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(Slate)   The history of the most bizarre sex tip Cosmopolitan ever printed: the infamous "Penis on the Doughnut" moment   (slate.com) divider line 60
    More: Silly, Cosmopolitan, Tom Wolfe, Maureen Dowd  
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9913 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Feb 2014 at 12:45 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



60 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-27 12:09:34 AM
"99 Ways to Touch Him: These Fresh, Frisky Tips Will Thrill Every Inch of Your Guy,"

Seriously, men really aren't all that complicated sexually. "99 ways" is at least 95 too many.
 
2014-02-27 12:48:36 AM
Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?
 
2014-02-27 12:48:40 AM
Wait, you mean the doughnut thing is supposed to involve another person?
 
2014-02-27 12:51:30 AM
Push your head down enough to squish your nose and then stick out your tongue. If you can do that then you'll never, ever have to dick around (heh) with silly sex tips.
 
2014-02-27 12:52:57 AM
Probably safe to assume you lock the family dog outside before undertaking penis doughnut sex play.
 
2014-02-27 12:55:43 AM

buckler: Wait, you mean the doughnut thing is supposed to involve another person?


Heh

CSB: I used to drive an ambulance, and one night, in a bar, a random drunk asked me (nudge, nudge, know what I mean style) "You ever have sex in the back of the ambulance?" to which I replied "What, like, with another person?". I then walked away because...creepy!
 
2014-02-27 12:56:11 AM
Refrigerated marbles?  Just get the ice cube tray and I won't have to dig them out later.
 
2014-02-27 12:59:56 AM
If my crank was so small that it would fit thru the average doughnut hole I wouldn't go around talking about it in nationally circulated magazines.
 
2014-02-27 01:02:56 AM
Am I the only one who remembers when Voodoo Donut, during the late night/early morning hours, would hold contests to see who could fit the most donuts on their penis?

/My record is 9.
 
2014-02-27 01:05:18 AM

SumoJeb: Probably safe to assume you lock the family dog outside before undertaking penis doughnut sex play.


I suppose that depends on your inclination, what your dog's into, and local laws.  I hear Texas isn't a bad place for that.
 
2014-02-27 01:06:27 AM

fusillade762: "99 Ways to Touch Him: These Fresh, Frisky Tips Will Thrill Every Inch of Your Guy,"

Seriously, men really aren't all that complicated sexually. "99 ways" is at least 95 too many.


Considering most of them are weird scary shiat like stuff a silk scarf up his ass or talk to him like Tweety Bird or tickle his nuts with a photo of Mandy Patinkin.
 
2014-02-27 01:08:03 AM
FTFA: "Perhaps it was inevitable that some day, somewhere, someone would put a doughnut on a penis."

As a man that was once 14, I can confirm.
 
2014-02-27 01:13:11 AM
THE NEXT ARTICLE AT THE BOTTOM IS BETTER

/Oh Prudence, what will they ask you next?
 
2014-02-27 01:14:57 AM
Nobody's offered to eat a doughnut off my cock...

/the depression
//i has it tonight
 
2014-02-27 01:17:19 AM
...and Maureen Dowd used it as evidence that feminism is stalling in her book Are Men Necessary?


Wait, what?


Well, fark you too lady.
 
2014-02-27 01:19:04 AM

FunkOut: fusillade762: "99 Ways to Touch Him: These Fresh, Frisky Tips Will Thrill Every Inch of Your Guy,"

Seriously, men really aren't all that complicated sexually. "99 ways" is at least 95 too many.

Considering most of them are weird scary shiat like stuff a silk scarf up his ass or talk to him like Tweety Bird or tickle his nuts with a photo of Mandy Patinkin.


*Silk* scarf? You sick pervert!
 
2014-02-27 01:22:33 AM

SumoJeb: Probably safe to assume you lock the family dog outside before undertaking penis doughnut sex play.


I suppose, if you are a puritan.
 
2014-02-27 01:31:17 AM

RatMaster999:


bbsimg.ngfiles.com

 Nobody's offered to eat a doughnut off my cock...



/don't know why I read it in that guy's voice, but, well, here we are
 
2014-02-27 01:36:08 AM

fusillade762: "99 Ways to Touch Him: These Fresh, Frisky Tips Will Thrill Every Inch of Your Guy,"

Seriously, men really aren't all that complicated sexually. "99 ways" is at least 95 too many.


I honestly once read a Cosmo article entitled "7 of His Secret Sex Spots" and one was "the head of the penis."

At that point I decided Cosmo had taught me all they could.
 
2014-02-27 01:37:17 AM

Brainsick: RatMaster999:
[bbsimg.ngfiles.com image 480x268] Nobody's offered to eat a doughnut off my cock...

/don't know why I read it in that guy's voice, but, well, here we are


Who is that?
 
2014-02-27 01:53:03 AM

RatMaster999: Brainsick: RatMaster999:
[bbsimg.ngfiles.com image 480x268] Nobody's offered to eat a doughnut off my cock...

/don't know why I read it in that guy's voice, but, well, here we are

Who is that?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tviPLpD8VG8
 
2014-02-27 01:53:27 AM

RatMaster999: Brainsick: RatMaster999:
[bbsimg.ngfiles.com image 480x268] Nobody's offered to eat a doughnut off my cock...

/don't know why I read it in that guy's voice, but, well, here we are

Who is that?


From a gum commercial: "Nobody ever pays me in gum" (sad face)


/don't remember which...Stride?
 
2014-02-27 01:54:44 AM
Oh god, I looked up some other Cosmo tips:

"Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects."
 
2014-02-27 01:58:08 AM
OK I'm not one of those people who claims to have a huge cock or anything, but you gotta be a bit diameter challenged to fit a doughnut without ripping it to pieces. Who the hell wants a sticky sugary mess (with sprinkles, from article picture) on your junk?

Food, chocolate sauce, etc all sounds kinda good and maybe even kinky, but I've always found anything that decreases the amount of lubrication or increases friction to be less fun. Then again, a 16 part blow job with frequent snack breaks for the blower, doesn't sound like much fun either.
 
2014-02-27 01:58:15 AM
This is great: http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/i-tried-cosmos-weirdest - sex-tips-so-you-dont-have?page=0%2C0

"Press a fork firmly (but without breaking the skin) into different parts of his body, his butt checks, his pecs, his thighs."

"As you're riding him, clamp down on his earlobes with your fingers, and pull on them to rock yourself forward and backwards."
 
2014-02-27 02:00:33 AM
I wonder what the late Fred the Baker thought about this...
adweek.blogs.com
 
2014-02-27 02:07:16 AM

BabaG: I wonder what the late Fred the Baker thought about this...
[adweek.blogs.com image 225x288]


I'm sure he gets tired eventually....

Fred1: "Time to put the doughnut on my penis!"
Fred2:   "I PUT the doughnut on my penis!"
 
2014-02-27 02:10:53 AM

Brainsick: RatMaster999: Brainsick: RatMaster999:
[bbsimg.ngfiles.com image 480x268] Nobody's offered to eat a doughnut off my cock...

/don't know why I read it in that guy's voice, but, well, here we are

Who is that?

From a gum commercial: "Nobody ever pays me in gum" (sad face)


/don't remember which...Stride?


Ah, ok.  Thanks.  I'll have to watch the video when I get home.
 
2014-02-27 02:11:15 AM
Cosmo: Tell us your wacky sex moves!
Irritated staffer: Take a flying f*ck at a rolling doughnut
Cosmo: Brilliant!
 
2014-02-27 02:11:24 AM

Ehcks: RatMaster999: Brainsick: RatMaster999:
[bbsimg.ngfiles.com image 480x268] Nobody's offered to eat a doughnut off my cock...

/don't know why I read it in that guy's voice, but, well, here we are

Who is that?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tviPLpD8VG8


Thank you! That was going to drive me insane trying to remember that.
 
2014-02-27 02:11:40 AM
I didn't read the article but I take it you're supposed to glaze the donut?
 
2014-02-27 02:19:17 AM

static.fjcdn.com

 
2014-02-27 02:20:09 AM

Brainsick: Cosmo: Tell us your wacky sex moves!
Irritated staffer: Take a flying f*ck at a rolling doughnut
Cosmo: Brilliant!


I LOLed while reading this in bed, and woke up the spousal unit. Great. Now I'm farked, and not in the way I'd prefer.
 
2014-02-27 02:30:50 AM

BabaG: I wonder what the late Fred the Baker thought about this...
[adweek.blogs.com image 225x288]


*sigh* "Time to f*ck the donuts..."
 
2014-02-27 02:31:55 AM

pearleenbuchala.smugmug.com

 
2014-02-27 02:36:42 AM

crujonessociety.com
"Anyone want this last half of a donut?"

"Ummm... no, you can have it."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

 
2014-02-27 02:40:23 AM
...better than finding a penis in your doughnut, at any rate.
 
2014-02-27 02:42:14 AM
FTFA: "White says that the tips that made the magazine in her era were culled from staffers' own sexual histories or else crowdsourced from reader-submitted entries, which were presumed to be road-tested but were not fact-checked."

That's a strange and elaborate way to spell "made up on the spot by the editorial team".
 
2014-02-27 02:47:51 AM

farm9.staticflickr.com
"I know...not your fault....just....get me... to the...f*cking....hospital..."

 
2014-02-27 02:52:34 AM

newyork.seriouseats.com
"Now you can please both the men in your life..."

 
2014-02-27 03:11:21 AM

fusillade762: BabaG: I wonder what the late Fred the Baker thought about this...
[adweek.blogs.com image 225x288]

*sigh* "Time to f*ck the donuts..."


The cream filling isn't going to make itself.
 
2014-02-27 03:50:16 AM

fusillade762: "99 Ways to Touch Him: These Fresh, Frisky Tips Will Thrill Every Inch of Your Guy,"

Seriously, men really aren't all that complicated sexually. "99 ways" is at least 95 too many.


Winner.

1. Grab the sex part
2. Keep going
3. Keep going
4. Ok done
 
2014-02-27 04:07:53 AM
Bastards. Oh sure they will print the 'doughnut hole' tip but uptight editors rejected my 'shove a bear claw between her cheeks' tip.
 
2014-02-27 04:37:41 AM
I preferred this back when Dunkin had the "old fashion" with the handle. Made it easier to put on imo. Can anyone post a pic fir me, I'm on mobile? Thanks!
 
2014-02-27 05:17:08 AM

fusillade762: "99 Ways to Touch Him: These Fresh, Frisky Tips Will Thrill Every Inch of Your Guy,"

Seriously, men really aren't all that complicated sexually. "99 ways" is at least 95 too many.


Cosmo: "Remember those 99 sex tips from last month? Well, fark that, here are the REAL 99 sex tips!"
We're not that complicated, ladies. Just do a blow job 99 times.
 
2014-02-27 05:43:01 AM
 
2014-02-27 07:05:28 AM

BabaG: I wonder what the late Fred the Baker thought about this...
[adweek.blogs.com image 225x288]


Why not put a Dunkin on your junkin.
Just a guess.
 
2014-02-27 07:33:35 AM

relaxitsjustme: Bastards. Oh sure they will print the 'doughnut hole' tip but uptight editors rejected my 'shove a bear claw between her cheeks' tip.


That's because you forgot step 1: Tranquilize the bear.
 
2014-02-27 08:01:24 AM

Chevello: relaxitsjustme: Bastards. Oh sure they will print the 'doughnut hole' tip but uptight editors rejected my 'shove a bear claw between her cheeks' tip.

That's because you forgot step 1: Tranquilize the bear.



This is Fark.com. Most users have already used up all their tranq just getting the girl home.
 
2014-02-27 09:52:15 AM
You know what men want? Food, sex, silence. That's it. Food, sex, silence. ''Feed me, fark me, shut the fark up!''
 
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