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(Log Cabin Democrat)   Woman's attempt to shoplift 330 pizza rolls from Walmart doesn't pan out   (thecabin.net) divider line 36
    More: Fail, Walmart  
•       •       •

4099 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2014 at 10:02 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-28 09:13:43 AM
Looks like she was wanton to party. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah!
 
2014-02-28 10:03:50 AM
But was she quiet? You have to be quiet.
 
2014-02-28 10:04:56 AM
That's how she rolls!!  Sorry, that was cheesy.
 
2014-02-28 10:07:16 AM
She said her "friends" told her to shoplift from Wal Mart to get food. Now, i have many friends, and none of them, have EVER told me to commit a crime. Makes you wonder what type of person she is, and what type of people her friends are.

/hmmmmm
 
2014-02-28 10:10:00 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-28 10:11:33 AM

Cygnus God of Balance: That's how she rolls!!  Sorry, that was cheesy.


Really, I never sausage a terrible pun before.
 
2014-02-28 10:11:38 AM
She should have hidden them in her rolls.  Which I'm reasonably sure she has plenty of.
 
2014-02-28 10:14:11 AM
Was she working for Mr Plinkett?

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-28 10:14:13 AM
Made with ground mous bones, rat tail meat, and a dash of cockroach legs. Totally worth it
 
2014-02-28 10:16:00 AM

AUAIOMRN: Was she working for Mr Plinkett?


I came here to post that! STOP farkING WITH MY MEDICINES
 
2014-02-28 10:18:15 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: She said her "friends" told her to shoplift from Wal Mart to get food. Now, i have many friends, and none of them, have EVER told me to commit a crime. Makes you wonder what type of person she is, and what type of people her friends are.

/hmmmmm


I guess I'm a bad person for my friends handing me a beer while I wasn't 21.
 
2014-02-28 10:19:55 AM
stream1.gifsoup.com
 
2014-02-28 10:22:12 AM

blatz514: Bit'O'Gristle: She said her "friends" told her to shoplift from Wal Mart to get food. Now, i have many friends, and none of them, have EVER told me to commit a crime. Makes you wonder what type of person she is, and what type of people her friends are.

/hmmmmm

I guess I'm a bad person for my friends handing me a beer while I wasn't 21.


He's trolling. There's no way he has "many friends"
 
2014-02-28 10:25:51 AM

blatz514: I guess I'm a bad person for my friends handing me a beer while I wasn't 21.


Let's nitpick- in that instance, they were the one committing the crime- you could have easily said "no thanks" and been in the clear. It also sounds like he didn't say "I am going to force you to drink this beer." His crime was offering, your crime was accepting and drinking it. Nobody forces or told anyone to commit a crime.
 
2014-02-28 10:28:41 AM
This is what you get for legalizing that wacky weed.

Don't know what you liberals were expecting to happen.
 
2014-02-28 10:30:23 AM
Who wants..
i1.ytimg.com
PIZZA ROLLS?
 
2014-02-28 10:32:47 AM
Darn, no mugshot. I'm guessing 330 rolls is still applicable.
 
2014-02-28 10:32:54 AM
I haven't had pizza rolls in 25 years. Are they still wrapped globs of molten goo that both instantly stick to your tongue and the roof of your mouth as they inflict 2nd degree burns?

I could never tell what they tasted like as my mouth was in too much pain.
 
2014-02-28 10:33:25 AM
smartblogs.com

Hello everyone. It's always a wonderful time when guests come by. You need to be ready to welcome them with delicious treats. If they're polite, they'll tell you that they are dropping by and that will give you enough time to prepare. I always go to Walmart and swipe a few bags of snacks that I can readily prepare in a toaster oven. Don't use a microwave even if the instructions say it's okay. The results show that you don't care about your guests.

Now when you are at Walmart, don't try to sneak the stuff out in the original packages. biatches be packing that stuff in special packages that get detected at the door. Just shop naturally. Put the stuff in the cart, move to another part of the store. You should know where the cameras are and which ones are monitored. Avoid the monitored areas and dump the shiat in to a bag you have in your purse. If anyone sees you, just give them the stink eye. If they keep staring, show them your shiv. They'll mind their own business. Now, if confronted by the store dicks, crying works pretty well here. Cry and move towards the exits. Using your shiv here can be a bad thing.

Once in the parking lot, you are home free. biatches can't follow you past the door. They'll lose their wage slave job if they do. Get home, give the car to your homies so if the cops got the plate, the guys take the sit down for it. But of course, their faces aint going to be on the tape, so they'll walk by evening.

Now, since you tossed the bags, you don't know how to prepare the stuff you lifted. No problem. Prepare a small batch at 325 degrees. Check often to get the right level of toasted. Use your shiv to see if the insides are done. If it comes out looking bloody and cold, let it cook a few more minutes and check again.

Once you got the time, load up the toaster. Put the finished product out on your best disposable plates and provide the Hardees napkins for the proper effect. Hardees napkins are logo free and your guests will think that you stole some high quality face wipers.

Last, if the cops roll in on you. Tell them you've been there all day. You friends will back you 100%. If they don't, they should know that they're getting the shiv as soon as you make bail. Well, that's all the time we have this week. Tune in next time when I show you how to make a nice shiv holder. It will look nice in your purse, in your pocket or crotched for those pat down moments.
 
2014-02-28 10:36:13 AM

grinding_journalist: blatz514: I guess I'm a bad person for my friends handing me a beer while I wasn't 21.

Let's nitpick- in that instance, they were the one committing the crime- you could have easily said "no thanks" and been in the clear. It also sounds like he didn't say "I am going to force you to drink this beer." His crime was offering, your crime was accepting and drinking it. Nobody forces or told anyone to commit a crime.


First off, who turns down beers from friends?

Secondly, I was snarking around, relax.
 
2014-02-28 10:37:07 AM

blatz514: grinding_journalist: blatz514: I guess I'm a bad person for my friends handing me a beer while I wasn't 21.

Let's nitpick- in that instance, they were the one committing the crime- you could have easily said "no thanks" and been in the clear. It also sounds like he didn't say "I am going to force you to drink this beer." His crime was offering, your crime was accepting and drinking it. Nobody forces or told anyone to commit a crime.

First off, who turns down beers from friends?

Secondly, I was snarking around, relax.


You're a criminal and you should be ashamed of yourself!
 
2014-02-28 10:41:53 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: She said her "friends" told her to shoplift from Wal Mart to get food. Now, i have many friends, and none of them, have EVER told me to commit a crime. Makes you wonder what type of person she is, and what type of people her friends are.

/hmmmmm


I'm not wondering at all.
 
2014-02-28 10:48:18 AM

jjorsett: Bit'O'Gristle: She said her "friends" told her to shoplift from Wal Mart to get food. Now, i have many friends, and none of them, have EVER told me to commit a crime. Makes you wonder what type of person she is, and what type of people her friends are.

/hmmmmm

I'm not wondering at all.


Well don't keep us in suspense. What do you think?
 
2014-02-28 10:49:04 AM

Harry Freakstorm: [smartblogs.com image 240x320]

Hello everyone. It's always a wonderful time when guests come by. You need to be ready to welcome them with delicious treats. If they're polite, they'll tell you that they are dropping by and that will give you enough time to prepare. I always go to Walmart and swipe a few bags of snacks that I can readily prepare in a toaster oven. Don't use a microwave even if the instructions say it's okay. The results show that you don't care about your guests.

Now when you are at Walmart, don't try to sneak the stuff out in the original packages. biatches be packing that stuff in special packages that get detected at the door. Just shop naturally. Put the stuff in the cart, move to another part of the store. You should know where the cameras are and which ones are monitored. Avoid the monitored areas and dump the shiat in to a bag you have in your purse. If anyone sees you, just give them the stink eye. If they keep staring, show them your shiv. They'll mind their own business. Now, if confronted by the store dicks, crying works pretty well here. Cry and move towards the exits. Using your shiv here can be a bad thing.

Once in the parking lot, you are home free. biatches can't follow you past the door. They'll lose their wage slave job if they do. Get home, give the car to your homies so if the cops got the plate, the guys take the sit down for it. But of course, their faces aint going to be on the tape, so they'll walk by evening.

Now, since you tossed the bags, you don't know how to prepare the stuff you lifted. No problem. Prepare a small batch at 325 degrees. Check often to get the right level of toasted. Use your shiv to see if the insides are done. If it comes out looking bloody and cold, let it cook a few more minutes and check again.

Once you got the time, load up the toaster. Put the finished product out on your best disposable plates and provide the Hardees napkins for the proper effect. Hardees napkins ar ...


+1 internet for you, sir.
 
2014-02-28 10:52:35 AM

jfivealive: blatz514: grinding_journalist: blatz514: I guess I'm a bad person for my friends handing me a beer while I wasn't 21.

Let's nitpick- in that instance, they were the one committing the crime- you could have easily said "no thanks" and been in the clear. It also sounds like he didn't say "I am going to force you to drink this beer." His crime was offering, your crime was accepting and drinking it. Nobody forces or told anyone to commit a crime.

First off, who turns down beers from friends?

Secondly, I was snarking around, relax.

You're a criminal and you should be ashamed of yourself!


Actually, I would have been ashamed if I didn't accept the beers....being from Wisconsin and all.
 
2014-02-28 11:00:03 AM

Crudbucket: Cygnus God of Balance: That's how she rolls!!  Sorry, that was cheesy.

Really, I never sausage a terrible pun before.


It was half-baked.
 
2014-02-28 11:06:23 AM

Harry Freakstorm: [smartblogs.com image 240x320]

Hello everyone. It's always a wonderful time when guests come by. You need to be ready to welcome them with delicious treats. If they're polite, they'll tell you that they are dropping by and that will give you enough time to prepare. I always go to Walmart and swipe a few bags of snacks that I can readily prepare in a toaster oven. Don't use a microwave even if the instructions say it's okay. The results show that you don't care about your guests.

Now when you are at Walmart, don't try to sneak the stuff out in the original packages. biatches be packing that stuff in special packages that get detected at the door. Just shop naturally. Put the stuff in the cart, move to another part of the store. You should know where the cameras are and which ones are monitored. Avoid the monitored areas and dump the shiat in to a bag you have in your purse. If anyone sees you, just give them the stink eye. If they keep staring, show them your shiv. They'll mind their own business. Now, if confronted by the store dicks, crying works pretty well here. Cry and move towards the exits. Using your shiv here can be a bad thing.

Once in the parking lot, you are home free. biatches can't follow you past the door. They'll lose their wage slave job if they do. Get home, give the car to your homies so if the cops got the plate, the guys take the sit down for it. But of course, their faces aint going to be on the tape, so they'll walk by evening.

Now, since you tossed the bags, you don't know how to prepare the stuff you lifted. No problem. Prepare a small batch at 325 degrees. Check often to get the right level of toasted. Use your shiv to see if the insides are done. If it comes out looking bloody and cold, let it cook a few more minutes and check again.

Once you got the time, load up the toaster. Put the finished product out on your best disposable plates and provide the Hardees napkins for the proper effect. Hardees napkins ar ...


That was a thing of beauty.
 
2014-02-28 11:20:54 AM

Crudbucket: Cygnus God of Balance: That's how she rolls!!  Sorry, that was cheesy.

Really, I never sausage a terrible pun before.

No need to ham it up, or this could get saucy.
 
2014-02-28 11:22:43 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: She said her "friends" told her to shoplift from Wal Mart to get food. Now, i have many friends, and none of them, have EVER told me to commit a crime. Makes you wonder what type of person she is, and what type of people her friends are.

/hmmmmm


Hint: thieves often don't tell the truth.
 
2014-02-28 11:23:29 AM

Fano: AUAIOMRN: Was she working for Mr Plinkett?

I came here to post that! STOP farkING WITH MY MEDICINES


FARK YOU RICK BERMAN! You ruined this too?
 
2014-02-28 11:27:15 AM
"Nothing for me, thanks".
 
2014-02-28 11:57:13 AM
330 pizza rolls?  Amateur hour.  I know a guy who once got away with 167,286 grains of rice.
 
2014-02-28 11:58:28 AM

Harry Freakstorm: [smartblogs.com image 240x320]

Hello everyone. It's always a wonderful time when guests come by. You need to be ready to welcome them with delicious treats. If they're polite, they'll tell you that they are dropping by and that will give you enough time to prepare. I always go to Walmart and swipe a few bags of snacks that I can readily prepare in a toaster oven. Don't use a microwave even if the instructions say it's okay. The results show that you don't care about your guests.

Now when you are at Walmart, don't try to sneak the stuff out in the original packages. biatches be packing that stuff in special packages that get detected at the door. Just shop naturally. Put the stuff in the cart, move to another part of the store. You should know where the cameras are and which ones are monitored. Avoid the monitored areas and dump the shiat in to a bag you have in your purse. If anyone sees you, just give them the stink eye. If they keep staring, show them your shiv. They'll mind their own business. Now, if confronted by the store dicks, crying works pretty well here. Cry and move towards the exits. Using your shiv here can be a bad thing.

Once in the parking lot, you are home free. biatches can't follow you past the door. They'll lose their wage slave job if they do. Get home, give the car to your homies so if the cops got the plate, the guys take the sit down for it. But of course, their faces aint going to be on the tape, so they'll walk by evening.

Now, since you tossed the bags, you don't know how to prepare the stuff you lifted. No problem. Prepare a small batch at 325 degrees. Check often to get the right level of toasted. Use your shiv to see if the insides are done. If it comes out looking bloody and cold, let it cook a few more minutes and check again.

Once you got the time, load up the toaster. Put the finished product out on your best disposable plates and provide the Hardees napkins for the proper effect. Hardees napkins ar ...



This is why I come to Fark, to the info I need to make it thru the day.
 
2014-02-28 01:13:21 PM
300 Walmart pizza rolls? Who cares? They should have been glad anyone cared enough to take them.
 
2014-02-28 04:28:07 PM
Hell, coulda just stole one big bag from Costco. Trust me, it doesn't take a lot of imagination to steal from a Costco, at least compared to the camera-fortified Fort Knox that is Walmart.
 
2014-02-28 08:58:19 PM
Stil better than "New York" pizza.
 
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