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(Marketwatch)   What not to say when pulled over by a cop. "Your mom sucks like a Hoover" apparently absent   (marketwatch.com) divider line 31
    More: Obvious, your mom, Play Nice  
•       •       •

591 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 03 Mar 2014 at 11:19 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



31 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-03 10:21:36 AM  
"You don't give a serviceman's discount?  Too bad, your old lady does".
 
2014-03-03 10:38:14 AM  
I've found that I'm more nervous if I haven't done anything wrong. If I know I've done something wrong, I'll own up to it and end up catching a break every time.
 
2014-03-03 10:41:15 AM  
DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS??!!!
 
2014-03-03 10:42:52 AM  
Is this where we talk about how cops are all evil and corrupt and assholes?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-03-03 10:43:38 AM  
I usually call 911 and explain I refused to stop because there's a bomb in my car and if I drop below 50 mph it will explode.
 
2014-03-03 10:46:00 AM  
I PAY YOUR SALRAY!!!>
 
2014-03-03 10:52:22 AM  

vudukungfu: DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS??!!!


Do you, sir?
 
2014-03-03 11:01:12 AM  

vudukungfu: DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS??!!!


Dammit Percy, you shot a deputy.
 
2014-03-03 11:24:58 AM  
"The hooker was alive when I stuffer her in my trunk, officer. I don't know what happened."
 
2014-03-03 11:43:39 AM  
The police don't like being talked over, either. "Be polite," said Chicago Officer Mike Thomas. "You have your rights as a citizen, too, but it doesn't do you any good to talk while he's talking."

And I'm sure he's just as polite and doesn't speak over the citizen either.
 
2014-03-03 12:13:49 PM  
I'm sure the officers sitting near a speed change and refuse to answer questions are there to not make my life miserable and make sure I'm following the rules of the road and not endangering myself or those around me.
 
2014-03-03 12:34:28 PM  
"Is this where we talk about how cops are all evil and corrupt and assholes?"

Why yes, yes it is. Tales of incompetence and general buffoonery are also appreciated.
 
2014-03-03 12:56:53 PM  
Many criminals hide guns in glove boxes.

fark you, Jennifer Waters. Many non-criminals keep a pistol in the glove box as well. They're smart enough to notify the officer of it if they request something you need to retrieve from the box during the traffic stop.
 
2014-03-03 03:58:07 PM  

ManateeGag: Is this where we talk about how cops are all evil and corrupt and assholes?


I'm sure there has to be one out there that isn't.
 
2014-03-03 06:01:21 PM  
ManateeGag: Is this where we talk about how cops are all evil and corrupt and assholes?

That's an improper use of commas: $350.

Excuse me, I have to go roll through some,,, stop signs.
 
2014-03-03 06:19:49 PM  
"Are you drinking?"

"Depends.  You buyin"?"
 
2014-03-03 06:21:22 PM  
"I'll have a double-double, fries, and a neopolitan shake."
 
2014-03-03 06:35:50 PM  

Hot Carl To Go: Many criminals hide guns in glove boxes.

fark you, Jennifer Waters. Many non-criminals keep a pistol in the glove box as well. They're smart enough to notify the officer of it if they request something you need to retrieve from the box during the traffic stop.


like these people?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijdOkPD6vsw
 
2014-03-03 06:57:35 PM  
"English is not my first language. I am happy to help you, but you must speak slowly."
 
2014-03-03 07:02:57 PM  
Listen to me very carefully:

1. Cop pulls you over, asks "do you know why I pulled you over?" "do you know how fast you were going?" etc. You always answer "no." Do not admit anything like "I guess I was speeding" or the like.

2. Provide license, registration, and proof of insurance documents. Do not say anything. You are not required to answer any other questions -- "where are you going?" "what do you have in the car?", "have you had any drinks?" etc. Just say that you'd like him to issue any citation he plans on issuing to you and then you'd like to be on your way.

3. If the cop asks for your consent to search the car, say "no." If the cop is asking for consent, that means he knows he has no basis to conduct an involuntary search. Even if you don't think there is anything illegal in the car, you should still refuse consent: you don't know for sure that one of your friends (or your mechanic) dropped a joint under the front seat, but you'll be held responsible for it if they did. Nothing good can come of granting consent to search -- the fact that you consented isn't going to result in the cop cutting you a break if he finds drugs or other contraband in the car.

3a. If you are directed to get out of the car, do so. (Remember that you're still obligated to follow lawful orders of cops, but you aren't required to provide them with answers to any questions other than verifying your identity.) If the cop asks you to do something, ask if you have the option to decline or if you are being ordered to do it. Unless the cop says that he is ordering you to do it, politely decline -- see #2. Whether or not to take a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, etc. are issues that are too complex to boil down to simple rules here.

4. Once he hands you your license and registration documents back, your encounter with him is over. He may ask additional questions. Do not answer them. The only thing you should be saying to the cop from now on is "am I free to go?" If the answer is anything even remotely approaching "yes," close the window, start the car, and drive away (carefully). If the answer is "no," go back to #2.
 
2014-03-03 07:12:31 PM  
Cop pulls you over, asks "do you know why I pulled you over?"

Because you made C's in High School?
 
2014-03-03 09:09:42 PM  

Arthur Two Sheds Jackson: Cop pulls you over, asks "do you know why I pulled you over?"

Because you made C's D's in High School?

 
2014-03-03 09:58:37 PM  
Cop thread?
 
2014-03-03 10:56:41 PM  

mikaloyd: Cop thread?


It could have been, if you had shown up earlier.
 
2014-03-03 10:58:03 PM  
I don't know what y'all are doing wrong. I talk to the cops all the time and never get in trouble.

#1 Pulled over in TN with MA license plates. I'm in the passenger seat of my own truck. Officer comes to passenger side, takes my friend's license and goes back to his car. I removed the glass bowl I had in the pocket of the door and gave it to somebody in the back seat to hide. Cop comes back and says he smells "burnt marijuana" coming from my truck. We were all sober - it was 8AM - and I'm offering him alternatives like a bottle rocket we had found at the campsite or the clove cigarettes I used to smoke. He pulls us out of the truck, separates us and eventually asks me if he can search my truck. We have that bowl and a small amount of weed. Finally I say, "Sure, go ahead."

He searched for half an hour. Pulled out all our bags unzipped them all, looked through my tools, looked in all the usual places. Couldn't find a thing. Finally he says, "You're free to go." We didn't say a word, just put our stuff back in the truck and got to the border as quickly as we could. I asked the girl where she put the pipe. She had put it in my shoe which was on the floor in the backseat. The little bit of weed was in the only unzippered pocket of any of our bags.

#2 We've all got real good buzzes, I know I was over the limit. We're looking for our friend's house. Finally I pull over to look at the map. Ok pull over isn't really it. I just stopped in the middle of an intersection. Cop walks up says, "Good evening, can I help you?"

I say, "We're looking for Steen St." He chuckles, points, and says, "THAT Steen St?" I am literally in the middle of the intersection, 25 feet away from the street I'm looking for, fumbling through a map with a car full of giggling partiers.

He says, "What's going on over on Steen St?" I just say it's our friend's mom's house. He lets us go on our way.

#3 I'm drunk again, driving home from my friend's house, probably about 10PM. I'm cruising along, blasting some Kottonmouth Kings when the car in front of me puts on their blinker. Only other car on the road. Up here when somebody turns left on a single lane road it's ok to drive around them on the right side of the car as long as the shoulder is paved.

They start to make their turn, I'm ready to just cruise along by them on the right. Suddenly they turn right! I end up veering to the right, luckily they notice me and stop and I smash into the telephone pole. I jumped out and noticed it was their right blinker on. They had pulled a little to the left to make the sharp turn into the parking lot on the right.

Fire truck and police show up, I tell them what happened. I said I thought they had their left blinker on, so on, so forth. The officer says, "Well, it looks like you're the only one with any damages so I'm not going to write you up. Do you need a ride home?" My truck is totaled so I said yes.

I hop into the back seat of his cruiser. On the ride home he mentions that I smell like I've had a lot to drink. I say, "Yeah, probably a little too much, obviously." He says, "Well maybe next time you'll think to call a taxi or something." I agree, we arrive at my place and I hop out, thanking the officer.

#4 I'm broke, just got a new job. Problem is, my driver's license is suspended for failing to pay a speeding ticket, haven't paid my insurance and registration, and my inspection sticker had been expired for 2 years. So I'm driving this vehicle to work and I pass an officer on an adjacent street. I see his head follow my truck as I drive by. He pulls out, I make the very next right and then a left. I was within a block of getting to the job, but he catches up to me.

By the time he comes to my truck he already knows that it's not legit. Says, "What's up with your inspection sticker, man? It's Blue! (They change colors every year and all cars on the road would have orange if they've recently got inspected or green if they were going to need to get inspected soon.) I explain to him that I haven't been able to pay for all the stuff, I mention that driving without insurance has been a big lesson in being a safer driver. I tell him I just got a job and I just need the next paycheck to take care of everything.

He asks for my license, I give it to him. He stands there for a minute, then says..."I'm going to give you a break, but I have to figure out how." He starts tapping my license on it's edge on the rolled down window. Says, "Hell, I don't even know if this is good." I will admit that I didn't say a thing. Just waited to see what he was going to do. He says, "Get out of the car, lock it, and start walking down the street. At least wait until I'm completely out of view before you...before, you know...you do whatever you gotta do."

I follow his instructions as he drives away. As soon as he was out of sight I turned around and walked back to my truck and drove it away.

#5 I used to live in a 3-story apartment building that had a hatch that allowed you to get on the roof. We used to go up there and drink and hang out when the apartment was getting a little small. One night we see a cop turn down our street and pull into the parking lot. Everybody gets up and goes back to the hatch to climb down. My friends all went into either my apartment or their own if they lived there.

I was almost in my apartment by the time the cop made it into the building and started calling up to us. I might have been able to just walk in and close my door, but I had liquid balls so I said, "Hello."

He comes up the stairs a bit and says, "Were you up on the roof?"
Me: Yeah
Him: You can't be up there.
Me: Why not?
Him: (flustered hesitance) Be-because you can't!
Me: Why?
Him: You could fall off.
Me: Oh, so you're concerned about my safety?
Him: Well it's not that, if you fell you could sue the property owner
Me: So this is about money.
Him: Uh, yeah.
Me: OK, thank you, good night

Then I just walked into my apartment and closed the door. He left.

#6 I used to live directly above my dad's ex-coont. She was always complaining about me being loud even though I basically tippy-toe through my own house out of respect for neighbors. She finally started calling the police. Once they came and my music was "a bit too loud" and another time I was driving my dad's car and they came to make sure my dad wasn't in the apartment because she got a BS restraining order on him. I let the cop in to look in my closets. One closet had paraphernalia in it. But there were shelves so it would be impossible to fit a human in there and I was able to shut the door before he saw anything. But the third time we noticed the cop pull into the parking lot through my 3rd story window.

We shut down the music, flipped on the TV to Disney channel or somesuch. When the officer knocked on the door we were all sitting quietly watching a movie. The cop tells us they got a noise complaint. I sort of swing the door open and say, "Were we being loud? We're just watching this movie." I let the cop walk into the living room.

He looks at the TV and says, "OH, Monsters Inc. My kids love that movie." He and I walk out to the hallway and I tell him I know who called the police, and that she used to be married to my dad and that she's always hassling me. He thanked me and I went back inside. I swear this guy didn't leave the building for 20 minutes. He must have been scolding her about calling them over nothing and wasting their time. She never called the cops again.
 
2014-03-03 11:07:18 PM  

jaylectricity: I don't know what y'all are doing wrong. I talk to the cops all the time and never get in trouble.

#1 Pulled over in TN with MA license plates. I'm in the passenger seat of my own truck. Officer comes to passenger side, takes my friend's license and goes back to his car. I removed the glass bowl I had in the pocket of the door and gave it to somebody in the back seat to hide. Cop comes back and says he smells "burnt marijuana" coming from my truck. We were all sober - it was 8AM - and I'm offering him alternatives like a bottle rocket we had found at the campsite or the clove cigarettes I used to smoke. He pulls us out of the truck, separates us and eventually asks me if he can search my truck. We have that bowl and a small amount of weed. Finally I say, "Sure, go ahead."

He searched for half an hour. Pulled out all our bags unzipped them all, looked through my tools, looked in all the usual places. Couldn't find a thing. Finally he says, "You're free to go." We didn't say a word, just put our stuff back in the truck and got to the border as quickly as we could. I asked the girl where she put the pipe. She had put it in my shoe which was on the floor in the backseat. The little bit of weed was in the only unzippered pocket of any of our bags.

#2 We've all got real good buzzes, I know I was over the limit. We're looking for our friend's house. Finally I pull over to look at the map. Ok pull over isn't really it. I just stopped in the middle of an intersection. Cop walks up says, "Good evening, can I help you?"

I say, "We're looking for Steen St." He chuckles, points, and says, "THAT Steen St?" I am literally in the middle of the intersection, 25 feet away from the street I'm looking for, fumbling through a map with a car full of giggling partiers.

He says, "What's going on over on Steen St?" I just say it's our friend's mom's house. He lets us go on our way.

#3 I'm drunk again, driving home from my friend's house, probably about 10PM. I'm cruising along, blasti ...


Wow, I must say you have incredibly good luck with cops. Hope it doesn't catch up to you someday.

//CS'sB
 
2014-03-03 11:09:58 PM  

John Buck 41: Wow, I must say you have incredibly good luck with cops. Hope it doesn't catch up to you someday.


I don't break the law much anymore.

John Buck 41: //CS'sB


Thanks. I know you're sort of joking, but I'm sure you enjoyed reading them.
 
2014-03-03 11:20:59 PM  
For #3 I have to wonder something. I was in the BACK OF HIS CRUISER. He could have just driven me to jail. I was dead to rights.
 
2014-03-04 02:19:15 AM  

jaylectricity: I talk to the cops all the time and never get in trouble.


You sound white.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-03-04 07:27:47 AM  
jaylectricity: I asked the girl where she put the pipe. She had put it in my shoe

What an anticlimactic answer.
 
2014-03-04 11:12:37 AM  
True story. In 1994, I got pulled over by the cop brother of a chick who always annoyed me growing up. I actually told him, "Your sister is a bulldyke." Got the ticket. It was worth it.
 
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