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(The Smoking Gun)   Man attacks sister after she complains that he leaves the toilet seat up. Cops tell him to put a lid on it   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 150
    More: Dumbass  
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2675 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2014 at 11:04 AM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-06 01:13:29 PM

gja: Given the proclivity of my friends to imbibe profusely it is often necessary to remind them of the 'house rules".


Okay. I can see "drunk" as a special case, but hopefully not your sober guests.
 
2014-03-06 01:14:02 PM

gja: No problemo. I will clean it after you are done. With your coat or shirt. Easy peasy.


And how are you getting his shirt from him if he is wearing it?
 
2014-03-06 01:14:50 PM

cowgirl toffee: Mikeyworld: cowgirl toffee: Carn: I live alone but I put both lids down after I pee and/or poo because I want to limit the amount of pee and/or poo particles jettisoned into the air and onto my toothbrush when I flush the toilet.

Put the tooth brush in a glass of H2O2. It keeps it clean. :)

Open H2O2 becomes H2O in a hurry, that's why it's such a good de-bugger... It's alkaline until the oxygen boils off, then it's just water. You can save the money and put a cap on your brush.

I keep replacing the H2O2. Its cheap.  :)


However, watching it fizz is both interesting and terrifying.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 01:18:42 PM

TNel: gja: No problemo. I will clean it after you are done. With your coat or shirt. Easy peasy.

And how are you getting his shirt from him if he is wearing it?


Think. It'll come to you.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 01:20:18 PM

buckler: gja: Given the proclivity of my friends to imbibe profusely it is often necessary to remind them of the 'house rules".

Okay. I can see "drunk" as a special case, but hopefully not your sober guests.


"Drunk" is nearly a given state at my shindigs. And no cheap crap kept on stock here. It's all good stuff, all the time.
There have been poems written about some of my parties.
 
2014-03-06 01:23:21 PM
I just piss off the balcony problem solved. Old Mrs. Mcgillicutty below me cant figure out why her flowers always die
 
2014-03-06 01:24:30 PM

gja: Think. It'll come to you.


You are going to have sex with him and as he's passed out from climaxing you will then get the shirt.

www.automizeit.com
 
2014-03-06 01:25:38 PM

I'm just asking questions: Get one of these. The seat/lid will nevermore be an issue.

[www.talesfromanexpat.com image 360x360]

I bet Asians don't have to deal with these stupid arguments.


Getting one when I remodel this year. Will save 1,000's of gallons over one year.


Link
 
2014-03-06 01:26:44 PM
This should solve it. Barny
 
2014-03-06 01:27:21 PM

Mr.Hawk: Getting one when I remodel this year. Will save 1,000's of gallons over one year.


Wait how are you going to shiat? Stamp it down the shower drain?
 
2014-03-06 01:29:47 PM

LeroyBourne: thisisyourbrainonFark: LeroyBourne: Hell, I wash my hands every time I use the bathroom, I don't see the big deal.

[www.quickmeme.com image 240x260]

You don't wash your hands after using the bathroom?  And you think 'everytime' is a word?  I'm too lazy to google it for you.


Where did I write that "every time" is a word? I simply bolded what you wrote.

Danger Mouse: thisisyourbrainonFark: LeroyBourne: Hell, I wash my hands every time I use the bathroom, I don't see the big deal.

[www.quickmeme.com image 240x260]

When I travelled to Italy a few years ago, just about everyone washed thier hands after going to the bathroom. I guess it was considered rude, or something not too.


IT WAS A JOKE. Yeesh, both of you.
 
2014-03-06 01:32:22 PM

TNel: Mr.Hawk: Getting one when I remodel this year. Will save 1,000's of gallons over one year.

Wait how are you going to shiat? Stamp it down the shower drain?



There will still be a proper toilet as well, you silly person.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 01:32:29 PM

TNel: gja: Think. It'll come to you.

You are going to have sex with him and as he's passed out from climaxing you will then get the shirt.

[www.automizeit.com image 328x240]


Cute. But overtly silly.
/hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar
 
2014-03-06 01:36:27 PM

gja: TNel: gja: Think. It'll come to you.

You are going to have sex with him and as he's passed out from climaxing you will then get the shirt.

[www.automizeit.com image 328x240]

Cute. But overtly silly.
/hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar


Assault with a deadly weapon seems like overkill for a messy house guest. And you don't quite seem to understand what an "upper-decker" is (as previously referenced). Hint, you're not cleaning it up with paper towels or a shirt.
 
2014-03-06 01:37:52 PM

gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar


At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.
 
2014-03-06 01:38:48 PM
Mr.Hawk: Getting one when I remodel this year. Will save 1,000's of gallons over one year.

Ok $300 plus parts to run a new water line and tap into the drain and fix the wall so $350.  It will take you atleast 6-7 years to pay that thing off.  Better to get a low flow toliet or one of these:

http://www.amazon.com/BlueSource-HYR460-Toilet-Converter-MJSI/dp/B00 5F PNGWO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394131090&sr=8-1&keywords=dual+flush
 
2014-03-06 01:39:06 PM

new_york_monty: Hint, you're not cleaning it up with paper towels or a shirt.


Or finding it any time soon.
 
2014-03-06 01:39:51 PM

TNel: Mr.Hawk: Getting one when I remodel this year. Will save 1,000's of gallons over one year.

Ok $300 plus parts to run a new water line and tap into the drain and fix the wall so $350.  It will take you atleast 6-7 years to pay that thing off.  Better to get a low flow toliet or one of these:

http://www.amazon.com/BlueSource-HYR460-Toilet-Converter-MJSI/dp/B00 5F PNGWO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394131090&sr=8-1&keywords=dual+flush


For the love of god, no water line.  Go ahead mock me I'm smacking myselfl also.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 01:41:17 PM

new_york_monty: gja: TNel: gja: Think. It'll come to you.

You are going to have sex with him and as he's passed out from climaxing you will then get the shirt.

[www.automizeit.com image 328x240]

Cute. But overtly silly.
/hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

Assault with a deadly weapon seems like overkill for a messy house guest. And you don't quite seem to understand what an "upper-decker" is (as previously referenced). Hint, you're not cleaning it up with paper towels or a shirt.


Well, given most at my get-togethers tend to be retired mil, most do not quite understand the goings-on.
Who said anything about assault? Don't be so sensitive. Or at least don't presume to know the audience.
Only thing that ever got hurt at one of my parties was some feelings, and maybe a hair or 2 of pride.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 01:42:29 PM

umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.


Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.
 
2014-03-06 01:49:19 PM

Onkel Buck: I just piss off the balcony problem solved. Old Mrs. Mcgillicutty below me cant figure out why her flowers always die


I planted some pot in the backyard once, and my housemate pissed on the sprouts nightly until they died, because he was in nursing training, and didn't want to blow his license. Bad call on my part, but I was young and stupid.
 
2014-03-06 01:58:42 PM
As a matter of habit I put both lids down. No complaints from the wife about having to open one.

Also, what is it with people and not looking? Male or female, I can't fathom someone partially disrobing/exposing themselves without knowing where the hell their junk is going even in their own home.
 
2014-03-06 01:58:52 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-06 02:02:24 PM

TNel: Mr.Hawk: Getting one when I remodel this year. Will save 1,000's of gallons over one year.

Ok $300 plus parts to run a new water line and tap into the drain and fix the wall so $350.  It will take you atleast 6-7 years to pay that thing off.  Better to get a low flow toliet or one of these:

http://www.amazon.com/BlueSource-HYR460-Toilet-Converter-MJSI/dp/B00 5F PNGWO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394131090&sr=8-1&keywords=dual+flush



iat is a major remodel (new tile, new shower, new standing tub), so why not!
 
2014-03-06 02:07:57 PM

gja: umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.

Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.


www.contraditorium.com

/so very scared
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 02:11:10 PM

umad: gja: umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.

Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.

[www.contraditorium.com image 238x350]

/so very scared


Laughable and pathetic. Never said anything to you. No threat=No ITG.
You would not fit in with my generation and group. And it is clear you would not understand the why we are the way we are.
 
2014-03-06 02:19:00 PM

gja: umad: gja: umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.

Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.

[www.contraditorium.com image 238x350]

/so very scared

Laughable and pathetic. Never said anything to you. No threat=No ITG.
You would not fit in with my generation and group. And it is clear you would not understand the why we are the way we are.


It doesn't need to be a threat to a specific person to call out ITG. You clearly referenced using your kabar.
 
2014-03-06 02:22:11 PM
Omis:

Or you can just sit when you go pee. Makes things easier on everyone.

And get my wiener wet??
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 02:32:27 PM

redmid17: gja: umad: gja: umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.

Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.

[www.contraditorium.com image 238x350]

/so very scared

Laughable and pathetic. Never said anything to you. No threat=No ITG.
You would not fit in with my generation and group. And it is clear you would not understand the why we are the way we are.

It doesn't need to be a threat to a specific person to call out ITG. You clearly referenced using your kabar.


Never specified what I would do with it. Might just bop you on the knuckles with the handle.
/with the blockheads i grew up with anything short of a bat is about the same as shouting at someone, all things are relative
 
2014-03-06 02:36:45 PM

gja: redmid17: gja: umad: gja: umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.

Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.

[www.contraditorium.com image 238x350]

/so very scared

Laughable and pathetic. Never said anything to you. No threat=No ITG.
You would not fit in with my generation and group. And it is clear you would not understand the why we are the way we are.

It doesn't need to be a threat to a specific person to call out ITG. You clearly referenced using your kabar.

Never specified what I would do with it. Might just bop you on the knuckles with the handle.
/with the blockheads i grew up with anything short of a bat is about the same as shouting at someone, all things are relative


You said you would cut the person's shirt off.

gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

Maybe you and I have different definition "never specified"
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 02:45:58 PM

redmid17: gja: redmid17: gja: umad: gja: umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.

Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.

[www.contraditorium.com image 238x350]

/so very scared

Laughable and pathetic. Never said anything to you. No threat=No ITG.
You would not fit in with my generation and group. And it is clear you would not understand the why we are the way we are.

It doesn't need to be a threat to a specific person to call out ITG. You clearly referenced using your kabar.

Never specified what I would do with it. Might just bop you on the knuckles with the handle.
/with the blockheads i grew up with anything short of a bat is about the same as shouting at someone, all things are relative

You said you would cut the person's shirt off.

gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

Maybe you and I have different definition "never specified"


By my door:
www.kabar.com

/yes, it is a kabar product
//have had it since my ACL reconstruction
///removes shirts and bras with astounding speed and ease (some skill required)
////who said 'knife'?
//the handle hurts across your knuckles, there is a drinking game played to that.
 
2014-03-06 02:52:06 PM

gja: redmid17: gja: redmid17: gja: umad: gja: umad: gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

At which point I will laugh in your face and walk out the door. You are all talk anyway. Just like with the toilet seat, you will just biatch and whine about the situation, while making no effort on your part to change it.

Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kid.

[www.contraditorium.com image 238x350]

/so very scared

Laughable and pathetic. Never said anything to you. No threat=No ITG.
You would not fit in with my generation and group. And it is clear you would not understand the why we are the way we are.

It doesn't need to be a threat to a specific person to call out ITG. You clearly referenced using your kabar.

Never specified what I would do with it. Might just bop you on the knuckles with the handle.
/with the blockheads i grew up with anything short of a bat is about the same as shouting at someone, all things are relative

You said you would cut the person's shirt off.

gja: /hint, i will usually give the option of "me, with your shirt or you with paper towels" act like an asshole and i remove said shirt with my issue kabar

Maybe you and I have different definition "never specified"

By my door:
[www.kabar.com image 621x189]

/yes, it is a kabar product
//have had it since my ACL reconstruction
///removes shirts and bras with astounding speed and ease (some skill required)
////who said 'knife'?
//the handle hurts across your knuckles, there is a drinking game played to that.


My apologies. I assume it was a kabar knife, since that is their most well-known product. Either way it still reeks of ITG
 
2014-03-06 02:58:45 PM

redmid17: My apologies. I assume it was a kabar knife, since that is their most well-known product.


He doesn't need a stinking knife since he's such a badass.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 02:58:59 PM

redmid17: My apologies. I assume it was a kabar knife, since that is their most well-known product. Either way it still reeks of ITG


I am not a TG, my buds however.....
I have my hands full keeping order at times.

CSB
I got my ortho to write that piece as a script because it was metal and could be cut to size.
Insurance covered it. So now I have home security since the knee long since healed.
Also, formal black color looks nice with suits at the office. No fugly wood unit.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 03:02:18 PM

umad: redmid17: My apologies. I assume it was a kabar knife, since that is their most well-known product.

He doesn't need a stinking knife since he's such a badass.


snark/
Thas righ! I r a badazz. youz 'memberz dat foo.
/snark

I can take care of myself. Past that is my business alone. Do not assume.
 
2014-03-06 03:10:38 PM

gja: I can take care of myself. Past that is my business alone. Do not assume.


lol

But we're wrong to call you an ITG.
 
2014-03-06 03:27:04 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Up/Down is still a thing?
Who the fark cares? Adults can make the necessary adjustments they require to utilize a toilet. If you biatch about seat up, seat down, lid up, lid down perhaps you should live alone. Forever.


If moving a toilet lid around is too much for somebody, maybe they could just get an outhouse with no seat on it. I'd suggest a five-gallon bucket with a seat on it (so you don't have to go outside when it's cold), but there's still that pesky lid. Gosh, modern life is so complicated.

How about a chamber pot, then? No, I don't know where you dump it. I just use a flushing toilet, myself. Seat up, seat down, doesn't matter--I have mastered the complexities of a pottie.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 03:40:38 PM

umad: gja: I can take care of myself. Past that is my business alone. Do not assume.

lol

But we're wrong to call you an ITG.


Yes, yes you are. Did I say I would kick anyones butt or anything of that ilk? No. I did not.

But please, do go on. This line of discussion is pushing back the boredom <yawn>.
 
2014-03-06 03:52:35 PM
Put me in the "put the seat and lid down every time" camp.  Not because of flying poop, but because it looks nicer and things don't get dropped in there.
If you want to see a lot of poop, just take a microscope to you remote control.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 03:54:49 PM

Buttknuckle: Put me in the "put the seat and lid down every time" camp.  Not because of flying poop, but because it looks nicer and things don't get dropped in there.
If you want to see a lot of poop, just take a microscope to you remote control.


I read that somewhere as well. The results were revolting.
I close the lid because....pets.
 
2014-03-06 04:11:55 PM

gja: Fun fact: Come to my place and I will remind you to sit the fark down when peeing.
Because it splashes and you know it, and I am a clean person and not your goddamned maid.


How do you keep your urine from splashing.

I guess you lift the seat, and drop your private parts under the water?
 
2014-03-06 04:16:31 PM

gja: Buttknuckle: Put me in the "put the seat and lid down every time" camp.  Not because of flying poop, but because it looks nicer and things don't get dropped in there.
If you want to see a lot of poop, just take a microscope to you remote control.

I read that somewhere as well. The results were revolting.
I close the lid because....pets.


You have heathen pets.  They don't know they can get water next to the food bowl?
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 04:17:01 PM

Nutsac_Jim: gja: Fun fact: Come to my place and I will remind you to sit the fark down when peeing.
Because it splashes and you know it, and I am a clean person and not your goddamned maid.

How do you keep your urine from splashing.

I guess you lift the seat, and drop your private parts under the water?


Splashes inside the toilet go away with each flush. The word DUH comes to mind for asking that.
 
2014-03-06 04:20:03 PM

Nutsac_Jim: gja: Fun fact: Come to my place and I will remind you to sit the fark down when peeing.
Because it splashes and you know it, and I am a clean person and not your goddamned maid.

How do you keep your urine from splashing.

I guess you lift the seat, and drop your private parts under the water?


Catheters are the way to go.  All you have to do is change a bag.  No mess, no fuss.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-06 04:25:15 PM

Nutsac_Jim: gja: Buttknuckle: Put me in the "put the seat and lid down every time" camp.  Not because of flying poop, but because it looks nicer and things don't get dropped in there.
If you want to see a lot of poop, just take a microscope to you remote control.

I read that somewhere as well. The results were revolting.
I close the lid because....pets.

You have heathen pets.  They don't know they can get water next to the food bowl?


I have curious pets, yes. The terrier once came to me with her smelling "Springtime fresh". And she was SHOCKED I figured it out.
The cats are another story.
They are heartless mercenaries with no compunction. They amuse themselves by pushing things  off the countertop into the toilet.

Lid stays closed.
 
2014-03-06 05:45:08 PM
DIS TREYAD?

indianapublicmedia.org

I'S DIS CUSTID
 
2014-03-06 07:52:51 PM

Il Douchey: Dude, just don't lift it in the first place.  Problem solved.

 
2014-03-06 08:33:45 PM
Obviously you're not a golfer
 
2014-03-07 08:17:21 AM

Nutsac_Jim: gja: Buttknuckle: Put me in the "put the seat and lid down every time" camp.  Not because of flying poop, but because it looks nicer and things don't get dropped in there.
If you want to see a lot of poop, just take a microscope to you remote control.

I read that somewhere as well. The results were revolting.
I close the lid because....pets.

You have heathen pets.  They don't know they can get water next to the food bowl?


My dogs just lift the lid.  Pets perfer the toliet because it's a never ending supply of cold water.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-03-07 09:40:10 PM

TNel: Nutsac_Jim: gja: Buttknuckle: Put me in the "put the seat and lid down every time" camp.  Not because of flying poop, but because it looks nicer and things don't get dropped in there.
If you want to see a lot of poop, just take a microscope to you remote control.

I read that somewhere as well. The results were revolting.
I close the lid because....pets.

You have heathen pets.  They don't know they can get water next to the food bowl?

My dogs just lift the lid.  Pets perfer the toliet because it's a never ending supply of cold water.


You dogs lift it!? Damn, smart pooches. Good luck with THAT.
 
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