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(AP)   Settle down people, those South Park guys have it all wrong. People don't get their own planets in the afterlife   (hosted.ap.org ) divider line
    More: Strange, South Park  
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10064 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Feb 2014 at 7:38 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



124 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-27 06:20:53 PM  
asset-c.soup.io
 
2014-02-27 06:32:39 PM  
For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds
 
2014-02-27 06:52:06 PM  
So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon
 
2014-02-27 07:41:36 PM  
At least they aren't walking back the claim that God changed his mind about black people in 1978.
 
2014-02-27 07:47:17 PM  
Lol Mormonism is always hilarious because of how dumb it sounds.
 
2014-02-27 07:47:21 PM  
Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.

Sounds like another whitewash of the theology to me.  One of the reasons the early discourses of Brigham Young are very hard to find. (The Mormon church has a long history of racism, crank scientific ideas, and just weird theology.)

Mormons are taught to ignore the outside world and its ideas. They get fed a bunch of nonsense by hacks like Hugh Nibley and other liars for the church. Every once in a while they try and hide their beliefs in things like the Flood of Noah, the Tower of Babel, the literal Garden of Eden, as well as a belief in Creationism and crank politics by people like Skousen.

I just wish my family had enough sense to get awy from the cult of Mormon. Rots their brains and makes them believe people like Glenn Beck.
 
2014-02-27 07:53:18 PM  
FTA: "A newly posted article affirms the faith's belief that humans can become like God in eternity, but says the "cartoonish image of people receiving their own planets" is not how members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints envision it."

Yes, that's just absurd.

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." -- Stephen Roberts
 
2014-02-27 07:54:46 PM  
I have enough problems dealing with 120 acres.  Having to maintain a whole planet?  Ugh, no thanks.
 
2014-02-27 07:58:27 PM  

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds


So you receive MORE than one planet.
 
2014-02-27 07:58:58 PM  
Any Mormons that still want a planet can switch over to MY made up religion. I guarantee TWO planets! And unlimited Coke*

*trademark the Coca-Cola Company
 
2014-02-27 08:02:16 PM  
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
 
2014-02-27 08:02:52 PM  
schweet. my own planet.
 
2014-02-27 08:04:12 PM  
"Just kidding. Black people are as good as whites. Also I hear you've run out of naive Europeans to exploit. Lol"
-Mormon God, 1978
 
2014-02-27 08:04:33 PM  

itsaidwhat: Any Mormons that still want a planet can switch over to MY made up religion. I guarantee TWO planets! And unlimited Coke*

*trademark the Coca-Cola Company


My faith guarantees eternal salvation or triple your money back.
 
2014-02-27 08:04:42 PM  
The Scientologists told me that if I'm really good I get my own Death Star in the afterlife....
 
2014-02-27 08:05:15 PM  

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds


That's all well and good, but I hope the terrain generator is worth a damn, and there's something to do besides building up your number of followers. Also, will multiplayer be available?
 
2014-02-27 08:06:13 PM  
You only get a mansion.
 
2014-02-27 08:06:39 PM  

Molavian: You only get a mansion.


And a yacht?
 
2014-02-27 08:08:35 PM  
Oops.

www.waldoscampustavern.com

There.
 
2014-02-27 08:10:35 PM  
"When we we said that we want to control your existence through shame, fear, and ostracization we totally didn't mean it."
 
2014-02-27 08:14:03 PM  
You believe what you wanna believe ....

i57.tinypic.com
 
2014-02-27 08:15:51 PM  

buckler: Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds

That's all well and good, but I hope the terrain generator is worth a damn, and there's something to do besides building up your number of followers. Also, will multiplayer be available?


Multiplayer will come in a future patch. Having your own planet requires that you be always online.
 
2014-02-27 08:19:16 PM  
i61.tinypic.com
 
2014-02-27 08:20:27 PM  

obamadidcoke: Great article except it fails to mention that the belief system is was  completely made up by a psychopath.


Aren't they all?
 
2014-02-27 08:21:55 PM  
except Europa
attempt no landing there
 
2014-02-27 08:21:58 PM  

BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.


Former mormon.. I concur.
 
2014-02-27 08:22:04 PM  

nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?


They did come from Israel and they did so by traveling in a large wooden ships sealed with a wooden lid with a hole in it that you can uncork when you need to get a breath. I'm not sure what what sort of propulsion system could be used in a ship designed like that but I'm sure the story is true because it came from looking into the magic hat of a known con artist.
 
2014-02-27 08:22:50 PM  
So, when I get my own planet can I bring my 72 virgins and give it a cool name instead of a seemingly random number? I'll call it Fappos and the rocks will be made of cheddah. The lakes will be filled with St Peter's Cream Stout and shaving will not be necessary.

I'm liking this idea. Where do I sign?
 
2014-02-27 08:24:23 PM  
i'd rather have booze and caffeine on this planet than getting my own.
 
2014-02-27 08:24:29 PM  
What Kiwis believe

i62.tinypic.com
 
2014-02-27 08:27:35 PM  
i21.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-27 08:29:55 PM  

buckler: Molavian: You only get a mansion.

And a yacht?


with a car elevator?
 
2014-02-27 08:32:56 PM  
The myth has been around long before South Park or their musical Mainly because it isn't a myth just word play.  Mormons believe if they good they get their own "kingdom" where they are god.

i.ytimg.com
 
2014-02-27 08:33:04 PM  
They still have funny underpants, right?
 
2014-02-27 08:33:12 PM  

SpdrJay: The Scientologists told me that if I'm really good I get my own Death Star in the afterlife....


And when Scientologist Death Stars go to war with Mormon planets, we will have finally found what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
 
2014-02-27 08:39:40 PM  
So, that means I don't stand a chance to get Uranus?
 
2014-02-27 08:41:05 PM  
I was thinking the other day, wouldn't it be deliciously ironic if its was Scientology that turned out to be the one true religion. I'd love to see a South Park rendition of 'Scientology Heaven'.
 
2014-02-27 08:53:52 PM  
ts2.mm.bing.net
If I can't have my own can  hang out at Kennys?
 
2014-02-27 08:56:51 PM  
Hasa diga eebowai
 
2014-02-27 09:02:08 PM  
I was raised Mormon. One of the things I was told over and over and over again while growing up was that if I did all the things I was supposed to do as a good little Mormon (and be male) I could someday become a god with my own world to rule over.

This is ABSOLUTELY what they believe.

The Mormon church has in recent years been pushing for more mainstream acceptance in American society. This is where the "I'm a Mormon" ads have come from. They want to convince everyone that they are just like the rest of us and are not the weirdo cult they have developed a reputation for. Part of this is distancing themselves from the kookier parts of Mormon theology such as the one we have here.
 
2014-02-27 09:07:13 PM  
So the Mormons get 72 Virginias?
 
2014-02-27 09:09:45 PM  
Thought they all we t yo the secret planet KOLOB. Secret planet...
 
2014-02-27 09:24:10 PM  

mjjt: [i61.tinypic.com image 500x924]


Thank you for the hearty laugh, kind sir.
 
2014-02-27 09:25:18 PM  

buckler: That's all well and good, but I hope the terrain generator is worth a damn, and there's something to do besides building up your number of followers. Also, will multiplayer be available?


Have you read the Old Testament?
 
2014-02-27 09:28:24 PM  
When I was raised Mormon, I was taught I would get my own Universe.  What's this "only one planet" business?
 
2014-02-27 09:30:06 PM  

skyotter: except Europa
attempt no landing there


Good movie
 
2014-02-27 09:40:48 PM  

The Larch: obamadidcoke: Great article except it fails to mention that the belief system is was  completely made up by a psychopath.

Aren't they all?


To be fair I'm sure some of them were just garden variety charlatans.
 
2014-02-27 09:42:22 PM  

Donkey Hodie: When I was raised Mormon, I was taught I would get my own Universe.  What's this "only one planet" business?


Cutbacks. I'm sure you understand. Honestly we didn't expect the uptake to be so impressive. To make up for the change in service, we're offering a free copy of the introductory manual So Now You Are A God, and a half-price subscription to Clever Creations, which has a whole range of fantastic ideas for your world. This is of course all in addition to our Mark of Cain removal service, White-Out, which has been getting rave reviews. So. Here is your scratch-n-sniff planetary catalog. Once you make your selection, take it to the Installation desk around back. Thank you come again!
 
2014-02-27 09:43:01 PM  

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: SpdrJay: The Scientologists told me that if I'm really good I get my own Death Star in the afterlife....

And when Scientologist Death Stars go to war with Mormon planets, we will have finally found what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...


i287.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-27 09:53:32 PM  
That's (the planet thing) exactly what they taught my wife before she escaped their clutches. Sadly, she simply escaped to anothe cult (Christian Fellowship Ministries, http://www.worldcfm.com/ ), another real piece of work. She's still recovering from the damage they caused. Neither of these organizations is about Christianity, they, like the Scientologists, are simply about power, control, and $$$.
 
2014-02-27 10:07:32 PM  
img.photobucket.com
"You can dance if you want to....
Oh wait, no, you're not allowed. Never mind."

/Yeah, know it is a myth.
 
2014-02-27 10:07:40 PM  

buckler: Oops.

[www.waldoscampustavern.com image 173x182]

There.


Where's my yacht?!?!?
 
2014-02-27 10:08:22 PM  
Hey, there's so much we don't know about the brain, time and all that.  It could be that in that final instant when the brain gets that last, faint pump of blood, that final moment could seem like an eternity.  In that eternity, you get to live in a dream-like state where the universe IS your own.  As as atheist, that's all I have to hope on anyways.
 
2014-02-27 10:13:44 PM  

stoli n coke: At least they aren't walking back the claim that God changed his mind about black people in 1978.


Or that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri!

/love that song
 
2014-02-27 10:19:13 PM  
Settle Down People!
manilovefilms.com
 
2014-02-27 10:21:56 PM  
Growing up as a Mormon makes B52 coffees taste so much better.

/ Two sins in one!
 
2014-02-27 10:27:39 PM  
Obligatory music video.
 
2014-02-27 10:40:24 PM  

Watubi: Hey, there's so much we don't know about the brain, time and all that.  It could be that in that final instant when the brain gets that last, faint pump of blood, that final moment could seem like an eternity.  In that eternity, you get to live in a dream-like state where the universe IS your own.  As as atheist, that's all I have to hope on anyways.


I'm partial to the multiverse theory myself, the one where from your perspective you live forever.  Nothing's stopping atheists from coming up with their own versions of immortality.
 
2014-02-27 10:45:42 PM  
The Mormons up North used to drop off DVDs to my place every once in awhile, and I always joked with my drinking buddies that I would put one on some night but never bothered.

The high school principal was one and impregnated one of the students, his wife and other kids just accepted her into their family like it wasn't a big deal. (He's not allowed to teach anymore though).
 
2014-02-27 10:50:00 PM  

Mad_Radhu: itsaidwhat: Any Mormons that still want a planet can switch over to MY made up religion. I guarantee TWO planets! And unlimited Coke*

*trademark the Coca-Cola Company

My faith guarantees eternal salvation or triple your money back.


Praise Bob!
 
2014-02-27 10:53:56 PM  
I know, I am just getting old, and I love the south park guys, but they just won't let up on the Mormons.
I mean sure a few joke and maybe an episode about "haha your belief is stupid because we say so haha". But then a musical that will never go away? Seems really dickish and I can't stand Mormons.
Are they making comedy or just using free speech to bash a minority group they don't like?
 
2014-02-27 10:57:59 PM  
According to Evangelical and Fundamentalisit Christians, LDS (Mormons) teach that Jesus and Satan are spiritual brothers. God had sex with Mary. Magic underwear. Planet Kolob. etc.etc. etc.
Before Mitt Romney, the majority of Fundamentalist and Evangelicals considered the LDS church to be a "cult". Now that Mittens has been vanquished by Fartbongo, the majority of Evangelicals will STILL tell you that Mormonism and Jehovah's Witnesses belong to a cult. They believe them to have 'false doctrine and teachings" and if they trust you enough to actually open up and share their deepest personal beliefs, many believe that the members of either of these two churches will never "enter into the Kingdom of God".  Jehovah's Witness won't go to fundamentalist heaven, because they don't believe in a Holy Trinity and don't even get me started on how the majority of Fundamentalist view the "Mary worshiping", "Papist" Catholics.

One of the best kept Evangelical secrets is how much they they really hate the other so-called 'Christian' faiths. They will pretend that they share common beliefs about  the gays, abortion and guns, but deep down, when it comes to "eternal life" and "being with Jesus in Heaven", that only the "true Bible-believing Christians (like themselves) will inherit the Kingdom of God. Those Jack Chick comics you love to laugh about so much...Evangelicals buy about 80-95% of ALL the doctrine that Brother Chick espouses.

Now in regards to the Jews, they won't get to Heaven, because they will not accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior or acknowledge that that he is the one true messiah, the Son of God. They believe that once the Rapture comes, that the Evangelicals will be lifted up to Heaven, just like in "This Is The End" movie. When that happens, they believe that the Jews will FINALLY "see the light" once they see China and Russia marching on Jerusalem in a final apocalyptic battle with the Antichrist.

Just like baseball, you folks will enjoy the game so much more, If  you know the rules and how to score the game.
 
2014-02-27 10:59:49 PM  
Yeah huh! Nick Nolte told me so in a catchy song! Also, titties!
 
2014-02-27 11:03:47 PM  
No planet?

You mean I've been wearing the Magical Underwear all this time for nothing?

Fark you guys. I'm going home.
 
2014-02-27 11:21:09 PM  
All I know is that when I was a young man, I went on a date with a Mormon girl. A single date. We kissed once. We didn't even sit together while we watched a movie in her parents' basement (she sat in one recliner, I in another), yet when the date came to its end she was talking about "our wedding."

Apparently, when you go on a date with a Mormon girl, you're agreeing to marry her or something like that.

We never had a second date.
 
2014-02-27 11:41:41 PM  

nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon


Thanks for that. I value Mr. Twains opinion of all things.

Here's a weird story for those who are not familiar with this brand of American Lunacy:
And it came to pass,,,that I spent a week in Salt Lake City, Utah one time. Wherefore in those days the Book of Moroni came illustrated with color reproductions of what I thought were paintings.

But if you took the tour of the Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah you find out that those weren't mere paintings - they were reproductions of giant wall murals. And I do mean giant. These murals are several stories tall and as wide as a city block on the walls inside the vast Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Salt Lake City is the most Mormony Mormon city on this whole planet. And a state capital where the temple is bigger than the capital building. These were huge paintings indeed, of places and people that never existed. And events that never happened. No geological record. No cultural record. No genetic record. Purely imaginary. One might even go so far as to say, fraudulent.

And I was surrounded by an admiring crowd that kept nodding and smiling as the tour guide explained the significance of each one...

It was the closest I ever came to being in a Twilight Zone episode. I've never been back.
 
2014-02-27 11:45:35 PM  
Well mine's going to have hookers. And blackjack.
 
2014-02-27 11:47:24 PM  

Nix Nightbird: All I know is that when I was a young man, I went on a date with a Mormon girl. A single date. We kissed once. We didn't even sit together while we watched a movie in her parents' basement (she sat in one recliner, I in another), yet when the date came to its end she was talking about "our wedding."

Apparently, when you go on a date with a Mormon girl, you're agreeing to marry her or something like that.

We never had a second date.


That is terrifying.  At a tender age, I would have been so torn between trying to push it in order to get laid and running screaming into the night.
 
2014-02-27 11:48:33 PM  

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds


Hey, the Catholics have one of those too:
CCC 460:  79 "For the Son of God became man so that we might become God."80 "The only-begotten Son of God, wanting to make us sharers in his divinity, assumed our nature, so that he, made man, might make men gods."81

http://carm.org/ccc-460
 
2014-02-27 11:50:23 PM  

Old Man Winter: I know, I am just getting old, and I love the south park guys, but they just won't let up on the Mormons.
I mean sure a few joke and maybe an episode about "haha your belief is stupid because we say so haha". But then a musical that will never go away? Seems really dickish and I can't stand Mormons.
Are they making comedy or just using free speech to bash a minority group they don't like?


Comedy.
 
2014-02-28 12:03:01 AM  

tinyarena: nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon

Thanks for that. I value Mr. Twains opinion of all things.

Here's a weird story for those who are not familiar with this brand of American Lunacy:
And it came to pass,,,that I spent a week in Salt Lake City, Utah one time. Wherefore in those days the Book of Moroni came illustrated with color reproductions of what I thought were paintings.

But if you took the tour of the Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah you find out that those weren't mere paintings - they were reproductions of giant wall murals. And I do mean giant. These murals are several stories tall and as wide as a city block on the walls inside the vast Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Salt Lake City is the most Mormony Mormon city on this whole planet. And a state capital where the temple is bigger than the capital building. These were huge paintings indeed, of places and people that never existed. And events that never happened. No geological record. No cultural record. No genetic record. Purely imaginary. One might even go so far as to say, fraudulent.

And I was surrounded by an admiring crowd that kept nodding and smiling as the tour guide explained the significance of each one...

It was the closest I ever came to being in a Twilight Zone episode. I've never been back.


If that rustled your jimmies, prepare for "RUSTLEMANIA!!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6udew9axmdM
 
2014-02-28 12:09:02 AM  

Livinglush: Old Man Winter: I know, I am just getting old, and I love the south park guys, but they just won't let up on the Mormons.
I mean sure a few joke and maybe an episode about "haha your belief is stupid because we say so haha". But then a musical that will never go away? Seems really dickish and I can't stand Mormons.
Are they making comedy or just using free speech to bash a minority group they don't like?

Comedy.


The musical is also really positive and affirming once you get past the profanity.
 
2014-02-28 12:12:27 AM  

BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.


Did thou'st study it outeth?
 
2014-02-28 12:16:01 AM  
starsmedia.ign.comI'm just saying that when we die there's going to be a planet for the French, aplanet for the Chinese, and we'll all be a lot happier.
 
2014-02-28 12:18:17 AM  
Planet Kolob is just bolok backwards, transconfabulated from the Reformed Egyptian root word 'bollocks' meaning 'You expect me to believe whaaa?'
 
2014-02-28 12:18:33 AM  

Old Man Winter: I know, I am just getting old, and I love the south park guys, but they just won't let up on the Mormons.
I mean sure a few joke and maybe an episode about "haha your belief is stupid because we say so haha". But then a musical that will never go away? Seems really dickish and I can't stand Mormons.
Are they making comedy or just using free speech to bash a minority group they don't like?


law2.umkc.edu
 
2014-02-28 12:28:43 AM  

nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon


Omg, that is the best thing ever.  Twain's thoughts were pretty much exactly what was going through my head when I read the Book of Mormon.  When the missionaries came by my house, I asked them "why would a dude living in America around the time of Emerson and Thoreau 'translate' something into King-James-style English, unless he was trying to dupe naive Christians into following his bogus religion?"  They didn't have an answer.
 
2014-02-28 12:38:23 AM  
Free planets for everyone!  Even Xenu thinks this is a tad on the crazy side.
 
2014-02-28 12:51:32 AM  

BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.


An overzealous Mormon who was trying to convert me told me the whole "get your own planet" thing back in the 80's.  I say "overzealous" because the church has a policy called "Milk before meat" which essentially translates to "save the really weird stuff for after they've already converted", and this guy wasn't following it.
 
2014-02-28 01:00:02 AM  
You know why Mormons aren't good bike riders?

They do a lot of backpedaling.
 
2014-02-28 01:12:38 AM  

nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon


In a sense, they (all humans except native Africans, really) did come *through* Israel at least. If humans left Africa at some point, the trip would have gone through Sinai and Israel unless they had already invented boats.
 
2014-02-28 01:16:56 AM  

Omahawg: Old Man Winter: I know, I am just getting old, and I love the south park guys, but they just won't let up on the Mormons.
I mean sure a few joke and maybe an episode about "haha your belief is stupid because we say so haha". But then a musical that will never go away? Seems really dickish and I can't stand Mormons.
Are they making comedy or just using free speech to bash a minority group they don't like?


I loved 'Real Genius' too!
 
2014-02-28 01:19:37 AM  

C18H27NO3: Free planets for everyone!  Even Xenu thinks this is a tad on the crazy side.


Xenu and the God of Kolob? We have to get these two together.
 
2014-02-28 01:23:12 AM  

OooShiny: Planet Kolob is just bolok backwards, transconfabulated from the Reformed Egyptian root word 'bollocks' meaning 'You expect me to believe whaaa?'



Relax.

1.bp.blogspot.com

Have some tranya.
 
2014-02-28 01:34:30 AM  

Watubi: Hey, there's so much we don't know about the brain, time and all that.  It could be that in that final instant when the brain gets that last, faint pump of blood, that final moment could seem like an eternity.  In that eternity, you get to live in a dream-like state where the universe IS your own.  As as atheist, that's all I have to hope on anyways.


That's the same thing I hope for, a moment of dreamy ecstasy that is time-dilated and from my point of view will last all of eternity. I think it happens, too, judging by the weird experiences people have reported (so-called "near-death experiences")
 
2014-02-28 01:56:55 AM  
Why does anyone care what the South Park guys do or say on their television show? That show has been along for how many seasons now, and we're still finding ways to be outraged over what they put out?

If anyone knows South Park has made fun of them, then they should be smart enough to know that there's no point in getting their panties in a twist over it.

Getting outraged at South Park is like getting outraged over something Howard Stern says on the radio. When they're at it long enough you just expect this shiat to happen and it loses its shock value.
 
2014-02-28 02:30:11 AM  

Glendale: Well mine's going to have hookers. And blackjack.


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-28 02:34:00 AM  
Clarifying the finer points of your religous beliefs is like explaining why Unicorns are white
 
2014-02-28 02:37:23 AM  

Weatherkiss: Getting outraged at South Park is like getting outraged over something Howard Stern says on the radio. When they're at it long enough you just expect this shiat to happen and it loses its shock value.


...and religious texts are full of shock value when you accurately describe their contents in detail.
 
2014-02-28 02:50:30 AM  

Bawdy George: Weatherkiss: Getting outraged at South Park is like getting outraged over something Howard Stern says on the radio. When they're at it long enough you just expect this shiat to happen and it loses its shock value.

...and religious texts are full of shock value when you accurately describe their contents in detail.


So are End-User License Agreements. But just like the Bible you just scroll down to the end and click, "I agree with everything"
 
2014-02-28 03:18:54 AM  

Weatherkiss: Bawdy George: Weatherkiss: Getting outraged at South Park is like getting outraged over something Howard Stern says on the radio. When they're at it long enough you just expect this shiat to happen and it loses its shock value.

...and religious texts are full of shock value when you accurately describe their contents in detail.

So are End-User License Agreements. But just like the Bible you just scroll down to the end and click, "I agree with everything"


Can't argue with you there... and, nice circle back to South Park
 
2014-02-28 03:26:04 AM  

sminkypinky: Clarifying the finer points of your religous beliefs is like explaining why Unicorns are white



Because if they were black they'd just be called Republicans.
 
2014-02-28 03:35:17 AM  
My parents went through a brief stint with LDS, and I vividly remember them teaching us about ascending into godship if you lived your life as a good Mormon. They had a chart with the three levels of heaven, the lowest being for the common man and the higher levels for the good Mormons and the not so good Mormons. Hell is reserved for those who joined the church and left. So, I'll see you Farkers there.

Also, they believe Satan is the jealous sibling of Jesus, and that everyone was given the choice of accepting a life on earth, or banishment to hell in the spirit world before they were born after Satan rebelled against God.

All of this was back before South Park existed. And obviously they don't teach you any of this until after you've been a part of their church for a while. My dad reverted back after I moved out, and I attended a service. I couldn't help but notice that everyone still dresses like it's 1989, and they have a disturbingly cheery disposition.

Nice people, and they do a lot of good things to help out their community, unlike most sects of Christianity, but they do indeed have some bizarre doctrines.
 
2014-02-28 03:35:48 AM  
So, like, FarmVille and all those other "villes" is pretty much like afterlife training for Mormons?
 
2014-02-28 03:47:34 AM  
We were made after his image. So that means its image only and not potential? I would say we have the potential to become more but many will not make the cut.
 
2014-02-28 03:49:12 AM  

panfake: So, like, FarmVille and all those other "villes" is pretty much like afterlife training for Mormons?


Too young to remember Populous?
 
2014-02-28 06:05:33 AM  

sminkypinky: Clarifying the finer points of your religous beliefs is like explaining why Unicorns are white


static1.wikia.nocookie.net

Do go on.
 
2014-02-28 06:15:16 AM  
Awesome! I'm going to name my planet, "Otisburg."
 
2014-02-28 06:16:30 AM  

A Terrible Human: Lol Mormonism is always hilarious because of how dumb it sounds.


Imagine for a moment, you are a man with no religion whatsoever and never have even heard of such a thing. Some fool comes along and explains <any religion> to you in an attempt to get you to join him.

They all sound hilariously dumb.
 
2014-02-28 06:55:25 AM  
Mormonism:  Older than Scientology!
 
2014-02-28 08:46:28 AM  
This is how schisms are created. Like we need more versions of Mormonism.
 
2014-02-28 08:49:40 AM  

flondrix: BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.

An overzealous Mormon who was trying to convert me told me the whole "get your own planet" thing back in the 80's.  I say "overzealous" because the church has a policy called "Milk before meat" which essentially translates to "save the really weird stuff for after they've already converted", and this guy wasn't following it.


Was his name elder Cunningham?
 
2014-02-28 08:49:51 AM  

Terrible Old Man: A Terrible Human: Lol Mormonism is always hilarious because of how dumb it sounds.

Imagine for a moment, you are a man with no religion whatsoever and never have even heard of such a thing. Some fool comes along and explains <any religion> to you in an attempt to get you to join him.

They all sound hilariously dumb.


I dunno. Some sound pretty cool. I mean, who doesn't want to go to Valhalla?
 
2014-02-28 08:53:13 AM  

Weatherkiss: Bawdy George: Weatherkiss: Getting outraged at South Park is like getting outraged over something Howard Stern says on the radio. When they're at it long enough you just expect this shiat to happen and it loses its shock value.

...and religious texts are full of shock value when you accurately describe their contents in detail.

So are End-User License Agreements. But just like the Bible you just scroll down to the end and click, "I agree with everything"




opencmdline.com

/loves me some good analogy
 
2014-02-28 08:54:28 AM  

Livinglush: Old Man Winter: I know, I am just getting old, and I love the south park guys, but they just won't let up on the Mormons.
I mean sure a few joke and maybe an episode about "haha your belief is stupid because we say so haha". But then a musical that will never go away? Seems really dickish and I can't stand Mormons.
Are they making comedy or just using free speech to bash a minority group they don't like?

Comedy.


A lot of fun was made of Mormonism but despite the fun made against them; they were portraying as good people with positive intentions.

The Mormons (mostly) were the "good guys."

Naive but well intentioned.

The church of latter day saints has seen a surge in inquiries and interest since the musical came out; you could argue that it is helping the church.
 
2014-02-28 08:56:27 AM  

Nix Nightbird: All I know is that when I was a young man, I went on a date with a Mormon girl. A single date. We kissed once. We didn't even sit together while we watched a movie in her parents' basement (she sat in one recliner, I in another), yet when the date came to its end she was talking about "our wedding."

Apparently, when you go on a date with a Mormon girl, you're agreeing to marry her or something like that.

We never had a second date.


I went out with the son of a Baptist preacher after my coworkers set me up. Imagine my surprise when our first 'date' was to watch HIM in his community college play while sitting next to his parents the whole time. The next 'date' was playing card with his family while watching Kung fu movies, and the last straw was going to a 'birthday party', but he would say whose. Turned out it was Jesus' birthday party. He tried to make out with me on the way home and I told him to fark off, basically. Batshiat crazy.
 
2014-02-28 08:59:40 AM  

Rezurok: Watubi: Hey, there's so much we don't know about the brain, time and all that.  It could be that in that final instant when the brain gets that last, faint pump of blood, that final moment could seem like an eternity.  In that eternity, you get to live in a dream-like state where the universe IS your own.  As as atheist, that's all I have to hope on anyways.

I'm partial to the multiverse theory myself, the one where from your perspective you live forever.  Nothing's stopping atheists from coming up with their own versions of immortality.


Pffft! Immortality? Try Extramortality. And don't try bringing the aleprachaunists into this. They haven't been relevant in 15 years.

/aimmortalityist
 
2014-02-28 09:15:27 AM  

skyotter: except Europa
attempt no landing there


+1 interwebs for yuo!
 
2014-02-28 09:36:55 AM  

kitsuneymg: sminkypinky: Clarifying the finer points of your religous beliefs is like explaining why Unicorns are white

[static1.wikia.nocookie.net image 300x168]

Do go on.


You can't see the pink one, because pink unicorns are invisible.

http://www.theinvisiblepinkunicorn.com/
 
2014-02-28 09:39:01 AM  

Akuinnen: BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.

Former mormon.. I concur.


Um, are you concuring with the "get your own planet" thing, or concuring with the denial?
 
2014-02-28 10:00:10 AM  
"As man now is, God once was.  As God now is, man may become."

This line of horseshiat is called "The Law of Eternal Progression," and it *IS* still taught today.
 
2014-02-28 10:15:35 AM  

tzzhc4: The myth has been around long before South Park or their musical Mainly because it isn't a myth just word play.  Mormons believe if they good they get their own "kingdom" where they are god.

[i.ytimg.com image 480x360]


You know who else is rewarded with a kingdom where they are as gods?
 
2014-02-28 10:53:38 AM  

DerAppie: You know who else is rewarded with a kingdom where they are as gods?


These guys?

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-28 10:56:07 AM  
 
2014-02-28 11:07:15 AM  

flondrix: DerAppie: You know who else is rewarded with a kingdom where they are as gods?

These guys?

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x357]


Not quite, but there are some similarities.
 
2014-02-28 12:13:24 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-28 02:02:51 PM  
I KNEW it was REAL
img2.wikia.nocookie.net
I
 
2014-02-28 02:49:54 PM  

flondrix: Akuinnen: BlackArt: Not what they told me when I was a Mormon.

Former mormon.. I concur.

Um, are you concuring with the "get your own planet" thing, or concuring with the denial?


If you read all of BlackArt's post, it's clear he's not denying the "get your own planet" thing at all, but pretty much confirming it... He's denying the whitewash story mentioned in the article...
 
2014-02-28 02:51:56 PM  

bborchar: This is how schisms are created. Like we need more versions of Mormonism.


Mormonism has already gone though a couple schisms, those fine folks practicing polygamy in texas and Mitt Romney's relatives who fled to Mexico so they could have their "thumbs" in more pies are testament to that.  There was also a group that settled an island in what I believe was Lake Michigan and their views actually are LESS whackadoodle than the main LDS church.

It's almost like bullshiat breeds bullshiat...
 
2014-02-28 03:09:41 PM  

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: For those that miss it way down at the very bottom of the AP article, here is the link direct to the post on the LDS site.
https://www.lds.org/topics/becoming-like-god?lang=eng

And here is the scripture that the get their own planets when they die comes from, it was not quoted in full on the essay.
""Then will they become Gods...they will never cease to increase and to multiply, worlds without end. When they receive their crowns, their dominions, they then will be prepared to frame earths like unto ours and to people them in the same manner as we have been brought forth by our parents, by our Father and God" Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143 "

And more quotes that imply you become like god and get to populate your own worlds:
http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Mormons-get-their-own-worlds


I am so sick of you assholes trying to pretend that Angela Lansbury wears a murkin!  I will have you know that her pubic region is covered in a dense inpenistrable thatch of hair, so much so that it is insured for fire damage.  Her hair can be styled or dredlocked or but into luxurious braids, she has partial mental control of it like Medusa from the Inhumans as well.  You dickbags can go to hell, raped by a bear with a razor penis made of hepatitis aids!!

Wait, I'm thinking of Elsa Lancaster.          I retract my statement.
 
2014-02-28 03:24:07 PM  
"figurative and ambiguous"

I love it when all of the crazy shiat is shrugged off like that but everything else is infallible truth.  Idiots and charlatans every last one.
 
2014-02-28 03:25:45 PM  

tinyarena: nekom: So are they going to back off on the belief that the native Americans came from Israel?  Or any of their other phony archaeology that science has debunked?

Also, I love to point out that a book report on the Book of Mormon written by Mark Twain exists, and it is awesome.   http://www.mrm.org/topics/documents-speeches/mark-twains-review-book- m ormon

Thanks for that. I value Mr. Twains opinion of all things.

Here's a weird story for those who are not familiar with this brand of American Lunacy:
And it came to pass,,,that I spent a week in Salt Lake City, Utah one time. Wherefore in those days the Book of Moroni came illustrated with color reproductions of what I thought were paintings.

But if you took the tour of the Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah you find out that those weren't mere paintings - they were reproductions of giant wall murals. And I do mean giant. These murals are several stories tall and as wide as a city block on the walls inside the vast Visitors Center to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Salt Lake City is the most Mormony Mormon city on this whole planet. And a state capital where the temple is bigger than the capital building. These were huge paintings indeed, of places and people that never existed. And events that never happened. No geological record. No cultural record. No genetic record. Purely imaginary. One might even go so far as to say, fraudulent.

And I was surrounded by an admiring crowd that kept nodding and smiling as the tour guide explained the significance of each one...

It was the closest I ever came to being in a Twilight Zone episode. I've never been back.


You were in one of the least mormony mormon areas in all of Utah.  That is what makes this even funnier, SLC is the crazy liberal big city.  I live in a town in Idaho with a much higher percentage of mormons than SLC, and the creepy farkers are all over every aspect of public life.  I worked with a pair of returned missionaries (who BTW would always ask to borrow porn, this was a little before the internet made it so easy) I walked in on their conversation as they discussed what they would do if they had a gay child.  Their consensus which I was expected to agree with was..... THEY WOULD KILL THEIR CHILDREN IF THEY WERE GAY.  Serious non joking statement.  KILL THEIR CHILD IF IT WAS GAY it was the only option that they could conceive.  Raised mormon, half my family still is not just bashing, I escaped that shiat by pretending to be sick every sunday till forced to go when I really was sick, then vomiting up the tiny water and Wonderbread they feed you as I ran up and down a church hallway.  Didn't have to go back after that, 11 years old and I could see through that shiat, the more you learn about it the stupider you think mormons are.
 
2014-02-28 04:13:55 PM  

KidKorporate: There was also a group that settled an island in what I believe was Lake Michigan and their views actually are LESS whackadoodle than the main LDS church.


I believe there is also a "less whackadoodle" group in Missouri that split off from the LDS as it was migrating westward.
 
2014-02-28 06:53:23 PM  

buckler: Molavian: You only get a mansion.

And a yacht?


The virgins, what about the virgins?
 
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