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(Metro)   Okay, so you've just landed your first real job, now sit down and have some coffee because here are ten things no one tells you about when landing said "real" job   (metro.co.uk) divider line 190
    More: Obvious, Pret A Manger  
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21158 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Feb 2014 at 10:28 AM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-23 09:16:46 AM
They forgot:

11.  Because you are smart at what you do, the people that aren't as smart will want you to finish their work for them.  When you do it right, you get no credit.  When you make a mistake, it is a job killer that you will be blamed for the rest of your life.

12.  The Vice-President of your group was promoted to that position because he/she has no heart.  No matter how many millions of $$$ you made/saved the company 2 months ago, if you haven't done anything of worth in the last 2 weeks, your job is in the line of fire when the next round of layoffs are scheduled.
 
2014-02-23 10:28:35 AM
Well, that was stupid.
 
2014-02-23 10:31:22 AM

Cagey B: Well, that was stupid.


I concur.
 
2014-02-23 10:34:09 AM

gnosis301: Cagey B: Well, that was stupid.

I concur.


Thirded.
 
2014-02-23 10:34:38 AM
Sounds like the author should pull a Van Wilder and just stay in school...
 
2014-02-23 10:36:28 AM

Molavian: gnosis301: Cagey B: Well, that was stupid.

I concur.

Thirded.


Yep.

Hint: if you didn't already know those things, and also know what to ignore - don't tell anyone.
 
2014-02-23 10:36:51 AM
Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?
 
2014-02-23 10:38:05 AM

Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?


European problems.
 
2014-02-23 10:38:13 AM

Molavian: gnosis301: Cagey B: Well, that was stupid.

I concur.

Thirded.


fourthed
 
2014-02-23 10:38:17 AM

Smokey the Bare: Sounds like the author should pull a Van Wilder and just stay in school...


The author sounds jaded, and is probably the one all these things happened to.
 
2014-02-23 10:39:17 AM

Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?


My first thought as well. I think I'll start getting 20 days a year once I've been with my company 18yrs. And that's the max level.
 
2014-02-23 10:42:09 AM

ghall3: Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?

My first thought as well. I think I'll start getting 20 days a year once I've been with my company 18yrs. And that's the max level.


I technically get three weeks a year now, after 10 years at the company, but it's almost impossible to schedule the time off.
 
2014-02-23 10:42:20 AM
What's an EV? Year 7? Is this article from china?
 
2014-02-23 10:42:32 AM
Whoever wrote the article won't be keeping her first job for very long...
 
2014-02-23 10:42:54 AM
"Prone to obesity"?

Lazy chick slob writing detected.


/Work is for work, ladies, not eating.  Be glad most HRs are also fat fem-slobs.
 
2014-02-23 10:43:50 AM

SauronWasFramed: They forgot:

11.  Because you are smart at what you do, the people that aren't as smart will want you to finish their work for them.  When you do it right, you get no credit.  When you make a mistake, it is a job killer that you will be blamed for the rest of your life.

12.  The Vice-President of your group was promoted to that position because he/she has no heart.  No matter how many millions of $$$ you made/saved the company 2 months ago, if you haven't done anything of worth in the last 2 weeks, your job is in the line of fire when the next round of layoffs are scheduled.


13. Most of the people you work with will do about 3 hours of work in an 8-hour period and b*tch like hell when asked to do more. If you do much more than that, you will be branded an ass-kisser.

14. You will be asked during a self-appraisal to name your biggest fault. Your reply will be repeated on subsequent reviews as justification for keeping promotions and raises to a minimum.
 
2014-02-23 10:44:37 AM

SauronWasFramed: 12.  The Vice-President of your group was promoted to that position because he/she has no heart.  No matter how many millions of $$$ you made/saved the company 2 months ago, if you haven't done anything of worth in the last 2 weeks, your job is in the line of fire when the next round of layoffs are scheduled


Or, you can email the CEO and ask him why he has has 6 veeps in the 12 years you've been there and ask him to please pick one that works for him and isn't looking to pad his golden parachute next time.

Pissed him off but got results.
 
2014-02-23 10:44:42 AM
That obesity thing is right on. Never gained much weight during undergraduate school, a bit during grad school.  Was much more physically active in school and of course there were no computers then. But in the 30 years of my working life, piled on like 80 pounds.  Yeah, sitting at a computer at work, at home, and eating too much can do it.  I know so much more about healthy living now, but I don't put it into action.
 
2014-02-23 10:45:02 AM
How is this not a Daily Fail article?!  They forgot the higher up the person is in the company, the bigger, useless pos they are.  And don't do extra work trying to get ahead.  They'll just expect you to do that work all the time now and if you start falling behind, it'll be brought up in your review or at layoffs.
 
2014-02-23 10:46:24 AM

Tangenital: What's an EV? Year 7? Is this article from china?


No, if it was it would be covered in lead paint.
 
2014-02-23 10:46:38 AM

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: ghall3: Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?

My first thought as well. I think I'll start getting 20 days a year once I've been with my company 18yrs. And that's the max level.

I technically get three weeks a year now, after 10 years at the company, but it's almost impossible to schedule the time off.


This....does anyone really have time for a vacation?  I have heard the word thrown around but i'm not really sure what it means.

/FARK  YOU BLACKBERRY!!!
 
2014-02-23 10:49:15 AM
No one told me that ten random workplace observations could be linked to ten annoying yet marginally related animated gifs and be deemed worthy of my attention.  I wish someone had warned me.
 
2014-02-23 10:50:31 AM
WTF am I reading?
 
2014-02-23 10:52:38 AM
I've had 'real jobs'. They made me farking miserable. Now I work in a mail processing facility. I make about the same shiat pay and shiat benefits but they're upfront and honest that it's shiat and don't make false promises of raises and promotions. Also, I am not sitting in the same farking chair all day long.
 
2014-02-23 10:53:03 AM
What is this limesucker crap?
 
2014-02-23 10:53:34 AM

Smokey the Bare: Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?

European problems.


When europeans only get 20 days of paid vacation:

upload.wikimedia.org

Five weeks paid here, and I do not take my work home.
 
2014-02-23 10:53:57 AM

whatsupchuck: No one told me that ten random workplace observations could be linked to ten annoying yet marginally related animated gifs and be deemed worthy of my attention.  I wish someone had warned me.


It was in the email that was sent out..apparently you didn't read it.

encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2014-02-23 10:58:06 AM
My first real job after college was working graveyard shift at a hotel. That sucked.
 
2014-02-23 10:58:08 AM
That was pathetic. Ohh poor baby, life in the real world is harder than when you lived with mommy.
 
2014-02-23 10:58:41 AM
The biggest surprise most kids have at their first real job is that you are actually expected to work every day.  School never teaches that part.  If you have a salaried position, you have been hired to perform a function.  If you take a sick day, that work will be there waiting when you return.  Nobody does it just because you don't feel good.

There was a culinary arts program near here that was pretty good and had a restaurant in the school that was run by the students.  The goal was to teach them what it was really like to work in the hospitality business "in the real world."  They were open from 11:00 am to 6:00 pm, closed Saturdays and Sundays, Holidays and all summer.  Yup.  That's the hours everybody I know in the hospitality industry keeps!
 
2014-02-23 10:58:57 AM

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: ghall3: Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?

My first thought as well. I think I'll start getting 20 days a year once I've been with my company 18yrs. And that's the max level.

I technically get three weeks a year now, after 10 years at the company, but it's almost impossible to schedule the time off.


In 1983 I started at a brand new company. Benefits were 1 week vacation after 1 year, 2 weeks after 5 years, 3 weeks after 10 years and 4 weeks at 15 years and above. I and a couple of others managed to hit the 15 year mark and guess what changed? Go on - give it your best shot.
 
2014-02-23 11:00:23 AM
That Metro is the new Buzzfeed?
 
2014-02-23 11:01:12 AM
WE NEED YOU TO SELL MORE THAN YOU DID LAST HOUR!

/also, enjoy your traffic
 
2014-02-23 11:02:07 AM

markfara: SauronWasFramed: They forgot:

11.  Because you are smart at what you do, the people that aren't as smart will want you to finish their work for them.  When you do it right, you get no credit.  When you make a mistake, it is a job killer that you will be blamed for the rest of your life.

12.  The Vice-President of your group was promoted to that position because he/she has no heart.  No matter how many millions of $$$ you made/saved the company 2 months ago, if you haven't done anything of worth in the last 2 weeks, your job is in the line of fire when the next round of layoffs are scheduled.

13. Most of the people you work with will do about 3 hours of work in an 8-hour period and b*tch like hell when asked to do more. If you do much more than that, you will be branded an ass-kisser.

14. You will be asked during a self-appraisal to name your biggest fault. Your reply will be repeated on subsequent reviews as justification for keeping promotions and raises to a minimum.


15. No matter how much money you make for a company over the long term, the company will be looking for more money in the short term. If you make them that money in the short term, the company will criticize you for the lack of volume of customers you got them. If you didn't make them that money in the short term, but got them the volume of customers they seek that will probably lead to a higher profit in the future, they'll criticize you for not making them that money in the short term. Either way you will not be getting any increased pay or recognition for your work that you have done in the past, suddenly being terminated by the HR department for not making their always increasing quota.
 
2014-02-23 11:02:53 AM
0. We think you're oh so adorable when you stride in on day one and tell us everything that's wrong and how to fix it.

/And your soul will be ripped out shortly thereafter
 
2014-02-23 11:03:03 AM

CaptSS: I and a couple of others managed to hit the 15 year mark and guess what changed? Go on - give it your best shot.


Same thing that happend to me.

Sucks. And that promise broken will be mentioned when I cut the cord.
Won't burn any bridges, but I will point out the lack of integrity on their part.
 
2014-02-23 11:03:23 AM
I get 3 personal days and 2 weeks... so that's 13 days... plus Columbus Day, MLK Day, Good Friday, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Christmas, New Years, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving (plus day after) off.

So... 11+3+10=24 days off a year.

Plus my first manager let me use my sick time (1 week a year) like vacation, even though that's not the rule.... so that adds another week.

/Current manager doesn't let me. Boo :(
 
2014-02-23 11:06:18 AM

bentley57: That Metro is the new Buzzfeed?


That's what I thought. I got tricked into reading buzzfeed!
 
2014-02-23 11:06:41 AM

SauronWasFramed: They forgot:

11.  Because you are smart at what you do, the people that aren't as smart will want you to finish their work for them.  When you do it right, you get no credit.  When you make a mistake, it is a job killer that you will be blamed for the rest of your life.

12.  The Vice-President of your group was promoted to that position because he/she has no heart.  No matter how many millions of $$$ you made/saved the company 2 months ago, if you haven't done anything of worth in the last 2 weeks, your job is in the line of fire when the next round of layoffs are scheduled.


#11 that would mean you are stupid and they are smart.
 
2014-02-23 11:06:46 AM
I had two "real" jobs out of college then started my own business. Wasn't a big success but survived and prospered to early retirement. Believe me there are more than ten things about self employment nobody told me. And many, many more than ten things nobody ever told me about employees.
If you're self employed, don't even think about vacation days.

/comfortable in my skin
//don't wish to change anything
 
2014-02-23 11:10:22 AM
. It's heels, hairbrushes and high gloss lipstick all the way from now on.

Holy crap have I been dressing wrong all these years!  That must explain how I missed that last promotion...
 
2014-02-23 11:11:03 AM

Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?


I think the "20 days" also refers to sick leave. A lot of companies these days are just giving employees "days". And the employee is supposed to do the apportionment.
 
2014-02-23 11:12:21 AM

vudukungfu: CaptSS: I and a couple of others managed to hit the 15 year mark and guess what changed? Go on - give it your best shot.

Same thing that happend to me.

Sucks. And that promise broken will be mentioned when I cut the cord.
Won't burn any bridges, but I will point out the lack of integrity on their part.


Assuming you're talking about "downsizing", that happened to me years ago, in the space of 9 years rather than 15. I'd have taken a decrease in the five-weeks of off-time to which I'd risen, but it was ultimately cheaper to let me go and hire a recent college grad at 2/3 the pay and three weeks less off-time.
 
2014-02-23 11:12:40 AM
Another "X things"  invasion of the front page, and it isn't even a "featured partner."  Dear Drew and mods, anything that starts with "X things" is crap.  The amount of "featured partner" advertisements that start with "X things" is so mind-numbingly, self-damaging, stupifyingly repetitive that it borders not on  mental damage, but actual insanity.
 
2014-02-23 11:13:26 AM

oukewldave: How is this not a Daily Fail article?!  They forgot the higher up the person is in the company, the bigger, useless pos they are.  And don't do extra work trying to get ahead.  They'll just expect you to do that work all the time now and if you start falling behind, it'll be brought up in your review or at layoffs.



The Daily Fail doesn't use shiatty gifs.
 
2014-02-23 11:13:32 AM
10. How you're prone to obesity

Wow, Ru Paul has really let him/her self go.
 
2014-02-23 11:16:09 AM

Mr. Right: The biggest surprise most kids have at their first real job is that you are actually expected to work every day.  School never teaches that part.  If you have a salaried position, you have been hired to perform a function.  If you take a sick day, that work will be there waiting when you return.  Nobody does it just because you don't feel good.

There was a culinary arts program near here that was pretty good and had a restaurant in the school that was run by the students.  The goal was to teach them what it was really like to work in the hospitality business "in the real world."  They were open from 11:00 am to 6:00 pm, closed Saturdays and Sundays, Holidays and all summer.  Yup.  That's the hours everybody I know in the hospitality industry keeps!


Sounds like my local Burger King. The place should be failing and close soon. I was one of the first customers in the door one morning yet the dining room was dirty. They open at 6am and are considering opening earlier for more customers. The idiots didn't even think that staying open past 6pm would get more customers.
 
2014-02-23 11:17:35 AM
WTF is this Buzzfeed shiat?
 
2014-02-23 11:18:56 AM

yakmans_dad: Freudian_slipknot: Oh look at that adorable little child complaining about **ONLY** 20 days of vacation a year on her first "real" job.

Isn't it just charming?

I think the "20 days" also refers to sick leave. A lot of companies these days are just giving employees "days". And the employee is supposed to do the apportionment.


I'm aware.  But even then, most folks I know started out at jobs where they had to put in a full year before they got their first two weeks of PTO time.  I can't think of a single person I know who gets paid "sick days" anymore, regardless of how long they've been at their company.
 
2014-02-23 11:20:33 AM
Still beats going to school.
 
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