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(NYPost)   It turns out that flushable wipes are not flushable after all. Well, shiat   (nypost.com) divider line 180
    More: Sick, 72nd Street, Kimberly-Clark, brooklyn federal court, clogged drain  
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14645 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Mar 2014 at 11:43 PM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



180 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-02 06:53:42 PM
I discovered that the hard way a few years ago.
 
2014-03-02 06:58:20 PM
Keep a small spray bottle on the back of your toilet with 1/2 witch hazel, 1/2 water. A few drops of baby shampoo, and a few drops of baby oil. Shake and spray on your toilet paper as used or needed.
 
2014-03-02 08:17:41 PM
The damn things dry out too quickly anyway.  The first few work great, then you're left with a stack of construction paper.
 
2014-03-02 08:35:17 PM
I'll keep flushing random things to see what we can use as a replacement.
 
2014-03-02 08:56:36 PM

MattyBlast: The damn things dry out too quickly anyway.  The first few work great, then you're left with a stack of construction paper.


Good to the last wipe.

I already subscribe to DSC, so getting this as an addon is just a plus.
 
2014-03-02 08:58:17 PM

optikeye: Keep a small spray bottle on the back of your toilet with 1/2 witch hazel, 1/2 water. A few drops of baby shampoo, and a few drops of baby oil. Shake and spray on your toilet paper as used or needed.


Or do what I do, just dump in your used motor oil to get the works going.  Hell I don't pay for sewage not to use it!
 
2014-03-02 08:59:31 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-02 10:41:55 PM
These things are at least as flushable as the pet alligator I didn't want anymore.
 
2014-03-02 10:45:54 PM
Well, duh.  If Charmin will clog your pipes, it's pretty obvious those cloth-like wipes will, too.
 
2014-03-02 11:08:23 PM

EmmaLou: Well, duh.  If Charmin will clog your pipes, it's pretty obvious those cloth-like wipes will, too.


lol charmin clogs pipes ??!!
 
2014-03-02 11:48:29 PM
How much toilet paper do you...

OK, nevermind.
 
2014-03-02 11:48:50 PM
You can have my flushable wipes when you pry them from my warm, stinky hemorrhoids.
 
2014-03-02 11:50:45 PM
When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.
 
2014-03-02 11:51:57 PM
That is why I wipe my ass with dead goldfish.  Occasionally a nutritionist if the next door neighbor was no looking when backing out of her driveway again.
 
2014-03-02 11:56:13 PM
How quaint - a toilet.

Meanwhile, it's 2014 and civilized folk are wafflestomping their cares away down the shower drain.
 
2014-03-02 11:56:34 PM
POOP THREAD!
 
2014-03-02 11:58:20 PM

UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.


THIS!

I wish I could afford the awesome Toto Japanese toilet seats that have warm spray, hot air dry, refresh the air and play music to cover the farts.  Unfortunately I'll probably end up with this one instead:

http://www.skymall.com/biffy-butler-bidet-sprayer-%2F-digital-access or y-caddy-%2F-toilet-paper-stand/BIF101.html

It's kind of a nice all-in-one unit to save space.. not sure how often I'd use the tablet holder tho.. can't imagine people wanting to use the ipad while pooping.
 
2014-03-02 11:58:33 PM
I gave up the wipes for a while, but I had to start using them again

/the cats wouldn't come into the bathroom anymore
 
2014-03-02 11:58:56 PM
www.debatepolicy.com
 
2014-03-03 12:00:07 AM
Fix your ancient infrastructure.
 
2014-03-03 12:00:22 AM
I notice signs in the thrift stores about not flushing paper towels. I'm left curious about that one.
 
2014-03-03 12:04:43 AM
In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

www.timticks.com
 
2014-03-03 12:05:41 AM

Molavian: Fix your ancient infrastructure.


With what money?
 
2014-03-03 12:06:08 AM

LtDarkstar: can't imagine people wanting to use the ipad while pooping.


Dude, I've had a laptop in the bathroom since wireless went consumer.  How else can you read the news on the can?

Confabulat: I discovered that the hard way a few years ago.


Our septic system had a Gillette razor handle from the 70's stuck in it, and when my wife cleaned the bathroom with "flushable cleaning wipes" after we bought the house, they wrapped around that handle and plugged the whole damn thing up.  We had to dig up part of the driveway to replace the line out to the septic tank.  I did learn that during WWII they used cardboard pipes soaked in pine tar for plumbing lines because metal was at such a premium.

It's all nice, slick PVC now.
 
2014-03-03 12:06:22 AM
Pinch it off, and go forth. No need to kill trees.
 
dh2
2014-03-03 12:06:33 AM

UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.


24.media.tumblr.com
"Oh my God!  There's nothing wrong with the bidet, is there?"

/Had a bidet for the last 20 years.
//...ahhhh....
 
2014-03-03 12:06:48 AM

Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]


Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.
 
2014-03-03 12:07:19 AM

zzrhardy: How quaint - a toilet.

Meanwhile, it's 2014 and civilized folk are wafflestomping their cares away down the shower drain.


Kelly, is that you?
 
2014-03-03 12:09:20 AM
www.yourprops.com
 
2014-03-03 12:10:26 AM
I don't understand what the big allure of wet wipes is. After you use a couple you then have to dry. Then you're right back to regular toilet paper.

Why not skip the middle man and go right to the tp?
 
2014-03-03 12:10:46 AM
I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.
 
2014-03-03 12:12:02 AM

K3rmy: That is why I wipe my ass with dead goldfish.  Occasionally a nutritionist if the next door neighbor was no looking when backing out of her driveway again.


I use the neck of a live goose.

Flushing them is hell, but the downy wipe is pure heaven.

/apologies to Rabelais
 
2014-03-03 12:13:23 AM
I do not understand bidets. Unless that thing sprays a pretty damn high-pressure stream into my crack, there's no way it'll get anywhere near clean enough.

I normally use toilet paper, but baby wipes are goddamn luxurious on my ass. And my toilet has no issues flushing them. Goddamn do I love industrial-strength plumbing!
 
2014-03-03 12:14:11 AM
What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?
 
2014-03-03 12:14:13 AM

browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.


Mine are more Gretzky poops than Messier poops.
 
2014-03-03 12:14:52 AM

browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.


So that's *your* Fark handle origin story....
 
2014-03-03 12:14:58 AM
FTA:
"They had to blast a 15-ton, bus-sized mass of wipes and congealed grease - dubbed "fatberg" - from the city's nearly paralyzed sewer system last summer."

Am I the only one who initially read that as, "fartberg?"
 
2014-03-03 12:15:20 AM
Just wet some toilet paper. You don't need fancy wipes four this, people.
 
2014-03-03 12:15:47 AM

Lsherm: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]

Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.


Yeah, that's why you also need one of those jet dryers like they have in public restrooms.
 
2014-03-03 12:16:24 AM
*for

Or fancy swipe keyboards, for that matter.
 
2014-03-03 12:16:29 AM

UNC_Samurai: browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.

Mine are more Gretzky poops than Messier poops.


Good, but think astronomy. I think he was referring to Messier Objects.
 
2014-03-03 12:17:21 AM

rebelyell2006: You can have my flushable wipes when you pry them from my warm, stinky hemorrhoids.


You can just throw the wipes away in the trash, man. Do not flush them. 

You'd be like them women folks who clog the pipes downing their lady hygiene products.  Then act all coy when confronted with the facts. "They're not my pipes! Tee hee, the business will be okay!"

/seriously don't flush that shiat down the toilet.
//that's what waste bins are for.
 
2014-03-03 12:18:21 AM
Anyone else come here expecting pictures of what a "fatberg" might look like?
 
2014-03-03 12:18:27 AM
I've been to a few countries where they ask you to put used toilet paper in a bin because the plumbing can't handle it. I use the paper sparingly and flush it. I don't want to stay in a room with a garbage can full of shiatty paper.
 
2014-03-03 12:18:34 AM

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: FTA:
"They had to blast a 15-ton, bus-sized mass of wipes and congealed grease - dubbed "fatberg" - from the city's nearly paralyzed sewer system last summer."

Am I the only one who initially read that as, "fartberg?"


You sure as fark aren't.
 
2014-03-03 12:19:16 AM

brimed03: Anyone else come here expecting pictures of what a "fatberg" might look like?


It was a Fark link last year.  Grody stuff you missed out on. Google is your friend.
 
2014-03-03 12:20:09 AM

shanrick:


Dufuq?
 
2014-03-03 12:22:43 AM
London officials... had to blast a 15-ton, bus-sized mass of wipes and congealed grease - dubbed "fatberg" - from the city's nearly paralyzed sewer system last summer.

1.bp.blogspot.com

"Aye... She was forty feet long if she was a foot."
 
2014-03-03 12:24:07 AM

UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.


I am sooo jealous. Good on you.

/too poor now
//having health insurance doesn't much matter when what it won't cover wipes you out
///"wipes" *groans at pun*
 
2014-03-03 12:24:29 AM
I'm willing to bet multiple wipes were used by this guy.  My rule, wipe a couple times with the regular stuff, finish off with a flushable wet wipe.  If you're still in need of wiping after that, jump in the shower...and you seriously need to change your diet
 
2014-03-03 12:24:31 AM

Ed Grubermann: Molavian: Fix your ancient infrastructure.

With what money?


That's a good question.
 
2014-03-03 12:24:52 AM
He spent a whole $600 on a plumber and decided to spend 20 times that to hire a lawyer to sue? Farker got off easy.

Seriously, dry toilet paper is much younger than America itself, but we need pre-moistened toilet paper now? People can't wet it themselves anymore?

http://nobodys-perfect.com/vtpm/exhibithall/informational/tphistory. ht ml

There is a sink within reach of my toilet, if I need to moisten it, I do it myself. If you're paying a premium for someone else to sell you pre-moistened hoity toity asswipe, you probably a.) didn't read the fine print which absolves them of plumbing issues they could not foresee, b.) have way too more dollars than sense, c.) are too lazy to wet your own damn toilet paper or take a shower if that's what's called for after your messy deuce.
 
2014-03-03 12:25:10 AM

maram500: I do not understand bidets. Unless that thing sprays a pretty damn high-pressure stream into my crack, there's no way it'll get anywhere near clean enough.

I normally use toilet paper, but baby wipes are goddamn luxurious on my ass. And my toilet has no issues flushing them. Goddamn do I love industrial-strength plumbing!


Uh you actually use soap and your hands to wash your ass. Then rinse. Drying really isn't necessary, as your ass dries pretty quickly on its own. You could use a towel to dry but not really necessary.
 
2014-03-03 12:25:22 AM

Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.


i.imgur.com

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)
 
2014-03-03 12:27:46 AM

browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.


After 20 years of haemorrhoids, my misshapen arsehole laughs at toilet paper. I could sit there wiping through three full rolls and still be finding new shiat filled crevices.

A bidet might do the job if it was fitted out with a Gurney Jet rather than the pathetically weak squirts they use standard.  Currently I use the Mythbusters Method... ie, let it dry for a week then use a stick of dynamite.
 
2014-03-03 12:27:50 AM

ArcadianRefugee: What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?


No colon. Mashed-potato-poop 10-11 times a day. TP only would rub me raw. Lotsa people have different gastro problems.

Aren't you glad you asked? ;-)

*themoreyouknow.jpeg
 
2014-03-03 12:27:59 AM

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: FTA:
"They had to blast a 15-ton, bus-sized mass of wipes and congealed grease - dubbed "fatberg" - from the city's nearly paralyzed sewer system last summer."

Am I the only one who initially read that as, "fartberg?"


Fatberg, fartberg, works either way really.
 
2014-03-03 12:28:26 AM

UNC_Samurai: installing a goddamn bidet.


The Japanese ones that analyse your leavings and offer diet advice? All in a HAL like voice?
 
2014-03-03 12:28:29 AM

UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.


Ive never used a bidet, but it seems to me like the water pressure required to get things really clean down there would have ot be powerful to the point of uncomfortableness.
 
2014-03-03 12:29:31 AM

RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.



I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)


Pretty much.

The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.
 
2014-03-03 12:30:22 AM

RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.



I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)


You actually pivot so you're facing the wall. That way you can adjust the controls while you're popping a squat.
 
2014-03-03 12:30:24 AM

ArcadianRefugee: What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?


Dry toilet paper, especially 1-ply sandpaper, can lead to chafing and bleeding, along with irritation of hemorrhoids and more bleeding. A good combination of using toilet paper first and then a flushable wipe prevents those scary moments of seeing red in the toilet. So my typical evening dump involves me wondering what food I ate to give that stench, instead of panicking because my ass is bleeding.
 
2014-03-03 12:30:32 AM

UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.


Might not be the same, but it works for me. They sell them on amazon for $40 or so. Easy as hell to install.
 
2014-03-03 12:32:16 AM
Bidets spray shiat water all over your bathroom. They're worse than flushing w/ the lid up.
 
2014-03-03 12:32:21 AM
Some nitwit's put two dunnies in here!


image1.frequency.com

/IT'S FOR WASHIN' YOUR BACKSIDE, RIGHT?
 
2014-03-03 12:34:06 AM

WhoopAssWayne: UNC_Samurai: installing a goddamn bidet.

The Japanese ones that analyse your leavings and offer diet advice? All in a HAL like voice?


Anything that attempts to analyze the chemical composition of things coming out of my bunghole would most likely violate the Geneva Convention under biological warfare restrictions.
 
2014-03-03 12:34:10 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-03 12:34:45 AM

tripleseven: The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.


So you use your bare hands to smear the shiat off your asshole?
 
2014-03-03 12:34:57 AM

Trocadero: Bidets spray shiat water all over your bathroom. They're worse than flushing w/ the lid up.


By that reasoning, so does your shower.

Again, the stream doesn't do all the work. Its only there and positioned in that fashion for the easiest way to wet and rinse your ass.


Tmyk.
 
2014-03-03 12:35:55 AM

tripleseven: RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)

Pretty much.

The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.


I hadn't know that, thank you!

So where does the poop go? The bidet photos don't seem to show a drain.

Still seems sort of gross to have to touch the water jet to test its temperature.
 
2014-03-03 12:35:57 AM

Watubi: I'm willing to bet multiple wipes were used by this guy.  My rule, wipe a couple times with the regular stuff, finish off with a flushable wet wipe.  If you're still in need of wiping after that, jump in the shower...and you seriously need to change your diet


This,  I only use one per movement after the toilet paper to get squeaky *high pitched fart* clean.

Hopefully the fact that I live in a brand new home in a brand new area will stop the wipes from ever clogging things up.
 
2014-03-03 12:36:13 AM

zzrhardy: wafflestomping down the shower drain


lol
 
2014-03-03 12:36:41 AM
It it for washing babies  in?

No it's for washing babies out.
 
2014-03-03 12:37:33 AM

Molavian: tripleseven: The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.

So you use your bare hands to smear the shiat off your asshole?


Yes, just like washing your ass in the shower. Unless of course you use a washcloth, but really is it any better to use a washcloth in your ass?
 
2014-03-03 12:38:09 AM

RoyBatty: tripleseven: RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)

Pretty much.

The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.

I hadn't know that, thank you!

So where does the poop go? The bidet photos don't seem to show a drain.

Still seems sort of gross to have to touch the water jet to test its temperature.


They all have drains.
 
2014-03-03 12:38:16 AM

UNC_Samurai: Anything that attempts to analyze the chemical composition of things coming out of my bunghole would most likely violate the Geneva Convention under biological warfare restrictions.


As someone on a keto diet (high fat / low carb) the Geneva Convention does not apply. I could knock a crow off a crap wagon.
 
2014-03-03 12:38:43 AM
I wonder what the age distribution is on these adult flushable wipes thing. I find them much more bizarre than bidets.

They seem far too closely linked to either being a baby or being senile.

It's a millennial thing isn't it? Like millennials aren't going to want to work unless the boss supplies flushable wipes for them and USB chargers?
 
2014-03-03 12:40:06 AM
Well the manufacturers are correct - they are flushable.
 
2014-03-03 12:43:31 AM

ArcadianRefugee: What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?


I dunno. I use John Wayne TP myself.
 
2014-03-03 12:44:52 AM

tripleseven: RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)

Pretty much.

The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.


Do they also come with a nail brush so you can clean the crap out from under them when you're done?
 
2014-03-03 12:46:17 AM
scenteddemented.com
And we liked it.
 
2014-03-03 12:46:41 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Lsherm: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]

Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.

Yeah, that's why you also need one of those jet dryers like they have in public restrooms.


Keep hair blow dryer plugged in, set to cool. Ta da!
 
2014-03-03 12:47:48 AM
Toto sells what they call a Washlet to replace the toilet seat. Of course, they cost more that a Toto toilet, but it's an option that doesn't take up more space.  www.totousa.com

Not as insane as their straight up Japanese toilets, but for $700 you can be shooting water at your crack.

I'm feeling a market for a product in between.
 
2014-03-03 12:48:04 AM

RoyBatty: I wonder what the age distribution is on these adult flushable wipes thing. I find them much more bizarre than bidets.

They seem far too closely linked to either being a baby or being senile.

It's a millennial thing isn't it? Like millennials aren't going to want to work unless the boss supplies flushable wipes for them and USB chargers?


Well, i obviously dont understand the nuances of a bidet, not that id find one in an apartment anywhere around here, the wipes are a middle ground between dry paper and taking a shower after every time, which is impractical... paper like usual, one wipe at the end, never felt fresher.


I mean, if you had shiat on any other part of your body would you accept it as clean after just wiping it with dry paper? Seriously, no swamp ass, no skid marks, none of this situation...


i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-03 12:48:45 AM

susansto-helit: tripleseven: RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)

Pretty much.

The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.

Do they also come with a nail brush so you can clean the crap out from under them when you're done?


Just forget all that and use the bidet the way Southrons do.

images.huffingtonpost.com
 
2014-03-03 12:48:46 AM

susansto-helit: tripleseven: RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)

Pretty much.

The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.

Do they also come with a nail brush so you can clean the crap out from under them when you're done?


How much shiat is on your bung after you crap? You need more fiber...
Also, you can wipe with tp before using the bidet, and I imagine most people do.
 
2014-03-03 12:51:03 AM

rebelyell2006: ArcadianRefugee: What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?

Dry toilet paper, especially 1-ply sandpaper, can lead to chafing and bleeding, along with irritation of hemorrhoids and more bleeding. A good combination of using toilet paper first and then a flushable wipe prevents those scary moments of seeing red in the toilet. So my typical evening dump involves me wondering what food I ate to give that stench, instead of panicking because my ass is bleeding.


How hard do you wipe?

OK, nevermind.
 
2014-03-03 12:51:23 AM

zzrhardy: browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.

After 20 years of haemorrhoids, my misshapen arsehole laughs at toilet paper. I could sit there wiping through three full rolls and still be finding new shiat filled crevices.

A bidet might do the job if it was fitted out with a Gurney Jet rather than the pathetically weak squirts they use standard.  Currently I use the Mythbusters Method... ie, let it dry for a week then use a stick of dynamite.


Dang. That made me spit my last cookie on my clean rug.

/thanks Obuma
 
2014-03-03 12:58:58 AM

MattyBlast: The damn things dry out too quickly anyway.  The first few work great, then you're left with a stack of construction paper.


I have some over a year old and still moist.

They make sealable bags now fyi.
 
2014-03-03 01:00:29 AM

Cyno01: RoyBatty: I wonder what the age distribution is on these adult flushable wipes thing. I find them much more bizarre than bidets.

They seem far too closely linked to either being a baby or being senile.

It's a millennial thing isn't it? Like millennials aren't going to want to work unless the boss supplies flushable wipes for them and USB chargers?

Well, i obviously dont understand the nuances of a bidet, not that id find one in an apartment anywhere around here, the wipes are a middle ground between dry paper and taking a shower after every time, which is impractical... paper like usual, one wipe at the end, never felt fresher.


I mean, if you had shiat on any other part of your body would you accept it as clean after just wiping it with dry paper? Seriously, no swamp ass, no skid marks, none of this situation...


[i.imgur.com image 626x697]


Well admittedly that sometimes happens. When it does, keep wiping, you'll know you're done when the end of marker, red ink starts bleeding through.

(Also, roll, don't wad.)
 
2014-03-03 01:01:17 AM

Lsherm: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]

Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.


And smearing your shiat around your ass with a wood-based product does?
 
2014-03-03 01:01:40 AM
Just get used to a fine layer of crap spackled up your crack like you always did.
 
2014-03-03 01:04:39 AM

Cyno01: UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

Ive never used a bidet, but it seems to me like the water pressure required to get things really clean down there would have ot be powerful to the point of uncomfortableness.


Ok, I'll give you that one Cyno.

Are you suggesting that TP from the Wal-Mart does the jorb sufficiently?

/20-40psi water sounds better to me
 
2014-03-03 01:04:57 AM
How large are they? They seem much cheaper than swiffer refills. Can I use them on my kitchen floor?

i.imgur.com i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-03 01:05:25 AM

Smackledorfer: MattyBlast: The damn things dry out too quickly anyway.  The first few work great, then you're left with a stack of construction paper.

I have some over a year old and still moist.

They make sealable bags now fyi.


And i dont flush them, fyi.
 
2014-03-03 01:07:34 AM

brimed03: UNC_Samurai: browntimmy: I don't know if I have just have messier poops or if our whole damn toilet/plumbing system was made for people who don't wipe properly.

Mine are more Gretzky poops than Messier poops.

Good, but think astronomy. I think he was referring to Messier Objects.


I think ure talking put your brown dwarf.
 
2014-03-03 01:09:02 AM

LtDarkstar: UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

THIS!

I wish I could afford the awesome Toto Japanese toilet seats that have warm spray, hot air dry, refresh the air and play music to cover the farts.  Unfortunately I'll probably end up with this one instead:

http://www.skymall.com/biffy-butler-bidet-sprayer-%2F-digital-access or y-caddy-%2F-toilet-paper-stand/BIF101.html

It's kind of a nice all-in-one unit to save space.. not sure how often I'd use the tablet holder tho.. can't imagine people wanting to use the ipad while pooping.


Guess what I wasdoing as I read you're comment.
 
2014-03-03 01:10:57 AM
I suspect this flushable wipes thing got started when soldiers in Iraq noticed that baby wipes made for great refreshment when a shower or even a wet rag couldn't be had.  Then they noticed that using baby wipes for wiping their bums also made for great refreshment.
 
2014-03-03 01:10:58 AM
OK class. Let's recap.

A bidet is for cleaning your nether regions and your junk (men and women) without necessitating a shower.
If you want to use it immediately after a doo doo, yes you can. However prior to using it after a doo doo, you'd usually wipe.

The jet is not there to blast doody out of your bung. Its the most convenient way to wet your nether regions if you're not in a shower. As a matter of fact some bidets don't have jets, they have a faucet which fills up the bidet.

The really are handy. You can keep your shower fresh feeling all day...
 
2014-03-03 01:17:43 AM

filter: Lsherm: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]

Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.

And smearing your shiat around your ass with a wood-based product does?


What is this smearing?  You need to sue your parents for not teaching you how to wipe properly.
 
2014-03-03 01:22:42 AM

tripleseven: OK class. Let's recap.

A bidet is for cleaning your nether regions and your junk (men and women) without necessitating a shower.
If you want to use it immediately after a doo doo, yes you can. However prior to using it after a doo doo, you'd usually wipe.

The jet is not there to blast doody out of your bung. Its the most convenient way to wet your nether regions if you're not in a shower. As a matter of fact some bidets don't have jets, they have a faucet which fills up the bidet.

The really are handy. You can keep your shower fresh feeling all day...


You mean they're made for keeping my asscrack AND my balls shower-fresh-smelling ALL day?!

Woah...
 
2014-03-03 01:24:28 AM
...but i always depended on the fine layer of shiat as kind of a dry lube..like graphite.

Keeps the cheeks sliding without chaffing....
 
2014-03-03 01:25:09 AM

The more you eat the more you fart: tripleseven: OK class. Let's recap.

A bidet is for cleaning your nether regions and your junk (men and women) without necessitating a shower.
If you want to use it immediately after a doo doo, yes you can. However prior to using it after a doo doo, you'd usually wipe.

The jet is not there to blast doody out of your bung. Its the most convenient way to wet your nether regions if you're not in a shower. As a matter of fact some bidets don't have jets, they have a faucet which fills up the bidet.

The really are handy. You can keep your shower fresh feeling all day...

You mean they're made for keeping my asscrack AND my balls shower-fresh-smelling ALL day?!

Woah...


Yes. Pretty much.
 
2014-03-03 01:26:43 AM
I use the kids wipes and their Diaper Genie that's next to the toilet.  Ahhh baby wipes, the next best thing to the shower for a poopbutt.
 
2014-03-03 01:29:36 AM
There is no "One Size Fits All" solution.

Which is why you need to create an arsenal of solutions.

www.digitaltechmedics.com
 
2014-03-03 01:29:56 AM

Smackledorfer: Smackledorfer: MattyBlast: The damn things dry out too quickly anyway.  The first few work great, then you're left with a stack of construction paper.

I have some over a year old and still moist.

They make sealable bags now fyi.

And i dont flush them, fyi.


The 90 to-a-pack baby wipes at Costco/Sam's have a snap-close hard plastic top.
 
2014-03-03 01:35:16 AM

tripleseven: The more you eat the more you fart: tripleseven: OK class. Let's recap.

A bidet is for cleaning your nether regions and your junk (men and women) without necessitating a shower.
If you want to use it immediately after a doo doo, yes you can. However prior to using it after a doo doo, you'd usually wipe.

The jet is not there to blast doody out of your bung. Its the most convenient way to wet your nether regions if you're not in a shower. As a matter of fact some bidets don't have jets, they have a faucet which fills up the bidet.

The really are handy. You can keep your shower fresh feeling all day...

You mean they're made for keeping my asscrack AND my balls shower-fresh-smelling ALL day?!

Woah...

Yes. Pretty much.


You volunteering to sniff-test?
 
2014-03-03 01:37:31 AM

LaughingRadish: I suspect this flushable wipes thing got started when soldiers in Iraq noticed that baby wipes made for great refreshment when a shower or even a wet rag couldn't be had.  Then they noticed that using baby wipes for wiping their bums also made for great refreshment.


Also, a few years ago an actor (Terrance Howard IIRC) made a big deal on a bunch of talk shows about wanting women to use them before sexyfuntime.
That's legit for everyone, really.
 
2014-03-03 01:42:03 AM

EdNortonsTwin: I use the kids wipes and their Diaper Genie that's next to the toilet.  Ahhh baby wipes, the next best thing to the shower for a poopbutt.


Diaper Genie! I can get rid of that coffee can now.

/thx
 
2014-03-03 01:44:22 AM
round here we have 2 baskets with corn cobs in them. one with white corn cobs, the other with brown. you use a brown one. then a white one to see if you need to use another brown one.
 
2014-03-03 01:44:40 AM

rebelyell2006: ArcadianRefugee: What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?

Dry toilet paper, especially 1-ply sandpaper, can lead to chafing and bleeding, along with irritation of hemorrhoids and more bleeding. A good combination of using toilet paper first and then a flushable wipe prevents those scary moments of seeing red in the toilet. So my typical evening dump involves me wondering what food I ate to give that stench, instead of panicking because my ass is bleeding.


This. Is. FARK.
 
2014-03-03 01:44:43 AM
Fissile,
Just forget all that and use the bidet the way Southrons do.


Don't forget it is the perfect size for the cat.
content.simonscat.com
 
2014-03-03 01:53:10 AM
Having just returned from Japan, I will say that they are a farkload more civilized than we are. My ass feels great, and they have free pr0n, nice 7 11s too. And I was never worried about Trayvons coming around for skittles as I shat.
 
2014-03-03 02:06:22 AM
You guys can keep fighting over which banal method of anal hygiene you prefer. I am going to stick with the classics. The dexterity from the tongue of a Peruvian slave child is something that just can't be automated.
 
2014-03-03 02:29:37 AM

Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.



img.fark.net

Well, I got a dick (and I don't wipe after peeing). After taking a dump are you supposed to glide/slide over to the other piece of "bathroom furniture" to finish up? Do you take off your pants (both pair) and your shoes before "doing" anything?

I'm just not seeing how this would work. I usually just have my valet wipe me . . . I have no idea what he does with the towels afterward. Actually, I've just never thought to look.
 
2014-03-03 02:31:38 AM
I think I have hemmoroids from the cheap toilet paper they have at work. It bleeds when I wipe, and it hurts when I bend over, and I can feel little fleshy bumps when I'm wiping. The other day after I got done, I stood up and there was a little piece of something sitting on the back of the toilet, it looked like a craisin. I think it may have been a 'roid that peeled off during some more passionate wiping.
 
2014-03-03 02:32:26 AM

Enemabag Jones: Fissile,
Just forget all that and use the bidet the way Southrons do.

Don't forget it is the perfect size for the cat.
[content.simonscat.com image 480x640]


My entry from my Paris apartment circa 1996:

home.earthlink.net
 
2014-03-03 02:35:13 AM

HammerHeadSnark: I usually just have my valet wipe me . . . I have no idea what he does with the towels afterward. Actually, I've just never thought to look.


You know those brown towels he has for your hands and face? They used to be white...
 
2014-03-03 02:40:50 AM
Anecdotally, my plumbing was clogged by "flushable" wipes a couple months ago. Odd, since I don't use them. Could my  au pair be the culprit?  I don't have an au pair. It's a mystery.
 
2014-03-03 02:51:37 AM

the ha ha guy: HammerHeadSnark: I usually just have my valet wipe me . . . I have no idea what he does with the towels afterward. Actually, I've just never thought to look.

You know those brown towels he has for your hands and face? They used to be white...


Ha Ha, guy
 
2014-03-03 02:54:09 AM

whatshisname: I've been to a few countries where they ask you to put used toilet paper in a bin because the plumbing can't handle it. I use the paper sparingly and flush it. I don't want to stay in a room with a garbage can full of shiatty paper.


I just got back from Costa Rica where I stayed in a king-bed room for 19 days of my 20-day stay. There were no restrictions on what I could flush. On the last day I was moved to a queen-bed room. Prominently displayed on the inside of the bathroom door was a placard asking guests to not flush any paper down the toilet as it was likely to clog the drains. I decided that as long as my turds were bigger than the toilet paper I'd be okay.
 
2014-03-03 03:06:14 AM
I don't care. If whatever I flush makes it to the septic tank, then I'm happy. Every few years I have to grab a shovel and unearth those lids so some pump truck can transport loads of asswipe and sludgy sh*t to some landfill. TP might not clog things up halfway to flushtown quite like a wet wipe, but I still have to have the shiat trucked off eventually.
 
2014-03-03 03:16:00 AM
static.neatorama.com

/Pussies.
 
2014-03-03 03:28:04 AM
For most of my years growing up in the mid-1960's-late 1970's, we put our regular toilet paper in a garbage can, due to the fact we had a septic tank, instead of being on the sewer line. We paid a truck to come out every so often to empty the tank. Once the sewer line got to where we lived, we started flushing the paper. Never used those wipes, so really can't comment on them.

Back in those days, the garbage that was burnable, we burned in a metal can in the back yard. We drove the rest out to the parish dump.

These days, same house, Waste Management is a lot handier!
 
2014-03-03 03:29:57 AM

Lsherm: filter: Lsherm: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]

Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.

And smearing your shiat around your ass with a wood-based product does?

What is this smearing?  You need to sue your parents for not teaching you how to wipe properly.


If you aint smearing shiat around, you are done wiping.  Seriously, you are moving a shiat coated piece of paper on your ass, with the objective of getting as much shiat on the paper as possible, leaving the least amount of shiat on your ass as possible.  It is called 'wiping' your ass-- not dabbing your bung hole.  It is simple physics- shiat covered paper contacts skin, smearing shiat around.
 
2014-03-03 03:39:38 AM
Am I the only one confused by the discussion that has resulted here? I assumed that "flushable wipes" referred to the wipes you can use to do a quick cleaning of your bathroom (sink, toilet, etc.), then flush instead of throwing in the garbage. Do people actually use wet wipes post... uh .. business?
 
2014-03-03 03:40:59 AM

DON.MAC: These things are at least as flushable as the pet alligator I didn't want anymore.


Don't ever go into the sewers, he might be waiting for you

i265.photobucket.com

Taco Bell should do some sort of April Fools joke about wrapping their tacos in toilet paper, or including a flushable wipe with every purchase (they are known for their sense of humor online, but I don't think they'd go this far)
 
2014-03-03 03:42:33 AM
If you got shiat on your leg, would you think its clean by just wiping it with dry tissue?
 
2014-03-03 03:44:56 AM

filter: Lsherm: filter: Lsherm: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]

Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.

And smearing your shiat around your ass with a wood-based product does?

What is this smearing?  You need to sue your parents for not teaching you how to wipe properly.

If you aint smearing shiat around, you are done wiping.  Seriously, you are moving a shiat coated piece of paper on your ass, with the objective of getting as much shiat on the paper as possible, leaving the least amount of shiat on your ass as possible.  It is called 'wiping' your ass-- not dabbing your bung hole.  It is simple physics- shiat covered paper contacts skin, smearing shiat around.


You're doing it wrong. Stop using the same piece.
 
2014-03-03 04:04:54 AM

ImpendingCynic: Am I the only one confused by the discussion that has resulted here? I assumed that "flushable wipes" referred to the wipes you can use to do a quick cleaning of your bathroom (sink, toilet, etc.), then flush instead of throwing in the garbage. Do people actually use wet wipes post... uh .. business?


In short?  Yes.
Longer?  It's handy when you're in gastronomical distress and things are rather messier than normal, or you've been stuck on the pot for so long that chaffing is a real concern.

For cleaning your bathroom - they're generally not tough enough for a real good scrubbing and I don't mind tossing those towels in the trash.

On that note, I wonder if the flushable wipes are actually following the trend of popularity for non-flushable wipes, and that people are flushing the non-flush types in increasing numbers.  I wouldn't be surprised if they are.
 
2014-03-03 04:09:09 AM

violentsalvation: I don't care. If whatever I flush makes it to the septic tank, then I'm happy. Every few years I have to grab a shovel and unearth those lids so some pump truck can transport loads of asswipe and sludgy sh*t to some landfill. TP might not clog things up halfway to flushtown quite like a wet wipe, but I still have to have the shiat trucked off eventually.


You know they are talking about sewer systems and not in-house pipes right?

If you knew that, are you really playing fark you I've got mine over a septic tank? :)
 
2014-03-03 04:12:18 AM

ImpendingCynic: Am I the only one confused by the discussion that has resulted here? I assumed that "flushable wipes" referred to the wipes you can use to do a quick cleaning of your bathroom (sink, toilet, etc.), then flush instead of throwing in the garbage. Do people actually use wet wipes post... uh .. business?


Yes you are very confused, and yes many people wipe their ass with a moistened wipe.

If you don't ever have a shiat that calls for more than dry paper you probably have stained underwear. You can wet tp, but it really isn't the same.
 
2014-03-03 04:16:39 AM

Firethorn: ImpendingCynic: Am I the only one confused by the discussion that has resulted here? I assumed that "flushable wipes" referred to the wipes you can use to do a quick cleaning of your bathroom (sink, toilet, etc.), then flush instead of throwing in the garbage. Do people actually use wet wipes post... uh .. business?

In short?  Yes.
Longer?  It's handy when you're in gastronomical distress and things are rather messier than normal, or you've been stuck on the pot for so long that chaffing is a real concern.

For cleaning your bathroom - they're generally not tough enough for a real good scrubbing and I don't mind tossing those towels in the trash.

On that note, I wonder if the flushable wipes are actually following the trend of popularity for non-flushable wipes, and that people are flushing the non-flush types in increasing numbers.  I wouldn't be surprised if they are.


Most of the wipes on the market are not flushable, so I'm sure a lot are getting flushed.

A number of reports/studies have come out lately that the so-called flushable ones don't really break down at all though.
 
2014-03-03 04:26:17 AM
Well, I have gall disease, and I'm an apartment dweller so you can pry my wet wipes from my cold dead hands.
 
2014-03-03 05:53:33 AM

o'really: A number of reports/studies have come out lately that the so-called flushable ones don't really break down at all though.


Well, I can see two issues here - for municipal septic systems they don't really have to so long as they can make the journey to the treatment plant without clogging anything.  Actually breaking down is more important for septic systems, and part of why I have to look for 'safe for septic systems' when I shop for various things.

A flushable wipe that's septic system safe is probably a bit different than one that's not.
 
2014-03-03 05:56:36 AM

tripleseven: OK class. Let's recap.

A bidet is for cleaning your nether regions and your junk (men and women) without necessitating a shower.
If you want to use it immediately after a doo doo, yes you can. However prior to using it after a doo doo, you'd usually wipe.

The jet is not there to blast doody out of your bung. Its the most convenient way to wet your nether regions if you're not in a shower. As a matter of fact some bidets don't have jets, they have a faucet which fills up the bidet.

The really are handy. You can keep your shower fresh feeling all day...


In European countries where this is a "thing" they use them in replacement of a shower. (Lived there for a time.) The rest of them stinks to high heaven which they try to cover up with cologne. They still haven't caught on to the daily showering to reduce b.o. No thanks I'll take my wet wipes and warm daily shower over a stupid bidet.
 
2014-03-03 06:08:41 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-03 06:40:09 AM
I've got enough CSBs on this subject to block up the Interwebs' pipes, but unfortunately I am typing on my phone and couldn't decide which one to start with.
 
2014-03-03 07:39:45 AM

underwhere: RoyBatty: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.



I understand how integrated bidet and toilets work, I guess.

What is the protocol for using the thing on the left?

Crap, stand up, and then poop laden, waddle stage right, adjust the water temp and fountain height? (Man how long that must take on cold winter night!)

You actually pivot so you're facing the wall. That way you can adjust the controls while you're popping a squat.


So, reverse-cowgirl?

I dunno, guys... bidets, 1-ply, 2-ply, "flushable" wipes...
Can we at least all agree that all of it is better than the medieval custom of using a fist full of straw from the floor / your bare left hand?
 
2014-03-03 07:50:48 AM
/posting in a poop thread while pooooooping
 
2014-03-03 07:56:17 AM
Many's the septic guy who's put his kids through college because of flushable wipes.

Or are you all so uncivilized that you have to live somewhere with poop rivers under your roads?
 
2014-03-03 07:57:04 AM
How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.
 
2014-03-03 08:16:46 AM

gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.


Well yeah, that's how the custom of right-handed handshakes came about; wipe with the left, do everything else with the right.
 
2014-03-03 08:23:16 AM

armor helix: I don't understand what the big allure of wet wipes is. After you use a couple you then have to dry. Then you're right back to regular toilet paper.

Why not skip the middle man and go right to the tp?


Dry? The wipes aren't that wet dude, they're merely damp, no need to dry afterward.
 
2014-03-03 08:27:20 AM

rhiannon: filter: Lsherm: filter: Lsherm: Fissile: In civilized countries, they have this thing you see on the left.  No "flushable" wipes needed.

[www.timticks.com image 850x614]

Spraying water up your asshole doesn't sound civilized to me.  And you still need to dry off.

And smearing your shiat around your ass with a wood-based product does?

What is this smearing?  You need to sue your parents for not teaching you how to wipe properly.

If you aint smearing shiat around, you are done wiping.  Seriously, you are moving a shiat coated piece of paper on your ass, with the objective of getting as much shiat on the paper as possible, leaving the least amount of shiat on your ass as possible.  It is called 'wiping' your ass-- not dabbing your bung hole.  It is simple physics- shiat covered paper contacts skin, smearing shiat around.

You're doing it wrong. Stop using the same piece.


I think we just have a different definition of 'clean.'
 
2014-03-03 08:32:40 AM

MattyBlast: The damn things dry out too quickly anyway.  The first few work great, then you're left with a stack of construction paper.


Just pour a little water in the container when that happens.

As for them being flushable, the article is correct, they're not. Aside from what comes out of your body, the only thing you should flush is TP. No wipes, no napkins, no paper towels, no cigarette butts, no feminine products, just TP. You may claim your plumbing can handle them fine, but it only takes one of those things to get caught up somewhere along the line. Once that happens they will build up and next thing you know you have a blockage. The guy in the article was lucky, you could easily spend thousands of dollars fixing a problem like this.
 
2014-03-03 08:34:18 AM
I have a Toto clone at home. 
People who don't have similar devices are beneath contempt.
 
2014-03-03 08:45:29 AM

Badgers: [static.neatorama.com image 480x510]

/Pussies.


Let me guess how you got your username.
 
2014-03-03 08:45:50 AM
One word: Burlap. Handles the roughest craps PLUS removes 90% of existing dingleberries.
 
2014-03-03 08:51:16 AM

gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.


Romans used a wet rag on a stick
 
2014-03-03 08:54:49 AM
For all the conversation about ass-washing in here, it's worth mentioning that if you use soap on your butthole, make sure you rinse it very, very well.  If you leave any soap reside there, it will dry out your skin and give you an extremely itchy butthole, and scratching only aggravates it.

ReapTheChaos: you could easily spend thousands of dollars fixing a problem like this.


I'm not much of a plumber, but wouldn't it just be rectified by snaking the drain?  That doesn't cost thousands of dollars.
 
2014-03-03 09:15:00 AM

ReapTheChaos: As for them being flushable, the article is correct, they're not.


That's where the issues come in.  They're advertising themselves as flushable and septic safe.  Ergo, they better well be.  I don't normally use them, but occasionally when I'm not having normal bowel movements I use some.  The particular ones I use seem to be about as 'strong' as maybe a doubled patch of TP.  Are they the same ones as in the article?  I don't know.

GavinTheAlmighty: I'm not much of a plumber, but wouldn't it just be rectified by snaking the drain? That doesn't cost thousands of dollars.


How long is your snake?  We're not necessarily looking at just clearing the trap.  The blockage could be further down.
 
2014-03-03 09:27:09 AM

Badgers: [static.neatorama.com image 480x510]

/Pussies.


img.fark.net

I'm sure the guy who invented this was immediately bestowed with a lifetime membership in the Millionaire Jerb Creators Club.
 
2014-03-03 09:28:21 AM

shtychkn: gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.

Romans used a wet rag on a stick


thehiredpens.com

We've come full circle!
 
2014-03-03 09:35:40 AM

shtychkn: gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.

Romans used a wet rag on a stick


Actually, it was a sponge on a stick.  The Romans were actually quite advanced with water and sewage systems that existed in their larger cities.  Aqueducts brought in large amounts  of clean fresh water and latrines with water running through them continuously washed away the poop.
 
2014-03-03 09:36:38 AM
Anyways besides my bidet information I have this to add about tfa.

Wipes are not flushable. Yes they may go down the toilet...however they do not degrade. That's the real issue with them. Since they enter the pipe and do not degrade, they will block a pipe with any minor issue such as a tight bend, a bad angle, an existing blockage etc. These issue are not readily identifiable To the use because as far as they are concerned the flush was fine.

Terrible /CSB time.

We live in an apt. Our bathroom waste line was not angled correctly (waste lines need to be angled on a slight downward grade so gravity does its job). Thus waste line' also served about 5 other apts. There were no issues though...until people started using wipes. The waste line clogged constantly. When it clogged there was no indication there was something amiss until you flushed the toilet and it overflowed all over the floor. That was just the start...after the toilet stopped up all the waste from the other apts would start backing up, and since we were last in the waste line, the waste backed up into our bathroom first. If youve never known the horror of having other people shiat and waste water backing up into your farkING BATHTUB consider yourself lucky.
We lived in basic terror for a year, never knowing which flush was going to make the toilet overflow or the bathtub turn into a toilet. We finally convinced the coop tobreolace the line. It was easier than telling people not to use wipes. They wouldn't have listened anyways because it wasn't their bathroom turning into a shiat show.

Thankfully we haven't had a backup in the two months since they did the work. However after a year of being terrified if flushing the bowl there is some residual fear each time I do.
 
2014-03-03 09:37:43 AM

icam: shtychkn: gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.

Romans used a wet rag on a stick



We've come full circle!


These are for morbidly obese people.
 
2014-03-03 09:42:37 AM

GavinTheAlmighty: For all the conversation about ass-washing in here, it's worth mentioning that if you use soap on your butthole, make sure you rinse it very, very well.  If you leave any soap reside there, it will dry out your skin and give you an extremely itchy butthole, and scratching only aggravates it.

ReapTheChaos: you could easily spend thousands of dollars fixing a problem like this.

I'm not much of a plumber, but wouldn't it just be rectified by snaking the drain?  That doesn't cost thousands of dollars.


Depends on what's causing the blockage. Typically a blocked pipe is indicative of a larger problem, especially in older homes. If the pipe is blocked, chances are there is something in there for things to get caught up on. TP dissolves quickly enough that it wont normally be an issue, but something like wipes take much longer so they tend to build up over time.
 
2014-03-03 11:27:18 AM
Thing that sucks is that they farking COST more, too...


We just use these for the kid. It's the easiest way when potty training(And for a few years after) to get them to wipe well. It's bullshiat that they cost more for the "flushable" kind, and then they aren't all that goddam flushable. Good thing she only uses one. Haven't had a clog from that yet. She uses an inordinate amount of TP when peeing sometimes, though, so there's that...

BTW, pro tip, never ever think a Q Tip is 'Flushable' either, they get stuck in the drain sideways, and so does everything behind them. Happy days, happy days...
 
2014-03-03 11:28:42 AM

optikeye: Keep a small spray bottle on the back of your toilet with 1/2 witch hazel, 1/2 water. A few drops of baby shampoo, and a few drops of baby oil. Shake and spray on your toilet paper as used or needed.


....or straight bleach
 
2014-03-03 11:39:57 AM

tripleseven: shanrick:

Dufuq?


Was going to ask if this was a joke or not... are there that many people that don't wipe their butts after taking a crap?  I mean, granted, sometimes you don't quite get every little spec, but, this makes it sound like theres an epidemic (outside of crazy people) that don't wipe their butts period.

/maybe they are the same people that you see don't wash their hands after either then... which makes some sense I guess, since they didn't dirty their hands.
 
2014-03-03 12:14:50 PM

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.

Well yeah, that's how the custom of right-handed handshakes came about; wipe with the left, do everything else with the right.


This.  In fact, in a goodly portion of the world it is STILL considered unspeakably rude to do anything with the left hand like shaking hands, eating, etc. because the manner of cleaning up after dropping a loaf is still "take bucket of water or sand, pour water or sand down arse with right hand whilst vigorously scrubbing with the left, air dry".  (The "lota" in the infamous "belly is swollen with jackfruit" letter?  Basically the Naan-Bread-Indian proto-bidet, aka "jar of water you use to wash your ass with".)

As for Rome and Greece, it's known that they had a sponge on a stick to do the deed of cleaning up afterwards; by the time of George Washington the use of large leaves, corncobs, and the occasional page from the local paper or Poor Richard's Almanack was in play.

Before that...well, straw, or large leaves, or pretty much the Neolithic version of the Three Sea Shells was in play (i.e. you use a seashell to scrape the nastier bits off).  There's actually Neandertal latrines that have been found in caves with evidence Og was using the Three Sea Shells some time before Sly Stallone, in fact...

(I'll also note, as an aside, that toilet paper was not really a thing until some time after indoor plumbing became a thing.)
 
2014-03-03 12:53:44 PM

lindalouwho: ArcadianRefugee: What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?

No colon. Mashed-potato-poop 10-11 times a day. TP only would rub me raw. Lotsa people have different gastro problems.

Aren't you glad you asked? ;-)

*themoreyouknow.jpeg


My dad has Crohn's so he feels your pain.  Keeps the hemorrhoid cream next to the magazines.  And no Prep H, this shiat is special ordered.
 
2014-03-03 12:54:43 PM

Great Porn Dragon: This.  In fact, in a goodly portion of the world it is STILL considered unspeakably rude to do anything with the left hand like shaking hands, eating, etc. because the manner of cleaning up after dropping a loaf is still "take bucket of water or sand, pour water or sand down arse with right hand whilst vigorously scrubbing with the left, air dry".  (The "lota" in the infamous "belly is swollen with jackfruit" letter?  Basically the Naan-Bread-Indian proto-bidet, aka "jar of water you use to wash your ass with".)


Well, the jokes on them then.  I'm right handed and I use my right hand to wipe my ass.  I still can't imagine having to use leaves or straw or even the Sears catalog.
 
2014-03-03 12:57:27 PM

tripleseven: Molavian: tripleseven: The thing about bidets that confound people who have never used them is that they don't seem to understand you don't just blast the stream into your ass. It just there to wet then rinse your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass, with your hands, and soap.

So you use your bare hands to smear the shiat off your asshole?

Yes, just like washing your ass in the shower. Unless of course you use a washcloth, but really is it any better to use a washcloth in your ass?


Is your ass typically covered in sharticles when you jump in the shower? Have I been doing this wrong the whole time?
 
2014-03-03 01:03:45 PM
Get an IntelliSeat people. Costco and Amazon carry them
 
2014-03-03 01:09:25 PM

CWeinerWV: lindalouwho: ArcadianRefugee: What the hell is wrong with toilet paper, you prissy little nancies?

No colon. Mashed-potato-poop 10-11 times a day. TP only would rub me raw. Lotsa people have different gastro problems.

Aren't you glad you asked? ;-)

*themoreyouknow.jpeg

My dad has Crohn's so he feels your pain.  Keeps the hemorrhoid cream next to the magazines.  And no Prep H, this shiat is special ordered.


When I had the op 3yrs ago I was astonished to learn about all the existing gasto disorders. Special order various creams too. I honestly never gave my FACE the kind of TLC my butt now gets lol.
It's either that or a Johnny Cash song tho.

/burning ring of fire
 
2014-03-03 02:33:35 PM

LtDarkstar: UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

THIS!

I wish I could afford the awesome Toto Japanese toilet seats that have warm spray, hot air dry, refresh the air and play music to cover the farts.  Unfortunately I'll probably end up with this one instead:

http://www.skymall.com/biffy-butler-bidet-sprayer-%2F-digital-access or y-caddy-%2F-toilet-paper-stand/BIF101.html

It's kind of a nice all-in-one unit to save space.. not sure how often I'd use the tablet holder tho.. can't imagine people wanting to use the ipad while pooping.



I want this one. It only costs $6,400!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8jCP_-oBgQ

www.kohler.com
 
2014-03-03 03:23:00 PM

ReapTheChaos: Depends on what's causing the blockage. Typically a blocked pipe is indicative of a larger problem, especially in older homes. If the pipe is blocked, chances are there is something in there for things to get caught up on. TP dissolves quickly enough that it wont normally be an issue, but something like wipes take much longer so they tend to build up over time.


Oh, I get what you mean now - I thought you meant the blockage caused by the wipes, not the thing that was causing the wipes to block.  We had to replace our clay sewer line with plastic this past summer due to tree roots completely destroying it, and we paid big-time.
 
2014-03-03 04:14:09 PM
If you had sh*t on your hands would you wipe it off with a dry paper towel and call it good?
 
2014-03-03 04:30:49 PM

GavinTheAlmighty: ReapTheChaos: Depends on what's causing the blockage. Typically a blocked pipe is indicative of a larger problem, especially in older homes. If the pipe is blocked, chances are there is something in there for things to get caught up on. TP dissolves quickly enough that it wont normally be an issue, but something like wipes take much longer so they tend to build up over time.

Oh, I get what you mean now - I thought you meant the blockage caused by the wipes, not the thing that was causing the wipes to block.  We had to replace our clay sewer line with plastic this past summer due to tree roots completely destroying it, and we paid big-time.


The wipes are what causes the blockage, as they don't degrade.
 
2014-03-03 04:46:03 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: If you had sh*t on your hands would you wipe it off with a dry paper towel and call it good?


When I'm working on a farm, I don't even do that. Unless I'm wiping them on my face or eating with them, there's no point in thoroughly washing my hands every thirty seconds. And when I have to go shoulder-deep in a cow's anus, nothing short of a shower is going to even make a dent.

So unless others are eating with your butt or wiping it on their face, I think the "dry paper towel" should be sufficient for 2-3 hours before your next shower.
 
2014-03-03 04:52:33 PM
We got off easy, only $255.Now I throw them in the covered wastebasket which is emptied frequently.
 
2014-03-03 06:37:51 PM
We just had a plumber come in to snake out a drain that was clogged with the previous owner's.... "stuff".  Nothing says fun like a bucket full of some stranger's 2 year old partially decomposed tampons.

We actually had a discussion about wipes- he said they don't biodegrade properly because they are suffused with lanolin, which is hydrophobic.

Seriously, though- don't flush anything except human waste and TP, or you're asking for it.  And bringing a guy in to snake your drains is not cheap or fun.
 
2014-03-03 08:38:20 PM

bratface: LtDarkstar: UNC_Samurai: When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

THIS!

I wish I could afford the awesome Toto Japanese toilet seats that have warm spray, hot air dry, refresh the air and play music to cover the farts.  Unfortunately I'll probably end up with this one instead:

http://www.skymall.com/biffy-butler-bidet-sprayer-%2F-digital-access or y-caddy-%2F-toilet-paper-stand/BIF101.html

It's kind of a nice all-in-one unit to save space.. not sure how often I'd use the tablet holder tho.. can't imagine people wanting to use the ipad while pooping.


I want this one. It only costs $6,400!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8jCP_-oBgQ

[www.kohler.com image 850x468]


Typical kohler product... overpriced, impractical, fancy to look at and looks uncomfortable as hell..
 
2014-03-03 08:40:01 PM

Great Porn Dragon: That Guy What Stole the Bacon: gfid: How appropriate that I've got one farker in this thread farkied as :"asshole".

I've never used or even seen "flushable wipes".  Toilet paper is good enough for me.

This is the one thing that makes me have 2nd thoughts about time travel.  They don't really talk about it much in history class, but what the fark did the ancient Romans or the Greeks or Egyptians use to wipe?  Imagine your first crap if you traveled back to Rome about 2000 years ago.  After getting over the whole language barrier you're like, um where's the Charmin?  I'm sure Caesar was just fine with using his hands or the tongues of slaves or whatever he used to get clean.  He probably thought it was normal and it probably was normal back then.

What about George Washington?  Do you think he had a bidet?  I think not.  He didn't even have a farking Sears catalog.  Kids today will probably look back in 50 years and think "Gross, Grandpa didn't even use flushable wipes."

You're damn right I don't, and I like it.  While my ass may not be clean enough to eat off of, I manage to wipe the shiat off and then cover it up with underwear and pants and I wash my hands after pooping.

I hope everyone has a good day thinking about their co-workers shiatty assholes.

Well yeah, that's how the custom of right-handed handshakes came about; wipe with the left, do everything else with the right.

This.  In fact, in a goodly portion of the world it is STILL considered unspeakably rude to do anything with the left hand like shaking hands, eating, etc. because the manner of cleaning up after dropping a loaf is still "take bucket of water or sand, pour water or sand down arse with right hand whilst vigorously scrubbing with the left, air dry".  (The "lota" in the infamous "belly is swollen with jackfruit" letter?  Basically the Naan-Bread-Indian proto-bidet, aka "jar of water you use to wash your ass with".)

As for Rome and Greece, it's known that they had a sponge on a stick to do t ...


http://www.thelotablog.com/
 
2014-03-03 09:09:11 PM

ChrisDe: [scenteddemented.com image 212x267]
And we liked it.


Is that Bruce Jenner?
 
2014-03-03 09:33:21 PM
What, no "family cloth" users in here?

/not me, no...
 
2014-03-03 11:41:58 PM

Mikey1969: Good thing she only uses one.


One of the bennies of going with a wet wipe is indeed that you need less.
 
2014-03-04 01:36:29 AM

Firethorn: Mikey1969: Good thing she only uses one.

One of the bennies of going with a wet wipe is indeed that you need less.


Jesus Christ, not up front she doesn't(well we make her use normal TP for that) . I started making her ask, since her special seat was in the master bathroom... Only downside to that is that we'll be watching TV and she'll grab some and say "That's enough, Daddy?" over and over until I answer her, and God forbid I don't actually looks he catches that shiat... ;-)
 
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