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(The Hollywood Reporter)   Michael Bay is producing a remake of "The Birds". That noise you heard was Alfred Hitchcock exploding in his grave   (hollywoodreporter.com) divider line 48
    More: Stupid, Michael Bay, dolls, Alfred Hitchcock, Dutch, Platinum Dunes, Peter Guber, Brad Fuller, Naomi Watts  
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542 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 28 Feb 2014 at 8:42 PM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-28 08:04:46 PM  
i.kinja-img.com
So how will the birds explode?
 
2014-02-28 08:46:13 PM  
www.simonprior.com
 
2014-02-28 08:47:48 PM  
Well, at least the movie will have enough in the budget to afford the final shot with which Hitchcock wanted to conclude the original but couldn't for money reasons - the Golden Gate Bridge covered in birds.
 
2014-02-28 08:49:21 PM  
"The Birds" was the only movie that ever gave me nightmares. The short story is a great read also.
 
2014-02-28 08:51:46 PM  
I have to admit that that idea is so dumb I may even pay to watch it.

"Oh god! The birds have gotten into the Nitroglycerin!"
 
2014-02-28 08:52:49 PM  

robsul82: Well, at least the movie will have enough in the budget to afford the final shot with which Hitchcock wanted to conclude the original but couldn't for money reasons - the Golden Gate Bridge covered in birds.


Except it will probably end with the birds being scattered by flyovers from military jets.
 
2014-02-28 08:53:07 PM  

Free Radical: [www.simonprior.com image 720x410]


*shakes tiny fist*
 
2014-02-28 08:57:54 PM  
Can you imagine all those birds exploding? Utter chaos! I can't wait!
 
2014-02-28 08:58:20 PM  
hamlethamster.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-28 09:00:46 PM  

odinsposse: robsul82: Well, at least the movie will have enough in the budget to afford the final shot with which Hitchcock wanted to conclude the original but couldn't for money reasons - the Golden Gate Bridge covered in birds.

Except it will probably end with the birds being scattered by flyovers from military jets.


Haha.
 
2014-02-28 09:04:25 PM  
You'll love it when they fly over and you can see their balls.
 
2014-02-28 09:05:52 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-28 09:08:57 PM  
i60.tinypic.com
 
2014-02-28 09:13:00 PM  
static3.wikia.nocookie.net

He's the collector and he's here for your socks.
 
2014-02-28 09:19:50 PM  
+1 to subby!   *golf clap*
 
2014-02-28 09:20:38 PM  
I'll never quite figured out why Hollywood bothers making movies that will obviously suck.
 
2014-02-28 09:24:58 PM  
Maybe the movie will end thousands and thousands of birds exploding, like the finale of a major fireworks display...(Yes!  Sync it up with the 1812 Overture!  Dig up Arthur Fiedler!)
 
2014-02-28 09:28:47 PM  

shanrick: [i.imgur.com image 720x410]


No, that's what would happen if it was done by Abrams.
 
2014-02-28 09:30:40 PM  
In a world where the birds are REALLY angry...
 
2014-02-28 09:51:58 PM  
Most of the budget will go to explosives and body grease.
 
2014-02-28 10:10:31 PM  

SpdrJay: I'll never quite figured out why Hollywood bothers making movies that will obviously suck.


"No, it will work! Trust me on this. I see Shia Le Beef in the lead role! And what's her name, the chick with the big breasts as Tippi Hedren! Yes! And we'll have birds, but instead of crows, they'll be eagles! And they'll fly down on the schoolkids and--wait, are you ready for this? It won't be a small rural schoolhouse, but in Compton! And the kids will all have Glocks! And they'll shoot the eagles and there will be huge explosions! Because all the eagles are mutants! Wait, I got an idea! So the kids run from the high school, and the streets are full of, what are those birds that can't fly? Dodos! Only these are velociraptors! Birds are dinosaurs, right? So these dodobird dinosaurs fly after the gang members, and..."
 
2014-02-28 10:14:20 PM  

SpdrJay: I'll never quite figured out why Hollywood bothers making movies that will obviously suck.


The producers.jpg
 
2014-02-28 10:15:41 PM  
If the movie is about birds killing people, it's already a failure. The movie is about a Mother accepting that her son can love another woman. Once Mom hugs the Girlfriend, you never see another bird in flight.

It's not about birds, it's about "birds."
 
2014-02-28 10:25:46 PM  

Gyrfalcon: SpdrJay: I'll never quite figured out why Hollywood bothers making movies that will obviously suck.

"No, it will work! Trust me on this. I see Shia Le Beef in the lead role! And what's her name, the chick with the big breasts as Tippi Hedren! Yes! And we'll have birds, but instead of crows, they'll be eagles! And they'll fly down on the schoolkids and--wait, are you ready for this? It won't be a small rural schoolhouse, but in Compton! And the kids will all have Glocks! And they'll shoot the eagles and there will be huge explosions! Because all the eagles are mutants! Wait, I got an idea! So the kids run from the high school, and the streets are full of, what are those birds that can't fly? Dodos! Only these are velociraptors! Birds are dinosaurs, right? So these dodobird dinosaurs fly after the gang members, and..."


why do you need to put this out there? Even putting it out there increases its odds of happening and sucking up the silver screen.

Its going to star January Jones and the birds will be genetically modified by the nsa.
 
2014-02-28 10:26:04 PM  

robsul82: Well, at least the movie will have enough in the budget to afford the final shot with which Hitchcock wanted to conclude the original but couldn't for money reasons - the Golden Gate Bridge covered in birds.


The movie is probably more effective without that shot, though, because they go out into an uncertain future and world.  You don't know if the birds are doing this outside of Bodega Bay, or they have the whole world.  Showing that would have robbed it of that ambiguity.
 
2014-02-28 10:35:38 PM  
Remember that one episode of Eureka with the robot ducks? It'll be something like that.
 
2014-02-28 10:35:59 PM  
It's going to be a double remake. The ultimate Santa Cruz film! Lost Boys Vs Birds!
 
2014-02-28 10:55:25 PM  

Nix Nightbird: You'll love it when they fly over and you can see their balls.


Are you kidding? It's a Michael Bay production. All the action will be a blur and too close to see who is doing what, and there will be a million quick cuts in a five minute action sequence.
 
2014-02-28 10:58:47 PM  

jake_lex: robsul82: Well, at least the movie will have enough in the budget to afford the final shot with which Hitchcock wanted to conclude the original but couldn't for money reasons - the Golden Gate Bridge covered in birds.

The movie is probably more effective without that shot, though, because they go out into an uncertain future and world.  You don't know if the birds are doing this outside of Bodega Bay, or they have the whole world.  Showing that would have robbed it of that ambiguity.


I see what you're saying, but I think an out and out "you're farked" ending would've been nice there.
 
2014-02-28 11:01:42 PM  
Well, it's not unprecedented to have an explosion in The Birds. And it was for a pretty stupid reason, I might add.
 
2014-02-28 11:11:53 PM  

Mentalpatient87: Well, it's not unprecedented to have an explosion in The Birds. And it was for a pretty stupid reason, I might add.


Yeah, you're right

/but it freaked me right the hell out the first time I saw it because I'd been in that restaurant
//love that movie, for all its silly flaws
 
2014-02-28 11:21:14 PM  
Michael Bay's exploding birds, sponsored by:

www.wired.com
 
2014-02-28 11:41:17 PM  

ScaryBottles: [static3.wikia.nocookie.net image 455x595]

He's the collector and he's here for your socks.


I see your one man-eagle, and raise you

coltmonday.files.wordpress.com

/and also glad to see other people enjoyed (well, maybe not so much) the shiat that was Birdemic.
 
2014-02-28 11:45:15 PM  
What a bird Baysplosion (birdsplosion?) might look like:

a57.foxnews.com
 
2014-03-01 12:00:56 AM  
Michael's Bay's version will be called  Angry Birds.
 
2014-03-01 01:24:30 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org

/Unimpressed
 
2014-03-01 05:11:51 AM  

robsul82: jake_lex: robsul82: Well, at least the movie will have enough in the budget to afford the final shot with which Hitchcock wanted to conclude the original but couldn't for money reasons - the Golden Gate Bridge covered in birds.

The movie is probably more effective without that shot, though, because they go out into an uncertain future and world.  You don't know if the birds are doing this outside of Bodega Bay, or they have the whole world.  Showing that would have robbed it of that ambiguity.

I see what you're saying, but I think an out and out "you're farked" ending would've been nice there.


For that ending check out "kingdom of the spiders" with William shatner.

As for a remake of "The Birds" - no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nope.
 
2014-03-01 09:03:03 AM  

Free Radical: [www.simonprior.com image 720x410]


Yep. It even had a cameo of Tippi Hedren in it! Well, by cameo, James Nguyen meant he put a clip of her from his other movie Julie and Jack.

From what I've heard Birdemic 2 is just as ridiculous as the first one, and while the actors seem to be in on the joke this time around the director still isn't.
 
2014-03-01 09:22:20 AM  

Gyrfalcon: SpdrJay: I'll never quite figured out why Hollywood bothers making movies that will obviously suck.

"No, it will work! Trust me on this. I see Shia Le Beef in the lead role! And what's her name, the chick with the big breasts as Tippi Hedren! Yes! And we'll have birds, but instead of crows, they'll be eagles! And they'll fly down on the schoolkids and--wait, are you ready for this? It won't be a small rural schoolhouse, but in Compton! And the kids will all have Glocks! And they'll shoot the eagles and there will be huge explosions! Because all the eagles are mutants! Wait, I got an idea! So the kids run from the high school, and the streets are full of, what are those birds that can't fly? Dodos! Only these are velociraptors! Birds are dinosaurs, right? So these dodobird dinosaurs fly after the gang members, and..."


Hey, Sharknado was a thing. You should shop this idea to SyFy.

/Id watch it.
 
2014-03-01 09:33:24 AM  
I hope he explains where the birds came from and why.  Stupid movie, never explains anything,
 
2014-03-01 10:04:06 AM  
About 15 years ago some friends and I shot most of a low budget remake of The Birds using Furbys. We never finished it because we blew all our money on pot and beer, but I bet our raw video is better than this will be.
 
2014-03-01 10:28:03 AM  
I'll kill everyone I know and myself if this happens.
 
2014-03-01 10:46:19 AM  
Still one of my Hitchcock fav's.  Plus the blonde in the movie was pretty hot.  Even back then in a prude sorta way...
 
2014-03-01 10:52:54 AM  

derpy: I hope he explains where the birds came from and why.  Stupid movie, never explains anything,


So you're the reason we're plagued with prequels and origin stories.
 
2014-03-01 11:34:27 AM  

AmbassadorBooze: For that ending check out "kingdom of the spiders" with William shatner.


Last time I watched that I was 7 years old and it was a signal from Canada reaching my rez where I watched on a 8 inch black and white TV in the middle of the night.  Had nghtmares for weeks.


/AAAAaadn looking for a torrent now! Thanks.
 
2014-03-01 11:55:29 AM  
There's already been a remake of  "The Birds".  In 2010, there was a low-low-low budget picture
called "Birdemic" with about the same plot, and I think Tippi Hedren was in it as well.  It even had a
sequel.
 
2014-03-01 12:30:26 PM  

Li'l Robbie: There's already been a remake of  "The Birds".  In 2010, there was a low-low-low budget picture
called "Birdemic" with about the same plot, and I think Tippi Hedren was in it as well.  It even had a
sequel.


Also, The Happening.  See, that was a good movie because it explained what was going on.
 
2014-03-01 03:31:08 PM  
No one has any vision these days...
It will be called Iron Eagle because its been long enough only movie nerds will remember the last one. It will open with with scenes of well-intentioned U.S. soldiers trying to bring civilization and culture to a non-descript middle eastern country. It's just not taking. Suddenly they are attacked by an evil group with a clever original name like The Black Hand. The only guy on the team not killed was the native american kid. He's spiritual and during the memorial he talks about the proud american spirits being carried home by eagles. The camera pans back to some mountain top to see a giant bald eagle watching over the ceremony. Nothing big happens at first, but in what seem like isolated cases over the next few weeks, the Black Hand suffers strange setbacks. Explosives that were just there a second ago are suddenly missing. guys on routine patrols don't come back and when they're found it looks like they tripped and fell off the side of a mountain. No one thinks to ask why his gun is always missing. Soon the attacks escalate and you have those double take moments where a group of guys are standing around planning boards, one guy looks around the room and doesn't see the eagle, then suddenly sees the eagle as it attacks and kills everyone. Reports circulate and now the native american kid is for some reason a fighter pilot who painted his plane to look like an eagle. It's his first time flying so he's nervous. During a flight, eagles form up around his plane and lead him to a big building. His Eagle-Eye targeting scope shows the leader of the Black Hand walking inside. With drumbeats and chanting faintly heard he trusts his beliefs and shoots a missile into the building. The camera cuts to the building's top floor, filled with all the missing bombs and ammunition. Cut back to an aerial view, the missile goes in, a bunch of eagles fly out the windows with explosive flames chasing after them. When the pilot lands back on base, the big original eagle is perched on a flag pole with the stars and stripes blowing, they share a meaningful look, and the bird takes off, flying quickly west but pulling up and up into the clouds cause he's secretly Jesus.

/Unlce Sam climaxes, the movie makes money, and there's a brief interest in protecting bird habitats.
//Bay isn't just about explosions. America has to win too.
 
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