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(Jezebel)   Marriage counselors recommend couples have sex twice a week to improve intimacy. Columnist wonders why twice? "Twice is better than once and once is better than none, but how did we arrive at this idea that twice a week is a good amount of sex?"   (jezebel.com) divider line 18
    More: Interesting, tantric sex, couples have sex, sexual intimacy, Joneses  
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4200 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2014 at 9:13 AM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
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2014-02-28 09:16:45 AM  
7 votes:
Because it probably sets the 'disinterested' partner into being more receptive towards sex, without overwhelming them and making them think it is an unobtainable goal?

Sort of like how 'walk around the block for 20 minutes 3 times a week' is used as an exercise goal. It's not great, and you should do more. But when baseline is zero, starting somewhere requires a reference point.
2014-02-28 09:19:09 AM  
5 votes:
Not clicking the link, but if I had to guess:

Twice a week is too much because all sex is rape and disgusting because men.

/How close was I?
2014-02-28 11:55:12 AM  
4 votes:

Rain Fall: That said, sex and marriage go hand in hand. I don't understand women who withhold sex from their men, or men who demand sex from their women. Surely there must be a way to figure it out without all the stupid gender stereotypes having to come into play?


If you seek to keep "stupid gender stereotypes" out of it, perhaps you should not start with them.

You speak of women who "withhold" sex, but that doesn't really speak to the reality that many couples see. The problem is that one partner (and it can be the man) is less interested in sex. This can be due to a lot of factors, and underlying tension in the relationship is a pretty common cause. This is interpreted by the other partner as withholding because they are not getting what they want, but it is not done intentionally as that word implies.

You talk of men who "demand" sex, but, again, that's a vague stereotypical view. One partner wants something and is not getting it. This can cause problems. It is not unreasonable to desire sex with your partner and acting like it is will not help anyone.

The two feedback into one another as the frustrations of the partner who wants sex feed into the perceived tension in the relationship that is destroying the other's desire for sex. Which is why some therapists start with an arbitrary number. At least getting there will help alleviate the pressure from not having sex so the couple can deal with other issues. It is, of course, more complicated than that. Which is the point of TFA.
2014-02-28 09:45:04 AM  
3 votes:
If sex is the glue holding your marriage together, you should not be married.

There are plenty of things that can make sex become hard, if not impossible: disease being one of them...say cancer..and it can literally stop sex like turning off a light switch. In this case, the relationship itself, the love and friendship, devotion and so on.. are what will hold the marriage together. Understand, cancer can stop sex permanently depending on its severity. I'm just saying...

That said, sex and marriage go hand in hand. I don't understand women who withhold sex from their men, or men who demand sex from their women. Surely there must be a way to figure it out without all the stupid gender stereotypes having to come into play?

I would assume a man needs intimacy and love and to fee appreciated and cared for in the same way as a woman does, and I would assume that a woman needs sex the same way a man does, but crossed wires, cultural and/ or gender expectations, combined with fatigue, ennui, being married for the wrong reasons, job pressures, kids, life in general make this all hard to accomplish sometimes.

People should communicate more, not read articles online. If your afraid to talk to your husband or wife about intimate issues, you probably should not be married to that person.
2014-02-28 09:24:42 AM  
3 votes:
I once heard that the way to make a man happy is a combination of either steak or BJs three times a week.  I think there is a lot of wisdom in that. We are inconvenient but very simple creatures.
2014-02-28 09:31:02 AM  
2 votes:
Twice a week to let the rope burns heal
2014-03-01 12:27:03 AM  
1 votes:

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: E5bie: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness:

"I've tried everything! I've tried talking to you, I've tried staying out of your way, you just seem so mad all the time."

"Have you tried sucking my cock? Just throwing that out there..."

Wooo-hoo! You're about to unlock level one achievement for a happy marriage: She learns to suck it off before it gripes!
Next achievement is level two: He learns to brush teeth and shower without being asked! Even though he's "only" with his wife!
Level three is only good for bragging rights, as this is relationship will undoubtedly last:
He and She forget that other people don't know this basic shiat!

shiat, I wish I was that far along. I'm still working on the "she learns to pick up after herself" achievement and the "occasionally cooks dinner for her family" achievement.


I'm at a loss as to why you married her in the first place. I can only assume she looks so good that when your eyes popped out, your brain also fell out at the same time. Sex drive is something that does vary with time, but being slovenly is usually both consistent and obvious pretty early on.
2014-02-28 12:31:21 PM  
1 votes:

Rain Fall: If sex is the glue holding your marriage together, you should not be married.

There are plenty of things that can make sex become hard, if not impossible: disease being one of them...say cancer..and it can literally stop sex like turning off a light switch. In this case, the relationship itself, the love and friendship, devotion and so on.. are what will hold the marriage together. Understand, cancer can stop sex permanently depending on its severity. I'm just saying...

That said, sex and marriage go hand in hand. I don't understand women who withhold sex from their men, or men who demand sex from their women. Surely there must be a way to figure it out without all the stupid gender stereotypes having to come into play?

I would assume a man needs intimacy and love and to fee appreciated and cared for in the same way as a woman does, and I would assume that a woman needs sex the same way a man does, but crossed wires, cultural and/ or gender expectations, combined with fatigue, ennui, being married for the wrong reasons, job pressures, kids, life in general make this all hard to accomplish sometimes.

People should communicate more, not read articles online. If your afraid to talk to your husband or wife about intimate issues, you probably should not be married to that person.


You are far too rational and mature to be posting your opinions here. Flee! Flee from this place immediately before it destroys you and your reasonable soul! Run! Run like the wind!
2014-02-28 09:37:23 AM  
1 votes:
All the good comments have already been taken.

Bravo, everyone. Bravo.
2014-02-28 09:35:09 AM  
1 votes:

The Southern Logic Company: Not clicking the link, but if I had to guess:

Twice a week is too much because all sex is rape and disgusting because men.

/How close was I?


Pretty far off. They're saying do it as much as feels right for the both of you and putting quantitative goals on a sexlife can result in stress. It's different for everyone so coming up with a "rule" like twice a week is nonsense.

cgraves67: First thought: "What's wrong with having sex twice a week?"

Second thought: "Author sounds like a married woman."

Third thought: "Oh, Jezebel. It all makes sense now."


Just look at the quote in the headline. You don't have to even click. They're saying more is better--which goes against the meat of the article (that each case is unique and there's no real answer) but whatever.

I hate Jezebel as much as the next guy but this article wasn't sex negative at all.

smoky2010: Twice a week is a good number as it is 4 to 8 times the normal amount of sex married couples have.


I'm glad to be abnormal. We range from 3-4 times per week to maybe only once a week, it all depends on outside circumstances and when we get the chance. But always always do the sexy flirting in between. Shoot for quality over quantity.
2014-02-28 09:34:46 AM  
1 votes:

minoridiot: I got married because I wanted to see my wife intimately on a regular basis, not because I needed a roommate.


img.fark.net
2014-02-28 09:34:20 AM  
1 votes:
Geez, twice a decade would be an improvement.
2014-02-28 09:29:13 AM  
1 votes:
I got married because I wanted to see my wife intimately on a regular basis, not because I needed a roommate.
2014-02-28 09:26:40 AM  
1 votes:
Twice a week is a good number as it is 4 to 8 times the normal amount of sex married couples have.
2014-02-28 09:21:50 AM  
1 votes:
fark jezebel
2014-02-28 09:21:26 AM  
1 votes:

mongbiohazard: Does it have to be with my wife?


Nope.. I know for a fact she already has sex more than twice a week.


::zing::
2014-02-28 09:18:31 AM  
1 votes:
Does it have to be with my wife?
2014-02-28 09:14:28 AM  
1 votes:
Sheets and towels don't wash themselves.
 
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