If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Medium)   The problem with Whole Foods is their customers   (medium.com) divider line 66
    More: Amusing, whole foods  
•       •       •

3341 clicks; posted to Business » on 03 Mar 2014 at 11:26 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



66 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-03-03 08:34:05 PM
And the smell.  (Seriously, they smell like lavender and patchouli and...something.)
 
2014-03-03 09:16:11 PM
Actually, the problem with Whole Foods is that attention-hungry writers can so easily invent stories about things that happened in them as the foundation for smug, self-serving "articles."
 
2014-03-03 09:21:37 PM
Do Jalopnik and Deadspin count as Gawker commentors? I know they are Gawker properties but hell, it isn't the same. Bro needs to pull his tampon out or something.
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2014-03-03 09:33:17 PM
This blog, it is not good.
 
2014-03-03 10:06:04 PM
Next up, Nils reviews a Rolling Stones concert.
 
2014-03-03 10:33:47 PM
fta The manager listened thoughtfully, nodding in all the right places, absorbing all of Birdman's self-important, self-indulgent demands.

img.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-03 11:00:58 PM
The pasta kitchen at the Ravenna Whole Foods in Seattle was run by this old black guy who cooked and joked with customers and gave you the recipe as he made your order. He made the best penne. I don't know what happened to that guy, but I like to think he's running the pasta bar in Heaven's buffet.
 
2014-03-03 11:32:28 PM
As nice as the Whole Foods' selection of beers is, I go to BevMo for a slightly cheaper price on same items.

Will hit them up if I feel like spending some extra on tea though.
 
2014-03-04 12:04:05 AM
My "local" (use that term loosely since it's in Bellevue and I'm in Auburn) Whole Foods stocks fresh Hatch green chiles when they come into season, that alone is enough for me to drive there and stock up on them like a doomsday prepper. Having a lot of nifty foodstuffs doesn't hurt in the slightest either. Was the first place I found cacao nibs at.
 
2014-03-04 12:08:14 AM
I have no problem with a dedicated checkout line for hurried hipsters and entitled 1%'ers.

Just so long as there's a 50% speedy checkout convenience charge added to every bill.

It sounds like they have the rich clientele density needed to sustain a dedicated red-carpet speedy checkout line.
 
2014-03-04 12:09:28 AM
I have to agree.  I hate going to Whole Foods, which is why I rarely go there.  Way overpriced.
 
2014-03-04 12:13:32 AM
It's false advertising, man. I went into one, and their produce section was selling melons cut in half. Whole foods, my ass.
 
2014-03-04 12:34:32 AM
I get the same thing from a similar style store in my area (that successfully kept a Whole Foods out of town).

Of course, I dress like a regular pleb, so that might be part of it.
 
2014-03-04 01:07:51 AM
Say what you want, but this article is 100% accurate.

/Served 6 years in the Whole
 
2014-03-04 01:09:25 AM
I shop at Whole Foods every week.  This blogger sounds like a bigger douche than anyone I have ever dealt with at Whole Foods.  The meat department at the one by me is awesome and the butchers are really helpful.
 
2014-03-04 01:11:03 AM

NakedDrummer: I shop at Whole Foods every week.  This blogger sounds like a bigger douche than anyone I have ever dealt with at Whole Foods.  The meat department at the one by me is awesome and the butchers are really helpful.


That was his point.

The employees are great, the customers on the other hand......
 
2014-03-04 01:30:15 AM

NakedDrummer: I shop at Whole Foods every week.  This blogger sounds like a bigger douche than anyone I have ever dealt with at Whole Foods.  The meat department at the one by me is awesome and the butchers are really helpful.


You missed the part where he said he was a customer.
 
2014-03-04 01:44:18 AM

cyberspacedout: It's false advertising, man. I went into one, and their produce section was selling melons cut in half. Whole foods, my ass.


Sounds like Mitch Hedberg.  "I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I said, fark that, I'll just make a copy."
 
2014-03-04 01:54:14 AM
"They stand in the middle of the aisles, blocking passage of any other cart, staring intently at the selection asking themselves that critical question: which one of these olive oils makes me seem coolest and most socially conscious, while also making the raw vegetable salad I'm preparing for the monthly condo board meeting seem most rustic and artisanal?"

I hate to break it to the author, but this happens in every grocery store. Probably for different reasons than a 'condo board meeting', but whatever. The Wegmans where I used to live was almost laid out intentionally to stop people from shopping efficiently... and it's a small town, so any 'rush' shopping time would see a dozen people yammering to people they knew instead of getting out of the way...

/yeah yeah, I sound like the writer
//BUT IT'S TRUE!
 
2014-03-04 02:10:40 AM
I do most of my grocery shopping at my local Fred Meyer. Fortunately, I haven't seen much in the way of douchebaggery from the customers there....

/ ..there is a Wal-Mart down the road...maybe more of the bad ones go there...
 
2014-03-04 03:15:16 AM
I feel like his premise is fairly flawed. I have a set routine in my bi-weekly grocery shopping: Sprouts for produce, then across the street to Target for toiletries, cleaners, and other non-food items, down the road to Costco for high volume stuff, then to Safeway for everything else. From time to time I hit up BevMo to refresh the liquor cabinet. Every single one of them has their share of the kind of people that he's talking about (though the family spread out side by side across the entire aisle as they sloooooowly browse while indignantly scoffing at any polite request to be let by seems to be a Costco exclusive). There's a lot more entitled assholes in the wild than anyone wants to admit. Welcome to the world.
 
2014-03-04 03:40:12 AM
The author seems not quite to grasp that he himself is the very problem he despises so much.
 
2014-03-04 03:44:56 AM
Grayson Perry made an excellent three part documentary about the nature of class, call The Vanity of Small Differences.

That's exactly what's going on here. The author essentially hates themselves.
 
2014-03-04 03:56:45 AM
Maybe it's because the people of Lincoln who go there, but I've found the whole foods here to be awesome. The shoppers mind their own damned business and don't make comments about what's in your basket...like they're trying to guess what you're making. I don't like random people talking to me.

I love it there.
 
2014-03-04 04:48:52 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: The pasta kitchen at the Ravenna Whole Foods in Seattle was run by this old black guy who cooked and joked with customers and gave you the recipe as he made your order. He made the best penne. I don't know what happened to that guy, but I like to think he's running the pasta bar in Heaven's buffet.


The fark man? Why did you have to kill the poor guy in this story? What is wrong with you? Pasta bar on his retirement beach in Hawaii, maybe? No, you were having none of that. You straight up murdered the old guy for your anecdote.
 
2014-03-04 05:07:27 AM

ThatDarkFellow: AverageAmericanGuy: The pasta kitchen at the Ravenna Whole Foods in Seattle was run by this old black guy who cooked and joked with customers and gave you the recipe as he made your order. He made the best penne. I don't know what happened to that guy, but I like to think he's running the pasta bar in Heaven's buffet.

The fark man? Why did you have to kill the poor guy in this story? What is wrong with you? Pasta bar on his retirement beach in Hawaii, maybe? No, you were having none of that. You straight up murdered the old guy for your anecdote.


You wouldn't happen to be that dark fellow from the Ravenna Whole Foods pasta kitchen, would you?
 
2014-03-04 05:32:16 AM
Organic foods are a scam that have no benefit over normally produced foods:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl5GXArC134
 
2014-03-04 05:43:58 AM

ladyfortuna: "They stand in the middle of the aisles, blocking passage of any other cart, staring intently at the selection asking themselves that critical question: which one of these olive oils makes me seem coolest and most socially conscious, while also making the raw vegetable salad I'm preparing for the monthly condo board meeting seem most rustic and artisanal?"

I hate to break it to the author, but this happens in every grocery store. Probably for different reasons than a 'condo board meeting', but whatever. The Wegmans where I used to live was almost laid out intentionally to stop people from shopping efficiently... and it's a small town, so any 'rush' shopping time would see a dozen people yammering to people they knew instead of getting out of the way...

/yeah yeah, I sound like the writer
//BUT IT'S TRUE!


I get the same thing at the Hannaford in my town. Not the snobbishness but the dopes standing around staring at the shelves and oblivious to anyone else trying to get down the aisle. I have Thursdays and Fridays off so I try to go 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning because it's much less crowded and I can bag my groceries myself.
 
2014-03-04 05:53:17 AM
I have shopped at a Whole Foods in the DC suburbs a couple of times because it was the closest food store within walking distance of my hotel. The store itself wasn't bad, but the madness of the parking lot was something to behold. It seemed to be mostly a contest between Prius' (Priii?) and German SUV's.
 
2014-03-04 06:25:06 AM
Whole Foods. Where "Namaste" really means "Go fark yourself."

Of course, this is Scottsdale, Arizona... douchebag paradise.
 
2014-03-04 06:49:42 AM

Unobtanium: I have shopped at a Whole Foods in the DC suburbs a couple of times because it was the closest food store within walking distance of my hotel. The store itself wasn't bad, but the madness of the parking lot was something to behold. It seemed to be mostly a contest between Prius' (Priii?) and German SUV's.


would that be the Clarendon location?
 
2014-03-04 07:23:55 AM
The problem with Whole Foods is their Everything.

Their antiscience, their lying to their customers to boost prices, their customers being self-important asswipes, their crappy employee treatment, their willingness to jump on hipster bandwagons and encourage stupid things, their customer stupidity, and really just about everything else. Whole Foods and their Customers suit each other perfectly. They'd suit each other more perfectly on Mars.
 
2014-03-04 07:45:26 AM
I never realized so much could be made of something so mundane as grocery shopping.
 
2014-03-04 07:50:32 AM

ladyfortuna: The Wegmans where I used to live was almost laid out intentionally to stop people from shopping efficiently


The Wegmans by me is kinda like that. We have to mentally picture the layout of the store when making a list. Basically I start at the end with the liquor store attached and move back down the aisles; got to get the essentials first.

That said, I never have a problem with saying excuse me or moving someone's cart out of the way. Maybe it's the former New Yorker in me, used to tight aisles where you always had a cart blocking your way.
 
2014-03-04 07:59:33 AM
oh look, it's this thread again...

HAHA WHOLE PAYCKECK AMIRIGHT!?!?!?!?!?!
 
2014-03-04 08:01:36 AM
There should be a class in grocery store etiquette in public schools.

Have your payment method ready before your last item is scanned.  Make small talk with cashier prior to the last item as well.  Don't abandon your cart in the center of the aisle to go get something far away.  Don't let your crotchfruit confuse the store with a playground.
 
2014-03-04 08:21:01 AM
Obligitory...


It's about to get real up in here yo!
 
2014-03-04 08:21:40 AM
Where's that damn "obvious" tag?
 
2014-03-04 08:24:50 AM
"can I get some matches?"
 
2014-03-04 08:34:32 AM

CPT Ethanolic: Organic foods are a scam that have no benefit over normally produced foods:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl5GXArC134


Wrong. I started using organic eggs because normal eggs were impossible to separate. The membrane around the yolk was so thin that they would break if you looked at them hard.
 
2014-03-04 08:44:04 AM

Waldo Pepper: Unobtanium: I have shopped at a Whole Foods in the DC suburbs a couple of times because it was the closest food store within walking distance of my hotel. The store itself wasn't bad, but the madness of the parking lot was something to behold. It seemed to be mostly a contest between Prius' (Priii?) and German SUV's.

would that be the Clarendon location?


Ding, ding, ding... We have a winner. Though I expect that many Whole Foods' parking lots could be described the same way
 
2014-03-04 08:54:04 AM

Unobtanium: Waldo Pepper: Unobtanium: I have shopped at a Whole Foods in the DC suburbs a couple of times because it was the closest food store within walking distance of my hotel. The store itself wasn't bad, but the madness of the parking lot was something to behold. It seemed to be mostly a contest between Prius' (Priii?) and German SUV's.

would that be the Clarendon location?

Ding, ding, ding... We have a winner. Though I expect that many Whole Foods' parking lots could be described the same way


I like pulling my smoky rusting out chevy pickup into the parking lot and letting it idle while I have lunch inside.
Don't get preachy with me, you grey headed ol lezzy, I'm eating Kale here.
 
2014-03-04 08:56:38 AM
I definitely agree with the writer seeing the customer anger. It is absolutely everywhere in the store over little things that are barely inconveniences. However, the staff who have to deal with these people are absolutely some of the nicest people who really go out of their way to be extremely helpful. I have a relative who has an unusual list of ingredients that they are allergic to, and the store manager personally walks through the store reading ingredient lists on items to make sure they were safe. That is way more impressive than most stores I have been in.
 
2014-03-04 09:00:27 AM

Triumph: Next up, Nils reviews a Rolling Stones concert.


Nils is dead dickhead, I repeat Nils is dead.
 
2014-03-04 09:03:01 AM
That reviewer sounds really, really angry. So, he could be on to something.

I don't shop Whole Foods. Out of season. Kroger's is cheaper. In season, we go to our farmer's market.
 
2014-03-04 09:06:31 AM
I go to Whole Foods about once a month to stock up on some of the stuff they sell that none of the local grocery stores stock.  Also, I love the prepared foods, like the turkey meatloaf and salmon, and the breakfast bar.  If the breakfast bar was not so expensive and it was more convenient to get there I would go all the time.  The banana pancakes they make there are great.

I usually go early on Saturday mornings just because the one closest to me is in a terrible spot to go to after work.  I have found that Saturday mornings are typically fine, people want to get in and out and get on with their day.  The problem is if I go after 10am the crowd is terrible and people are pissed off.  Also, if for some reason I cannot make it on Saturday, the crowd on Sunday morning is the worst of the Whole Foods crowds.  The store is full of people who haven't showered yet and apparently decided changing clothes from what they slept in was also not an option either.  They are also pissed off because, I can only assume, people like me take the time to shower before going out in public and are making them look bad.  Every time I end up there on a Sunday morning I tell myself I am never going back.
 
2014-03-04 09:08:00 AM
One of the other articles by this author is "Your child is a little asshole"

Site bookmarked.
 
2014-03-04 09:23:51 AM

Cup Check: Say what you want, but this article is 100% accurate.

/Served 6 years in the Whole



It is 100% accurate. But take that same article and replace Whole Foods with Wal Mart or Local Grocery store, and swap out some fancy food names for "cheeze whiz" or whatever and it would also be accurate.

Author is a tool.
 
2014-03-04 09:30:26 AM

Unobtanium: Waldo Pepper: Unobtanium: I have shopped at a Whole Foods in the DC suburbs a couple of times because it was the closest food store within walking distance of my hotel. The store itself wasn't bad, but the madness of the parking lot was something to behold. It seemed to be mostly a contest between Prius' (Priii?) and German SUV's.

would that be the Clarendon location?

Ding, ding, ding... We have a winner. Though I expect that many Whole Foods' parking lots could be described the same way


Is that the old Bread & Circus? (About 15 years ago, I mean)
 
2014-03-04 09:58:28 AM
So someone carelessly left their cart blocking an aisle, the blog-doucher comes by and clears his throat, and when he doesn't get a response, instead of asking the carefree hipster to move their cart, he just barks "MOVE YOUR CART" at them? Yeah that's normal behavior....
 
Displayed 50 of 66 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report