmm, oohhh (she moans softly but tries to contain it, upon realizing what's happening)


Steven her husband, notices her becoming restless, crossing her legs and looking embarrassed

Steven: Mary, are you okay? (he asks concerned)

Mary: I uh, oh god Steven, I think the implant is activating on its own, I took the battery out of the remote to prevent something like this happening.


Steven leans in closer to her and whispers


Steven: Where's the remote? Put the battery back in and try hitting the off switch.


Mary becoming visibly upset, sweat begins to bead on her brow as she squirms in her seat.


Mary: I can't! (she whimpers) I put it in the checked luggage, it's in the cargo hold of the plane by now!

Steven: Oh god Mary, I... I.. uh, I don't know what to do, I'll call the doctor and see what they say!


Steven quickly starts tapping on his cellphone, trying to pull up the number for the doctor who had implanted the orgasm device.


Mary is doing everything in her power to resist the sensations of the device, she can't stand the thought of loosing her composure in a public place, especially when they're about to board a flight to one of the biggest business meetings in their insurance careers.


Mary's face twitching strongly, she slumps back into her seat and grips the chair with one hand and strongly grips Steven's arm with the other, causing Steven to wince in pain.

Mary: (Mary shrieks uncontrollably) OH GOD! Oooh! AHhhh, No this can't be happening! Not now!


As Mary's cries echo throughout the lounge, passersby stop and start to gather, trying to figure out what's happening. Steven panics and starts waiving his free arm at some nearby TSA agents who have noticed the commotion. A large African American TSA agent walks over quickly and kneels by Mary's side, thinking she's having a heart attack.

Steven: Please! Help us! She needs an ambulance, her.. her.. implant is malfunctioning!

TSA Agent: Stay calm sir, I'll get help here soon, is it a pacemaker that's broken?


Mary's body is writhing in well, not so much pain, but you get the idea. Squirming in her chair wildly, her eyes bulge as she desperately tries to contain what's happening inside her. She whoops and hollers, crying softly to herself. A man passing by makes his way through the crowd and comes over to Mary and Steven, he kneels down next to the kneeling TSA agent, and identifies himself as a Doctor.

Doctor: I'm a doctor, tell me what's happening.


Mary suddenly lets go of the chair and Steven's arm, grabbing the Doctor by the head, she bellows to him:


Mary: I'M A SEX MACHINE AND MY OFF BUTTON IS BROKEN! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET INSIDE ME AND MAKE IT STOP!


A man comes forth from the crowd of onlookers and kneels down next to the kneeling doctor and kneeling TSA Agent. He identifies himself as a Priest.


Preist: I heard you yell something about God and sex, and thought perhaps I could be of some assistance.


Mary doing everything she can to contain herself pleads loudly. Kicking her heels off, she raises her feet up and uses them like hands, gripping the Doctor's neck with her feet, she pulls him towards her nether area and grips his ears with her hands. Looking into his eyes, she screams at him:


Mary: THE BEAST WITHIN HUNGERS!

Doctor: Madam! Please! (he says shocked, as he leans back)


The priest knowing this is getting out of control pulls Steven from his chair to kneel beside him.

Priest: Kneel with us my son, we must pray.


As the Priest gets everyone including the crowd to bow their heads. The TSA Agent, the Doctor, The Priest, and Steven all look up and to their left, they extend their arms and each receive a straw hat and a small oak cane. The lean back and in chorus:

Chorus: SIngs Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline"


- Scene-

Cast:

Betty White as Mary

Lou Ferrigno as Steven

Dennis Rodman as the TSA agent

Ryan Styles as the Doctor

William Shatner as the Priest
 
2014-03-06 07:58:38 PM  

MeanJean: Mark Ratner: peace core


If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right.


Poe's Law. For some reason I think he's legitimate.
 
2014-03-06 07:58:46 PM  
"...making men totally redundant"

So, this machine dispenses money?
 
2014-03-06 07:59:45 PM  

MeanJean: If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right


"Piece"?
 
2014-03-06 08:00:45 PM  

miss diminutive: This is all academic anyway; men will never be obsolete. They could invent a fully functional android with a fusion-powered pneumatic cock and we'd still need men. Not for squishing spiders or reaching the top shelf, those can be adapted to, but to basically prevent us women from murdering one another.

I'm sure a world without women would result in the same outcome for the men left behind. When I think of the top ten people that I interact with who I really despise and just can't stand...nine of them are women. I'm sure I grace the lists of countless other women as well. I need men to balance out our neurotic energy and rampant emotional backstabbery.

Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another (not implying that heterosexuality is the only "natural" course either...just that it's the dominant one).


This is about the smartest thing I've ever read in a Fark gender thread... I've never really understood the whole deal with women hating other women.

My girlfriend doesn't have that issue. My (female) best friend does. she just can't farking stand 90% of women, and it baffles me. Thankfully they get along with each other. If they hated one another, I'd have to choose between them and that would be... unfortunate.

Back on topic, though, I would definitely murder someone if I had to be around nothing but men for too long. I've always had almost entirely female friends... even when I got deployed and spent 7 months on a ship with 95% men, I still mostly hung out with the handful of women in my unit. Can't explain it. I guess I just don't approach friendship the way most men do, or something.
 
2014-03-06 08:01:43 PM  
Her body will eventually reject it for another implant with better circumstances.
 
2014-03-06 08:02:24 PM  

shanteyman: MEN! MEN! MEN!

It's a ship all filled with men, you'll never have to lift the seat, there's no one here but men !


There's men above and men below and men down in the galley.
There's Butch, and Bob, and Biff and Spike, and one guy we call Sally. (And one guy we call Sally)

Men! Men! Men!
It's a ship all filled with men, so baton down the ladies room there's no one here but men.
 
2014-03-06 08:03:31 PM  

ChrisDe: Does it also kill spiders?


Or open pickle jars?

Also: holy shiat this is old news. I remember reading about the original case -- the woman undergoing spinal surgery -- a decade or so ago.

Telegraph.co.uk, 2001: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1320029/A-female-orgasm-at- t he-touch-of-a-button.html
Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants at Winston-Salem in North Carolina, came across the idea for an orgasm-producing device while performing a routine pain-relief operation on a woman's spine.

The procedure involved planting electrodes in the spine and using electrical pulses to modify pain signals passing along the nerves; the patient was conscious to help the surgeon find the best position for the electrodes. Dr Meloy said: "I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically. I asked her what was up and she said, 'You're going to have to teach my husband to do that'."
 
2014-03-06 08:05:08 PM  
Does it make money and mow the yard too?
 
2014-03-06 08:06:12 PM  
At my house it's this machine that would be redundant :)
 
2014-03-06 08:07:31 PM  

ChrisDe: Does it also kill spiders?


That's what butch lesbians are for.
 
2014-03-06 08:07:53 PM  
Rhino_man:

This is about the smartest thing I've ever read in a Fark gender thread... I've never really understood the whole deal with women hating other women.

My own experiments with women on women hate.

http://ghastlycomic.livejournal.com/154785.html

and part 2

http://ghastlycomic.livejournal.com/154978.html
 
2014-03-06 08:08:13 PM  
media.theoratech.com
 
2014-03-06 08:09:10 PM  
Why not just stick to the Sybian? It's more entertaining.
 
2014-03-06 08:10:28 PM  

walktoanarcade: MeanJean: Mark Ratner: peace core


If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right.

Poe's Law. For some reason I think he's legitimate.


hahaha...no I'm not. actually, I did want to join the peace corps, but I was young, and my parents talked me out of it. It's a choice I still regret.
 
2014-03-06 08:10:38 PM  

MeanJean: Mark Ratner: peace core


If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right.


People don't go into the peace corps because they are literate; people go into the peace corp because they are running away from something.
 
2014-03-06 08:13:10 PM  

kayanlau: Why not just stick to the Sybian? It's more entertaining.


Because F*CK THAT STUPID VIBRATING SADDLE FOR SETTING UNREALISTIC STANDARDS FOR WHAT WOMEN EXPECT, THAT'S WHY!!!!

/stupid Sybian.
 
2014-03-06 08:14:29 PM  
exclaiming emphatically is the new  oh God, oh God.
 
2014-03-06 08:14:31 PM  

Mark Ratner: walktoanarcade: MeanJean: Mark Ratner: peace core


If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right.

Poe's Law. For some reason I think he's legitimate.

hahaha...no I'm not. actually, I did want to join the peace corps, but I was young, and my parents talked me out of it. It's a choice I still regret.


Ah, feels good to be wrong for once.

Hey, life can be what you make it..maybe there was a good reason for you to have missed that boat, so to speak.
 
2014-03-06 08:15:32 PM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?


You might be thinking of "The Terminal Man" by Michael Crichton. Guy has an electrode implanted in his brain to short-circuit severe epilepsy episodes - gives him a wave of ecstasy instead. His brain begins to trigger more epilepsy to get more ecstasy, lather, rise, repeat until he kind of explodes.
 
2014-03-06 08:16:07 PM  

Lochsteppe: TheOther: If another woman pushed the button, does that mean either or both of them are lesbian?

Only if they push it with their tongue.


It's a slippery slope...
 
2014-03-06 08:16:29 PM  
Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another

We can turn stem cells into sperm.  There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.
 
2014-03-06 08:16:40 PM  

Fizpez: Anyone ever have a remote that would splutter out random signals when the battery starts to die...

/gosh dear, you look exhausted... guess its time for some new AAA's.


As I recall garage door openers operated on the same frequencies as the Secret Service or something to do with the President.

There were stories about when even Reagan would go to his ranch in Santa Barbara (in a helicopter with military helicopter escort from LAX) thousands of automatic garage doors would mysteriously open.
 
2014-03-06 08:18:01 PM  
Hacked you say , death by electronic stimulated orgasm , PROFIT!
 
2014-03-06 08:18:07 PM  

strangeluck: TFA mentions this device is similar to the concept of a pacemaker, some models of pacemaker can be unintentionally activated by errant signals from electronic devices, like cell phones. Or if you believe in the great pacemaker hackerconspiracy, some hacker will look for ways to scan for and activate this device for pureamusement.

Scenario:

Steven and his wife Mary, two business professionals from Boston, are at Logan International Airport sitting in the lounge waiting for their flight, a random person sitting maybe ten-feet away gets out their cellphone which unfortunately operates on a similar frequency to that of the remote device for the Mary's orgasm implant.


Mary gets a startled look upon her face, which begins to twitch slightly.
Mary: Mmmm, oohhh (she moans softly but tries to contain it, upon realizing what's happening)


Steven her husband, notices her becoming restless, crossing her legs and looking embarrassedSteven: Mary, are you okay? (he asks concerned)

Mary: I uh, oh god Steven, I think the implant is activating on its own, I took the battery out of the remote to prevent something like this happening.


Steven leans in closer to her and whispers
Steven: Where's the remote? Put the battery back in and try hitting the off switch.


Mary becoming visibly upset, sweat begins to bead on her brow as she squirms in her seat.
Mary: I can't! (she whimpers) I put it in the checked luggage, it's in the cargo hold of the plane by now!

Steven: Oh god Mary, I... I.. uh, I don't know what to do, I'll call the doctor and see what they say!


Steven quickly starts tapping on his cellphone, trying to pull up the number for the doctor who had implanted the orgasm device.
Mary is doing everything in her power to resist the sensations of the device, she can't stand the thought of loosing her composure in a public place, especially when they're about to board a flight to one of the biggest business meetings in their insurance careers.
Mary's face twitching strongly, ...


You write for Penthouse don't you?

/fap fap fap
 
2014-03-06 08:19:03 PM  
Lemme see now, Scottrade, Enter, Password, Enter, Duracell, Enter.....
 
2014-03-06 08:23:46 PM  

Rhino_man: miss diminutive: This is all academic anyway; men will never be obsolete. They could invent a fully functional android with a fusion-powered pneumatic cock and we'd still need men. Not for squishing spiders or reaching the top shelf, those can be adapted to, but to basically prevent us women from murdering one another.

I'm sure a world without women would result in the same outcome for the men left behind. When I think of the top ten people that I interact with who I really despise and just can't stand...nine of them are women. I'm sure I grace the lists of countless other women as well. I need men to balance out our neurotic energy and rampant emotional backstabbery.

Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another (not implying that heterosexuality is the only "natural" course either...just that it's the dominant one).

This is about the smartest thing I've ever read in a Fark gender thread... I've never really understood the whole deal with women hating other women.

My girlfriend doesn't have that issue. My (female) best friend does. she just can't farking stand 90% of women, and it baffles me. Thankfully they get along with each other. If they hated one another, I'd have to choose between them and that would be... unfortunate.

Back on topic, though, I would definitely murder someone if I had to be around nothing but men for too long. I've always had almost entirely female friends... even when I got deployed and spent 7 months on a ship with 95% men, I still mostly hung out with the handful of women in my unit. Can't explain it. I guess I just don't approach friendship the way most men do, or something.


I don't hate other women, but I do agree that a lot of what they do annoys the living crap out of me. I'm not immune to doing those things myself on occasion either, and maybe it's that innate hypocrisy that makes it even harder to deal with, I don't know. I have a few select female friends who I'm remarkably close with and we bare our souls to one another, but when it comes to just hanging out casually and regularly, I prefer to be around men more than women.

I just know that the few times I've been involved in virtually all-female scenarios (offices, camps, dorms, conferences etc) they've all followed the same script. A brief period of genuine friendliness and openness followed by a conflict that quickly shatters the amicability and causes the formation of small, tight-knit groups that lead to ever mounting tension and suspicion. It's never lead to violence or anything overly nasty, but given enough time and a complete lack of men to ground us again, the place would go up like a tinderbox.

Just imagine what would happen to all-male armed forces without the structure and discipline of a command hierarchy.
 
2014-03-06 08:26:56 PM  

SmackLT: mentallo69: women get all the best sex toys, men get stuck with a plastic flashlight pus sy.

Be patient; we're all waiting for them to perfect sexbot technology.


What astounds me is they WILL do it someday. I probably won't be around but they'll be amazing. Men in the future will wonder how we mustered the will to live our lives without them.
 
2014-03-06 08:27:07 PM  
Can it suck on your nipples and fill you up with cum while you climax at the same time?

No?

Well OK then.
 
2014-03-06 08:27:39 PM  

miss diminutive: Rhino_man: miss diminutive: This is all academic anyway; men will never be obsolete. They could invent a fully functional android with a fusion-powered pneumatic cock and we'd still need men. Not for squishing spiders or reaching the top shelf, those can be adapted to, but to basically prevent us women from murdering one another.

I'm sure a world without women would result in the same outcome for the men left behind. When I think of the top ten people that I interact with who I really despise and just can't stand...nine of them are women. I'm sure I grace the lists of countless other women as well. I need men to balance out our neurotic energy and rampant emotional backstabbery.

Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another (not implying that heterosexuality is the only "natural" course either...just that it's the dominant one).

This is about the smartest thing I've ever read in a Fark gender thread... I've never really understood the whole deal with women hating other women.

My girlfriend doesn't have that issue. My (female) best friend does. she just can't farking stand 90% of women, and it baffles me. Thankfully they get along with each other. If they hated one another, I'd have to choose between them and that would be... unfortunate.

Back on topic, though, I would definitely murder someone if I had to be around nothing but men for too long. I've always had almost entirely female friends... even when I got deployed and spent 7 months on a ship with 95% men, I still mostly hung out with the handful of women in my unit. Can't explain it. I guess I just don't approach friendship the way most men do, or something.

I don't hate other women, but I do agree that a lot of what they do annoys the living crap out of me. I'm not immune to doing those things myself on occasion either, and maybe it's that innate hypocrisy that makes it even harder to deal with, I don't know. I have a few select female friends who I'm remarkably close with and we bare our souls to one another, but when it comes to just hanging out casually and regularly, I prefer to be around men more than women.

I just know that the few times I've been involved in virtually all-female scenarios (offices, camps, dorms, conferences etc) they've all followed the same script. A brief period of genuine friendliness and openness followed by a conflict that quickly shatters the amicability and causes the formation of small, tight-knit groups that lead to ever mounting tension and suspicion. It's never lead to violence or anything overly nasty, but given enough time and a complete lack of men to ground us again, the place would go up like a tinderbox.

Just imagine what would happen to all-male armed forces without the structure and discipline of a command hierarchy.


Your hypothetical scenario of an all-male military without a hierarchy is a bit unrealistic, since groups of men are generally hierarchical on their own. That's part of why I can't stand it.

Groups of men form chains of command. Groups of women form cliques. As a man who mostly has female friends, I never have to deal with either one... just the occasional rant about how Megan is such a biatch or some such thing.
 
2014-03-06 08:28:08 PM  
There's no reason why this wouldn't be possible for men, either. It might involve the prostate so it would probably be a hard sell to most guys, however.
Personally, not even on-demand orgasms would dampen my paranoia for spinal surgery.
 
2014-03-06 08:32:20 PM  

uncoveror: I am the one, Orgasmatron. The outstretched grasping hand...


i saw them on that tour. awesome show.
 
2014-03-06 08:35:42 PM  

gnosis301: Wasn't this an ongoing comic in Penthouse or something?


Druuna?
 
2014-03-06 08:37:11 PM  

Rhino_man: Your hypothetical scenario of an all-male military without a hierarchy is a bit unrealistic, since groups of men are generally hierarchical on their own. That's part of why I can't stand it.


Valid point. Although just because men are more hierarchical in nature doesn't mean they'll all agree to the structure or leadership of the hierarchy. I think history is rife with examples where just such a situation has led to disaster.

Rhino_man: Groups of men form chains of command. Groups of women form cliques. As a man who mostly has female friends, I never have to deal with either one... just the occasional rant about how Megan is such a biatch or some such thing.


Megan from accounting? Royal biatch.
 
2014-03-06 08:41:08 PM  

divx88: Headline should've been along the lines of man finally finds female g-spot after all these years.


That will never happen.
 
2014-03-06 08:41:36 PM  

mentallo69: Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)

point proven. its not that women cant do those things. Its the fact you have to go out of your way to let us know you can that is annoying.  I am woman hear me roar shiat.  I'd rather see you make me breakfast


Remember, ladies, when guys start making really stupid sexist jokes, you're not allowed to join in because being independent is annoying...no, really...what's this 'irony meter' you're talking about and why has yours exploded?
 
2014-03-06 08:46:07 PM  
Well that is one less thing I have to offer.
 
2014-03-06 08:50:10 PM  

Lochsteppe: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.


"God is an Iron."
 
2014-03-06 08:51:18 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: [s18.postimg.org image 508x306]

Doesn't DuranDuran Durand Durand has a patent on this?


At least get the name right, man.

bingethinker: After she got out of that device, was she hungry like the wolf?


You must write for a comedy show.
 
2014-03-06 08:55:14 PM  
thumbs.newschoolers.com
 
2014-03-06 08:56:24 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: honk: . . . if you build it they will come. . . .

An-n-nd, we're done here

/someone get the lights


Not yet:
... go the distance ...
 
2014-03-06 09:04:19 PM  

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


Times change, gramps.
 
2014-03-06 09:04:47 PM  
Until said machine also makes women's friends jealous and pisses off their parents, it'll never take off.
 
2014-03-06 09:06:37 PM  

que.guero: Until said machine also makes women's friends jealous and pisses off their parents, it'll never take off.


I'd assume that it would actually do both of those things quite well.
 
2014-03-06 09:07:24 PM  
This is awesome, I hope it catches on with lots of women.
And, in return for us men, lets (finally) legalize prostitution.
Win - win situation.
 
2014-03-06 09:08:59 PM  

CivicMindedFive: Redundant my hieney.  Men are like lead rods and women are like uranium.  You take men away from the equation and women will burn down the world.


Men must be made of something flammable, because they've already burned the world down several times, and this time's final.
 
2014-03-06 09:15:19 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: ChrisDe: Does it also kill spiders?

Or open pickle jars?

Also: holy shiat this is old news. I remember reading about the original case -- the woman undergoing spinal surgery -- a decade or so ago.

Telegraph.co.uk, 2001: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1320029/A-female-orgasm-at- t he-touch-of-a-button.html
Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants at Winston-Salem in North Carolina, came across the idea for an orgasm-producing device while performing a routine pain-relief operation on a woman's spine.

The procedure involved planting electrodes in the spine and using electrical pulses to modify pain signals passing along the nerves; the patient was conscious to help the surgeon find the best position for the electrodes. Dr Meloy said: "I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically. I asked her what was up and she said, 'You're going to have to teach my husband to do that'."


Exactly what I came to say.  I saw this in a documentary several years ago, and *spoiler alert* it doesn't work.  Or at least didn't for the women in the doc.

http://orgasminc.org/about-synopsis.php
 
2014-03-06 09:17:43 PM  
Why does this have a "dumbass" tag??? It should be "Repeat" from when the vibrator was invented. Though I have to say, while it feels amazing, there ain't nothing like the real thing baby....
 
2014-03-06 09:18:16 PM  

miss diminutive: Meloy explained that the idea is that orgasms could happen at the push of a button when the implant could be triggered by a hand-held remote control.

If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands, I could imagine I'd be a menace to the public. Having someone push the button while say, I was driving down the freeway would end.....badly.


But satisfyingly.
 
2014-03-06 09:18:59 PM  

miss diminutive: Rhino_man: Your hypothetical scenario of an all-male military without a hierarchy is a bit unrealistic, since groups of men are generally hierarchical on their own. That's part of why I can't stand it.

Valid point. Although just because men are more hierarchical in nature doesn't mean they'll all agree to the structure or leadership of the hierarchy. I think history is rife with examples where just such a situation has led to disaster.

Rhino_man: Groups of men form chains of command. Groups of women form cliques. As a man who mostly has female friends, I never have to deal with either one... just the occasional rant about how Megan is such a biatch or some such thing.

Megan from accounting? Royal biatch.


Yup, and Megan from astrophysics class is stupid and crazy... but mostly crazy.

Then, two weeks later, "Hey, my friend is newly single, you should totally hang out with the two of us and see if something happens!"

"Is it crazy Megan from astrophysics?"

"Yes."

"Then no."
 
2014-03-06 09:24:33 PM  
At the push of a button, eh?  You mean, the clitoris?
 
2014-03-06 09:29:25 PM  

AcademGreen: There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.


We don't have that much time.
 
2014-03-06 09:31:13 PM  

acohn: AcademGreen: There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.

We don't have that much time.


We get it, you read a book. Congratulations.
 
2014-03-06 09:35:41 PM  

James10952001: At least we still seem to be needed to keep the cars running. I've met a couple of women who could work on cars but most seem to have great difficulty even checking the oil, beats me why, they aren't dumb.


I know a lot more about cars than my husband.  Heck, I bet he doesn't even know how to check his oil level, let alone how to change the oil himself.   His way of avoiding car maintenance is to just buy new cars and take them to the dealership if they need any maintenance.

Oh, and I can kill my own spiders, take out my own garbage, and reach the tops of shelves (I'm 5'9").


I still need him to open jars, though.
 
2014-03-06 09:38:41 PM  
I've found Mr. Hitachi never fails...especially when Mr. Rabbit also joins the party....and it's fun to make a woman come so hard so many times she ends up like a bowl of jello...then I can have fun...muhahahahah
 
2014-03-06 09:39:53 PM  

MeanJean: Mark Ratner: peace core


If you were really in the Peace Corps you'd spell it right.


I thought it he used "core" instead of "corps" in analogy to the "marine core" meme that floats around this place...
 
2014-03-06 09:49:34 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Lochsteppe: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.

"God is an Iron."


It's also basically the plot of Vonnegut's "The Euphio Question". Though it's a signal from space and not an implant.

We did "Welcome to the Monkey House" in high school and I played the main character in that one. Damned if those weren't some HELLA long speeches to memorize.
 
2014-03-06 09:50:55 PM  

Rhino_man: miss diminutive: Rhino_man: miss diminutive: ...

Your hypothetical scenario of an all-male military without a hierarchy is a bit unrealistic, since groups of men are generally hierarchical on their own. That's part of why I can't stand it.

Groups of men form chains of command. Groups of women form cliques. As a man who mostly has female friends, I never have to deal with either one... just the occasional rant about how Megan is such a biatch or some such thing.


So youse are basically arguing that women are stuck in a prehistoric band model consisting of maybe a 100 member extended family where decisions depends on group consensus, the whole dominated by constant bickering and alliance formations, while men evolved to hierarchical societies where their rewards come from serving kings.

In other words men evolved to compete over the attention from men while women evolved to compete over the attention from men (fathers, potential boyfriends, etc)
 
2014-03-06 09:52:26 PM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.


Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. I almost never give up on books but I only made it about a third of the way through that.
 
2014-03-06 10:06:02 PM  

miss diminutive: This is all academic anyway; men will never be obsolete. They could invent a fully functional android with a fusion-powered pneumatic cock and we'd still need men. Not for squishing spiders or reaching the top shelf, those can be adapted to, but to basically prevent us women from murdering one another.

I'm sure a world without women would result in the same outcome for the men left behind. When I think of the top ten people that I interact with who I really despise and just can't stand...nine of them are women. I'm sure I grace the lists of countless other women as well. I need men to balance out our neurotic energy and rampant emotional backstabbery.

Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another (not implying that heterosexuality is the only "natural" course either...just that it's the dominant one).


Well said. Wll spoken
 
2014-03-06 10:16:32 PM  

bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant


White gold wielder! And self-loathing leper...

/I read that entire damned series
//it's no wonder I suffer from chronic depression
 
2014-03-06 10:19:09 PM  

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


Now you can stalk her, kidnap her, sedate her, implant this device w/o her knowing, release her, and then "introduce" yourself at a later date while giving her a mild tingle that she thinks is "attraction".

What? Why are you looking at me like that?
 
2014-03-06 10:19:37 PM  
Does this pertain only to the vagina?

www.dvdizzy.com

or coitus?
 
2014-03-06 10:21:42 PM  
Meh to this technology. Just give me a guy with a good tongue that knows what he's doing and I'm in heaven (not that I don't enjoy other parts either.) I've tried stuff like vibrators and they're just not the same.
So, no, men are absolutely not obsolete to me when it comes to sex and getting off.
 
2014-03-06 10:24:59 PM  

FizixJunkee: James10952001:

I still need him to open jars, though.


Psst... Wrap a rubber band around the edge of the cap if you can. It helps immensely. :)
 
2014-03-06 10:30:12 PM  

strangeluck: As the Priest gets everyone including the crowd to bow their heads. The TSA Agent, the Doctor, The Priest, and Steven all look up and to their left, they extend their arms and each receive a straw hat and a small oak cane. The lean back and in chorus:
Chorus: SIngs Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline"


- Scene-
Cast:

Betty White as Mary

Lou Ferrigno as Steven

Dennis Rodman as the TSA agent

Ryan Styles as the Doctor

William Shatner as the Priest


Bastard, I hate you so much.
 
2014-03-06 10:40:33 PM  
F*ckingmachines.com
 
2014-03-06 10:40:43 PM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.


If he fapped, his arm would fall off. Was obsessed with not losing his ring.

/beats buzzing in the ear
 
2014-03-06 10:47:13 PM  

Milos Hattrick: [media.theoratech.com image 500x500]


You aren't getting anywhere near me with any of those space hooker shoes!
 
2014-03-06 10:55:26 PM  

AcademGreen: Each sex evolved alongside the other, we're completely co-dependent on one another

We can turn stem cells into sperm.  There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.


www.smbc-comics.com
 
2014-03-06 10:59:58 PM  

acohn: AcademGreen: There's also some debate as to whether or not the Y chromosome will decay within 5M years.  Men could be made obsolete.

We don't have that much time.


This one has a title even more blunt; though the actual book isn't nearly as anti-men as you'd guess from the title.
 
2014-03-06 11:14:14 PM  

HairBolus: As I recall garage door openers operated on the same frequencies as the Secret Service or something to do with the President.

There were stories about when even Reagan would go to his ranch in Santa Barbara (in a helicopter with military helicopter escort from LAX) thousands of automatic garage doors would mysteriously open.


Probably the ECM pods blasting broad spectrum RF. I grew up roughly between an Air Force base and a remote training grounds. Every now and then, if the Apaches went over while i was playing with an R/C car, it would go spasmoid and i couldn't control it with the remote until they had passed.
 
2014-03-06 11:21:55 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!


Better question is, what do men think they need women for? Never needed them for orgasms. Companionship? Hah, can't pry them off social media long enough to have a conversation. Damned things stopped learning to cook in the '70s. And no married man has ever been happy once kid #1 popped out of the fun-hole. And odds are near-certain she's fugging your best friend or the neighbor.

Be smart. Be happy. Stay single. Learn to cook. Buy a friendly dog. Realize doing anything "permanent" is a stupid mistake waiting to happen. And anytime you -think- you need a woman for something, realize renting one is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying one.

Living the good life now.
 
2014-03-06 11:42:00 PM  
 
2014-03-06 11:42:21 PM  

TinyFist: I bought a Sybian when I was with my ex girlfriend. She was SO excited to try it out.

About 30 seconds in she started shaking and convulsing in fits of pleasure the likes of which I've never seen.

So naturally, in a fit of jealous rage I smashed the sh*t out of that f*cking machine with a hammer.

/f*ck that vibrating saddle of pleasure.
//she wept as I was destroying it.
///hence, "ex" girlfriend.


So she's got two reasons to thank you.
 
2014-03-06 11:42:56 PM  
It's a movie.
Let's just suppose men were made to be irrelevant.  Redundant systems are sometimes a good thing so will just go for irrelevant.  Then amazon women from the moon attack and all men are killed.  There's a renewed sisterly love that spreads across the planet.  So in harmony and cooperation do all of Earth's citizens now act.  Borders are done away with.  All is sharing and caring and loving nurturing natural namastes.  Then one day the scientists discover everyone on Earth is beginning to sync their menstrual cycles.  It doesn't happen all at once.  There are pockets of the population that will sync, and then break apart.  Then at times whole cities would.  It was reasoned that eventually all would become synchronized, unleashing an emotional storm, the likes of which have never been seen by mortal men.  And so, to help relieve some of this building pressure, underground clubs began to form.  Their objective was to give an outlet to these feelings and raw emotion.  To serve as something like a pressure valve.  To keep things in balance.  Because this time, they were fighting chaos with control.
Fight Club II.
 
2014-03-06 11:47:44 PM  

ShatteredMinds: The end of the Y chromosome was exaggerated:

Reports of Looming Male Extinction Exaggerated
Men's Y Sex Chromosome Is Here To Stay Despite Being 'Puny'; Evolution Will Prevent Male Fertility Genes From Demise, Study Says

Also they're working on an artificial womb and eggs:

Artificial Wombs
Artificial uterus
Artificial human eggs created


This will all end in a Sheri S. Tepper novel.
 
2014-03-06 11:52:21 PM  

Terrible Old Man: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Better question is, what do men think they need women for? Never needed them for orgasms. Companionship? Hah, can't pry them off social media long enough to have a conversation. Damned things stopped learning to cook in the '70s. And no married man has ever been happy once kid #1 popped out of the fun-hole. And odds are near-certain she's fugging your best friend or the neighbor.

Be smart. Be happy. Stay single. Learn to cook. Buy a friendly dog. Realize doing anything "permanent" is a stupid mistake waiting to happen. And anytime you -think- you need a woman for something, realize renting one is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying one.

Living the good life now.


Bzzzt! And why do we need women? I suppose I don't, according to your criteria, but I choose to stay with my woman. If men are staying because they need that can't be healthy. I'm glad your life is better now but try speaking for yourself maybe.
 
2014-03-07 12:16:03 AM  
Then, a signal generator would be connected which would be most likely implanted under the skin of a patient's buttocks.

If they could move that to a bit more to the center....we could all come out ahead in this and get what we want.
 
2014-03-07 12:21:40 AM  

kronicfeld: The tasp?


A Ringworld reference on Fark?  Louis Wu would be impressed.
 
2014-03-07 12:37:21 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Lochsteppe: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.

"God is an Iron."


I read this as a kid too and agree it's probably 'God is an Iron' which was an excerpt from Spider Robinson's book 'Mindkiller' which appeared in Omni magazine.  'Mindkiller' had a sequel too called 'Time Pressure'.
 
2014-03-07 12:37:55 AM  

worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?


Death by Ecstasy (Larry Niven). Murder by having a pleasure-stimulating implant on overload, with a cord too short to get to anything like food, a phone, or anything else.
 
2014-03-07 12:42:40 AM  

fusillade762: Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.

Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. I almost never give up on books but I only made it about a third of the way through that.


I think I lasted two chapters. I was about 12, and thought "Jeez, why doesn't this guy just kill himself already?"
 
2014-03-07 12:48:02 AM  

Fafai: Duke_leto_Atredes: No complaints on performance.
Still need us for money and killing spiders.

Money not so much anymore. That's good. But the ability to kill spiders, do heavy lifting, and being a scapegoat to feel superior to will always keep them coming back.


I start off with, baby I am so sorry for everything any male has ever said all the way back to Adam.
 
2014-03-07 12:48:49 AM  
Article is out of date.  We got that in the 1970s.  Women can now just watch Star Trek : the Motion Picture.

/Trekkie
 
2014-03-07 12:52:50 AM  
That button works great, but why did you make it so small and hard to put your finger on?
 
2014-03-07 01:27:32 AM  

Terrible Old Man: things


I did not stop cooking, I baked this just for you.

i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-07 02:37:20 AM  

Kittypie070: Terrible Old Man: things

I did not stop cooking, I baked this just for you.

[i.imgur.com image 500x373]


Heh. Say the word the way the cake spells it and you'll sound like a southern belle.

-and I hialped!
 
2014-03-07 03:02:11 AM  
"In the experiment they put an electrode into a monkey's brain where every time it pushed a button it had an orgasm.  The monkey died."
 
2014-03-07 03:37:02 AM  
The monkey experiment was a little different than that.

Basically an electrode went straight to the pleasure centre of the brain and could be controlled by a button. Another button would dispense food. But only one button would function at a time, so in order to eat the monkey would have to take his finger off the pleasure button. They all died of starvation with their finger jammed on the pleasure button.

Although I've always wondered why they haven't experimented with using direct pleasure centre stimulation to treat dysthymia and other mood disorders. Just a low level trickle current, not enough to cause euphoria but enough to elevate the mood out of depression. Sort of a pace maker for the brain.
 
2014-03-07 03:41:48 AM  
A thing! That's what we call anything we don't understand.

McCoy's oneliner to Kirk in ST:TMP, tossed into a universal derpifier.
 
2014-03-07 04:48:05 AM  

fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Lochsteppe: worlddan: Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?

Pretty sure that's one of Spider Robinson's short stories/novellas.  Can't remember the name either atm.

"God is an Iron."

It's also basically the plot of Vonnegut's "The Euphio Question". Though it's a signal from space and not an implant.

We did "Welcome to the Monkey House" in high school and I played the main character in that one. Damned if those weren't some HELLA long speeches to memorize.


Wire heads also make minor appearances in Richard Morgan's work...usually as addicts.

/loved Altered Carbon
 
2014-03-07 06:09:45 AM  
Spiders.
 
2014-03-07 07:07:52 AM  
Wow, it's just like the Internet, only for women!
 
2014-03-07 07:14:38 AM  

strangeluck: TFA mentions this device is similar to the concept of a pacemaker, some models of pacemaker can be unintentionally activated by errant signals from electronic devices, like cell phones. Or if you believe in the great pacemaker hackerconspiracy, some hacker will look for ways to scan for and activate this device for pureamusement.

Scenario:

Steven and his wife Mary, two business professionals from Boston, are at Logan International Airport sitting in the lounge waiting for their flight, a random person sitting maybe ten-feet away gets out their cellphone which unfortunately operates on a similar frequency to that of the remote device for the Mary's orgasm implant.


Mary gets a startled look upon her face, which begins to twitch slightly.
Mary: Mmmm, oohhh (she moans softly but tries to contain it, upon realizing what's happening)


Steven her husband, notices her becoming restless, crossing her legs and looking embarrassedSteven: Mary, are you okay? (he asks concerned)

Mary: I uh, oh god Steven, I think the implant is activating on its own, I took the battery out of the remote to prevent something like this happening.


Steven leans in closer to her and whispers
Steven: Where's the remote? Put the battery back in and try hitting the off switch.


Mary becoming visibly upset, sweat begins to bead on her brow as she squirms in her seat.
Mary: I can't! (she whimpers) I put it in the checked luggage, it's in the cargo hold of the plane by now!

Steven: Oh god Mary, I... I.. uh, I don't know what to do, I'll call the doctor and see what they say!


Steven quickly starts tapping on his cellphone, trying to pull up the number for the doctor who had implanted the orgasm device.
Mary is doing everything in her power to resist the sensations of the device, she can't stand the thought of loosing her composure in a public place, especially when they're about to board a flight to one of the biggest business meetings in their insurance careers.
Mary's face twitching strongly, she slumps back into her seat and grips the chair with one hand and strongly grips Steven's arm with the other, causing Steven to wince in pain.Mary: (Mary shrieks uncontrollably) OH GOD! Oooh! AHhhh, No this can't be happening! Not now!


As Mary's cries echo throughout the lounge, passersby stop and start to gather, trying to figure out what's happening. Steven panics and starts waiving his free arm at some nearby TSA agents who have noticed the commotion. A large African American TSA agent walks over quickly and kneels by Mary's side, thinking she's having a heart attack.Steven: Please! Help us! She needs an ambulance, her.. her.. implant is malfunctioning!

TSA Agent: Stay calm sir, I'll get help here soon, is it a pacemaker that's broken?


Mary's body is writhing in well, not so much pain, but you get the idea. Squirming in her chair wildly, her eyes bulge as she desperately tries to contain what's happening inside her. She whoops and hollers, crying softly to herself. A man passing by makes his way through the crowd and comes over to Mary and Steven, he kneels down next to the kneeling TSA agent, and identifies himself as a Doctor.Doctor: I'm a doctor, tell me what's happening.


Mary suddenly lets go of the chair and Steven's arm, grabbing the Doctor by the head, she bellows to him:
Mary: I'M A SEX MACHINE AND MY OFF BUTTON IS BROKEN! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET INSIDE ME AND MAKE IT STOP!


A man comes forth from the crowd of onlookers and kneels down next to the kneeling doctor and kneeling TSA Agent. He identifies himself as a Priest.
Preist: I heard you yell something about God and sex, and thought perhaps I could be of some assistance.


Mary doing everything she can to contain herself pleads loudly. Kicking her heels off, she raises her feet up and uses them like hands, gripping the Doctor's neck with her feet, she pulls him towards her nether area and grips his ears with her hands. Looking into his eyes, she screams at him:
Mary: THE BEAST WITHIN HUNGERS!

Doctor: Madam! Please! (he says shocked, as he leans back)


The priest knowing this is getting out of control pulls Steven from his chair to kneel beside him.Priest: Kneel with us my son, we must pray.


As the Priest gets everyone including the crowd to bow their heads. The TSA Agent, the Doctor, The Priest, and Steven all look up and to their left, they extend their arms and each receive a straw hat and a small oak cane. The lean back and in chorus:Chorus: SIngs Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline"


- Scene-Cast:

Betty White as Mary

Lou Ferrigno as Steven

Dennis Rodman as the TSA agent

Ryan Styles as the Doctor

William Shatner as the Priest


+eleventy. The choice of Lou Ferrigno was inspired.

/drew, can we please get selective quoting on the mobile version? Please?
 
2014-03-07 07:57:15 AM  
img4.joyreactor.com
 
2014-03-07 08:08:32 AM  
Subby should look up the word "redundant" I don't think it means what you think it means.
 
2014-03-07 08:26:57 AM  
There  are electric jar openers.
 
2014-03-07 08:46:46 AM  
i.imgur.com

Pam's looking kinda good on the cocaine diet.
 
2014-03-07 08:59:09 AM  

jayessell: There  are electric jar openers.


The same gender that cannot figure out how to check a car's oil, change a tire or lower a toilet seat (or at least check to see if it is down) will figure out how to use an electric jar opener?
 
2014-03-07 11:33:30 AM  

fusillade762: Ow! That was my feelings!: bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant

oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.

Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. I almost never give up on books but I only made it about a third of the way through that.


I was able to enjoy the first 3 Covenant books because I liked the setting more than the main character, and some of the supporting characters (even the bad guys) were awesome.  The next 3 sucked but I stuck it out and finished them, but they made me just ignore the very existance of the last three.

But the Gap cycle?  If I wanna read about belters I can read Niven.  I tried reading  The Gap into Conflict twice and I couldn't finish it without wanting to slit my writs.
 
2014-03-07 11:37:02 AM  

PunGent: /loved Altered Carbon


Me too.  There's more from Morgan in that setting but I haven't read them yet.  Reader reviews call them disappointing.

If you liked Altered Carbon I recommend Neal Asher's Ian Cormac series, starting with Gridlinked.  Also Alastair Reynolds'  Century Rain.
 
2014-03-07 12:10:28 PM  
Many of them think we're superfluous anyway.
/bet that doctor's e-mail box is full
//very full
 
2014-03-07 02:19:58 PM  

TheRealist II: Hacked you say , death by electronic stimulated orgasm , PROFIT!


This would have made a great episode of Columbo.

/er, one more thing...
 
2014-03-07 02:56:36 PM  

kronicfeld: The tasp?


Louis? Is that you?
 
2014-03-07 07:16:09 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: [s18.postimg.org image 508x306]

Doesn't DuranDuran has a patent on this?


HairBolus: [24.media.tumblr.com image 500x197]
[29.media.tumblr.com image 500x197]


Came for the Barbarella, leaving satisfied and smoking a cig.
 
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