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(Slate)   Now that the monocle is making a return among the New York hipster scene, here are five other possible fashion trends for the uber-cool to consider   (slate.com ) divider line
    More: Stupid, fashion trends, Elizabethan, Peerage of England, market trends  
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10765 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2014 at 3:15 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



177 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2014-03-06 03:31:51 PM  

TV's Vinnie: I have the perfect fashion idea for the Hipster; a baseball bat imbedded into the top of their ugly empty skulls.

I'd be more than glad to set up a boutique for this cool trend. I'd charge half price to Hipsters. Hell, I'd pay THEM to allow me to do the procedure.


Calm down, Bugsy
 
2014-03-06 03:32:07 PM  
People who wear glasses usually complain that they have to.  At least they don't have to excercise a squint all day long.

I can't imagine anyone would choose a monocle over glasses.
If it were me, I would get glasses that had one prescription lens, and one that was just glass.
 
2014-03-06 03:32:57 PM  
Also, there are a sh*tload of hipsters in this town, including three dudes who may as well be waxed-moustachioed triplets who run a bicycle taxi service--for donations only, of course--and I've not once seen a monocle.
 
2014-03-06 03:32:58 PM  

CygnusDarius: Yeah, they're not hipsters.

[www.whitemischief.info image 450x600]


www.mediabistro.com
 
2014-03-06 03:33:00 PM  
So Col. Klink was a hipster before his time?
 
2014-03-06 03:33:13 PM  

Random Internet Persona: Yeah, because what we need to come back were those super cool plague bird masks.

/*shudder*


Those things would look appropriate on a video game enemy.
Regardless, the article was just another unoriginal "OMG, strawmen hipsters are stupid kerfuflelfuflefufle". I mean, if you're going to go hipster hunting, at least be original and funny, rather than just reuse five stereotypes and claim you're being creative.
 
2014-03-06 03:33:20 PM  

Lorelle: Oooh...maybe they'll bring back wearing roach clips with feathers and beads in one's hair.


and ear cuffs.
 
2014-03-06 03:33:41 PM  
Someone needs to coin a new word to describe the bewilderment of reading an article and not being able to tell if it came from the Onion or not. The Germans probably already have one.
 
2014-03-06 03:34:16 PM  
He was rocking it since the sixties.

beta.images.theglobeandmail.com

Perhaps you heard of him.
 
2014-03-06 03:35:05 PM  

FlashHarry: pince-nez


I'm going to go with: The Fez.  I know it's a hat, not glasses, but it seems like the kinda thing hipsters would gravitate to.
 
2014-03-06 03:35:32 PM  

TV's Vinnie: propasaurus: When I was a kid, I started noticing that my eyesight was worse in one eye than the other. Being a kid, I thought that meant I'd have to wear a monocle, so I started practicing how to wear one. Which is why today I can raise one eyebrow.

So, that makes you perfect to be either Colonel Klink or Mr. Spock.



Came for Colonel Klink, leaving satisfied with bonus of Spock.

+10
 
2014-03-06 03:35:48 PM  

Lorelle: FlashHarry: i assume the pince-nez will return next.

A few weeks ago I went to Silver Lake, a hipster-infested L.A. neighborhood, and saw lotsa people wearing huge black-framed glasses, both prescription and sunglasses. I don't recall seeing any monocles or pince-nez glasses, though.


Those chunky black frames have been around for a while now.  Those are some seriously behind-the-times hipsters.
 
2014-03-06 03:36:19 PM  
Douchetastic!

img.fark.net
 
2014-03-06 03:37:04 PM  
Also:  Penis Gourds.
 
2014-03-06 03:37:36 PM  

Needlessly Complicated: List fails without spats.

/and now I am feeling ennui.


poietes.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-06 03:37:52 PM  

TopoGigo: cowgirl toffee: I wish they would bring back footie pajamas.  :(

I'm a delivery boy in a college town. Trust me, they're totally back. At least, they're back among the drunk, stupid sorority girl with 25 extra pounds crowd. Except, maddeningly, they've taken to calling them "onesies". Stupid hookers.


OMG!  That is so good to hear!  You see.... I always found the concept and mechanics of socks to be too complicated.

I had the same issue with blankets. But now that we have the Snuggie... my life has changed. :P
 
2014-03-06 03:38:11 PM  
Quick guide:

Are you Lord Peter Wimsey?

No?

Take off the farking monocle.
 
2014-03-06 03:39:12 PM  

busy chillin': Prince Nez?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwvHpGbg3oo


/two squirrel nut zipper posts in a day, oh my



The weird thing is that squirrel nut zippers had just started playing on my pandora station when I saw the Boobiesing of the album cover today (it was a song from that album too)

Got a thumbs down to get it the fark outta my blues station.

/Strange indeed
 
2014-03-06 03:39:56 PM  

2KanZam: busy chillin': Prince Nez?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwvHpGbg3oo


/two squirrel nut zipper posts in a day, oh my


The weird thing is that squirrel nut zippers had just started playing on my pandora station when I saw the Boobiesing of the album cover today (it was a song from that album too)

Got a thumbs down to get it the fark outta my blues station.

/Strange indeed


^^^meant to say it was the first time I've heard them in years too
 
2014-03-06 03:40:43 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: He was rocking it since the sixties.


[beta.images.theglobeandmail.com image 620x349]


Perhaps you heard of him.



I came here for xylophone playing astronomer cyclops Sir Patrick Moore and can now leave satisfied.

Oh, he was the Gamesmaster too.
spong.com

And was quite good on Just A Minute. I honestly would have loved to have met him while he was still alive. Pity.
 
2014-03-06 03:41:17 PM  
As much as the hipster thinks about him/herself and how unique they can be I wonder how much time they spend having sex (because sex is so mainstream and played out).  Just reading about them you'd think sex would take the back burner to fashion, music, art, and personal expression among countless other things.  I'm not going to search the underbelly of the internet, I'm sure hipster sex can be found with rule 43 and all.
 
2014-03-06 03:41:20 PM  
This is probably the only Slate article I have ever enjoyed
 
2014-03-06 03:43:14 PM  
Omg hipsters r lyke...so dum u guys roflcopter.
 
2014-03-06 03:43:58 PM  

nmrsnr: Unless you are a jeweler, there is not purpose to a monocle.

naughtyrev: Also, why not bring back the codpiece if you're going to be revisiting old fashions?

Pfft. Codpiece. Penis gourd is where it's at.


A jewler doesn't use a monocle, a jewler uses a Loop.

and monocles have always been the domain of the douchebag. it was kinda the point
 
2014-03-06 03:44:11 PM  
i59.tinypic.com
 
2014-03-06 03:44:27 PM  

SurfaceTension: First person I see wearing a monocle gets kicked in the nuts just on principle.


I say...most uncouth of you, dear boy.
 
2014-03-06 03:44:34 PM  

LeroyBourne: As much as the hipster thinks about him/herself and how unique they can be I wonder how much time they spend having sex (because sex is so mainstream and played out).  Just reading about them you'd think sex would take the back burner to fashion, music, art, and personal expression among countless other things.  I'm not going to search the underbelly of the internet, I'm sure hipster sex can be found with rule 43 and all.


Hipster porn? hmmmmmm well it has to be there somewhere. Maybe they just have sex for the irony factor.
 
2014-03-06 03:44:49 PM  
I would think the big In in fashion would be the girdle for both men and women seeing how farking fat everyone in this country has gotten.
 
2014-03-06 03:47:44 PM  

boinkingbill: I would think the big In in fashion would be the girdle for both men and women seeing how farking fat everyone in this country has gotten.


it was gaining popularity when they thought you had said griddle.
 
2014-03-06 03:49:00 PM  

naughtyrev: Also, why not bring back the codpiece if you're going to be revisiting old fashions?


They're all the rage at the milk bar.
 
2014-03-06 03:49:01 PM  

offmymeds: [www.slapcaption.com image 468x452]


OK. That was freakin' hilarious!
 
2014-03-06 03:49:26 PM  

CygnusDarius: Yeah, they're not hipsters.

[www.whitemischief.info image 450x600]


is that a VACUUM TUBE!? Why the hell would a monocole need a vacuum tube? Cyberpunk can be so stupid.
 
2014-03-06 03:50:24 PM  

Sybarite: [www.heyyhotmess.com image 500x335]


came for the heathers reference ... leaving satisfied.
 
2014-03-06 03:50:29 PM  
I see the sweatpants and wrangler crowds are upset with people who don't dress like them again
 
2014-03-06 03:50:45 PM  
That's fake, right? They're not really that stupid, are they?
 
2014-03-06 03:51:54 PM  
FTA:
Jude Loving, who runs his own cassette-only music label...

WTF is wrong with these people?  I can handle the monocle and the powdered wig, but why on earth would you want to revive the cassette tape?  It was the worst way to store music and it sounds like crap.  Farking idiots.
 
2014-03-06 03:52:34 PM  
Another Slate article about something.
a) I just wrote a crappy book; buy it please
b) Listacle of 12 things that take up space
c) Imaginary fashion trends
 
2014-03-06 03:53:54 PM  
stupid posers.  Almost every hipster I've seen wearing monocles, and believe me, it's thousands, they're all wearing their monocle over their right eye.  Has no one ever heard "left is right, right is wrong?"
 
2014-03-06 03:54:46 PM  
Geddy Lee collects monocles, so they'll never catch on with the hipsters.
 
2014-03-06 03:55:57 PM  

FlashHarry: TODAY'S HIPSTER BEATING.
"Today I saw Ethan taking a "food porn" picture of his $10 imported licorice infused latte for his Brooklyn based blog that only his enabling Culdesacian parents read to know their fragile red bearded son is keeping busy on their dime. So I dragged his empty-ketchup-packet shaped body behind the counter and ran him through the coffee bean grinder. End of story."


You know, I now realize something. I loath hipsters. And at the same time I only hate whiny Brooklyners complaining about "gentrification" and pining for the gritty, good old real New York of the 70s, despite the fact that it was a festering shiathole. Of course I've never actually meet a hipster or a Brooklyn Nativist (are all Brooklyners assholes?), and I've only been to NYC on vacation, so it's not really my place to tell.
You know, the Brooklyn Nativist guys kind of sound like hipsters. Their whole thing is that they were in Brooklyn "before it was cool", they proclaim trends over, and they constantly whine about things they don't like. Sounds like a hipster to me.
 
2014-03-06 03:57:10 PM  

stupiddream: Geddy Lee collects monocles, so they'll never catch on with the hipsters.


Just another reason why he is the greatest hero on either side of border.
 
2014-03-06 03:58:48 PM  

TopoGigo: 'm a delivery boy in a college town. Trust me, they're totally back. At least, they're back among the drunk, stupid sorority girl with 25 extra pounds crowd. Except, maddeningly, they've taken to calling them "onesies". Stupid hookers.


What stupid hookers might look like:

style.mtv.com
 
2014-03-06 03:58:55 PM  

p the boiler: I see the sweatpants and wrangler crowds are upset with people who don't dress like them again


NORMCORE 4 LIFE!
 
2014-03-06 03:59:36 PM  
i only wear inuit snow blindness preventing glasses

ethnology.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-06 03:59:54 PM  

Cerebral Knievel: A jewler doesn't use a monocle, a jewler uses a Loop.


It's spelled "loupe," and is it a magnifying device worn on only one eye? Then it's just a fancy monocle.
 
2014-03-06 04:01:26 PM  

naughtyrev: "I wore an ombre top bun throughout my 20s, but then the pickler at my co-op was like, 'Didn't I see you in that 30 Seconds to Mars video?' At that point I was like, 'OK: what's next?' " said Jude Loving, who runs his own cassette-only music label and can be seen powdering his billowing horsehair wig with arsenic-laden powder in a three-second video posted to the micro experience-sharing app Twine. "Also, I'm balding."

The staggering amount of fail contained within this passage leaves me hoping that it can only be satire.


This... This wasn't from the Onion?
 
2014-03-06 04:01:37 PM  

groppet: LeroyBourne: As much as the hipster thinks about him/herself and how unique they can be I wonder how much time they spend having sex (because sex is so mainstream and played out).  Just reading about them you'd think sex would take the back burner to fashion, music, art, and personal expression among countless other things.  I'm not going to search the underbelly of the internet, I'm sure hipster sex can be found with rule 43 and all.

Hipster porn? hmmmmmm well it has to be there somewhere. Maybe they just have sex for the irony factor.


My mind went from a funny anecdote about using the jaws of life to get the skinny jeans off, to just crotchless skinny jeans.  I need a drink now.
 
2014-03-06 04:03:03 PM  
Back in 95 there was a regular customer where I worked that wore a monocle, he is in the top three of biggest douches I have ever known.  If you ever had the displeasure of meeting him, within 10 seconds you would think to yourself "Of course, this asshole would be wearing a monocle."
 
2014-03-06 04:06:38 PM  

cowgirl toffee: I wish they would bring back footie pajamas.  :(


With the poop chute flap?
 
2014-03-06 04:07:37 PM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: i only wear inuit snow blindness preventing glasses

[ethnology.files.wordpress.com image 243x305]


Are you a lesser villain from an 80s movie? The guy who hangs off the main heavy's shoulder and snickers a lot, maybe delivers some line like "That's what we do to punks who try to come on our side of town"?

www.ijaak.com
 
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