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(Plymouth Herald)   Aftershave has desired effect--if desired effect was prompting a cat to leap onto a man's head and try to rip his face off   (plymouthherald.co.uk) divider line 72
    More: Scary, adverse effect, facial injury, cats, Vaseline  
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5289 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Mar 2014 at 10:35 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-03 09:57:43 AM  
Well, the salesman told him he'd get attacked by pussy.
 
2014-03-03 10:00:07 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-03 10:01:19 AM  
I go for Aramis myself.

I was attacked by a puma once.
 
2014-03-03 10:37:03 AM  
(insert joke about pussy on his face)
 
2014-03-03 10:38:59 AM  
It's got bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
 
2014-03-03 10:39:41 AM  
I use Nivea, alcohol-free.

I always use an aftershave with little or no alcohol; alcohol can dry out the face and make you look older.
 
2014-03-03 10:40:40 AM  
The animal-loving couple, who have four cats, two dogs and several tarantulas, say Blue has never attacked anyone before but does react strangely to odours.

This could have been much, MUCH worse.

/fark spiders
 
2014-03-03 10:42:54 AM  
I didn't realize PHOBIA was an acronym.

Oh, that's right, it isn't. The author is just an idiot.
 
2014-03-03 10:43:38 AM  
Hugo Boss
Makes your cat act rough
That won't happen
With our stuff.

Burma Shave
 
GBB
2014-03-03 10:44:32 AM  
www.thenug.com
 
2014-03-03 10:44:55 AM  
Too bad it wasn't Hai Karate. It comes with martial arts instructions.

houghtalingsheep.homestead.com
 
2014-03-03 10:45:33 AM  
Just being batshiat crazy and attacking for no apparent reason is kind of trademark cat behaviour in my experience.
 
2014-03-03 10:50:22 AM  
Heh, I wish I was allowed to do that.
 
2014-03-03 10:51:52 AM  

Orgasmatron138: I use Nivea, alcohol-free.

I always use an aftershave with little or no alcohol; alcohol can dry out the face and make you look older.


i1.ytimg.com
That's amazing...is it because there's no alcohol in it?
 
2014-03-03 10:51:59 AM  

VladTheEmailer: Just being batshiat crazy and attacking for no apparent reason is kind of trademark cat behaviour in my experience.


^Pretty much this.^
 
2014-03-03 10:53:49 AM  

Orgasmatron138: I use Nivea, alcohol-free.

I always use an aftershave with little or no alcohol; alcohol can dry out the face and make you look older.


I have to return some videotapes.
 
2014-03-03 10:54:28 AM  
It's really quite pungent.
 
2014-03-03 10:55:23 AM  
Obligatory Requisit-t-t-t-t-t-t (video)
 
2014-03-03 10:55:51 AM  
You know who else wore Hugo Boss?
 
2014-03-03 10:57:18 AM  
Say it, don't spray it.
 
2014-03-03 11:01:28 AM  
Thats to be expected if youre wearing another Cat's Piss.
Could have been my piss for all he knows.
I get strong reactions wherever i piss.
gives a new meaning to 'takin the piss'
 
2014-03-03 11:04:00 AM  
I've actually seen this movie... Seriously, there's a craptacular Italian giallo film from 1972 where a cat is the murder weapon: it attacks yellow scarves dipped in a chemical that causes cats to go berserk. Unfortunately for whoever holds said scarf, the cat's claws are dipped in curare. One quick scratch to the neck, one scream, cat is taken away before anyone notices it.
IMDB
 
2014-03-03 11:05:52 AM  
They can replace Calvin Kline for catching big cats.

To the Bat-Computer, Robin!
 
2014-03-03 11:06:19 AM  

GBB: [www.thenug.com image 500x300]


My god. It smells like Bigfoot's dick!
 
2014-03-03 11:08:13 AM  
Commercial fragrances sometimes use odd substances. Ambergris, for example. Many  of them use a chemical from the anal glands of the civet which the civet uses to mark its territory. The cat could have felt the guy was picking a fight.

/No clue.
 
2014-03-03 11:10:02 AM  

yakmans_dad: Commercial fragrances sometimes use odd substances. Ambergris, for example. Many  of them use a chemical from the anal glands of the civet which the civet uses to mark its territory. The cat could have felt the guy was picking a fight.

/No clue.


I always thought Georgio Red smelled of urine and was also very high priced.  WTF?
 
2014-03-03 11:10:54 AM  
I know phony sweat when I smell it.  When I first came in I thought you were Larry Bird.
 
2014-03-03 11:12:48 AM  
Everyone knows you use ear wax to befriend a cat, not aftershave.
 
2014-03-03 11:12:54 AM  
Wakes you up like a cold cat to the face.
 
2014-03-03 11:14:05 AM  
Better than the Axe effect.

Turns this

wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com

into this

media.heavy.comLET ME AXE YOU A QUESTION!!
 
2014-03-03 11:16:00 AM  
"The normally-placid puss leapt up at Ian and began clawing at his neck and ears as soon as it got a whiff of his pricey eau de toilette."

img.fark.net
 
2014-03-03 11:21:38 AM  

Orgasmatron138: I use Nivea, alcohol-free.

I always use an aftershave with little or no alcohol; alcohol can dry out the face and make you look older.


Hmm, I could stand to look a little older....

But the AS I use was always the little aloe moisturizing one from Gilette, which has been getting increasingly harder to find amidst all the little prissy perfume bottle aftershaves. Would be a nice change of pace if someone else started making something similar, because fark brand loyalty. However, I'm not about to start going to Whore Foods to pick up their funky tree sap aftershave, though.
 
2014-03-03 11:24:53 AM  
Is the Plymouth Herald a re-badged Daily Mail or something? I feel like I'm reading Daily Mail
 
2014-03-03 11:29:24 AM  
img512.imageshack.us
 
2014-03-03 11:33:29 AM  
CSB
july2003, fallujah, iraq.
My squad was sitting around having our daily "talk about anything except what's going on outside the wire" time. The topic of the day was what's the worst way you can think to hurt someone without a weapon. Fire, vehicle, thrown off a building, pecked to death by vultures. All sorts of things. I said throwing a cat in someone's face because the more they pull the more the cat would dig in. It was a hilarious thought.
end CSB
\after reading this article my sides hurt from laughing.
 
2014-03-03 11:34:27 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-03 11:44:43 AM  
A couple of weeks ago one of my cats gave me five across the eye while I was sleeping

i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-03 11:57:15 AM  

ransack.: A couple of weeks ago one of my cats gave me five across the eye while I was sleeping

[i.imgur.com image 292x515]


Goddamn, hairy Jesus, invest in a beard trimmer.
 
2014-03-03 12:01:15 PM  
Sounds like the script for the next Old Spice commercial.

/Man, those commercials are weird.
 
2014-03-03 12:11:16 PM  
To be fair to the cat, poseurs running around in strong aftershave make me want to rip someone's face off too.
 
2014-03-03 12:14:07 PM  
Well, he wanted his face buried in a little pusy didn't he?
 
2014-03-03 12:14:45 PM  

ransack.: A couple of weeks ago one of my cats gave me five across the eye while I was sleeping

[i.imgur.com image 292x515]


Paint eyes on lids so he thinks you're watching him
 
2014-03-03 12:17:40 PM  
My cat loves the smell of my sweat. I have to remove him from my armpits after I come home from the gym. Very gently or he'll latch on.

/so I'm thinking this aftershave smells just like my armpits. Mmm.
 
2014-03-03 12:21:52 PM  

ransack.: A couple of weeks ago one of my cats gave me five across the eye while I was sleeping

[i.imgur.com image 292x515]


Helped my sister move a couple weeks ago; her normally friendly, docile Maine Coon that's known me all its life had a little panic attack when I tried to put him in the carrier...I wound up with a piss-soaked T-shirt, two shredded forearms, and bite marks all over three of my fingers that required IV antibiotics to treat; the part that really shocked me is that he wasn't just trying to escape, he was actually trying to "neutralize" me - I let go of him as soon as he bit me the first time, but he kept coming back at me (this is a big farkin' cat, mind you); I had to toss him into the hallway after he lunged at my face a couple times, and he finally ran and hid.  I've been bitten by a few cats and dogs over the years, but never actually attacked by an animal before this...it was so surreal I didn't even feel anything until about an hour after it happened.

I was over at the new place just yesterday, lil' bastard was in my lap rubbing on me like nothing ever happened...
 
2014-03-03 12:22:46 PM  

ransack.: A couple of weeks ago one of my cats gave me five across the eye while I was sleeping

[i.imgur.com image 292x515]


Next time, you'll know to make it a goddamn sandwich.
 
2014-03-03 12:24:51 PM  
BTW this is the funniest goddamn thread I've read in awhile.
 
2014-03-03 12:25:25 PM  

Loaf's Tray: ransack.: A couple of weeks ago one of my cats gave me five across the eye while I was sleeping

[i.imgur.com image 292x515]

Helped my sister move a couple weeks ago; her normally friendly, docile Maine Coon that's known me all its life had a little panic attack when I tried to put him in the carrier...I wound up with a piss-soaked T-shirt, two shredded forearms, and bite marks all over three of my fingers that required IV antibiotics to treat; the part that really shocked me is that he wasn't just trying to escape, he was actually trying to "neutralize" me - I let go of him as soon as he bit me the first time, but he kept coming back at me (this is a big farkin' cat, mind you); I had to toss him into the hallway after he lunged at my face a couple times, and he finally ran and hid.  I've been bitten by a few cats and dogs over the years, but never actually attacked by an animal before this...it was so surreal I didn't even feel anything until about an hour after it happened.

I was over at the new place just yesterday, lil' bastard was in my lap rubbing on me like nothing ever happened...


Next time, just get a laser pointer and have it chase the dot into the carrier.
 
2014-03-03 12:29:36 PM  

K3rmy: Loaf's Tray: ransack.: A couple of weeks ago one of my cats gave me five across the eye while I was sleeping

[i.imgur.com image 292x515]

Helped my sister move a couple weeks ago; her normally friendly, docile Maine Coon that's known me all its life had a little panic attack when I tried to put him in the carrier...I wound up with a piss-soaked T-shirt, two shredded forearms, and bite marks all over three of my fingers that required IV antibiotics to treat; the part that really shocked me is that he wasn't just trying to escape, he was actually trying to "neutralize" me - I let go of him as soon as he bit me the first time, but he kept coming back at me (this is a big farkin' cat, mind you); I had to toss him into the hallway after he lunged at my face a couple times, and he finally ran and hid.  I've been bitten by a few cats and dogs over the years, but never actually attacked by an animal before this...it was so surreal I didn't even feel anything until about an hour after it happened.

I was over at the new place just yesterday, lil' bastard was in my lap rubbing on me like nothing ever happened...

Next time, just get a laser pointer and have it chase the dot into the carrier.


Normally you can just put him right in without any fuss, I've done it myself a couple times, I think he was on edge after we spent the whole day ransacking the house and just sort of...snapped...
 
2014-03-03 12:33:12 PM  
img.fark.net
seen fleeing the scene
 
2014-03-03 12:33:58 PM  
So, the cat's gonna walk?
 
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