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(CBS Charlotte)   Scientists have patented a new machine that will provide orgasms for women at the push of a button, making men totally redundant   (charlotte.cbslocal.com) divider line 217
    More: Dumbass, tags, orgasms, medical implants, machines  
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10816 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2014 at 6:36 PM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



217 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-06 04:53:32 PM
Apart from building, selling, repairing and profiting from them, you mean.
 
2014-03-06 05:07:58 PM
intended to be used in the most serious of orgasmic dysfunction cases because the device is as invasive as a pacemaker.

Fark that.  If some woman can find a doctor to give her 50-pounds boobies, I'mma' find me a doctor to implant one of these.
 
2014-03-06 05:10:33 PM
Oh - and WTF makes subby think women depend on men for orgasms?
 
2014-03-06 05:32:05 PM
They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!
 
2014-03-06 05:50:35 PM
Wasn't this an ongoing comic in Penthouse or something?
 
2014-03-06 05:53:20 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!


Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)
 
2014-03-06 05:57:28 PM
The tasp?
 
2014-03-06 06:02:21 PM
youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com
 
2014-03-06 06:13:44 PM
That will certainly make for an incredibly awkward episodes of Family Feud.
 
2014-03-06 06:17:15 PM

brap: That will certainly make for an incredibly awkward episodes of Family Feud Jeopardy!.


FTFY
 
2014-03-06 06:33:24 PM
You see the concept of your grandfather or father-in-law inadvertently bringing a woman to whom he is related to orgasm in front of Drew Carey or Louie Anderson holds much more uncomfortable comic poten....aw fexor it...YOU FIXED NOTHING EXCEPT QUITE POSSIBLY MY DOG WITH YOUR TEETH!
 
2014-03-06 06:37:36 PM
I thought that was called an ATM?
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 06:39:04 PM
Orgasm machine for women:
www.blogcdn.com
 
2014-03-06 06:40:18 PM
www.musicvideosdeconstructed.com
 
2014-03-06 06:40:43 PM
www.beertripper.com

Sold!
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 06:40:46 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I thought that was called an ATM?


Pffft, that can run out of money, check up one post.
 
2014-03-06 06:41:04 PM
Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.
 
2014-03-06 06:41:57 PM
women get all the best sex toys, men get stuck with a plastic flashlight pus sy.
 
2014-03-06 06:41:58 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-03-06 06:42:41 PM
Not quite.
www.bonappetit.com
 
2014-03-06 06:43:05 PM

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


You forgot be good looking and don't be ugly.
 
2014-03-06 06:44:02 PM
And if this product is vulnerable to remote hacking, the results could be hilarious.  Hit the master override on a crowded subway platform and watch twenty women just fall over.
 
2014-03-06 06:44:14 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Oh - and WTF makes subby think women depend on men for orgasms?


Always one self entitled liberated biatch in the crowd.

How u doin?
 
2014-03-06 06:44:59 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I thought that was called an ATM?


Out of my brain, trespasser.
 
2014-03-06 06:45:57 PM
Meloy explained that the idea is that orgasms could happen at the push of a button when the implant could be triggered by a hand-held remote control.

If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands, I could imagine I'd be a menace to the public. Having someone push the button while say, I was driving down the freeway would end.....badly.
 
2014-03-06 06:46:17 PM
I think I saw this device in Clooney's basement in Burn After Reading....
 
2014-03-06 06:47:34 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: The Stealth Hippopotamus: They still need someone to reach stuff on the top shelf.


MEN! MEN! MEN!

Ummm... no.  I can reach the top shelf, and on top of the upper cabinets.  Hmmm... fix stuff, no... grill, no... defense, no...

Maybe... killing bugs in the kitchen?  (Though I don't have bugs in my kitchen, either)


point proven. its not that women cant do those things. Its the fact you have to go out of your way to let us know you can that is annoying.  I am woman hear me roar shiat.  I'd rather see you make me breakfast
 
2014-03-06 06:48:23 PM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: And if this product is vulnerable to remote hacking, the results could be hilarious.  Hit the master override on a crowded subway platform and watch twenty women just fall over.


Forget that. Sneak it into the State of the Union address.
 
2014-03-06 06:49:14 PM
Hey George, why does your garage door keep opening and closing?
Wife must have the wrong remote Fred.
 
2014-03-06 06:49:58 PM
The vibrator was invented 2/100ths of a second after the electric motor was invented.
 
2014-03-06 06:50:12 PM
This button here?

i184.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-06 06:50:52 PM

Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.


Wife-like typing detected?
 
2014-03-06 06:51:11 PM

Molavian: This button here?

[i184.photobucket.com image 400x287]


Nope.  This one.

m.eet.com
 
2014-03-06 06:52:48 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I thought that was called an ATM?


Glad to see this taken care of early.
 
2014-03-06 06:53:08 PM
Redundant my hieney.  Men are like lead rods and women are like uranium.  You take men away from the equation and women will burn down the world.
 
2014-03-06 06:53:26 PM
Mark Ratner:

When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

I can't figure out if that means you're doing it right...or wrong. Maybe it's so wrong that it's right or that it's so right it's wrong. Totally confused.

BTW, I remember reading a sci-fi story as a kid with this idea where they placed a happiness electrode in people's brain and then people would leave the switch on and die happy.  Anyone recall the name of that story?
 
2014-03-06 06:53:40 PM
Wait... headline implies that men can give women orgasms.  When did that start happening?

/always left out of the loop
 
2014-03-06 06:54:39 PM
s18.postimg.org

Doesn't DuranDuran has a patent on this?
 
2014-03-06 06:54:51 PM
. . . if you build it they will come. . . .
 
2014-03-06 06:54:58 PM
Was it just the mobile version or did that article have a picture of a surgery kit under the headline for a new orgasm machine for women?

/intense machine
//desperate times?
 
2014-03-06 06:55:14 PM
Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants in Winston-Salem, N.C., came up with idea by accident.

"I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically,"


Which of course leads to the question of why he was placing electrodes on a woman's junk in the first place.
 
2014-03-06 06:55:45 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
29.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-03-06 06:56:23 PM

honk: . . . if you build it they will come. . . .


An-n-nd, we're done here

/someone get the lights
 
2014-03-06 06:56:48 PM

miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands


Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant
 
2014-03-06 06:56:49 PM

oukewldave: Mark Ratner: Is romance dead? Whatever happened to meeting that special someone at the laundry mat, grocery store, church, when volunteering at a soup kitchen or a nursing home, or just picking up trash by the highway? When I was in the peace core, I got so much pussy. Be a good person, and you might get laid.

You forgot be good looking and don't be ugly.


And get out of the house on occasion.  And be interesting.
 
2014-03-06 06:57:01 PM
Pussmaker?, Pacefaker? Defillulator?
 
2014-03-06 06:57:05 PM
I bought a Sybian when I was with my ex girlfriend. She was SO excited to try it out.

About 30 seconds in she started shaking and convulsing in fits of pleasure the likes of which I've never seen.

So naturally, in a fit of jealous rage I smashed the sh*t out of that f*cking machine with a hammer.

/f*ck that vibrating saddle of pleasure.
//she wept as I was destroying it.
///hence, "ex" girlfriend.
 
2014-03-06 06:58:04 PM
ts2.mm.bing.net
 
2014-03-06 06:58:18 PM
FTFA:

During the operation, a patient would remain conscious so that a surgeon could correctly pinpoint the right nerves to fit the electrodes in a patient's spinal cord.  Then, a signal generator would be connected which would be most likely implanted under the skin of a patient's buttocks

So he's gonna stick it in her pooper?
 
2014-03-06 06:58:33 PM

bughunter: miss diminutive: If that remote control ever fell into the wrong hands

Wasn't this a plot device in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Gap series?

/couldn't finish even the first novel
//even more morbidly depressing than the Chronicles Thomas Covenant


oh god, worst 'anti-hero' ever.
 
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