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(Jezebel)   Marriage counselors recommend couples have sex twice a week to improve intimacy. Columnist wonders why twice? "Twice is better than once and once is better than none, but how did we arrive at this idea that twice a week is a good amount of sex?"   ( jezebel.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, tantric sex, couples have sex, sexual intimacy, Joneses  
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4229 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2014 at 9:13 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-28 09:57:38 AM  

Abuse Liability: Yes, but how often to do I show my genitals to random strangers on the internet?


Are you British? If so, it's about 1 time out of 10.
 
2014-02-28 09:58:20 AM  

robertus: palelizard: Can it be twice on Wednesdays?  There's isn't anything on TV on Hump Days.

[i1.ytimg.com image 850x478]

Hey baby, guess what day it is.


I don't know if having sex twice a week is going to help that couple's intimacy issues.
 
2014-02-28 10:01:29 AM  
I was always told it was three:
First married - tri-weekly
After kids come along - try weekly
After old age - try weakly

/I'll be here all week
//Tip your waitresses
///Take my wife.....
//// Slashies!!!!1!
 
2014-02-28 10:03:30 AM  
Without really trying me and Mrs Egoy fall into a pattern of every other weeknight and on most weekends it's every night and sometimes the mornings and afternoons too.
 
2014-02-28 10:03:46 AM  

robertus: Hey baby, guess what day it is.


The woman in that pic looks a LOT like one of my girlfriends' older sisters.

/boring story fact, bro
 
2014-02-28 10:08:39 AM  

Egoy3k: Without really trying me and Mrs Egoy fall into a pattern of every other weeknight and on most weekends it's every night and sometimes the mornings and afternoons too.


Nice! Not surprising from a man who was actually able to win a game of abstinence chicken once (that was you, yeah?). You got a keeper. Good job!

/guessing no kids?
 
2014-02-28 10:09:46 AM  

Abuse Liability: Yes, but how often to do I show my genitals to random strangers on the internet?


Depends on if NSA analysts count.

/not really "random", I suppose
 
2014-02-28 10:12:19 AM  

argylez: I could have sex 3x a day, my wife 1x every couple of weeks.

/we're getting divorced, how did you know?


I know your feels. Though in my case, she's slowly beginning to see the increase in the amount of her shiat that I'll put up with when she's touching my penis on the regular.

It's almost like she's noticed that relationship between "gee, he's been awfully irritable the past couple of weeks" and "gee, I've been blowing off his attempts to be affectionate with me for the past couple of weeks."

And I do realize I'm not perfect, and can be difficult. But I also realize I'm married to a "modern" woman who was raised on equality of the sexes, which generally means if I want to live in a clean house and eat a hot meal, then I'm stuck doing it by my damned self. Which does make me irritable, especially when "not tonight" has come to mean "maybe sometime next month."

"I've tried everything! I've tried talking to you, I've tried staying out of your way, you just seem so mad all the time."

"Have you tried sucking my cock? Just throwing that out there..."
 
2014-02-28 10:12:44 AM  
Two times doesn't sound like enough.  My wife and I are very thorough in our exploits and  I'm usually not a very retentive person, but when it comes to sex I'm always very anal, pitching (usually)
 
2014-02-28 10:13:26 AM  

Rain Fall: People should communicate more, not read articles online. If your afraid to talk to your husband or wife about intimate issues, you probably should not be married to that person.


It can't be common to have a relationship healthy enough to be able to answer the question "would you want to go sleep around if I got cancer and we couldn't have sex anymore?" with "Hell yes!".
 
2014-02-28 10:14:12 AM  

mongbiohazard: Does it have to be with my wife?


For the love of God, YES! Quit looking at me like that; I'm an old hairy dude for farks sake! You could at least be a little discriminating.
You know: Like this guy is.
 
2014-02-28 10:21:34 AM  
I make sure you wife and your mom get it twice a week.
 
2014-02-28 10:29:57 AM  
With kids under 1 year old the missus and I are exhausted, so we have to do what we can.

Here's our secret:

I want sex everyday, multiple times a day.  She likes the idea of sex all tyhe time but istoo damn tired, so I do everything I can to allow her time to "rest" which means to masturbate.

I buy her super nice toys and take the kids out so that she can rest for a while everyday. She gets to choose her porn on the iPad and goes to town.

This means I dont get any action every day but she gets to have fun so that when she is not so tired, she really gets into it.

Because the reason wives dont want sex may  have less to do with being tired and more to do with insecurities.

as the proverb says "A wife who masturbates regularly is a keeper and..
whatever

you get my point
 
2014-02-28 10:31:31 AM  

Rain Fall: If sex is the glue holding your marriage together, you should not be married.

There are plenty of things that can make sex become hard, if not impossible: disease being one of them...say cancer..and it can literally stop sex like turning off a light switch. In this case, the relationship itself, the love and friendship, devotion and so on.. are what will hold the marriage together. Understand, cancer can stop sex permanently depending on its severity. I'm just saying...

That said, sex and marriage go hand in hand. I don't understand women who withhold sex from their men, or men who demand sex from their women. Surely there must be a way to figure it out without all the stupid gender stereotypes having to come into play?

I would assume a man needs intimacy and love and to fee appreciated and cared for in the same way as a woman does, and I would assume that a woman needs sex the same way a man does, but crossed wires, cultural and/ or gender expectations, combined with fatigue, ennui, being married for the wrong reasons, job pressures, kids, life in general make this all hard to accomplish sometimes.

People should communicate more, not read articles online. If your afraid to talk to your husband or wife about intimate issues, you probably should not be married to that person.


i949.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-28 10:33:50 AM  
This shiat again. The recommendation has shown up in one woman's magazine or the other every year since 1960.
 
2014-02-28 10:34:33 AM  

minoridiot: I got married because I wanted to see my wife intimately on a regular basis, not because I needed a roommate.


You're lucky.

Roommates typically pay half of the expenses.

My relationship is more of an exercise in learning to be more understanding and less selfish about my physical needs.
 
2014-02-28 10:36:17 AM  

thurstonxhowell: The Southern Logic Company: Not clicking the link, but if I had to guess:

Twice a week is too much because all sex is rape and disgusting because men.

/How close was I?

You got that from a headline that quotes the article as implying more sex is better?
I know people don't RTFA, but you apparently couldn't even get to the end of the headline.


To be fair, considering the source is Jezebel, he had a 75% chance of being correct.
 
2014-02-28 11:06:49 AM  

kroonermanblack: Because it probably sets the 'disinterested' partner into being more receptive towards sex, without overwhelming them and making them think it is an unobtainable goal?

Sort of like how 'walk around the block for 20 minutes 3 times a week' is used as an exercise goal. It's not great, and you should do more. But when baseline is zero, starting somewhere requires a reference point.


Pretty much this.
 
2014-02-28 11:07:55 AM  
Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness:

"I've tried everything! I've tried talking to you, I've tried staying out of your way, you just seem so mad all the time."

"Have you tried sucking my cock? Just throwing that out there..."


Wooo-hoo! You're about to unlock level one achievement for a happy marriage: She learns to suck it off before it gripes!
Next achievement is level two: He learns to brush teeth and shower without being asked! Even though he's "only" with his wife!
Level three is only good for bragging rights, as this is relationship will undoubtedly last:
He and She forget that other people don't know this basic shiat!
 
2014-02-28 11:10:24 AM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: argylez:

"I've tried everything! I've tried talking to you, I've tried staying out of your way, you just seem so mad all the time."

"Have you tried sucking my cock? Just throwing that out there..."


I am so stealing this
 
2014-02-28 11:10:57 AM  

bbcard1: I once heard that the way to make a man happy is a combination of either steak or BJs three times a week.  I think there is a lot of wisdom in that. We are inconvenient but very simple creatures.


I once had a female friend tell me her mother gave her some sage advice when she was thinking about getting married.
She told her, 'Do these three things and a man will never cheat on you'.
1. Cook like his mother
2.Look like the girl next door
3.fark like a whore

I know that would keep me from looking elsewhere.
 
2014-02-28 11:19:58 AM  
I'm older now, and yes my sex life has fallen off a bit.
Only twice last night and once this morning.
 
2014-02-28 11:43:05 AM  

thurstonxhowell: The Southern Logic Company: Not clicking the link, but if I had to guess:

Twice a week is too much because all sex is rape and disgusting because men.

/How close was I?

You got that from a headline that quotes the article as implying more sex is better?

I know people don't RTFA, but you apparently couldn't even get to the end of the headline.


Defending the readability of Jezebel?  Well I never.
 
2014-02-28 11:53:03 AM  

Cheron: Twice a week to let the rope burns heal


If you're getting rope burn then the knots aren't tight enough and once they are restrained then you AREN'T limited to just 2 times.
 
2014-02-28 11:54:31 AM  
I'm still hoping for my second time this decade :-(

/got another couple years before i loose hope
 
2014-02-28 11:55:12 AM  

Rain Fall: That said, sex and marriage go hand in hand. I don't understand women who withhold sex from their men, or men who demand sex from their women. Surely there must be a way to figure it out without all the stupid gender stereotypes having to come into play?


If you seek to keep "stupid gender stereotypes" out of it, perhaps you should not start with them.

You speak of women who "withhold" sex, but that doesn't really speak to the reality that many couples see. The problem is that one partner (and it can be the man) is less interested in sex. This can be due to a lot of factors, and underlying tension in the relationship is a pretty common cause. This is interpreted by the other partner as withholding because they are not getting what they want, but it is not done intentionally as that word implies.

You talk of men who "demand" sex, but, again, that's a vague stereotypical view. One partner wants something and is not getting it. This can cause problems. It is not unreasonable to desire sex with your partner and acting like it is will not help anyone.

The two feedback into one another as the frustrations of the partner who wants sex feed into the perceived tension in the relationship that is destroying the other's desire for sex. Which is why some therapists start with an arbitrary number. At least getting there will help alleviate the pressure from not having sex so the couple can deal with other issues. It is, of course, more complicated than that. Which is the point of TFA.
 
2014-02-28 11:56:39 AM  
For what I pay subby's mom, she makes a good living on once a week.

//lude
 
2014-02-28 11:57:18 AM  

zepher: bbcard1: I once heard that the way to make a man happy is a combination of either steak or BJs three times a week.  I think there is a lot of wisdom in that. We are inconvenient but very simple creatures.

I once had a female friend tell me her mother gave her some sage advice when she was thinking about getting married.
She told her, 'Do these three things and a man will never cheat on you'.
1. Cook like his mother
2.Look like the girl next door
3.fark like a whore

I know that would keep me from looking elsewhere.


Was her mother Mick Jäger? Because I do believe he's said that too..
 
2014-02-28 11:57:47 AM  

E5bie: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness:

"I've tried everything! I've tried talking to you, I've tried staying out of your way, you just seem so mad all the time."

"Have you tried sucking my cock? Just throwing that out there..."

Wooo-hoo! You're about to unlock level one achievement for a happy marriage: She learns to suck it off before it gripes!
Next achievement is level two: He learns to brush teeth and shower without being asked! Even though he's "only" with his wife!
Level three is only good for bragging rights, as this is relationship will undoubtedly last:
He and She forget that other people don't know this basic shiat!


shiat, I wish I was that far along. I'm still working on the "she learns to pick up after herself" achievement and the "occasionally cooks dinner for her family" achievement.
 
2014-02-28 11:58:03 AM  

CleanAndPure: I'd probably be able to aspire to sex twice a week if it weren't for my wife's bloody Facebook account.

Something about me making moves on my wife reminds her she needs to check Facebook.


Omg. I checked it, and it wasn't me who posted it but it said exactly what I thought 2 nights ago
 
2014-02-28 12:02:59 PM  
How much Anal?
 
2014-02-28 12:09:06 PM  

Fafai: Rain Fall: There are plenty of things that can make sex become hard, if not impossible: disease being one of them...say cancer..and it can literally stop sex like turning off a light switch. In this case, the relationship itself, the love and friendship, devotion and so on.. are what will hold the marriage together. Understand, cancer can stop sex permanently depending on its severity. I'm just saying...

This is why you need to discuss options beforehand, like what if one of you becomes unable to do it? Does that warrant a hall pass? Is it selfish of the ailing parter to assume the healthy one will just become celibate at that point? There's no universal answer to these questions but you should probably sort this stuff out first. It's goign to be a million times more awkward and stressful trying to navigate these issues after an ailment or injury occurs.


this^
my wife and i have talked about this a few times. if she, for any reason, becomes physically unable to perform, i can pursue physical activity elsewhere. i hope it never comes to that, because even though there are most definitely other women i see on a daily basis with whom i'm sure i'd enjoy some physical time, my wife is undoubtedly my soulmate.

she's also told me, when i joke about my non-existent girlfriends and what i do with them, "as long as you aren't bringing home any diseases or anything". i know better than to test that one, though. even condoms are not 100% effective.
 
2014-02-28 12:13:15 PM  
I'm wonder if they consider oral sex part of that twice a week number? Or does it have to be of those insert rod support A into slot B type of things?
 
2014-02-28 12:14:18 PM  

miss diminutive: I'm wonder if they consider oral sex part of that twice a week number? Or does it have to be of those insert rod support A into slot B type of things?


Pretty sure as long as you excrete substance C it counts.
 
2014-02-28 12:31:21 PM  

Rain Fall: If sex is the glue holding your marriage together, you should not be married.

There are plenty of things that can make sex become hard, if not impossible: disease being one of them...say cancer..and it can literally stop sex like turning off a light switch. In this case, the relationship itself, the love and friendship, devotion and so on.. are what will hold the marriage together. Understand, cancer can stop sex permanently depending on its severity. I'm just saying...

That said, sex and marriage go hand in hand. I don't understand women who withhold sex from their men, or men who demand sex from their women. Surely there must be a way to figure it out without all the stupid gender stereotypes having to come into play?

I would assume a man needs intimacy and love and to fee appreciated and cared for in the same way as a woman does, and I would assume that a woman needs sex the same way a man does, but crossed wires, cultural and/ or gender expectations, combined with fatigue, ennui, being married for the wrong reasons, job pressures, kids, life in general make this all hard to accomplish sometimes.

People should communicate more, not read articles online. If your afraid to talk to your husband or wife about intimate issues, you probably should not be married to that person.


You are far too rational and mature to be posting your opinions here. Flee! Flee from this place immediately before it destroys you and your reasonable soul! Run! Run like the wind!
 
2014-02-28 12:34:32 PM  

kroonermanblack: zepher


Considering she was told this almost 40 years ago I doubt her mother got from Mick Jagger.
 
2014-02-28 12:35:30 PM  

Pangea: minoridiot: I got married because I wanted to see my wife intimately on a regular basis, not because I needed a roommate.

You're lucky.

Roommates typically pay half of the expenses.

My relationship is more of an exercise in learning to be more understanding and less selfish about my physical needs.


First, I laughed. Then I agreed with you so hard I hurt my neck.
 
2014-02-28 01:14:22 PM  

Abuse Liability: miss diminutive: I'm wonder if they consider oral sex part of that twice a week number? Or does it have to be of those insert rod support A into slot B type of things?

Pretty sure as long as you excrete substance C it counts.


From now on, I will refer to semen and vaginal discharge resulting from arousal/sex as "Substance C".

/has a medical fetish
//fits right in there
///giggity
 
2014-02-28 01:26:50 PM  

bbcard1: I once heard that the way to make a man happy is a combination of either steak or BJs three times a week.  I think there is a lot of wisdom in that. We are inconvenient but very simple creatures.


I thought the steak and BJ thing was a pseudo-holiday?

Conversely, there is the far less known, but more common "Ramen and DIY Day"

Which is really just like every other day of the year in the lives of most men.
 
2014-02-28 02:30:12 PM  
I was sure it was supposed to be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
 
2014-02-28 02:35:37 PM  
Was always instructed thusly:

If you're under 30 and you're feeling' right
It's once in the morning and twice at night

If you're over 30 but you're still alright
Just skip the mornings and continue at night

From 40 to 50
Its now and then

From 50 to 60
It's God knows when

If over 60 and still inclined
Trust me fella
It's all in your mind
 
2014-02-28 03:03:26 PM  

poison_amy: I was sure it was supposed to be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.


winnar.
 
2014-02-28 03:21:14 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: argylez: I could have sex 3x a day, my wife 1x every couple of weeks.

/we're getting divorced, how did you know?

I know your feels. Though in my case, she's slowly beginning to see the increase in the amount of her shiat that I'll put up with when she's touching my penis on the regular.

It's almost like she's noticed that relationship between "gee, he's been awfully irritable the past couple of weeks" and "gee, I've been blowing off his attempts to be affectionate with me for the past couple of weeks."

And I do realize I'm not perfect, and can be difficult. But I also realize I'm married to a "modern" woman who was raised on equality of the sexes, which generally means if I want to live in a clean house and eat a hot meal, then I'm stuck doing it by my damned self. Which does make me irritable, especially when "not tonight" has come to mean "maybe sometime next month."

"I've tried everything! I've tried talking to you, I've tried staying out of your way, you just seem so mad all the time."

"Have you tried sucking my cock? Just throwing that out there..."


i60.tinypic.com
 
2014-02-28 03:23:49 PM  
We have Hallway Sex at least twice a week
 
2014-02-28 03:24:45 PM  

mjjt: We have Hotdog in a Hallway Sex at least twice a week

 
2014-02-28 03:45:39 PM  
to quote The Beatles... 8 DAYS A WEEK
 
2014-03-01 12:27:03 AM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: E5bie: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness:

"I've tried everything! I've tried talking to you, I've tried staying out of your way, you just seem so mad all the time."

"Have you tried sucking my cock? Just throwing that out there..."

Wooo-hoo! You're about to unlock level one achievement for a happy marriage: She learns to suck it off before it gripes!
Next achievement is level two: He learns to brush teeth and shower without being asked! Even though he's "only" with his wife!
Level three is only good for bragging rights, as this is relationship will undoubtedly last:
He and She forget that other people don't know this basic shiat!

shiat, I wish I was that far along. I'm still working on the "she learns to pick up after herself" achievement and the "occasionally cooks dinner for her family" achievement.


I'm at a loss as to why you married her in the first place. I can only assume she looks so good that when your eyes popped out, your brain also fell out at the same time. Sex drive is something that does vary with time, but being slovenly is usually both consistent and obvious pretty early on.
 
2014-03-01 11:28:38 AM  
Shut the f*ck up, Lindy West.
 
2014-03-01 12:07:40 PM  

Nidiot: I'm at a loss as to why you married her in the first place.


You mistake his intentions then. He doesn't want a spouse, he wants somebody he can feel superior to.
 
2014-03-01 07:38:45 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Nidiot: I'm at a loss as to why you married her in the first place.

You mistake his intentions then. He doesn't want a spouse, he wants somebody he can feel superior to.


Not necessarily. Could be settling because it's easier.

/kinda the same thing now that i think about it
 
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