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(Washington Post)   Former Va AG/failed gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli starts a law firm that, for just $10/mo will defend you if you shoot someone or government thugs grab your gun. Presumably insurance against robot attack or unicorn trampling extra   (washingtonpost.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine, Cuccinelli, law firms, Cuccinelli starts, Louisa County  
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758 clicks; posted to Politics » on 28 Feb 2014 at 6:11 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-28 05:23:15 PM  
"Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."
 
2014-02-28 05:24:37 PM  
Sounds like an efficient way to fleece the rubes.


The firm has an out through what Cuccinelli calls the "sex, drugs, rock-n-roll clause."

So they won't defend you if you shoot someone because their rock-n-roll is too loud?
 
2014-02-28 05:34:02 PM  

fusillade762: Sounds like an efficient way to fleece the rubes.


The firm has an out through what Cuccinelli calls the "sex, drugs, rock-n-roll clause."

So they won't defend you if you shoot someone because their rock-n-roll is too loud?


F another A: If a client is engaged in illegal activity, such as a drug sale, during the shooting, then the client's pre-paid fees will not cover the cost of representation. (Notably, neither sex nor rock-n-roll are illegal. Although, if it were up to Cuccinelli, many kinds of sex would be.)

The idea's honestly not terrible in and of itself.  If someone does unto you while you are doing legal things and then you do unto them, they will represent you.

You still can't just shoot people on the street, you still can't shoot people just for having hoodies and skittles (luckily for me).
 
2014-02-28 06:07:19 PM  
It seems like being a member of this club could and would be used against you if you actually shot someone.
 
2014-02-28 06:14:50 PM  

fusillade762: Sounds like an efficient way to fleece the rubes.

The firm has an out through what Cuccinelli calls the "sex, drugs, rock-n-roll clause."


So, basically, 99% of the reasons that someone gets shot?
 
2014-02-28 06:16:22 PM  
If they pick up a weapons charge while dealing drugs or engaging in some other sort of illegal activity, all bets are off.

So if they break the law while doing something illegal, they don't get covered? Sounds legit.
 
2014-02-28 06:20:39 PM  

Car_Ramrod: If they pick up a weapons charge while dealing drugs or engaging in some other sort of illegal activity, all bets are off.

So if they break the law while doing something illegal, they don't get covered? Sounds legit.


Yeah.

It really seems to be a combination of "Fear the evil prosecutors who hate gun owners and are always out to screw you" insurance and "Hey, if you're ACTUALLY doing things in self-defense, it really sucks to pay legal fees".

So I'm for it.  There are much worse things that guy could be doing.  And the people whose money he's taking are fearful rubes anyways.
 
2014-02-28 06:23:16 PM  
"The firm has been advertising at Washington area gun shows and has attracted about 30 clients since launching this month. Cuccinelli has not attended the shows because the crowd would probably want to talk politics, he said. But the other members of the firm bring along "cardboard Ken," a cutout, to draw attention."

I really hope the nickname Cardboard Ken catches on.
 
2014-02-28 06:24:23 PM  
Ken Cuccinelli: Prices that won't fark you in the ass!
 
2014-02-28 06:27:58 PM  
In VA? VA is a pretty gun-friendly state. I live in Maryland, which is not. I think his service would be a lot more useful in Maryland, but then again that's probably the point... He'll make a lot more money because he'll have to do a lot less work in VA.
 
2014-02-28 06:30:25 PM  
img.fark.net

Thinks he might just be on to something there.
 
2014-02-28 06:31:55 PM  
i116.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-28 06:31:57 PM  
didn't he get indicted or was it just his wife he threw under the bus?
 
2014-02-28 06:46:42 PM  

bdub77: "Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."


The fun thing about the iPhone is that it automatically generates telephone numbers from websites. I'm almost tempted to call that and see who picks up.
 
2014-02-28 06:49:35 PM  

rebelyell2006: bdub77: "Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."

The fun thing about the iPhone is that it automatically generates telephone numbers from websites. I'm almost tempted to call that and see who picks up.


cdn.tradyouth.org
 
2014-02-28 06:50:07 PM  

rebelyell2006: bdub77: "Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."

The fun thing about the iPhone is that it automatically generates telephone numbers from websites. I'm almost tempted to call that and see who picks up.


9 digits.  Too long for any real numbers

668722478 if you're curious.
 
2014-02-28 06:51:34 PM  

meyerkev: you still can't shoot people just for having hoodies and skittles


But when they jump on top of you and start pounding your head off the ground...
 
2014-02-28 06:53:03 PM  
Wouldn't contracting for such coverage provide prosecutors with proof of premeditation?
 
2014-02-28 06:55:33 PM  

JAYoung: Wouldn't contracting for such coverage provide prosecutors with proof of premeditation?


not any more than buying car insurance is premeditating your having a collision.
 
2014-02-28 06:56:11 PM  

JudgeSmails: didn't he get indicted or was it just his wife he threw under the bus?


That was the previous governor Bob McDonnell. I think the Kuch is still being investigated, but I'm not sure on that one.
 
2014-02-28 06:56:34 PM  

rebelyell2006: bdub77: "Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."

The fun thing about the iPhone is that it automatically generates telephone numbers from websites. I'm almost tempted to call that and see who picks up.


Al Sharpton?
 
2014-02-28 06:57:23 PM  

doglover: meyerkev: you still can't shoot people just for having hoodies and skittles

But when they jump on top of you and start pounding your head off the ground...


Exactly.
 
2014-02-28 07:02:02 PM  

BravadoGT: JAYoung: Wouldn't contracting for such coverage provide prosecutors with proof of premeditation?

not any more than buying car insurance is premeditating your having a collision.


Not exactly.

"It's not insurance. It's a retainer plan. But it gives you peace of mind knowing ultimately if something happens, you've got that coverage," Garrett said.

/It's more like having a lawyer on retainer to defend you specifically if you cause a car accident.
//"That other driver was coming right for me!"
 
2014-02-28 07:05:00 PM  

dsmith42: JudgeSmails: didn't he get indicted or was it just his wife he threw under the bus?

That was the previous governor Bob McDonnell. I think the Kuch is still being investigated, but I'm not sure on that one.


yes, that's right, thank you
 
2014-02-28 07:07:04 PM  

bdub77: "Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."


CALL 1-800-GETCOOCH NOW!
 
2014-02-28 07:25:21 PM  
What if your son stabs you then commits suicide?
Any charge for that lawyering?

/Ah, life in George "Macaca" Allen's confederate paradise.
 
2014-02-28 07:28:22 PM  
So you can downgrade from the public defender for only $10?
 
2014-02-28 07:30:20 PM  
Does he know something we don't? I mean, the government thugs I have to deal with just break into my home and rearrange my furniture. Sometimes they also feed the dogs.
 
2014-02-28 07:47:33 PM  
This is great! I have often wondered what type of legal scam I could run to capitalize on the overwhelming and irrational fear a lot of "conservatives" have (I really dislike calling them conservatives because it doesn't quite seem to fit their actual behaviour). I love those "freedom survival" schemes, they're brilliant - basically guys taking cheap 5$ garden kits and repackaging them and selling them for like 60$ bucks a pop or selling gold coins to morons who think they'll be worth something when the "inevitable" financial collapse comes.

And really, selling people insurance against something that is unlikely to happen (the government confiscating your gun) fits right up that alley. Like I said, it's brilliant!
 
2014-02-28 08:58:37 PM  
Sounds to me like he is calling our fine folks in law enforcement government thugs.
 
2014-02-28 09:34:45 PM  

bluenovaman: Sounds to me like he is calling our fine folks in law enforcement government thugs.


e-strategyblog.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2014-02-28 09:37:46 PM  
That is a GREAT scam! I wonder if I could get in on it!

For a cheap retainer fee monthly, this mook and his legal staff rake in all kinds of cash from people who are highly motivated to fear "illegal gun confiscation" or arrest--but highly unlikely ever to be arrested for anything that would require even so much as a sternly worded letter to correct it.  And on the off chance that they DO take a retainer from some Zimmerman-wannabe who might cap some kid for Looking Suspicious While Being Black: viola! They have a "we don't defend legal shooters" clause! Brilliant!

Goddamn, this guy is GOOD!
 
2014-02-28 09:47:08 PM  
Do any of Fark's lawyers know how kosher such insurance-style "retainer" fees are? Does the lawyer have to be licensed as an insurance agent? And while I am not a lawyer, much less a specialist in bar ethics, this looks to be the sort of non-refundable-even-if-we-do-nothing retainer that I thought was viewed with jaundiced eye in several states (including Virginia).

But maybe that's just something the gnomes have been serenading about beneath my balcony....
 
2014-02-28 10:04:45 PM  
Will his group represent an individual that puts two in their bosses' head?
 
2014-02-28 10:30:06 PM  

HighOnCraic: rebelyell2006: bdub77: "Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."

The fun thing about the iPhone is that it automatically generates telephone numbers from websites. I'm almost tempted to call that and see who picks up.

[cdn.tradyouth.org image 470x264]


Oh biatch I'm stealing that.
 
2014-02-28 11:16:48 PM  

Gyrfalcon: That is a GREAT scam! I wonder if I could get in on it!

For a cheap retainer fee monthly, this mook and his legal staff rake in all kinds of cash from people who are highly motivated to fear "illegal gun confiscation" or arrest--but highly unlikely ever to be arrested for anything that would require even so much as a sternly worded letter to correct it.  And on the off chance that they DO take a retainer from some Zimmerman-wannabe who might cap some kid for Looking Suspicious While Being Black: viola! They have a "we don't defend legal shooters" clause! Brilliant!

Goddamn, this guy is GOOD!


Holy crap, you're right!  "Illegal gun confiscation" is something that will never happen, so he's just taking these conservative rubes for $10 a pop for doing absolutely nothing.  Even just 30 people would be about half my rent.  I need to partner up with a seedy lawyer and steal his business idea!  I live in Kansas, so the ground here is absolutely FERTILE with the kind of delusional right-wingers that would fall for this kind of scam.
 
2014-02-28 11:18:07 PM  
And one baby zebra.
 
2014-02-28 11:30:27 PM  

WraithSama: Gyrfalcon: That is a GREAT scam! I wonder if I could get in on it!

For a cheap retainer fee monthly, this mook and his legal staff rake in all kinds of cash from people who are highly motivated to fear "illegal gun confiscation" or arrest--but highly unlikely ever to be arrested for anything that would require even so much as a sternly worded letter to correct it.  And on the off chance that they DO take a retainer from some Zimmerman-wannabe who might cap some kid for Looking Suspicious While Being Black: viola! They have a "we don't defend legal shooters" clause! Brilliant!

Goddamn, this guy is GOOD!

Holy crap, you're right!  "Illegal gun confiscation" is something that will never happen, so he's just taking these conservative rubes for $10 a pop for doing absolutely nothing.  Even just 30 people would be about half my rent.  I need to partner up with a seedy lawyer and steal his business idea!  I live in Kansas, so the ground here is absolutely FERTILE with the kind of delusional right-wingers that would fall for this kind of scam.


Just become a psychic. You don't need a license and when it doesn't work no one gets mad at YOU, they get mad at the people paying you. If it ever goes to court, the judge will toss it.
 
2014-02-28 11:35:15 PM  

bdub77: "Did some black guy's car break down at 2am? Is a teenager in a hoodie eating Skittles in your neighborhood? Are you white and did you just shoot someone who isn't white because he annoys you?

Don't call the cops. Call us.

Virginia Self Defense Law is here to help. For less than a cup of coffee every month, you can help take a child off the streets...and put him into a morgue. You can save the life of someone you love who was never in any danger to begin with. You can ensure yourself peace of mind...by blowing someone else's mind into pieces with your shotgun.

Dial 1-800-NOTRACIST. That's 1-800-NOTRACIST."


My iPhone offered to call the number...
 
2014-02-28 11:59:32 PM  
I love how right wingers stir up all these fears about what Fartbongo and his Sekrit Muslins are about to do...and just happen to be offering a product or service that will protect you from that.

"Obama wants to take your guns!  For $10/month, I'll fight for you to keep them!"

"Obamacare will destroy our economy, making currency worthless.  And now a word from our sponsor, Goldline."
 
2014-03-01 12:12:44 AM  
So, the article not withstanding, it's a BAD thing to start a law firm that specializes in defending people in cases where they legally and justifiably use lethal force in self defense?
 
2014-03-01 01:37:19 AM  

Kit Fister: So, the article not withstanding, it's a BAD thing to start a law firm that specializes in defending people in cases where they legally and justifiably use lethal force in self defense?


If you really did do that, you would be financially ruined in less than no time.

As I somewhat not facetiously pointed out, the idea of charging a monthly retainer is going to appeal to those who are, under most circumstances, least likely to ever need your services. Let's face it, the cops are not engaged in the process of confiscating firearms just for no reason, nor is Joe Sixpack likely ever to need a "lawyer" to get his gunz back because he decided to openly carry his Glock AK-97 tactical assault pistol into Walmart. In most cases where that has ACTUALLY happened, the cops have written the guy a ticket, warned him about the dubious wisdom of his acts, and that is that.

In genuine cases where someone has "legally and justifiably" used lethal force in self defense, assuming that it was in fact a legal and justifiable use of self defense, then you don't need Ken "the Cooch" to defend you, or any special law firm. Any decent criminal defense attorney should be able to prove that you really had no alternative but to defend yourself. The Zimmermans of the world are actually few and far between. If you're going to have a firm that "specializes" in such cases, you better charge a pretty penny, because there aren't enough cases of that type in the whole country to keep you solvent.

The only real people I can imagine who might need this kind of service are the borderline sketchy people who actually DO get their guns confiscated; not because overzealous gun-grabbers  or fascist cops took them, but because they (the owners) are felons who should not have had them in the first place, or the legal guns were taken because of their proximity to illegal drugs, or the guns were legal but the usage was not (the time or location or target wasn't), or, well, you get the idea.

No matter what the gun-nuts want to believe, this is just a scam. It's scaring people into thinking something bad "might" happen, and for the low low price of $19.95, you can be protected--of course, the same protection would attach if you just carried on like you were doing anyway.
 
2014-03-01 01:39:55 AM  

Gyrfalcon: That is a GREAT scam! I wonder if I could get in on it!

For a cheap retainer fee monthly, this mook and his legal staff rake in all kinds of cash from people who are highly motivated to fear "illegal gun confiscation" or arrest--but highly unlikely ever to be arrested for anything that would require even so much as a sternly worded letter to correct it.  And on the off chance that they DO take a retainer from some Zimmerman-wannabe who might cap some kid for Looking Suspicious While Being Black: viola! They have a "we don't defend legal shooters" clause! Brilliant!

Goddamn, this guy is GOOD!


And the thread is over.  Nothing more needs to be said.
 
2014-03-01 06:49:03 AM  
Grifters gonna grift.
 
2014-03-01 09:19:22 AM  

rjakobi: Does he know something we don't? I mean, the government thugs I have to deal with just break into my home and rearrange my furniture. Sometimes they also feed the dogs.


You're lucky. They break into my house and hide my keys all the time.
 
2014-03-01 10:04:35 AM  

VictoryCabal: Grifters gonna grift.


Shysters gonna shys.
 
2014-03-01 11:49:31 AM  
I'd be a little worried about anyone who think they are so prone to shoot someone that they would pay a running retainer to a lawyer just for that possibility. Heck, just buying the plan should be usable as evidence of premeditation.
 
2014-03-01 12:57:27 PM  
I wonder if having this insurance would make someone more likely to use their firearms when normally they would not.
 
2014-03-01 02:15:39 PM  

Ablejack: I wonder if having this insurance would make someone more likely to use their firearms when normally they would not.


I'm absolutely sure it would.  Just like auto insurance makes you more likely to ram other cars, and homeowners insurance makes you more likely burn your house down.
 
2014-03-01 08:56:26 PM  
Be one of the first 100 to sign up and get a free tiger repelling rock?

[seemslegit]
 
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