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(Reuters) NewsFlash Russia issues ultimatum to Ukrainian military: Surrender in 11 hours, "or face a military storm". Because apparently 12 hours was too much time and 10 hours not enough   (uk.reuters.com) divider line 748
    More: NewsFlash, Crimean, Ukrainian, Interfax, Ukrainian military, Black Sea Fleet, storms, Russian forces  
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10852 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Mar 2014 at 11:26 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


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748 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-03 11:24:45 AM  
O_O

i290.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-03 11:26:21 AM  
Welp. It's been nice knowing you folks. I've had a pleasant time with all of you, but it looks like we're going to be cinders in about 12 hours, so Imma gonna head down to my basement and cower until then.
 
2014-03-03 11:27:37 AM  
Sweet, an insta-green!  Also, hat tip to the mod that altered the headline on me.  Well played indeed.  :)
 
2014-03-03 11:27:39 AM  
The Spinal Tap offense.
 
2014-03-03 11:27:49 AM  
Well, fark. I guess Ukraine was nice while it lasted.
 
2014-03-03 11:28:24 AM  
Let's all sing the Doom Song!

Doom doom doom doomy doomy doooom


/ DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
 
2014-03-03 11:28:34 AM  
This is a surprise.... how?
 
2014-03-03 11:28:35 AM  
This means millions of 18 year old should start practicing all the Russian stages in COD III
 
2014-03-03 11:28:48 AM  
Vault 101 frowns on your shenanigans.
 
2014-03-03 11:28:49 AM  
Thanks Obama.
 
2014-03-03 11:29:02 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Welp. It's been nice knowing you folks. I've had a pleasant time with all of you, but it looks like we're going to be cinders in about 12 hours, so Imma gonna head down to my basement and cower until then.


This is Fark. We know that's not what you'll be doing in your basement.
 
2014-03-03 11:29:13 AM  
I think they're limiting this threat to Crimea.
 
2014-03-03 11:29:15 AM  

urger.org

 
2014-03-03 11:29:41 AM  
Seriously though, this is just more posturing, right?

I thought stuff cooled down.
 
2014-03-03 11:29:44 AM  
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I need the internet to tell me.
 
2014-03-03 11:29:49 AM  
Yes, and then you get the Ukraine. It will no doubt enjoy Chechen levels of loyalty.
 
2014-03-03 11:30:11 AM  

corq: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Welp. It's been nice knowing you folks. I've had a pleasant time with all of you, but it looks like we're going to be cinders in about 12 hours, so Imma gonna head down to my basement and cower until then.

This is Fark. We know that's not what you'll be doing in your basement.


Fearsturbating.
 
2014-03-03 11:30:24 AM  

Jakesta: Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I need the internet to tell me.


It's a thing.
 
2014-03-03 11:30:28 AM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: O_O

[i290.photobucket.com image 618x347]


Came here for that. Glad it was all over the first.
 
2014-03-03 11:30:35 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: corq: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Welp. It's been nice knowing you folks. I've had a pleasant time with all of you, but it looks like we're going to be cinders in about 12 hours, so Imma gonna head down to my basement and cower until then.

This is Fark. We know that's not what you'll be doing in your basement.

Fearsturbating.


Where you squeeze it real hard?
 
2014-03-03 11:30:36 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: I think they're limiting this threat to Crimea.


Let's hope. That makes the most sense.
 
2014-03-03 11:30:39 AM  
oi59.tinypic.com
 
2014-03-03 11:30:40 AM  
www.wrestleenigma.com
 
2014-03-03 11:30:42 AM  
Crimea river, Amirite?
 
2014-03-03 11:30:54 AM  
Oh snap it just got real. Wonder if any other countries will get involved.
 
2014-03-03 11:30:55 AM  
Christ. This is exactly what the world needs.
 
2014-03-03 11:30:55 AM  
I'm issuing a counter-ultimatum, Russia. Bring me a nice, hot, toasted cheese sandwich with some crunchy chips and a Coke with some ice but not too much ice and bring it before lunch starts in 33 minutes but after my conference call which starts in 23 minutes, or you'll face a negative Yelp review storm. You have your terms, the ball is in your court now.
 
2014-03-03 11:31:00 AM  
I don't understand why they're doing this.
 
2014-03-03 11:31:03 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Welp. It's been nice knowing you folks. I've had a pleasant time with all of you, but it looks like we're going to be cinders in about 12 hours, so Imma gonna head down to my basement and cower until then.


Meh.

After you've seen a few of these kinds of things, the novelty wears off.

World ain't gonna end, not for 99.99997% of us.
 
2014-03-03 11:31:14 AM  
Literally less than 10 seconds from the AP push to my iPod and the Newsflash push from the Fark app. Nice.
 
2014-03-03 11:31:14 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: I think they're limiting this threat to Crimea.


Yeah, I'm sure that if thy can just annex the Sudatenland they'll be completely happy and not move forward at all.
 
2014-03-03 11:31:26 AM  

WTF Indeed: This means millions of 18 year old should start practicing all the Russian stages in COD III


Please! I'm practicing with Command and Conquer Red Alert 3.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-03-03 11:31:50 AM  
The other houses will make sure you don't use atomics.
 
2014-03-03 11:31:52 AM  
And let that be a lesson to those Ukrainian folks who aggressively and blatently wanted a cleaner government. This'll show 'em.
 
2014-03-03 11:31:54 AM  

lifeboat:


I laughed way too hard at that
 
2014-03-03 11:32:17 AM  
nighthacks.com
 
2014-03-03 11:32:30 AM  
i.imgur.com

At least I had one last weekend bender before I go out. Maybe I should go down to the liquor store to pick up some La Fin du Monde. That's a tasty way to endure the end of the world.
 
2014-03-03 11:32:48 AM  
Still have duct tape and plastic sheeting from 9-11, no worries here.
 
2014-03-03 11:32:50 AM  
I'm sure the Sov-- er, Russian army has had contingency plans in place for just this scenario since the 1990s. They'll have a very specific timeline calculated, that is entirely based on their estimates of how Ukrainian mobilization will work, and will surely be intended to cause maximum disruption to that process.
 
2014-03-03 11:33:04 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Welp. It's been nice knowing you folks. I've had a pleasant time with all of you, but it looks like we're going to be cinders in about 12 hours, so Imma gonna head down to my basement and cower until then.


Oh stop it.  Granted it's very bad and it can become a shooting war.

I'm wondering if their security apparatus is going to get stretched.  Remember, the Chechens seem to hit the Russians when they least expect it.
 
2014-03-03 11:33:05 AM  

Interceptor1: I don't understand why they're doing this.


Because even the Russians think 26 minutes is too short.
 
2014-03-03 11:33:06 AM  

WTF Indeed: This means millions of 18 year old should start practicing all the Russian stages in COD III


What about the tank stage and the Archives stage from Goldeneye?  Do those help at all?  :D
 
2014-03-03 11:33:07 AM  

Testiclaw: Seriously though, this is just more posturing, right?

I thought stuff cooled down.


The Russians are playing this very carefully.  They've invaded and taken territory, but they have yet to fire a single shot at anyone.  Those that resist are surrounded and kept in place, but not fired upon.

Also, the Ukrainian government says they have proof that the Russians are going to do a 'false flag' operation to give themselves an excuse to open hostilities against Ukrainian forces.
 
2014-03-03 11:33:11 AM  
Oh, look. Russia has started another proxy war. I hope this one is as fun as the desert one and the jungle one.
 
2014-03-03 11:33:14 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-03 11:33:14 AM  

Interceptor1: I don't understand why they're doing this.


Because Putin is a classic Russian dictator who's still pissed that the Soviet Union broke up. He's getting the band back together!
 
2014-03-03 11:33:20 AM  
people.ucsc.edu
Five is right out ...
 
2014-03-03 11:33:20 AM  
The U.S. might, might have had some capability of intervention had we not spent a decade pissing away most of our international goodwill, burning out our military personnel, and blowing hundreds of billions of dollars on a pair of lengthy and fruitless attempts to justify the globalist concept of expanding democracy.
 
2014-03-03 11:33:21 AM  

timswar: HotWingConspiracy: I think they're limiting this threat to Crimea.

Yeah, I'm sure that if thy can just annex the Sudatenland they'll be completely happy and not move forward at all.


Awesome, we'll finally have peace for our time. Better go home and get a nice quiet sleep.
 
2014-03-03 11:33:21 AM  

SirGeorgeBurkelwitzIII: Christ. This is exactly what the world needs.


Christ is the exact opposite of what the world needs, based on established history.
 
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