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(   What your coffee order says about you. Hipster, retro-cool or snob?   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, coffee order, snob, morally superior, coffee  
•       •       •

8024 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2014 at 12:56 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-21 11:47:52 PM  
4 votes:
2014-02-22 01:12:09 AM  
3 votes:
How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."
2014-02-22 08:14:25 AM  
2 votes:
googledrive.comView Full Size
2014-02-22 01:56:55 AM  
2 votes:
WTF is wrong with these psychos?  The idiot didn't even LIST coffee as one of the options.

Cof·fee: noun
1. Hot water filtered through ground coffee beans.

I'm not sure what all that pussified shiat is in the article, but it ain't COFFEE.
2014-02-22 01:34:36 AM  
2 votes:
SFPD Inspector Callahan, black coffee drinker.

thepigmancometh.comView Full Size

Scene: Harry Callahan goes back into a diner where he just ordered and took out a coffee. He walks in to see a robbery is in progress in the diner.

Crook: What's you doing, you pighead sucka?

Harry Callahan: Every day for the past ten years, Loretta there's been giving me a large black coffee, today she gives me a large black coffee only it has sugar in it, a lotta sugar. I just came back to complain. Now, you boys put those guns down.

Crook: Say what?

Harry Callahan: Well, we're not just gonna let you walk out of here.

Crook: Whose we sucka?

Harry Callahan: [slowly drawing his .44 Magnum] Smith and Wesson... and me.
2014-02-22 01:17:04 AM  
2 votes:
I order coffee product based on what the menu in front of me presents. You nosy, pretentious, judgemental farks really have nothing better to do?
2014-02-22 12:18:03 AM  
2 votes:
Mine says I like coffee, and not sweet milk with coffee in it.
2014-02-21 11:53:05 PM  
2 votes:
Just give me a goddamned cup of coffee

/my order says I'm grumpy first thing in the morning
2014-02-22 08:56:42 AM  
1 vote:

henryhill: So it seems that if you drink coffee in any form, you are an asshole of some level? Do I have that right?

Pretty much. But cut off our caffeine at your own risk...
2014-02-22 08:36:31 AM  
1 vote:
If you don't drink your coffee straight-up black without any of that foppish cream or sugar in it you're little girl who should probably just get some hot chocolate.
2014-02-22 08:33:40 AM  
1 vote:

steerforth: I apologise in advance for the offence I'm about to cause, but American-style coffee is appalling. Buy an espresso machine or a French press or even a little Italian perker, and you'll make great black coffee.

That brewed stuff you drink tastes like boiled testicles.

You're mostly right. At its best, American cafe is getting closer to what they serve in Sweden or Austria. Just in bigger cups. Most is still nasty weak stuff that needs to be diluted with milk and sweetened just to be drinkable.
2014-02-22 07:37:51 AM  
1 vote:
I apologise in advance for the offence I'm about to cause, but American-style coffee is appalling. Buy an espresso machine or a French press or even a little Italian perker, and you'll make great black coffee.

That brewed stuff you drink tastes like boiled testicles.
2014-02-22 06:48:07 AM  
1 vote:
a good cup of coffee does not need sweetener. if you're adding sweetener, your coffee is shiat.
2014-02-22 06:05:23 AM  
1 vote:

fireclown: The same way I like my women: costing me less than 3 bucks.

The same way I like my women: large cup size.
2014-02-22 05:04:04 AM  
1 vote:
Essentially all coffee in New Zealand coffee shops is espresso-based. You can't get drip-brewed coffee, it does not exist in stores and I don't think I've seen a drip coffee machine anywhere. At home you either have a French press ("plunger") or a stovetop coffee maker (moka pot). Both are much better than drip coffee makers.

What I'm saying is New Zealand coffee is awesome.
2014-02-22 04:20:28 AM  
1 vote:
I only drink Starbucks and Peets.  Not because I'm a snob.  Because medium and low grade coffee does not stimulate my brain in a way in which I would pay even a dollar to have.
2014-02-22 03:41:58 AM  
1 vote:
lifeisalabyrinth.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

/I like my coffee like I like my women.
//Ground up and in the freezer.
2014-02-22 03:16:12 AM  
1 vote:
Article should have been much shorter, like this:

Black coffee, no cream, no sugar: You're a manly man.
Anything else: You're either a girl or a homosexual.
2014-02-22 02:53:04 AM  
1 vote:

DreamyAltarBoy: Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.

Most Americans aren't even aware they have feet.
2014-02-22 02:43:27 AM  
1 vote:
I ain't got time, so just give me the beans.  I'll brew them in my belly.
2014-02-22 01:49:01 AM  
1 vote:
If I want fat and sugar I'll eat a donut.
2014-02-22 01:41:46 AM  
1 vote:
Fresh-ground beans of whatever's on sale this week, brewed in the Gevalia coffee maker, with cream and honey.  Yum.
2014-02-22 01:36:26 AM  
1 vote:
Injected like am IV. Black, please.
2014-02-22 01:27:20 AM  
1 vote:
It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.
2014-02-22 01:19:03 AM  
1 vote:
Black, and leave the pot, because you won't be able to keep it filled and cover your section otherwise.

lh6.googleusercontent.comView Full Size
2014-02-22 01:13:21 AM  
1 vote:
1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)
2014-02-22 01:04:50 AM  
1 vote:
My coffee says give it to me or people die. Black. No sugar, no cream, just farming coffee.
2014-02-22 01:00:31 AM  
1 vote:
maybe i'm blind but i don't see just coffee anywhere.

i drink coffee.
double cream.

2014-02-22 12:20:39 AM  
1 vote:
Coffee sucks.
2014-02-22 12:18:41 AM  
1 vote:
Espresso (double, if you please) with a lemon rind and real sugar.
2014-02-21 11:55:45 PM  
1 vote:
Free.  If there's a courtesy coffee pot around and I'm tired, I'll drink it.  Otherwise I'll pass.
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