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(NASCAR)   With #3's ghost on the pole, will Lady Luck smite Smoke again? Can Junior get past the 8th lap with his engine intact? Did NASCAR already put Johnson's name on the Sprint Cup trophy? Find out when the green flag drops on the Daytona 500 (1pm ET FOX)   (nascar.com) divider line 1960
    More: Cool, Terry Labonte, Landon Cassill, Justin Allgaier, AJ Allmendinger, David Gilliland, Aric Almirola, Reed Sorenson, Michael Waltrip  
•       •       •

207 clicks; posted to Sports » on 23 Feb 2014 at 12:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-22 11:38:24 PM  
Also: Will Montoya get revenge on the dastardly jet-dryer?

Either way, Johnson is now the NASCAR version of John Cena.  Which means Stewart needs to grow out his beard and start doing YES chants every time he wins.  xD
 
2014-02-23 12:01:01 AM  
Are you not sports entertained?
img.photobucket.com

And now, the official debut of....

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist.  Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.

(With input from DanZero, bluorangefyre, Professor Farksworth, QueenMamaBee, Mztlplx, and others)


1) Every 25th post is "DANICA" and every 1,100th post is, "Screw the gredunza, I just did the double!"
2) Brian France asking "ARE YOU NOT SPORTS ENTERTAINED?" before the 10th post
3) Somebody comes in with a humorous "left/right turn/going in circles" comment
4) BOOGITY in some form when race starts
5) Idols/Buddhas/Transformers/Reactors being fired up
6) Complaints about TNT & ESPN race coverage (or if in TNT/ESPN coverage, how bad it is and how we pine for FOX again) ONLY VALID FOR 2014!
7) While we were away
8) Green flag pit stops
9) The inevitable race commentator foul up
10) Phantom debris cautions - pace dingo appears after two, Mr. McMahon appears if it benefits the driver of car #48 and/or the person who probably doesn't deserve to drive car #3
11)  "Austin Dillon driving car number three... the number made famous by the late/great Dale Earnhardt."
12)  If all else fails since it worked the one time we did this, start unleashing ponies if He Who Shall Not Be Named is still running near the front/running away from the field
13) Complaints and such if Jimmie Johnson wins again and celebrations from his fan(s)
14)  Race is official when Kvapil, Reutimann or Wise bring out the caution (can be more than one)
15)  BONUS OFFICIAL RACE:  Mikey brings out the yellow
16)  Something to do with potato salad and/or sugar free gummi bears
17)  SPECIAL BONUS:  One of us is actually at the track
18)  Something not meant to catch fire does
19)  We are reminded about how a track is famous for The Big One/Darlington Stripe/Eating tires/Fuel Mileage races.
20)  "Because #3 car"
21)  Race is boring... what are you drinking?
22)  "Lord baby Jesus, smite Logano's engine!"


Somebody asked why set the double at 1,100 posts.  Reason:  The Indy 500 and World 600 constitute the double.  I doubt we ever get up to 1,100 posts except for this race and the World 600, but just in case, its there.

/it's still the World 600 to me, damnit!
 
2014-02-23 12:17:56 AM  

bluorangefyre: Are you not sports entertained?
[img.photobucket.com image 300x410]

And now, the official debut of....

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist.  Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.(With input from DanZero, bluorangefyre, Professor Farksworth, QueenMamaBee, Mztlplx, and others)
1) Every 25th post is "DANICA" and every 1,100th post is, "Screw the gredunza, I just did the double!"
2) Brian France asking "ARE YOU NOT SPORTS ENTERTAINED?" before the 10th post
3) Somebody comes in with a humorous "left/right turn/going in circles" comment
4) BOOGITY in some form when race starts
5) Idols/Buddhas/Transformers/Reactors being fired up
6) Complaints about TNT & ESPN race coverage (or if in TNT/ESPN coverage, how bad it is and how we pine for FOX again) ONLY VALID FOR 2014!
7) While we were away
8) Green flag pit stops
9) The inevitable race commentator foul up
10) Phantom debris cautions - pace dingo appears after two, Mr. McMahon appears if it benefits the driver of car #48 and/or the person who probably doesn't deserve to drive car #3
11)  "Austin Dillon driving car number three... the number made famous by the late/great Dale Earnhardt."
12)  If all else fails since it worked the one time we did this, start unleashing ponies if He Who Shall Not Be Named is still running near the front/running away from the field
13) Complaints and such if Jimmie Johnson wins again and celebrations from his fan(s)
14)  Race is official when Kvapil, Reutimann or Wise bring out the caution (can be more than one)
15)  BONUS OFFICIAL RACE:  Mikey brings out the yellow
16)  Something to do with potato salad and/or sugar free gummi bears
17)  SPECIAL BONUS:  One of us is actually at the track
18)  Something not meant to catch fire does
19)  We are reminded about how a track is famous for The Big One/Darlington Stripe/Eating tires/Fuel Mileage races.
20)  "Because #3 car"
21)  Race is boring... what are you drinking?
22)  "Lord baby Jesus, smite Logano's engine!"


S ...


1.  Is this checklist a new thing for these threads?  I'm usually never around for NASCAR threads  (though I managed to get this green, lol)
2.  Kudos for borrowing from the FWC's trusty checklist for inspiration.  Well done!  :)
3.  I'd say all smiting needs to go to the 48 car, lulz

Bonus idea:  Hasbro should really look into sponsoring a car sometime.... Especially if they can sponsor the #20.  Rainbow Dash approved, and 20% faster than all other cars. xD
 
2014-02-23 12:18:50 AM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Is this checklist a new thing for these threads?  I'm usually never around for NASCAR threads  (though I managed to get this green, lol)


Never mind that point...just saw the "official debut of" line.  :(

/self botch
 
2014-02-23 12:36:08 AM  
Maybe add something about the gyrocam?...not sure if good idea or not...been drinking...heavily...so it seems good to me now.

\drunk farking
 
2014-02-23 01:31:17 AM  
If you're going to borrow the wrestling thread checklist, this question must be asked:

WHY IS THIS IN THE SPORTS TAB?
 
2014-02-23 01:53:28 AM  

desertgeek: If you're going to borrow the wrestling thread checklist, this question must be asked:

WHY IS THIS IN THE SPORTS TAB?


Because fark you that's why.

After making the Daytona 500 thread for the past 2 years, had to pass the torch. Couldn't think of anything witty enough this year (Montoya made it so easy!)

Thanks for the credit on the list too -- I had a list if BOF didn't this year :) I still think a) Danica Position Watch and b) thread cheers and jeers for 48 winning/crashing should remain there

See you in about 12 hours, where all this is gonna go down!
 
2014-02-23 05:30:08 AM  
Oh let's throw this one out here because my now-two-year-old woke me up and I feel like being silly and adapting one more thing from the fWc checklist:

"...from the Junior Johnsons, to the Cale Yarboroughs... to the Dale Earnhardts..."

"Nevermind that shiat, here comes Dick Trickle!"

img2.timeinc.net
 
2014-02-23 06:55:50 AM  
I'm bagging the race for a sporting event with more real drama and integrity.

Plus, I think the Washington Generals are DUE!
 
2014-02-23 07:34:49 AM  
Heading to the race now on a shuttle from Orlando.

I'll be setting up shop for a few hours at some bar trailer thingie outside the front stretch.

I'll post the location in a bit.

Anyone else gonna be there?
 
2014-02-23 08:54:11 AM  

markie_farkie: Heading to the race now on a shuttle from Orlando.

I'll be setting up shop for a few hours at some bar trailer thingie outside the front stretch.

I'll post the location in a bit.

Anyone else gonna be there?


#17 - Check!  :D
 
2014-02-23 08:58:25 AM  
It's taken 45 minutes to go 2 miles and we still aren't parked.

Bastards are cutting into my drinking time!
 
2014-02-23 09:01:06 AM  
One thing I want is for the #3 circle jerk to stop. I'm so tired of hearing people on TV talk about the return of a black #3 car in hushed, reverent tones. I kinda feel like I want Dillon to blow a motor early so we don't have to hear about it all day. It doesn't help that the kid is on the pole.

And don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against Dale Sr. or Austin Dillon. The kid is talented and I think he's going to have a good career.
 
2014-02-23 09:35:57 AM  
At the bar to the left of the gate 8 entrance. I'm the guy with the cheesy blue Florida t-shirt.

Stop by!!
 
2014-02-23 11:17:30 AM  
gonna hang out in here today.

i start off strong with nascar every year, then fade by NHL playoffs, then it's over soon as NFL training camp starts.

We'll see how this year goes
 
2014-02-23 11:19:21 AM  
Looks like we have a couple of checklist items already. With less than 2 hours to the race I'd assume that the idols are being warmed up and we have a Farker there.

May I suggest a new checklist item based on the National Anthem? After yesterday's debacle with Madison Rising it seems to be ready-made for one. Incidentally, check the current Wikipedia page. If you don't see the vandalism check back to 11:00 today.
 
2014-02-23 11:20:34 AM  
I'm already sick of the #3 blah blah Austin .....blah blah.

A lot of attention for a kid who listens to hardcore rap and wears a cowboy hat.
 
2014-02-23 11:55:22 AM  

Bonkthat_Again: I'm already sick of the #3 blah blah Austin .....blah blah.

A lot of attention for a kid who listens to hardcore rap and wears a cowboy hat.


But he's an outlaw turned HERO!

/That f*ckin' commercial made me stabby as hell
 
2014-02-23 12:02:31 PM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Also: Will Montoya get revenge on the dastardly jet-dryer?


I'm going to say no.
 
2014-02-23 12:04:36 PM  
I would like to see #14 amended to include Michael Waltrip amongst that list.
 
2014-02-23 12:05:07 PM  

bluorangefyre: Oh let's throw this one out here because my now-two-year-old woke me up and I feel like being silly and adapting one more thing from the fWc checklist:

"...from the Junior Johnsons, to the Cale Yarboroughs... to the Dale Earnhardts..."

"Nevermind that shiat, here comes Dick Trickle!"


Now that's funny. Mongo would be proud.
 
2014-02-23 12:06:03 PM  
Let's go, Smoke!
 
2014-02-23 12:08:46 PM  
And welcome, returning Fark Racing Team members!

/NASFARK?
 
2014-02-23 12:09:35 PM  
Greetings, fellow Farkers and virtual waffle nibblers.

Somebody tell me when to start drinking.
 
2014-02-23 12:10:08 PM  

emonk: Greetings, fellow Farkers and virtual waffle nibblers.

Somebody tell me when to start drinking.


Am hour ago?
 
2014-02-23 12:10:17 PM  

bluorangefyre: Are you not sports entertained?
[img.photobucket.com image 300x410]

And now, the official debut of....

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist.  Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly.(With input from DanZero, bluorangefyre, Professor Farksworth, QueenMamaBee, Mztlplx, and others)
1) Every 25th post is "DANICA" and every 1,100th post is, "Screw the gredunza, I just did the double!"
2) Brian France asking "ARE YOU NOT SPORTS ENTERTAINED?" before the 10th post
3) Somebody comes in with a humorous "left/right turn/going in circles" comment
4) BOOGITY in some form when race starts
5) Idols/Buddhas/Transformers/Reactors being fired up
6) Complaints about TNT & ESPN race coverage (or if in TNT/ESPN coverage, how bad it is and how we pine for FOX again) ONLY VALID FOR 2014!
7) While we were away
8) Green flag pit stops
9) The inevitable race commentator foul up
10) Phantom debris cautions - pace dingo appears after two, Mr. McMahon appears if it benefits the driver of car #48 and/or the person who probably doesn't deserve to drive car #3
11)  "Austin Dillon driving car number three... the number made famous by the late/great Dale Earnhardt."
12)  If all else fails since it worked the one time we did this, start unleashing ponies if He Who Shall Not Be Named is still running near the front/running away from the field
13) Complaints and such if Jimmie Johnson wins again and celebrations from his fan(s)
14)  Race is official when Kvapil, Reutimann or Wise bring out the caution (can be more than one)
15)  BONUS OFFICIAL RACE:  Mikey brings out the yellow
16)  Something to do with potato salad and/or sugar free gummi bears
17)  SPECIAL BONUS:  One of us is actually at the track
18)  Something not meant to catch fire does
19)  We are reminded about how a track is famous for The Big One/Darlington Stripe/Eating tires/Fuel Mileage races.
20)  "Because #3 car"
21)  Race is boring... what are you drinking?
22)  "Lord baby Jesus, smite Logano's engine!"


S ...


You really should have out the Austin Dillon comment in at...#3.

Also, please let #22 happen today! Just for the lulz

/rooting for my usuals
//Smoke, KyBu, Jr & BK
///LET'S DO THIS!!!!
 
2014-02-23 12:11:53 PM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Is this checklist a new thing for these threads?  I'm usually never around for NASCAR threads  (though I managed to get this green, lol)

Never mind that point...just saw the "official debut of" line.  :(

/self botch


*CHAIRSHOT*

/you're welcome  ;)
 
2014-02-23 12:13:09 PM  

Mztlplx: emonk: Greetings, fellow Farkers and virtual waffle nibblers.

Somebody tell me when to start drinking.

Am hour ago?


On second thought, I may wait until NASCAR.COM crashes my IE 10 more times.

What is a C++ pure virtual call anyway?
 
2014-02-23 12:13:57 PM  
Red 5 standing by
 
2014-02-23 12:14:05 PM  

my lip balm addiction: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Is this checklist a new thing for these threads?  I'm usually never around for NASCAR threads  (though I managed to get this green, lol)

Never mind that point...just saw the "official debut of" line.  :(

/self botch

*CHAIRSHOT*

/you're welcome  ;)


:: applies the yellow tape stripe to GMJ's backside ::
 
2014-02-23 12:14:11 PM  
Maybe I should finish reading the list before commenting...sigh.  Time to add some whisky to the coffee.
 
2014-02-23 12:15:58 PM  

Warchild: But he's an outlaw turned HERO!


A lot of people revere people like Dale Sr. and Richard Petty because of their actions on the track. That's fine. But the misnomer is that the on track greatness automatically translates to the person. At best Dale Sr. was a shiatty husband. There are allegations he was a wife beater. Richard Petty has outed himself as somewhat of a  misognyst.

People hate Jimmy Johnson because he's vanilla on the track, and they demonize his personality. Yet he's a really good person. He grew in a low-middle income family, and still maintains his humbleness despite his success.

As for Austin Dillon, he's a rich kid who's never had to work at anything other than racing. I'm not sure he has a personality at all. He says all the right things in interviews, as he was trained to do. It's going to be interesting to see these die hard #3 fans try to embrace the driver of their king's car whose personality is even more boring than their
nemesis'.

I'll never understand the "old school" fans i guess.
 
2014-02-23 12:16:22 PM  
In case you were drunk, here's a brief recap of last season:

Chances are, you're not made of money.
You're an idiot, I'm gonna kill you!
Hey. They're comin'. Yeah, British. Later.
So who actually texted the text that he couldn't text?
I ate the bones!
That would be like getting sweet OR sour chicken.
The one with the Silverado out front.
Hey everybody, here's my puppy-brother.
A man just needs a place where he can be...wild and free.
Because the things you carry are even heavier than the things you haul.
If I had a nickle....
This is the age of knowing what you're made of.
Maxwell is out and about with Ted's now ex-girlfriend.
Torque is what gets the cap off your beer.
Don't tell me you got the last Diet Dew!
Make the stop more about the go.
It's hump day.
That's Darrell's can.
Got a cool earthy logo?
Baby maker... and baby soother.
She'll DEVOUR you...
This is our Autobahn.
Let's not go putting labels on people.
99 bottles of Coke on the wall...
Queen my dishes please.
AmIonyourteam?
We put members first, because we don't have shareholders.


Hopefully this season will be at least as stimulating.
 
2014-02-23 12:17:26 PM  
Good morning gentlemen (California here) Got the makings for lunch (chili) the drinks are on ice, I'm ready to go.
 
2014-02-23 12:19:03 PM  

emonk: Mztlplx: emonk: Greetings, fellow Farkers and virtual waffle nibblers.

Somebody tell me when to start drinking.

Am hour ago?

On second thought, I may wait until NASCAR.COM crashes my IE 10 more times.

What is a C++ pure virtual call anyway?


It's computer-speak for "Why the hell are you STILL using IE after all this time? Get Firefox and never worry about it again".
 
2014-02-23 12:19:19 PM  
They're just now running Daytona? Wasn't it usually the week after the super bowl? Thought I'd missed it this year.

// Pretends to care about NASCAR for 1 week a year.
 
2014-02-23 12:20:12 PM  
Mikey is in a racing uniform... is checklist item #15 possible?
 
2014-02-23 12:20:38 PM  
I've had the coverage on for 20 minutes and I'm wishing severe gastrointestinal distress on Austin Dillon. What a douche. I don't care what number is on his car, he's a douche.

/also Little Lord Baby Jesus, please smite Logano's engine.
 
2014-02-23 12:20:41 PM  

Generation_D: They're just now running Daytona? Wasn't it usually the week after the super bowl? Thought I'd missed it this year.

// Pretends to care about NASCAR for 1 week a year.


3rd Sunday in February, every year.
 
2014-02-23 12:21:06 PM  

Bonkthat_Again: I'm already sick of the #3 blah blah Austin .....blah blah.

A lot of attention for a kid who listens to hardcore rap and wears a cowboy hat.


No his stylist told him that's his new "look" in kinda of a bad ass way....
 
2014-02-23 12:21:22 PM  

bluorangefyre: Mikey is in a racing uniform... is checklist item #15 possible?


Annnnnnnnnnnnd I got an answer to my question, YES!   Yes it is possible!
 
2014-02-23 12:22:28 PM  

Generation_D: They're just now running Daytona? Wasn't it usually the week after the super bowl? Thought I'd missed it this year.

// Pretends to care about NASCAR for 1 week a year.


It was pushed back to the last Sunday in February last year.

That said, the Super Bowl used to be in January. Everything is being pushed back nowadays.
 
2014-02-23 12:22:32 PM  
anybody add "rubbin' is racin' " to that list ?
 
2014-02-23 12:23:39 PM  

Mztlplx: 3rd Sunday in February, every year.


It used to be earlier.
 
2014-02-23 12:23:57 PM  

bluorangefyre: bluorangefyre: Mikey is in a racing uniform... is checklist item #15 possible?

Annnnnnnnnnnnd I got an answer to my question, YES!   Yes it is possible!


Mikey made the race out of the mess at the end of the 2nd Twin Thursday night. Starts towards the back.
 
2014-02-23 12:23:58 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: emonk: Mztlplx: emonk: Greetings, fellow Farkers and virtual waffle nibblers.

Somebody tell me when to start drinking.

Am hour ago?

On second thought, I may wait until NASCAR.COM crashes my IE 10 more times.

What is a C++ pure virtual call anyway?

It's computer-speak for "Why the hell are you STILL using IE after all this time? Get Firefox and never worry about it again".


What's computer-speak for "too damn lazy" and "I have nothing else to biatch about"?
 
2014-02-23 12:24:03 PM  

Bonkthat_Again: A lot of people revere people like Dale Sr. and Richard Petty because of their actions on the track. That's fine. But the misnomer is that the on track greatness automatically translates to the person. At best Dale Sr. was a shiatty husband. There are allegations he was a wife beater. Richard Petty has outed himself as somewhat of a misognyst.

People hate Jimmy Johnson because he's vanilla on the track, and they demonize his personality. Yet he's a really good person. He grew in a low-middle income family, and still maintains his humbleness despite his success.


A lot of people forget that there was a large number of fans who hated the #3 and #43 when they were racing.  Mostly for the same reason people hate #48.  They won too much.  Sure the JJ haters say it's because he's vanilla, boring, etc but the fact is NASCAR is funny in that if you win 'too much' or it looks like you haven't properly 'paid your dues' a certain percentage of fans will begin to dislike and actively root against you.
 
2014-02-23 12:24:38 PM  
Time to kill the volume!
 
2014-02-23 12:25:35 PM  
I still think #23 should be: "Hisself"
 
2014-02-23 12:25:42 PM  

QueenMamaBee: /also Little Lord Baby Jesus, please smite Logano's engine.


I have him on my fantasy team so the odds are good that will happen
 
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