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(SeattlePI)   The best part of waking up . . . is doing it before you're embalmed   (seattlepi.com) divider line 73
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4621 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2014 at 3:25 PM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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vpb [TotalFark]
2014-02-28 01:56:35 PM
I wonder how many times someone woke up while they were being embalmed?

Maybe the embalming technician would just keep quiet to avoid any messy legal entanglements.
 
2014-02-28 02:19:32 PM
Bring out yer dead!
 
2014-02-28 02:58:41 PM
Must have been some third-world backwater with no competent medical professionals to accurately diagnose death.

... RTFA

Or Mississippi, same difference.
 
2014-02-28 03:25:10 PM
Was it Jesus? Allah? FSM? Who brought this man back to life?

Couldn't be the funeral home director because that'd be profit loss.

Oh, it was his defibrillator manufacturer.
 
2014-02-28 03:27:26 PM
We've secretly replaced this man's embalming fluid with Folgers Crystals, let's see if he notices.
 
2014-02-28 03:27:39 PM
What was in his cup subby?

/the richest kind
 
2014-02-28 03:28:46 PM
Still not changing my mind about cremation.
Why people still want to make mummies out of themselves is crazy.
The whole idea behind preserving the body was to make it so that people could re-enter their bodies when judgement day comes.  But then you would be a zombie and no one bothered to think about that.
 
2014-02-28 03:29:14 PM
And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?
 
2014-02-28 03:29:19 PM
"That's some good doctorin' there Bubba!"
 
2014-02-28 03:31:51 PM

labman: Bring out yer dead!


Here you go, it's ninepence, right?.
 
2014-02-28 03:32:39 PM
In another article I read, the coroner declared it a miracle, which coincidentally deflects from anyone noticing his utter incompetence as a coroner.
 
2014-02-28 03:32:58 PM
When he woke up, did he say "CariBOOOOO!?"

They asked him his future plans, he replied "I am going to go over to Maxwell's House."

I think I have run this into the grounds.
 
2014-02-28 03:33:12 PM
Q: What would Napolean be doing if he was still alive?

A: Scratching the FARK out of the roof of his casket!

/Tip your bartenders & waitresses
 
2014-02-28 03:34:05 PM
wait wait,

when he was leaving he turned around and yelled "See you percuLATER!"
 
2014-02-28 03:34:44 PM

reported: Must have been some third-world backwater with no competent medical professionals to accurately diagnose death.

... RTFA

Or Mississippi, same difference.


Mississippi doesn't believe in autopsies, or having an actual chief state medical examiner, or having more than five medical examiners.
 
2014-02-28 03:36:19 PM
They did it best:

img2.tvtome.com
 
2014-02-28 03:36:29 PM

vpb: I wonder how many times someone woke up while they were being embalmed?

Maybe the embalming technician would just keep quiet to avoid any messy legal entanglements.


"Get back on the cart!"
 
2014-02-28 03:37:21 PM
1. Has this happened to him before?
2. Does he own a sword or other large cutting implement?
 
2014-02-28 03:37:44 PM
Great headline, Subby
+1
 
2014-02-28 03:41:42 PM
Looking at his picture, he looks like he would rather be dead.

/ What's up with the reporters pronunciation of the word dead? "Day-ed".
 
2014-02-28 03:41:57 PM
great, now that jingle is stuck in my head.
 
2014-02-28 03:44:51 PM

cgraves67: In another article I read, the coroner declared it a miracle, which coincidentally deflects from anyone noticing his utter incompetence as a coroner.


Indeed.
 
2014-02-28 03:45:07 PM
upload.wikimedia.org

"You dirty double-crossing limey fink! Those goddamn diamonds are phonies!"

/First thing I thought of.
 
2014-02-28 03:47:32 PM

cgraves67: In another article I read, the coroner declared it a miracle, which coincidentally deflects from anyone noticing his utter incompetence as a coroner.


To be fair, he did not aver, that he was most sincerely dead.
 
2014-02-28 03:48:17 PM

haolegirl: And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?


Bitten by a snake, eh?
 
2014-02-28 03:51:08 PM

rev. dave: Still not changing my mind about cremation.
Why people still want to make mummies out of themselves is crazy.
The whole idea behind preserving the body was to make it so that people could re-enter their bodies when judgement day comes.  But then you would be a zombie and no one bothered to think about that.


I want cryo-cremation, basically they freeze you in LN2 and then shatter you, it's much better for the environment and just more geeky.
 
2014-02-28 03:54:21 PM
hate to burst most people's bubbles (not really), but many times, when the death doesn't appear unusual, there is only a cursory check of the decedent to determine cause of death. if there needs to be a determination of fault, they'll perform an autopsy (usually related to blood alcohol or detecting drugs in the system), or if the cause is totally inexplicable, etc.

but if you're an old guy and kick it, they'll just fill in the blanks from prior medical records.
 
2014-02-28 03:56:58 PM

haolegirl: And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?


Stephen King obscure? No.
 
2014-02-28 03:58:31 PM
But it would be a hell of a lot more impressive if he did it AFTER being embalmed...
 
2014-02-28 04:04:05 PM
Good job on the headline Subby, I tried on this one .... mine sucked
 
2014-02-28 04:12:19 PM
He got better.
 
2014-02-28 04:12:37 PM

vpb: I wonder how many times someone woke up while they were being embalmed?

Maybe the embalming technician would just keep quiet to avoid any messy legal entanglements.


Apparently people have been embalmed in weird as fark positions, though.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269846/The-quick-dead-Embal me d-biker-sits-astride-motorcycle-funeral-home.html
 
2014-02-28 04:13:51 PM

vpb: I wonder how many times someone woke up while they were being embalmed?

Maybe the embalming technician would just keep quiet to avoid any messy legal entanglements.


Almost as much fun as waking up on the organ donor table.

And by fun I mean terrifying beyond the rational capacity for thought.
 
2014-02-28 04:13:53 PM

JohnnyApocalypse: but if you're an old guy and kick it, they'll just fill in the blanks from prior medical records.


Oh great.  Thanks Johnny for bursting my gd bubble, now get off my lawn.
 
2014-02-28 04:20:17 PM
This is why I want to be buried at sea.

Well, aside from the fact that I think it would be hilarious to force my friends and family to take a nice boat trip, punctuated by throwing my corpse over the side like one of Dexter's victims.
 
2014-02-28 04:20:56 PM

Fano: haolegirl: And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?

Bitten by a snake, eh?


Ha!
 
2014-02-28 04:24:52 PM

A Terrible Human: haolegirl: And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?

Stephen King obscure? No.


Actually, I didn't think it would be. I was just surprised that nobody else had mentioned it yet.
 
2014-02-28 04:26:42 PM
This wasn't a miracle. This wasn't an accident.

This was an idiot who simply relied on checking a pulse on a pacemaker dependant man without doing an EKG, checking for heart tones, or palpating for a pulse for a minute.

More than likely, the guy had a loose or damaged pacer lead, and was profoundly bradycardic (slow heart rate), and jostling the man around replanted the lead and allowed the pacemaker to pace his heart back to a rate which perfused his brain.

This was total incompetence.
 
2014-02-28 04:30:11 PM

neongoats: This is why I want to be buried at sea.

Well, aside from the fact that I think it would be hilarious to force my friends and family to take a nice boat trip, punctuated by throwing my corpse over the side like one of Dexter's victims.


DO you think they would think it through in advance and bring a canvas bag and some weights, or would they just take your body out on a chartered fishing boat and toss ya, only to start panicking when your corpse fails to slowly submerge into the waves, then one of them gets the bright idea that maybe they should put some holes in you? Someone commandeers a rifle that the boat captain has on board for some reason and they start taking drunken shots at you. In the end they all come back from the trip in a very uneasy state and never talk about it again.
 
2014-02-28 04:35:38 PM

hardinparamedic: This wasn't a miracle. This wasn't an accident.

This was an idiot who simply relied on checking a pulse on a pacemaker dependant man without doing an EKG, checking for heart tones, or palpating for a pulse for a minute.

More than likely, the guy had a loose or damaged pacer lead, and was profoundly bradycardic (slow heart rate), and jostling the man around replanted the lead and allowed the pacemaker to pace his heart back to a rate which perfused his brain.

This was total incompetence.


I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV.  But I agree with your assesment.

I also agree with the person earlier in the thread that pointed out, the coronor only gave him a brief once-over, and declared him dead.  He really didn't try very hard, as there appeared to be no reason to suspect otherwise.
 
2014-02-28 04:35:49 PM

busy chillin': When he woke up, did he say "CariBOOOOO!?"

They asked him his future plans, he replied "I am going to go over to Maxwell's House."

I think I have run this into the grounds.


When asked, he said, "I'll have no cream, mate."
 
2014-02-28 04:37:45 PM
This is yet another validation for my funeral plans.

I plan to be bronzed in a menacing pose and set up as a statue in some park where I can terrify small children for eternity.
 
2014-02-28 04:45:51 PM
www.scifi-movies.com
 
2014-02-28 04:52:46 PM

JohnnyApocalypse: hate to burst most people's bubbles (not really), but many times, when the death doesn't appear unusual, there is only a cursory check of the decedent to determine cause of death. if there needs to be a determination of fault, they'll perform an autopsy (usually related to blood alcohol or detecting drugs in the system), or if the cause is totally inexplicable, etc.

but if you're an old guy and kick it, they'll just fill in the blanks from prior medical records.


This^^ and a friend of mine who worked at a funeral home once told me that when someone dies from obvious wounds (aka a stabbing), the autopsy will not include any kind of blood screening.  Which is unfortunate since that stabbing victim was the time she pricked her finger through her glove and had to go to the hospital for testing herself.

Ironic, really.
 
2014-02-28 04:54:49 PM
I do, however, love the comments following TFA, particularly where someone is shocked, SHOCKED that an autopsy isn't performed on an old dead guy.  Do people really believe that every death comes with an automatic autopsy?
 
2014-02-28 05:01:23 PM

haolegirl: And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?


s28.postimg.org
 
2014-02-28 05:08:40 PM

hardinparamedic: This wasn't a miracle. This wasn't an accident.

This was an idiot who simply relied on checking a pulse on a pacemaker dependant man without doing an EKG, checking for heart tones, or palpating for a pulse for a minute.

More than likely, the guy had a loose or damaged pacer lead, and was profoundly bradycardic (slow heart rate), and jostling the man around replanted the lead and allowed the pacemaker to pace his heart back to a rate which perfused his brain.

This was total incompetence.


Just when I think I'm the only one to have thought of something like this, YOU have to show up and point out that finding a pulse in an old man is insanely difficult. With their cold withered wrists and blocked arteries and all.

I hate medics. They're such know-it-all assholes.
 
2014-02-28 05:08:51 PM

Literally Addicted: I do, however, love the comments following TFA, particularly where someone is shocked, SHOCKED that an autopsy isn't performed on an old dead guy.  Do people really believe that every death comes with an automatic autopsy?


Depends on where you live. Unless you have a doctor willing to sign a death certificate in Davidson County (Nashville) Tennessee, for example, you automatically get sent to their forensics center for autopsy.
 
2014-02-28 05:12:35 PM

Literally Addicted: I do, however, love the comments following TFA, particularly where someone is shocked, SHOCKED that an autopsy isn't performed on an old dead guy.  Do people really believe that every death comes with an automatic autopsy?


Yes we do.  Kinda like a 10% off coupon at the checkout counter.
 
2014-02-28 05:17:29 PM
Death is easy.

Re-instating a social security number and personhood in the credit system... well...
 
2014-02-28 05:18:43 PM

Boojum2k: We've secretly replaced this man's embalming fluid with Folgers Crystals, let's see if he notices.


LOL. Damn.  I wasn't expecting that one.  Next time give us some warning.
 
2014-02-28 05:19:31 PM
When Grandpa drops the bottle it's one of two things.
 
2014-02-28 05:24:59 PM
www.bob-owens.com

I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!

www.vetnext.com
 
2014-02-28 05:29:18 PM
nyc.barstoolsports.com
 
2014-02-28 05:44:44 PM

cgraves67: In another article I read, the coroner declared it a miracle, which coincidentally deflects from anyone noticing his utter incompetence as a coroner.


FTFA: Howard says he believes Williams' pacemaker stopped working, then started again.

Believes?!?!?
How 'bout we download the data and see how long his pulse was gone?
 
2014-02-28 05:48:06 PM
I laughed hard at this headline.

/thanks Subby
 
2014-02-28 05:54:26 PM

SteakMan: Believes?!?!?
How 'bout we download the data and see how long his pulse was gone?


Unfortunately the pacemaker data would be useless to tell that. The ICD/Pacemaker only provides electrical impulses to the heart to provide either atrial, ventricular, or atrioventricular kick necessary for a contraction in the respective areas of the heart, depending on where the pacer lead is implanted. It does not monitor mechanical data on the heart, and it's quite possible for electrical activity to occur with no corresponding mechanical action or contractions. And if he had a loose or frayed lead, the data would be even more unreliable.

If his pulse was "gone" and this man was in true cardiac arrest, he never would have woken up like that. The brain is totally fried, with no CPR, after 10 minutes of cardiac arrest. More than likely what happened is his heart was beating in a profoundly slow rhythm (likely the reason he had the pacemaker placed in the first place), which was enough to perfuse the brain just enough to keep him alive, but not enough to keep him conscious - which would have meant he'd have a slow, weak central pulse and a probably non-existent radial pulse. Either the pacemaker started working again, or the jostling of his body put the pacer lead back in contact with his heart enough that it began to effectively pace him again, and brought his heart rate up enough that he regained consciousness.

This is why you don't rely on a simple pulse-check alone to determine absence of life in a patient you pronounce. This guy was incompetent and lazy.
 
2014-02-28 05:54:27 PM
Next time use Duracell batteries.
 
2014-02-28 06:13:56 PM
Was is a cheerleader?

/DNRTFA
 
2014-02-28 06:27:29 PM

robodog: rev. dave: Still not changing my mind about cremation.
Why people still want to make mummies out of themselves is crazy.
The whole idea behind preserving the body was to make it so that people could re-enter their bodies when judgement day comes.  But then you would be a zombie and no one bothered to think about that.

I want cryo-cremation, basically they freeze you in LN2 and then shatter you, it's much better for the environment and just more geeky.


Neat! Sign me up for that!
 
2014-02-28 06:27:59 PM

Lord Farkwad: haolegirl: And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?


They made a MOVIE???
 
2014-02-28 06:47:35 PM

busy chillin': When he woke up, did he say "CariBOOOOO!?"


i.ytimg.com

Gooorrrrrrrrnnnnnn!
 
2014-02-28 07:16:01 PM
Poor bastard will have to spend the remainder of his life proving he's still alive.
 
2014-02-28 07:28:21 PM

joeflood: reported: Must have been some third-world backwater with no competent medical professionals to accurately diagnose death.

... RTFA

Or Mississippi, same difference.

Mississippi doesn't believe in autopsies, or having an actual chief state medical examiner, or having more than five medical examiners.


This.   My uncle ran for county corner in a fairly well known county that you would expect would have need for someone qualified.  He has no medical training,.. Neither did his opponent.   But my uncle ran on a TeaTard "I'll stand up agin' Obummer!" platform.

/ no matter who wins, we all lose.
// I don't live in that god-forsaken shiat hole anymore.
 
2014-02-28 07:29:47 PM

Gen. Chicken's Tso: joeflood: reported: Must have been some third-world backwater with no competent medical professionals to accurately diagnose death.

... RTFA

Or Mississippi, same difference.

Mississippi doesn't believe in autopsies, or having an actual chief state medical examiner, or having more than five medical examiners.

This.   My uncle ran for county corner in a fairly well known county that you would expect would have need for someone qualified.  He has no medical training,.. Neither did his opponent.   But my uncle ran on a TeaTard "I'll stand up agin' Obummer!" platform.

/ no matter who wins, we all lose.
// I don't live in that god-forsaken shiat hole anymore.


They did have a chief medical examiner, until he got busted with 10 kilos of Pot in Jackson. MS.
 
2014-02-28 07:40:40 PM

RedRudy: Poor bastard will have to spend the remainder of his life proving he's still alive.


www.nndb.com

Welcome to my world!
 
2014-02-28 08:28:35 PM
As an experienced doctor once told me: "The one unforgivable mistake a doctor can make, is declaring somebody dead who isn't. "

Every other mistakes are cases of "you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs"

If I had the choice of dieing during embalment or being buried or burned alive, then I would choose embalment.
 
2014-02-28 08:45:19 PM

rkiller1: Literally Addicted: I do, however, love the comments following TFA, particularly where someone is shocked, SHOCKED that an autopsy isn't performed on an old dead guy.  Do people really believe that every death comes with an automatic autopsy?

Yes we do.  Kinda like a 10% off coupon at the checkout counter.


We don't here. If an 80 year old guy dies, it's chalked up to natural causes unless there's a reason to think otherwise.
 
2014-02-28 08:55:26 PM

hardinparamedic: [www.bob-owens.com image 500x293]

I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!

[www.vetnext.com image 640x131]


They still use those? I thought ECG strips went out with stone knives and bearskins.
 
2014-02-28 09:04:50 PM

cgraves67: neongoats: This is why I want to be buried at sea.

Well, aside from the fact that I think it would be hilarious to force my friends and family to take a nice boat trip, punctuated by throwing my corpse over the side like one of Dexter's victims.

DO you think they would think it through in advance and bring a canvas bag and some weights, or would they just take your body out on a chartered fishing boat and toss ya, only to start panicking when your corpse fails to slowly submerge into the waves, then one of them gets the bright idea that maybe they should put some holes in you? Someone commandeers a rifle that the boat captain has on board for some reason and they start taking drunken shots at you. In the end they all come back from the trip in a very uneasy state and never talk about it again.


Well, I was just going to go with some kind of biodegradable coffin with weights and holes in it, to drag it to the bottom and let little crabs in and whatnot. But your way DOES sound extra awesome.
 
2014-02-28 09:04:51 PM
Eliot Deacon didn't seem to mind getting the wakening people to get back into the coffins for their After.Life.
 
2014-03-01 01:27:55 AM
www.indiewire.com

It's been an interesting 48 hours.

/can't believe I'm the first
 
2014-03-01 04:34:13 AM

haolegirl: Lord Farkwad: haolegirl: And from then on he could only become sexually aroused when his partner was wearing latex gloves!

/obscure?

They made a MOVIE???


You've never seen road trip?
 
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