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(NBC 2 Fort Myers)   Smoking hot 911 caller asks for help with her emergency, which was apparently "I haven't been penetrated in years"   (nbc-2.com) divider line 108
    More: Florida, WBBH News, Charlotte County, woman arrested, emergency, smoking  
•       •       •

25165 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2014 at 12:58 PM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



108 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-25 12:59:31 PM  
Life imitates porn? Did he bring a pizza and fix the cable?
 
2014-02-25 12:59:50 PM  
www.economicnoise.com

/everyone should know better at this point
 
2014-02-25 01:00:17 PM  
Subby, we're years past the point people still believed a headline containing the words "smoking hot."
 
2014-02-25 01:01:25 PM  
I would have arrested her for ass-ault.
 
2014-02-25 01:01:29 PM  

generallyso: Subby, we're years past the point people still believed a headline containing the words "smoking hot."


I don't believe it but I still click, hoping. I think I need help.
 
2014-02-25 01:01:46 PM  
O.o

/it's a trap!
 
2014-02-25 01:01:55 PM  
Consuela, No!
 
2014-02-25 01:02:12 PM  
I think I see her problem:

wbbh.images.worldnow.com

=

www.wantchinatimes.com
 
2014-02-25 01:02:47 PM  
Not even with the cops nightstick.
 
2014-02-25 01:03:22 PM  
Someone wanted to enjoy a pig in a blanket.
 
2014-02-25 01:03:36 PM  
When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?"

Well, consider yourself [expletived]
 
2014-02-25 01:03:39 PM  
The sad thing is that she could have easily gotten what she was after in any seedy bar or truck stop. There's a good chance she could have been paid for it.
 
2014-02-25 01:03:55 PM  
Not even with your dick subby.
 
2014-02-25 01:04:00 PM  
To be fair, his car did say that his number was 911.
 
2014-02-25 01:04:36 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-25 01:05:26 PM  
pagead2.googlesyndication.com

Maybe she should call the Pump Patrol.
 
2014-02-25 01:06:14 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?"

Well, consider yourself [expletived]


Reminds me of a joke which ends with a quadriplegic getting thrown off a bridge.
 
2014-02-25 01:06:14 PM  
Somewhere in this Fark place there's one of you who would.. you know you would.
 
2014-02-25 01:07:49 PM  
None of the dark, jaded souls that inhabit this backwater of the internet are going to fall for that old trick, subby.
 
2014-02-25 01:08:20 PM  
Dang it!  I always fall for that Subby!  Why can't I ever remember?!?  Maybe I need some kind of moronic/mnemonic device.
 
2014-02-25 01:09:13 PM  
Neighbors say what Montenez-Colon really needs is treatment for her alcoho.

She definitely seems to be wants to be an alco-ho.
 
2014-02-25 01:09:47 PM  
"She doesn't need jail time, this is not a person that's dangerous to anybody. She needs help," said Richard Landowski, neighbor who is tired of [expletive]ing her.
 
2014-02-25 01:09:47 PM  

AlwaysRightBoy: Somewhere in this Fark place there's one of you who would.. you know you would.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-25 01:11:05 PM  
When the truly smoking hot call 911 to get laid, it doesn't make it to the papers.
 
2014-02-25 01:13:58 PM  
Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years,"


did the officer enter via the back door?
 
2014-02-25 01:14:25 PM  
Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny."


i607.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-25 01:16:08 PM  

rickythepenguin: Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years,"


did the officer enter via the back door?



media.giphy.com
 
2014-02-25 01:19:06 PM  
"Neighbors say what Montenez-Colon really needs is treatment for her alcoho."

Nice typo, very appropriate. "Alcoho" will be my new term for drunk slut.
 
2014-02-25 01:19:06 PM  
gack
 
2014-02-25 01:19:34 PM  
What a shock the neighbors think she needs treatment for her "alcoho"
 
2014-02-25 01:19:50 PM  
Maybe she thought they said he was a piece officer.
 
2014-02-25 01:20:43 PM  
Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny."

Pretty sure this kind of language would never fly over on CBS. Dunno about ABC. Fox would be sure to work the word "boink" in there somewhere.
 
2014-02-25 01:20:51 PM  
Somebody call 9-1-1
Subby's lie is trolling
in the headline. Woah-o!
 
2014-02-25 01:22:03 PM  
Came for Consuela leaving satisfied... "No. no we need more lemon pledge"
 
2014-02-25 01:22:10 PM  
Can nobody point this woman to Craigslist?
 
2014-02-25 01:22:14 PM  

blatz514: Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny."


[i607.photobucket.com image 500x288]


I bet that pussy is *tight*.

scrapetv.com
 
2014-02-25 01:23:15 PM  
Since when did "smoking-hot" become shorthand for "kill-it-with-fire"?
 
2014-02-25 01:23:25 PM  

tetsoushima: Harry Freakstorm: When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?"

Well, consider yourself [expletived]

Reminds me of a joke which ends with a quadriplegic getting thrown off a bridge.


I assumed that's where Harry was headed too.
 
2014-02-25 01:24:10 PM  
media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com
 
2014-02-25 01:24:43 PM  

Billy Bathsalt: When the truly smoking hot call 911 to get laid, it doesn't make it to the papers.


Nope. That makes it to Dear Penthouse.
 
2014-02-25 01:25:22 PM  

Fano: Life imitates porn? Did he bring a pizza and fix the cable?


No, it's always the plumber.

/Jeebus woman, get yourself a vibrator.
 
2014-02-25 01:27:40 PM  
Once in a blue moon smoking hot means smoking hot. Hence we keep on clicking.

/not been penetrated in years and calling 911 good clue this wasn't going to be a hottie.
 
2014-02-25 01:30:36 PM  
"She doesn't need jail time, this is not a person that's dangerous to anybody. She needs help," 

Paging Private Garp, paging Private Garp...

Sorry mam, under the circumstances, that's the only humane way we can help you.  What's worse, in 9 months, Robin Williams may well pop out of your vagina.
 
2014-02-25 01:31:12 PM  

tuvaorbust: Since when did "smoking-hot" become shorthand for "kill-it-with-fire"?


1)  a longtime farkism

2) arcata, huh?  miss that crazy town.  lived in ferndale for a year or two 20 years ago.
 
2014-02-25 01:32:34 PM  
Neighbors say what Montenez-Colon really needs is treatment for her alcoho.

Truer words were never spoken.
 
2014-02-25 01:38:31 PM  
Not dangerous to anybody? Oh yeah, then explain this: "Montenez-Colon has been booked into the Charlotte County jail four times before, all in 2013-- on battery charges and violation of probation."
 
2014-02-25 01:42:40 PM  

Stoj: Can nobody point this woman to Craigslist?


Seriously, she should just start charging guys and the penetration will just roll in.  Everytime they have a Florida prostitution bust lineup there is always at least one "escort" who is equal or more gross than Jenny from the block here.
 
2014-02-25 01:43:31 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-25 01:45:22 PM  

rickythepenguin: tuvaorbust: Since when did "smoking-hot" become shorthand for "kill-it-with-fire"?

1)  a longtime farkism

2) arcata, huh?  miss that crazy town.  lived in ferndale for a year or two 20 years ago.


Former McKinleyville denizen, checking in..... course that was in the late '70s.
 
2014-02-25 01:45:45 PM  
Your a sick bastard subby.
 
2014-02-25 01:46:19 PM  

rickythepenguin: Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years,"


did the officer enter via the back door?


Half of her surname is Colon. There's no other way to do it. You can't very well stick it in her Montenez.
 
2014-02-25 01:47:49 PM  

Joelogon:


"I could bear to hear a little more..."
 
2014-02-25 01:51:15 PM  
I thought cops were supposed to use protection and serve.
 
2014-02-25 01:56:01 PM  

img.fark.net

I'm Moist.

 
2014-02-25 01:57:20 PM  

a_room_with_a_moose: "I could bear to hear a little more..."


Close: "stand", not "bear."

/I'll be in my bunk
 
2014-02-25 02:00:36 PM  
Cool story bro:

I was flying back from Nashville yesterday (to Maine), and I ended up being seated to a very pretty brunette who lived in my home town (as in, when I was a kid) AND was a 911 dispatcher.

End cool story bro.
 
2014-02-25 02:02:52 PM  

Joelogon: a_room_with_a_moose: "I could bear to hear a little more..."

Close: "stand", not "bear."

/I'll be in my bunk


Argh. That's right. Memory is always the first thing to go... :/
 
2014-02-25 02:09:06 PM  

a_room_with_a_moose: Joelogon: a_room_with_a_moose: "I could bear to hear a little more..."

Close: "stand", not "bear."

/I'll be in my bunk

Argh. That's right. Memory is always the first thing to go... :/


First sign of your tragic space dementia. Breaks the heart...

Also, how has no one else has picked up on the lieutenant's comment "you gotta take a position" in regards to 911 abusers like this woman? That's what she wanted, man! Someone to take a position on her!
 
2014-02-25 02:13:50 PM  
You'd think that by now I'd know better than to click on any link that begins with the words "smoking hot."
 
2014-02-25 02:20:01 PM  
smoking hot = burnt again
 
2014-02-25 02:27:23 PM  
If someone hits it, I bet she'd make them some good cookies....colon cookies.
 
2014-02-25 02:29:45 PM  
Daniel Tosh's mom?
 
2014-02-25 02:32:33 PM  
I was way more interested in "Cape woman living "off the grid" challenged by city".  But it wasn't that kind of Cape Woman.

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-25 02:37:03 PM  
t3.gstatic.com

You rang?
 
2014-02-25 02:49:05 PM  

RedfordRenegade: If someone hits it, I bet she'd make them some good cookies....colon cookies.


They would go nice with some Schweddy balls.

l.yimg.com
 
2014-02-25 02:49:13 PM  

generallyso: Subby, we're years past the point people still believed a headline containing the words "smoking hot."


Wrong.  There are just enough random real "smoking hots" to keep the clicks coming.

I clicked.
I almost spit out beer.
 
2014-02-25 02:52:01 PM  

AlwaysRightBoy: Somewhere in this Fark place there's one of you who would.. you know you would.

31.media.tumblr.com

 
2014-02-25 03:03:36 PM  

cgraves67: None of the dark, jaded souls that inhabit this backwater of the internet are going to fall for that old trick, subby.


Ahem.
img.fark.net

You stand corrected!
 
2014-02-25 03:08:46 PM  

Clemkadidlefark: gack


Unlike her, Gak is fun to play with.
beingalison.com
 
2014-02-25 03:13:30 PM  
i406.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-25 03:14:02 PM  
Near Ft Myers...*checks link*...no, most definitely not my cousin's smoking hot daughter.

www.daylol.com
 
2014-02-25 03:22:14 PM  

sandbar67: AlwaysRightBoy: Somewhere in this Fark place there's one of you who would.. you know you would.

[31.media.tumblr.com image 425x311]


that's no way Charlie in the middle.
/read lips.
 
2014-02-25 03:37:40 PM  

vudukungfu: sandbar67: AlwaysRightBoy: Somewhere in this Fark place there's one of you who would.. you know you would.

[31.media.tumblr.com image 425x311]

that's no way Charlie in the middle.
/read lips.


I think they're all wrong.  Isn't it "no siree" on the left?

/don't read lips
 
2014-02-25 03:53:01 PM  
I'm not gonna click on it, no way, uh uh, I know I will regret it......GGGGGGAAAAAHAHHHHHHH

Click.

I hate you subby.
 
2014-02-25 03:56:54 PM  
Sounds like she needs more Lemon Pledge.


Noooooooooo
 
2014-02-25 04:13:45 PM  

firemanbuck: rickythepenguin: tuvaorbust: Since when did "smoking-hot" become shorthand for "kill-it-with-fire"?

1)  a longtime farkism

2) arcata, huh?  miss that crazy town.  lived in ferndale for a year or two 20 years ago.

Former McKinleyville denizen, checking in..... course that was in the late '70s.


Some of us never leave.
grew up in Mack town (60s-70s) now live in Fortuna.
 
2014-02-25 04:14:27 PM  
The number of fooled link-clickers in this thread is legendary!

/ welcome to fark
 
2014-02-25 04:17:03 PM  

H31N0US: "Neighbors say what Montenez-Colon really needs is treatment for her alcoho."

Nice typo, very appropriate. "Alcoho" will be my new term for drunk slut.


That was amusing. Hey, at least the gal was honest.
 
2014-02-25 04:25:34 PM  
Heads-up from the WTFark video team here:

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We thank you for your support.

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2014-02-25 04:31:51 PM  

aintitahoot: Heads-up from the WTFark video team here:

We may do a WTFark video about this submission and may pick one or two comments from this thread to use in the making of the video. If your comment is used, you will be credited (by handle) at the end of the video. If you have a problem with that and want your handle/comment ignored, then please let us know here. Otherwise, we will assume all are fair game. If you are the subby and want credit, please let us know here as well.

Here's how it works. We will keep track of whose comments we use and when you reach a certain threshold (five times, maybe) we will give you a small gift as a token of gratitude. Say, a Fark bar towel and a free month of TotalFark. If, as time goes on, and we seem to be using more and more of your comments, we will up the ante with some premium liquor for those of you who partake or something else equally appealing for those of you who don't.

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You really want to make a video about a thread that is primarily making fun of a disturbed middle aged woman's looks?
 
2014-02-25 04:37:12 PM  
Far Cough: You really want to make a video about a thread that is primarily making fun of a disturbed middle aged woman's looks?

Our version is less about her looks and more about her actions.
 
2014-02-25 04:40:19 PM  

aintitahoot: Far Cough: You really want to make a video about a thread that is primarily making fun of a disturbed middle aged woman's looks?

Our version is less about her looks and more about her actions.


Okay, I guess; have fun.
 
2014-02-25 04:45:19 PM  

aintitahoot: Heads-up from the WTFark video team here:

We may do a WTFark video about this submission and may pick one or two comments from this thread to use in the making of the video. If your comment is used, you will be credited (by handle) at the end of the video. If you have a problem with that and want your handle/comment ignored, then please let us know here. Otherwise, we will assume all are fair game. If you are the subby and want credit, please let us know here as well.

Here's how it works. We will keep track of whose comments we use and when you reach a certain threshold (five times, maybe) we will give you a small gift as a token of gratitude. Say, a Fark bar towel and a free month of TotalFark. If, as time goes on, and we seem to be using more and more of your comments, we will up the ante with some premium liquor for those of you who partake or something else equally appealing for those of you who don't.

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I submitted this train wreck of burning awfulness, and I approve wholeheartedly.

Hey, stop throwing things at me!  Ow, that hurt!
 
2014-02-25 04:47:33 PM  
Has anyone taken away subby's right to submit links in the future?  Is it being considered?

/bitter
 
2014-02-25 04:51:22 PM  

DivorceWar Veteran: Has anyone taken away subby's right to submit links in the future?  Is it being considered?

/bitter


Subby is right on top of you and is being "honored" with a hilarious video.  So... guess not.
 
2014-02-25 05:22:15 PM  
img.fark.net
You say it's urgent, so urgent, so-oh-oh urgent...
Just you wait and see, how urgent, my love can be, it's urgent...

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-25 05:34:22 PM  
Oh, just put some make-up on and go to a bar and get yourself penetrated. I mean, really, how hard is it to get penetrated? Do you have a vagina? Do you know what alcohol is? Get penetrated!
 
2014-02-25 05:36:59 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: [pagead2.googlesyndication.com image 180x150]

Maybe she should call the Pump Patrol.


Please tell me they call it the NBC Two Pump Patrol.
 
2014-02-25 05:41:09 PM  

Maud Dib: [img.fark.net image 300x400]

I'm Moist.


I really didn't need that visual right now...

Subby and yourself can go take a flying leap, yada yada, you know the drill...

I'm still shuddering...
 
2014-02-25 05:49:54 PM  
toraque:

I submitted this train wreck of burning awfulness, and I approve wholeheartedly.

Hey, stop throwing things at me!  Ow, that hurt!


Done! thanks for piping up.
 
2014-02-25 05:58:18 PM  

Joelogon: [media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com image 500x552]


Gotta have the next line -

Jayne: "I could stand to hear a little more"
 
2014-02-25 05:59:29 PM  
The officer says he told Montenez-Colon there was nothing he could do for you

Me? I coulda told her there was nothing he could do for me.
 
2014-02-25 06:06:55 PM  

AlwaysRightBoy: Somewhere in this Fark place there's one of you who would.. you know you would.


Well, it's been an awfully long time.
 
2014-02-25 06:47:47 PM  
it was the Florida tag that threw them off, "Smoking Hot" and a Daily Mail tag fools no one....

/with a last name of "Colon" and you went with a Smoking Hot Rick Roll subby?
//really?
 
2014-02-25 07:57:42 PM  

CleanAndPure: Once in a blue moon smoking hot means smoking hot. Hence we keep on clicking.

/not been penetrated in years and calling 911 good clue this wasn't going to be a hottie.


"Cute" or (shudder) "super cute" are as close as the headlines get to being at least somewhat accurate around here.
 
2014-02-25 08:23:08 PM  

aintitahoot: Heads-up from the WTFark video team here:

We may do a WTFark video about this submission and may pick one or two comments from this thread to use in the making of the video. If your comment is used, you will be credited (by handle) at the end of the video. If you have a problem with that and want your handle/comment ignored, then please let us know here. Otherwise, we will assume all are fair game. If you are the subby and want credit, please let us know here as well.

Here's how it works. We will keep track of whose comments we use and when you reach a certain threshold (five times, maybe) we will give you a small gift as a token of gratitude. Say, a Fark bar towel and a free month of TotalFark. If, as time goes on, and we seem to be using more and more of your comments, we will up the ante with some premium liquor for those of you who partake or something else equally appealing for those of you who don't.

The videos will live in the right sidebar here on fark.com and in their natural habitat on ora.tv/wtfark. Click if you like them. Don't if you don't.

We thank you for your support.

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Make it a Guiness bar towel, and we got a deal.

Does anybody else remember that thread?
 
2014-02-25 09:30:47 PM  
the Guiness bar towel? yea,. still waiting on mine,..... and no, not even for a Mythical Guiness bar towel.
 
2014-02-25 09:55:30 PM  
I kind of feel bad for her. If my wife doesn't get it often enough she turns into a nutcase too. She says she has an intense desire to be filled and pounded. Doesn't make sense to me but I'm happy to ablige.
 
2014-02-25 10:23:52 PM  

tuvaorbust: Since when did "smoking-hot" become shorthand for "kill-it-with-fire"?


How else do you expect them to become smoking hot?
 
2014-02-25 11:34:58 PM  
"When people continue to abuse the 911 system you gotta take a stand, you gotta take a position,"

She would have been happy with missionary.
 
2014-02-26 12:28:46 AM  
smoking?  did someone set her on fire?
 
2014-02-26 12:32:00 AM  

generallyso: Subby, we're years past the point people still believed a headline containing the words "smoking hot."


There was a real one (from the Daily Fail no less) last week.
 
2014-02-26 02:24:35 AM  
img.fark.net25.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-26 04:47:36 AM  
Heh looks like she might have big juggs I'd give 'em a toss.
 
2014-02-26 09:52:54 AM  
It's 2014... subbys are still trying to bait people with the "smoking hot" bait?
 
2014-02-26 12:20:15 PM  
A Punta Gorda woman

Now, that's just unnecessarily mean, article writer...
 
2014-02-26 06:58:22 PM  
OK this is off-topic but needed..

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com www.kandianying.com
 
2014-02-26 09:11:04 PM  
At least one of those is supposed to be a dude.
 
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