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(AP)   Settle down people, those South Park guys have it all wrong. People don't get their own planets in the afterlife   (hosted.ap.org) divider line 41
    More: Strange, South Park  
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10050 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Feb 2014 at 7:38 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-27 08:19:16 PM  
12 votes:
i61.tinypic.com
2014-02-27 09:42:22 PM  
7 votes:

Donkey Hodie: When I was raised Mormon, I was taught I would get my own Universe.  What's this "only one planet" business?


Cutbacks. I'm sure you understand. Honestly we didn't expect the uptake to be so impressive. To make up for the change in service, we're offering a free copy of the introductory manual So Now You Are A God, and a half-price subscription to Clever Creations, which has a whole range of fantastic ideas for your world. This is of course all in addition to our Mark of Cain removal service, White-Out, which has been getting rave reviews. So. Here is your scratch-n-sniff planetary catalog. Once you make your selection, take it to the Installation desk around back. Thank you come again!
2014-02-27 08:33:12 PM  
6 votes:

SpdrJay: The Scientologists told me that if I'm really good I get my own Death Star in the afterlife....


And when Scientologist Death Stars go to war with Mormon planets, we will have finally found what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
2014-02-27 08:21:55 PM  
6 votes:
except Europa
attempt no landing there
2014-02-27 08:24:29 PM  
4 votes:
What Kiwis believe

i62.tinypic.com
2014-02-27 08:05:15 PM  
4 votes:

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds


That's all well and good, but I hope the terrain generator is worth a damn, and there's something to do besides building up your number of followers. Also, will multiplayer be available?
2014-02-27 08:04:42 PM  
4 votes:
The Scientologists told me that if I'm really good I get my own Death Star in the afterlife....
2014-02-28 01:00:02 AM  
3 votes:
You know why Mormons aren't good bike riders?

They do a lot of backpedaling.
2014-02-27 11:45:35 PM  
3 votes:
Well mine's going to have hookers. And blackjack.
2014-02-27 08:22:04 PM  
3 votes:

nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?


They did come from Israel and they did so by traveling in a large wooden ships sealed with a wooden lid with a hole in it that you can uncork when you need to get a breath. I'm not sure what what sort of propulsion system could be used in a ship designed like that but I'm sure the story is true because it came from looking into the magic hat of a known con artist.
2014-02-27 07:58:58 PM  
3 votes:
Any Mormons that still want a planet can switch over to MY made up religion. I guarantee TWO planets! And unlimited Coke*

*trademark the Coca-Cola Company
2014-02-27 07:41:36 PM  
3 votes:
At least they aren't walking back the claim that God changed his mind about black people in 1978.
2014-02-27 09:43:01 PM  
2 votes:

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: SpdrJay: The Scientologists told me that if I'm really good I get my own Death Star in the afterlife....

And when Scientologist Death Stars go to war with Mormon planets, we will have finally found what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...


i287.photobucket.com
2014-02-27 09:07:13 PM  
2 votes:
So the Mormons get 72 Virginias?
2014-02-27 08:56:51 PM  
2 votes:
Hasa diga eebowai
2014-02-27 08:53:52 PM  
2 votes:
ts2.mm.bing.net
If I can't have my own can  hang out at Kennys?
2014-02-27 08:39:40 PM  
2 votes:
So, that means I don't stand a chance to get Uranus?
2014-02-27 08:15:51 PM  
2 votes:

buckler: Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds

That's all well and good, but I hope the terrain generator is worth a damn, and there's something to do besides building up your number of followers. Also, will multiplayer be available?


Multiplayer will come in a future patch. Having your own planet requires that you be always online.
2014-02-27 08:06:39 PM  
2 votes:

Molavian: You only get a mansion.


And a yacht?
2014-02-27 08:04:12 PM  
2 votes:
"Just kidding. Black people are as good as whites. Also I hear you've run out of naive Europeans to exploit. Lol"
-Mormon God, 1978
2014-02-27 07:58:27 PM  
2 votes:

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds


So you receive MORE than one planet.
2014-02-27 07:47:17 PM  
2 votes:
Lol Mormonism is always hilarious because of how dumb it sounds.
2014-02-27 06:52:06 PM  
2 votes:
So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon
2014-02-28 08:59:40 AM  
1 votes:

Rezurok: Watubi: Hey, there's so much we don't know about the brain, time and all that.  It could be that in that final instant when the brain gets that last, faint pump of blood, that final moment could seem like an eternity.  In that eternity, you get to live in a dream-like state where the universe IS your own.  As as atheist, that's all I have to hope on anyways.

I'm partial to the multiverse theory myself, the one where from your perspective you live forever.  Nothing's stopping atheists from coming up with their own versions of immortality.


Pffft! Immortality? Try Extramortality. And don't try bringing the aleprachaunists into this. They haven't been relevant in 15 years.

/aimmortalityist
2014-02-28 06:55:25 AM  
1 votes:
Mormonism:  Older than Scientology!
2014-02-28 02:50:30 AM  
1 votes:

Bawdy George: Weatherkiss: Getting outraged at South Park is like getting outraged over something Howard Stern says on the radio. When they're at it long enough you just expect this shiat to happen and it loses its shock value.

...and religious texts are full of shock value when you accurately describe their contents in detail.


So are End-User License Agreements. But just like the Bible you just scroll down to the end and click, "I agree with everything"
2014-02-28 02:30:11 AM  
1 votes:

Glendale: Well mine's going to have hookers. And blackjack.


4.bp.blogspot.com
2014-02-28 12:28:43 AM  
1 votes:

nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon


Omg, that is the best thing ever.  Twain's thoughts were pretty much exactly what was going through my head when I read the Book of Mormon.  When the missionaries came by my house, I asked them "why would a dude living in America around the time of Emerson and Thoreau 'translate' something into King-James-style English, unless he was trying to dupe naive Christians into following his bogus religion?"  They didn't have an answer.
2014-02-28 12:18:17 AM  
1 votes:
Planet Kolob is just bolok backwards, transconfabulated from the Reformed Egyptian root word 'bollocks' meaning 'You expect me to believe whaaa?'
2014-02-28 12:12:27 AM  
1 votes:

BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.


Did thou'st study it outeth?
2014-02-27 11:03:47 PM  
1 votes:
No planet?

You mean I've been wearing the Magical Underwear all this time for nothing?

Fark you guys. I'm going home.
2014-02-27 10:27:39 PM  
1 votes:
Obligatory music video.
2014-02-27 09:02:08 PM  
1 votes:
I was raised Mormon. One of the things I was told over and over and over again while growing up was that if I did all the things I was supposed to do as a good little Mormon (and be male) I could someday become a god with my own world to rule over.

This is ABSOLUTELY what they believe.

The Mormon church has in recent years been pushing for more mainstream acceptance in American society. This is where the "I'm a Mormon" ads have come from. They want to convince everyone that they are just like the rest of us and are not the weirdo cult they have developed a reputation for. Part of this is distancing themselves from the kookier parts of Mormon theology such as the one we have here.
2014-02-27 08:41:05 PM  
1 votes:
I was thinking the other day, wouldn't it be deliciously ironic if its was Scientology that turned out to be the one true religion. I'd love to see a South Park rendition of 'Scientology Heaven'.
2014-02-27 08:33:04 PM  
1 votes:
They still have funny underpants, right?
2014-02-27 08:27:35 PM  
1 votes:
i21.photobucket.com
2014-02-27 08:10:35 PM  
1 votes:
"When we we said that we want to control your existence through shame, fear, and ostracization we totally didn't mean it."
2014-02-27 08:04:33 PM  
1 votes:

itsaidwhat: Any Mormons that still want a planet can switch over to MY made up religion. I guarantee TWO planets! And unlimited Coke*

*trademark the Coca-Cola Company


My faith guarantees eternal salvation or triple your money back.
2014-02-27 08:02:52 PM  
1 votes:
schweet. my own planet.
2014-02-27 07:53:18 PM  
1 votes:
FTA: "A newly posted article affirms the faith's belief that humans can become like God in eternity, but says the "cartoonish image of people receiving their own planets" is not how members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints envision it."

Yes, that's just absurd.

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." -- Stephen Roberts
2014-02-27 06:20:53 PM  
1 votes:
asset-c.soup.io
 
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