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(NYPost)   It turns out that flushable wipes are not flushable after all. Well, shiat   (nypost.com) divider line 38
    More: Sick, 72nd Street, Kimberly-Clark, brooklyn federal court, clogged drain  
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14659 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Mar 2014 at 11:43 PM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-03-02 08:35:17 PM  
8 votes:
I'll keep flushing random things to see what we can use as a replacement.
2014-03-02 11:56:13 PM  
6 votes:
How quaint - a toilet.

Meanwhile, it's 2014 and civilized folk are wafflestomping their cares away down the shower drain.
2014-03-03 12:27:46 AM  
5 votes:

browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.


After 20 years of haemorrhoids, my misshapen arsehole laughs at toilet paper. I could sit there wiping through three full rolls and still be finding new shiat filled crevices.

A bidet might do the job if it was fitted out with a Gurney Jet rather than the pathetically weak squirts they use standard.  Currently I use the Mythbusters Method... ie, let it dry for a week then use a stick of dynamite.
2014-03-03 12:09:20 AM  
5 votes:
www.yourprops.com
2014-03-03 03:16:00 AM  
3 votes:
static.neatorama.com

/Pussies.
2014-03-03 02:06:22 AM  
3 votes:
You guys can keep fighting over which banal method of anal hygiene you prefer. I am going to stick with the classics. The dexterity from the tongue of a Peruvian slave child is something that just can't be automated.
2014-03-03 12:36:41 AM  
3 votes:
It it for washing babies  in?

No it's for washing babies out.
2014-03-03 12:14:13 AM  
3 votes:

browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.


Mine are more Gretzky poops than Messier poops.
2014-03-03 12:12:02 AM  
3 votes:

K3rmy: That is why I wipe my ass with dead goldfish.  Occasionally a nutritionist if the next door neighbor was no looking when backing out of her driveway again.


I use the neck of a live goose.

Flushing them is hell, but the downy wipe is pure heaven.

/apologies to Rabelais
2014-03-02 11:58:33 PM  
3 votes:
I gave up the wipes for a while, but I had to start using them again

/the cats wouldn't come into the bathroom anymore
2014-03-02 08:59:31 PM  
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2014-03-02 08:17:41 PM  
3 votes:
The damn things dry out too quickly anyway.  The first few work great, then you're left with a stack of construction paper.
2014-03-03 12:48:04 AM  
2 votes:

RoyBatty: I wonder what the age distribution is on these adult flushable wipes thing. I find them much more bizarre than bidets.

They seem far too closely linked to either being a baby or being senile.

It's a millennial thing isn't it? Like millennials aren't going to want to work unless the boss supplies flushable wipes for them and USB chargers?


Well, i obviously dont understand the nuances of a bidet, not that id find one in an apartment anywhere around here, the wipes are a middle ground between dry paper and taking a shower after every time, which is impractical... paper like usual, one wipe at the end, never felt fresher.


I mean, if you had shiat on any other part of your body would you accept it as clean after just wiping it with dry paper? Seriously, no swamp ass, no skid marks, none of this situation...


i.imgur.com
2014-03-02 11:48:50 PM  
2 votes:
You can have my flushable wipes when you pry them from my warm, stinky hemorrhoids.
2014-03-03 09:28:21 AM  
1 votes:

shtychkn: gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.

Romans used a wet rag on a stick


thehiredpens.com

We've come full circle!
2014-03-03 09:27:09 AM  
1 votes:

Badgers: [static.neatorama.com image 480x510]

/Pussies.


img.fark.net

I'm sure the guy who invented this was immediately bestowed with a lifetime membership in the Millionaire Jerb Creators Club.
2014-03-03 06:08:41 AM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2014-03-03 02:40:50 AM  
1 votes:
Anecdotally, my plumbing was clogged by "flushable" wipes a couple months ago. Odd, since I don't use them. Could my  au pair be the culprit?  I don't have an au pair. It's a mystery.
2014-03-03 02:32:26 AM  
1 votes:

Enemabag Jones: Fissile,
Just forget all that and use the bidet the way Southrons do.

Don't forget it is the perfect size for the cat.
[content.simonscat.com image 480x640]


My entry from my Paris apartment circa 1996:

home.earthlink.net
2014-03-03 02:31:38 AM  
1 votes:
I think I have hemmoroids from the cheap toilet paper they have at work. It bleeds when I wipe, and it hurts when I bend over, and I can feel little fleshy bumps when I'm wiping. The other day after I got done, I stood up and there was a little piece of something sitting on the back of the toilet, it looked like a craisin. I think it may have been a 'roid that peeled off during some more passionate wiping.
2014-03-03 01:29:36 AM  
1 votes:
There is no "One Size Fits All" solution.

Which is why you need to create an arsenal of solutions.

www.digitaltechmedics.com
2014-03-03 01:10:58 AM  
1 votes:
OK class. Let's recap.

A bidet is for cleaning your nether regions and your junk (men and women) without necessitating a shower.
If you want to use it immediately after a doo doo, yes you can. However prior to using it after a doo doo, you'd usually wipe.

The jet is not there to blast doody out of your bung. Its the most convenient way to wet your nether regions if you're not in a shower. As a matter of fact some bidets don't have jets, they have a faucet which fills up the bidet.

The really are handy. You can keep your shower fresh feeling all day...
2014-03-03 01:04:57 AM  
1 votes:
How large are they? They seem much cheaper than swiffer refills. Can I use them on my kitchen floor?

i.imgur.com i.imgur.com
2014-03-03 01:00:29 AM  
1 votes:

Cyno01: RoyBatty: I wonder what the age distribution is on these adult flushable wipes thing. I find them much more bizarre than bidets.

They seem far too closely linked to either being a baby or being senile.

It's a millennial thing isn't it? Like millennials aren't going to want to work unless the boss supplies flushable wipes for them and USB chargers?

Well, i obviously dont understand the nuances of a bidet, not that id find one in an apartment anywhere around here, the wipes are a middle ground between dry paper and taking a shower after every time, which is impractical... paper like usual, one wipe at the end, never felt fresher.


I mean, if you had shiat on any other part of your body would you accept it as clean after just wiping it with dry paper? Seriously, no swamp ass, no skid marks, none of this situation...


[i.imgur.com image 626x697]


Well admittedly that sometimes happens. When it does, keep wiping, you'll know you're done when the end of marker, red ink starts bleeding through.

(Also, roll, don't wad.)
2014-03-03 12:48:45 AM  
1 votes:

susansto-helit: tripleseven: RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)

Pretty much.

The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.

Do they also come with a nail brush so you can clean the crap out from under them when you're done?


Just forget all that and use the bidet the way Southrons do.

images.huffingtonpost.com
2014-03-03 12:34:06 AM  
1 votes:

WhoopAssWayne: UNC_Samurai: installing a goddamn bidet.

The Japanese ones that analyse your leavings and offer diet advice? All in a HAL like voice?


Anything that attempts to analyze the chemical composition of things coming out of my bunghole would most likely violate the Geneva Convention under biological warfare restrictions.
2014-03-03 12:25:22 AM  
1 votes:

Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.


i.imgur.com

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)
2014-03-03 12:24:52 AM  
1 votes:
He spent a whole $600 on a plumber and decided to spend 20 times that to hire a lawyer to sue? Farker got off easy.

Seriously, dry toilet paper is much younger than America itself, but we need pre-moistened toilet paper now? People can't wet it themselves anymore?

http://nobodys-perfect.com/vtpm/exhibithall/informational/tphistory. ht ml

There is a sink within reach of my toilet, if I need to moisten it, I do it myself. If you're paying a premium for someone else to sell you pre-moistened hoity toity asswipe, you probably a.) didn't read the fine print which absolves them of plumbing issues they could not foresee, b.) have way too more dollars than sense, c.) are too lazy to wet your own damn toilet paper or take a shower if that's what's called for after your messy deuce.
2014-03-03 12:22:43 AM  
1 votes:
London officials... had to blast a 15-ton, bus-sized mass of wipes and congealed grease - dubbed "fatberg" - from the city's nearly paralyzed sewer system last summer.

1.bp.blogspot.com

"Aye... She was forty feet long if she was a foot."
2014-03-03 12:14:58 AM  
1 votes:
FTA:
"They had to blast a 15-ton, bus-sized mass of wipes and congealed grease - dubbed "fatberg" - from the city's nearly paralyzed sewer system last summer."

Am I the only one who initially read that as, "fartberg?"
2014-03-03 12:14:52 AM  
1 votes:

browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.


So that's *your* Fark handle origin story....
2014-03-03 12:10:46 AM  
1 votes:
I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.
2014-03-03 12:06:48 AM  
1 votes:

Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]


Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.
2014-03-03 12:06:22 AM  
1 votes:
Pinch it off, and go forth. No need to kill trees.
2014-03-02 11:58:56 PM  
1 votes:
www.debatepolicy.com
2014-03-02 11:50:45 PM  
1 votes:
When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.
2014-03-02 11:48:29 PM  
1 votes:
How much toilet paper do you...

OK, nevermind.
2014-03-02 08:58:17 PM  
1 votes:

optikeye: Keep a small spray bottle on the back of your toilet with 1/2 witch hazel, 1/2 water. A few drops of baby shampoo, and a few drops of baby oil. Shake and spray on your toilet paper as used or needed.


Or do what I do, just dump in your used motor oil to get the works going.  Hell I don't pay for sewage not to use it!
 
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