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(Daily Star)   Man complains to Domino's after burning himself having sex with a pizza   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line 69
    More: Dumbass, loves  
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6549 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2014 at 9:32 AM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



69 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-25 08:17:05 AM
BS.  No way a Dominos pizza is still hot enough to burn anything.
 
2014-02-25 08:22:16 AM
I like my pizza with extra sausage.
 
2014-02-25 08:35:08 AM
Dude, warm  apple pie, not pizza pie.
 
2014-02-25 08:44:56 AM

BizarreMan: BS.  No way a Dominos pizza is still hot enough to burn anything.


But the way it was topped with pepperoni.... Asking for it.
 
2014-02-25 08:47:00 AM
It's too bad that attention whores whose only goal is to create the next 10-second online viral sensation are never rewarded for their efforts.
 
2014-02-25 09:24:29 AM

Pocket Ninja: It's too bad that attention whores whose only goal is to create the next 10-second online viral sensation are never rewarded for their efforts.


That's not true here.  He got free stuffed cheesy bread.

Which he presumably tried to stuff also.
 
2014-02-25 09:32:45 AM
And I thought burning the roof of my mouth was bad.
 
2014-02-25 09:35:34 AM

gnosis301: And I thought burning the roof of my mouth was bad.


Now imagine those strings of skin hanging off your junk.
 
2014-02-25 09:36:12 AM
Wouldn't it be easier just to pour some ranch dressing on it, instead?
 
2014-02-25 09:36:34 AM
Did he have to take a cheese wiz after sex?
 
2014-02-25 09:36:59 AM
New definition for a "Stuffed Crust" pizza.

Blech.
 
2014-02-25 09:37:08 AM
Seems legit. Anyone up for a penis-test of major pizzerias?
 
2014-02-25 09:37:38 AM
When your love can't be slaked
With Domino's on your trouser snake
That's amore!
 
2014-02-25 09:37:49 AM
welltraveledwellness.com
 
2014-02-25 09:37:54 AM
i62.tinypic.com
 
2014-02-25 09:38:37 AM
I've seen porn flicks with pizza delivery men scenes and not one has been injured in a similar fashion.
 
2014-02-25 09:39:23 AM
He's probably got grounds for a lawsuit. I mean, if you're going to call your pizza "Meat Lover". . . .
 
2014-02-25 09:39:36 AM
That's terrible.  Domino's sucks.  If I'm going to make love to a pizza, it's not going to be Domino's.
 
2014-02-25 09:40:11 AM

6655321: I've seen porn flicks with pizza delivery men scenes and not one has been injured in a similar fashion.


"Hey, nice tits.  Why don't you play with them while I fark this pizza."
 
2014-02-25 09:40:28 AM
Honestly, if I was the owner of that Dominos, I'd just give him back the money.  It's like $10.

But I'd also make a huge showing of the refund (e.g lots of people, giant novelty check, video cameras, balloons, etc) -- basically turn it into a publisher's clearing house ceremony, except the guy is getting $10 with "refund for our pizza burning your genitals after you tried to make love to it" in the Memo line.
 
2014-02-25 09:40:52 AM
This has to be a joke.
 
2014-02-25 09:41:39 AM

Rapmaster2000: That's terrible.  Domino's sucks.  If I'm going to make love to a pizza, it's not going to be Domino's.


If it were Papa Murphy's, where you have to bake it in the oven yourself, Lord knows what he might have done.
 
2014-02-25 09:41:43 AM
You got frumunda cheese in my peperoni!
You got peperoni in my frumunda cheese!

*takes bite* wow! it's delicious!
 
2014-02-25 09:42:41 AM

Cold_Sassy: This has to be a joke.


After RTFA, I think you're right.  This had to be something they invented to go viral.
 
2014-02-25 09:43:18 AM

kid_icarus: I like my pizza with extra sausage.


I know it had sausage, but was it ITALIAN sausage?
 
2014-02-25 09:43:42 AM

Pocket Ninja: It's too bad that attention whores whose only goal is to create the next 10-second online viral sensation are never rewarded for their efforts.


Submitter was awarded with a greenlight. Not sure why you're complaining...
 
2014-02-25 09:44:04 AM

balki1867: Honestly, if I was the owner of that Dominos, I'd just give him back the money.  It's like $10.

But I'd also make a huge showing of the refund (e.g lots of people, giant novelty check, video cameras, balloons, etc) -- basically turn it into a publisher's clearing house ceremony, except the guy is getting $10 with "refund for our pizza burning your genitals after you tried to make love to it" in the Memo line.


Post the video on YouTube for everyone to enjoy as well.  And make sure the Memo line is written in non-erasable ink.
 
2014-02-25 09:44:04 AM
We're a prank call culture. Yay.
 
2014-02-25 09:44:11 AM
♪ When the burn hits your sack, but you still come on back.....that's amore! ♫

- Domino's Pizza new commercial jingle
 
2014-02-25 09:44:44 AM
No 'extra cheese' comments?

Leaving disappointed.
 
2014-02-25 09:44:52 AM
Burning love.
 
2014-02-25 09:45:26 AM

eyeq360: Rapmaster2000: That's terrible.  Domino's sucks.  If I'm going to make love to a pizza, it's not going to be Domino's.

If it were Papa Murphy's, where you have to bake it in the oven yourself, Lord knows what he might have done.


I miss Papa Murphy's. maybe I'll open a Mama Ballsy's here in Florida.

/mmm, Papa Murphy's
 
hej
2014-02-25 09:50:46 AM
I'm sure this has actually happened.  It would be impossible to just make an absurd statement via Twitter for the sake of comedy.

And "What followed was one of the most bizarre and entertaining Twitter conversations we have ever seen." leads me to wonder how long they've been on Twitter.
 
2014-02-25 09:50:55 AM
Wise man say. Man who have sex with Domino's pizza, got the 55 year old caked on make-up lady of the night in the business.
 
2014-02-25 09:50:58 AM

Rapmaster2000: That's terrible.  Domino's sucks.  If I'm going to make love to a pizza, it's not going to be Domino's.


Now this is the only reason to get Chicago style.  A lot more girth for your...um...girth.
 
2014-02-25 09:55:08 AM

balki1867: Cold_Sassy: This has to be a joke.

After RTFA, I think you're right.  This had to be something they invented to go viral.


Ya think, jerkoff?
cdn2.maxim.com
 
2014-02-25 09:55:42 AM
If you're gonna troll twitter at least try and be good at it. That was about 10 year-old level
 
2014-02-25 09:56:36 AM

StoPPeRmobile: balki1867: Cold_Sassy: This has to be a joke.

After RTFA, I think you're right.  This had to be something they invented to go viral.

Ya think, jerkoff?
[cdn2.maxim.com image 620x709]


There's no reason to call him/her a jerkoff.  WTF is your problem?

/STFU a-hole!
 
2014-02-25 09:58:17 AM
With a Domino's pizza? Does this guy have sex dreams about Joan Rivers, too?
 
2014-02-25 09:58:56 AM
What's his fark handle?
 
2014-02-25 10:02:15 AM
This begs the question: which pizza is better to fark? New York or Chicago style?
 
2014-02-25 10:04:20 AM
Was he wearing a robe and wizard hat?
 
2014-02-25 10:05:32 AM

balki1867: Honestly, if I was the owner of that Dominos, I'd just give him back the money.  It's like $10.

But I'd also make a huge showing of the refund (e.g lots of people, giant novelty check, video cameras, balloons, etc) -- basically turn it into a publisher's clearing house ceremony, except the guy is getting $10 with "refund for our pizza burning your genitals after you tried to make love to it" in the Memo line.


Better yet do an ad campaign of  "our customers love our pizza"
 
2014-02-25 10:07:28 AM
Does he fill doughnuts, too?
 
2014-02-25 10:11:52 AM

sdd2000: balki1867: Honestly, if I was the owner of that Dominos, I'd just give him back the money.  It's like $10.

But I'd also make a huge showing of the refund (e.g lots of people, giant novelty check, video cameras, balloons, etc) -- basically turn it into a publisher's clearing house ceremony, except the guy is getting $10 with "refund for our pizza burning your genitals after you tried to make love to it" in the Memo line.

Better yet do an ad campaign of  "our customers love our pizza"


Now that the dairy industry is giving up the milk mustache ad campaign, Domino's missed their chance to do a crossover promotion. Some guys has sex with a pizza, then the camera pans up to his face all covered in white. Creepy smile included.
 
2014-02-25 10:25:05 AM

mutterfark: Dude, warm  apple pie, not pizza pie.


My mind immediately went to that avenge in American Pie.
 
2014-02-25 10:26:22 AM
Trying to get some fresh pizza on the side when he's got a freezer full of Hot Pockets waiting for him at home... idiot.
 
2014-02-25 10:29:17 AM

ChrisDe: With a Domino's pizza? Does this guy have sex dreams about Joan Rivers, too?

Joan Rivers and Kathy Kinney at the same time

 
2014-02-25 10:39:07 AM

ChrisDe: This begs the question: which pizza is better to fark? New York or Chicago style?


I suppose if you roll up a slice of New York-style pizza, you could crudely fashion a tube.....you can't do that with deep dish.

/oddest thing I've ever pondered
//I'm sure somewhere, someone has done this
///slashies for Rule 34
 
2014-02-25 10:42:23 AM
Why not just hand toss it yourself?
 
2014-02-25 11:05:47 AM
I like that he feels comfortable enough to complain in public.

/so I can avoid him
 
2014-02-25 11:09:26 AM

Chris Ween: BizarreMan: BS.  No way a Dominos pizza is still hot enough to burn anything.

But the way it was topped with pepperoni.... Asking for it.


Low hangin' fruit
 
2014-02-25 11:40:49 AM

tblax: Was he wearing a robe and wizard hat?


I CAN NO LONGER RESIST THE PIZZA.
 
2014-02-25 11:43:04 AM
Hey, quit ridiculing this guy.  I just saw a documentary on Netflix on how Dominos pizzas really WILL give you third degree burns if you let them press against your crotch for like, 20 seconds without trying to get them off.  The way the media has manipulated this story is disgusting - Dominos pizza is being served too hot!
 
2014-02-25 11:44:46 AM

Rapmaster2000: That's terrible.  Domino's sucks.  If I'm going to make love to a pizza, it's not going to be Domino's.


Domino's.  Not only not good enough to eat, not even good enough to fark.
 
2014-02-25 11:46:59 AM
Why you so stupid?  You no want girl, you want Hot Pocket!

www.ckpcreative.com

/Hot like pizza poon
 
2014-02-25 11:49:33 AM
Hawt!
 
2014-02-25 11:53:48 AM
So far today, there has been headlines about pizza, burgers and tacos. Will there be a fried chicken headline?
 
2014-02-25 11:59:19 AM
How do you have sex with a pizza?
 
2014-02-25 12:05:21 PM

Diogenes: 6655321: I've seen porn flicks with pizza delivery men scenes and not one has been injured in a similar fashion.

"Hey, nice tits.  Why don't you play with them while I fark this pizza."


Rule 34...... Invoked.
 
2014-02-25 12:05:30 PM

lamecomedian: Hey, quit ridiculing this guy. I just saw a documentary on Netflix on how Dominos pizzas really WILL give you third degree burns if you let them press against your crotch for like, 20 seconds without trying to get them off. The way the media has manipulated this story is disgusting - Dominos pizza is being served too hot!


20 seconds?
It's just a pizza, you don't need to drag out the foreplay and make love to it, hurry up and finish already.
 
2014-02-25 12:19:33 PM
mine was:

Man learns "Hot-n-Ready" pizza 100% not what he thought it meant
 
2014-02-25 12:37:28 PM
Anyone else immediately think of this?
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-25 12:38:09 PM
try a Stromboli.
/farkin' amateur.

.
 
2014-02-25 01:25:33 PM
Did he come in 30 minutes or less?
 
2014-02-25 01:35:37 PM
This guy farks pizzas!
 
2014-02-25 04:46:08 PM
Jesus, Fark, you're slipping. Everyone knows you order from Papa Johns! :D

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the fark?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate: F**k
 
2014-02-25 05:42:04 PM
Bigsausagepizza.com, anyone? (amazed no one mentioned that one yet):

2e130c55e0c2763c8a20-c7a4d0feffd26319b59c92c4aecae366.r18.cf1.rackcdn.com

i11.photobucket.com


www.geocities.ws
 
2014-02-25 06:04:32 PM

blatz514: Rapmaster2000: That's terrible.  Domino's sucks.  If I'm going to make love to a pizza, it's not going to be Domino's.

Now this is the only reason to get Chicago style.  A lot more girth for your...um...girth.


I remember when I worked at Giardano's, one of the cooks came in drunker than a poet on payday (or in this case, an illegal Mexican cook on payday) and knocked over a piping hot deep dish on his arm. Those scars were still on his arm 3 years later, so I'm trying to imagine how bad it'd be porking a Chi-town deep dish! If it were a buttery one ala Lou Malnati's, mercy be upon that guy's wiener!
 
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