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(Stuff.co.nz)   What your coffee order says about you. Hipster, retro-cool or snob?   (stuff.co.nz) divider line 159
    More: Interesting, coffee order, snob, morally superior, coffee  
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7891 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2014 at 12:56 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



159 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-22 01:36:22 AM  
Coffe good.  Me no care how prepare
 
2014-02-22 01:36:26 AM  
Injected like am IV. Black, please.
 
2014-02-22 01:36:30 AM  

RoyBatty: ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.

That last one? Yeah, it's about 250 calories of fat when made to "ketogenic"  "bulletproof coffee" "LA Laker coffee" standards. A bit too caloric for me, so I use about 1/3rd the butter and often leave out the coconut oil.  The oil is supposed to be very good for you.

I do find that blending coffee with butter really is tasty, though it sounds pretty gross.


I do keto every now and then. I can usually handle a few months before wanting to add in more carbs. I never could deal with the butter in the drink. I would always buy the good stuff like kerrygold but it was a no go.
 
2014-02-22 01:41:46 AM  
Fresh-ground beans of whatever's on sale this week, brewed in the Gevalia coffee maker, with cream and honey.  Yum.
 
2014-02-22 01:45:08 AM  
Energy drink for the before 6am, 9:00-10:00 is usually a large coffee with two shots and a few splenda,  12-1 is diet mountain dew with lunch,   3-3:30 is triple shot espresso,  and if I'm doing a late shift will probably throw in another large coffee with a few splenda around 8
 
2014-02-22 01:46:38 AM  

HotWingAgenda: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.


with a spoon in them?
 
2014-02-22 01:47:37 AM  
Black, for christsake. Unless I REALLY need a pick me up, then lots of sugar. Anything else is something else.

It's really like whiskey drinkers vs, cocktail drinkers, if you think about it.
 
2014-02-22 01:48:15 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.

That last one? Yeah, it's about 250 calories of fat when made to "ketogenic"  "bulletproof coffee" "LA Laker coffee" standards. A bit too caloric for me, so I use about 1/3rd the butter and often leave out the coconut oil.  The oil is supposed to be very good for you.

I do find that blending coffee with butter really is tasty, though it sounds pretty gross.

I do keto every now and then. I can usually handle a few months before wanting to add in more carbs. I never could deal with the butter in the drink. I would always buy the good stuff like kerrygold but it was a no go.


Carbs are so nice. We could go to the moon, but we can't make a decent carbless bread.
 
2014-02-22 01:49:01 AM  
Black.
If I want fat and sugar I'll eat a donut.
 
2014-02-22 01:50:29 AM  
Colombian Green Mountain in a French press enjoyed with a cigarette.
 
2014-02-22 01:56:20 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.


So Hipsters don't just limit their redefining of cultures or styles to just subcultures I see (I always complain about Hipsters redefining Goth into terms like "post punk" or other terms so it doesn't sound so "evilly" to them). This revelation doesn't comfort me, just shows me Hipsters are more dangerous as they redefine history to make it more palatable and marketable for them.
 
2014-02-22 01:56:38 AM  
I like my coffee like I like my women.

Ground up, and in the freezer.
 
2014-02-22 01:56:55 AM  
WTF is wrong with these psychos?  The idiot didn't even LIST coffee as one of the options.

Cof·fee: noun
1. Hot water filtered through ground coffee beans.

I'm not sure what all that pussified shiat is in the article, but it ain't COFFEE.
 
2014-02-22 02:01:55 AM  
This article is from NZ where they have a whole different nomenclature for pretentious coffee. Imagine people from the hills in West Virginia trying to name coffee with slightly different amounts of milk in it and you've got it about right.
 
2014-02-22 02:03:57 AM  
Irish coffee.
Hold the coffee.
Leave the bottle.
 
2014-02-22 02:06:22 AM  

whatshisname: This article is from NZ where they have a whole different nomenclature for pretentious coffee. Imagine people from the hills in West Virginia trying to name coffee with slightly different amounts of milk in it and you've got it about right.


So, like, what hobbits drink?
 
2014-02-22 02:06:59 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.


Coffee, coconut oil, butter, and Splenda. I put it in a mason jar, screw the blender attachment on top, and blend for 5 seconds. That's my breakfast every morning. Bulletproof coffee.
 
2014-02-22 02:12:48 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.

Coffee, coconut oil, butter, and Splenda. I put it in a mason jar, screw the blender attachment on top, and blend for 5 seconds. That's my breakfast every morning. Bulletproof coffee.


I kept reading all these crazy people putting butter in their coffee. Absolutely disgusting, amirite?

And now I really am surprised BPC is not an option at Starbucks and other places.
 
2014-02-22 02:13:11 AM  
Caffe latte
In some parts of the world, a small latte gets you a flat white. But here, a latte is milkier in its composition than a flat white, and often a lot larger in size, meaning that the coffee is diluted and less flavoursome. Most often, you get a glass of warm milk with a tiny it of coffee flavour. Also, after that one time I was in a park in the glitzy Sydney suburb of Double Bay and a woman ran past me in her heels calling after a dog called "Latte", I find it a bit difficult to order them without wincing.


The only time I've ever ordered a latte and had it come out the way this person describes was the one time I ordered it as large as possible and didn't get the extra shots needed to fill it out. Yes, I just wanted a cup of hot milk with coffee flavoring that day. No, I don't care that you have a problem with it.
 
2014-02-22 02:14:18 AM  
I drink coffee for YOUR protection.
 
2014-02-22 02:17:09 AM  
I just tried Burger King's' coffee for the first time a couple days ago. It was actually pretty decent. Then again my work day starts at 3 PM so maybe they had to brew fresh for me.
 
2014-02-22 02:21:44 AM  
Just a damm cup of joe with cream and sugar.


I  smell old.
 
2014-02-22 02:25:21 AM  

davynelson: maybe i'm blind but i don't see just coffee anywhere.
i drink coffee.
double cream.
WHAT DOES THAT SAY??


It says you're highly susceptible to self-delusion.
 
2014-02-22 02:25:33 AM  
Gimme a double-shot Americano, please. Thank you.
 
2014-02-22 02:36:02 AM  

Ennuipoet: Black?


Like your men? Sorry, could resist.:)

HotWingAgenda: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.


I'm the same, but I like them soft and sweet, or handy with peeling paint off the walls from the taste, and able to perk me up, or get me drunk in an instant. Don't all the hipsters know irish creme and amaretto is SUPPOSED to be alcoholic?
 
2014-02-22 02:38:18 AM  
Black. No sugar, no cream. And fill it to the top of my 20 ounce mug. They don't make those anymore, they last too long. Fill it up in the morning, coffee is still hot/warm hours later.
 
2014-02-22 02:38:22 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.


They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.
 
2014-02-22 02:43:27 AM  
I ain't got time, so just give me the beans.  I'll brew them in my belly.
 
2014-02-22 02:49:52 AM  

Enigmamf: LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.

They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.


Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.
 
2014-02-22 02:53:04 AM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.


Most Americans aren't even aware they have feet.
 
2014-02-22 03:02:44 AM  
In general I prefer dark roasts. My preferred grind is Turkish. It tastes best made in an ibrik a.k.a cezve, but I'll often strain out the grounds or even use an espresso maker (which is what I order in fancy coffee places, double/triple espresso). Then I'll put honey and/or sugar in it and a bit of cream or half-&-half. It's better if the dairy product is heated or steamed too, that's what I prefer to do at home, but most coffee places don't want to steam anything but whole or even 2% milk, which is what I have to tell people who gawp at me like I just pissed in their oatmeal. The principle is simple: stronger blacker coffee can handle more "adulteration," and it's my coffee and my money so fark you. (Yes sometimes espresso or even ristretto black and even without sugar is great but I have to be in the mood for it.)

Picture this: Vienna roast, powdered as finely as possible, prepared a la Turkish but poured through one of those "gold" filter baskets into a mug with a spoonful of honey sitting on the bottom, then capped off with quickly heated (or at most room temperature) glug of heavy cream and stirred, then let cool just enough to not burn yourself. Booze is optional but amaretto and rum or ouzo or grappa or White Horse works well, as long as you add the booze after all the heating is done and let it sit instead of stirring the concoction further.
What does this say about ME?!?

By the way, AFAIC the coffee at the Med was better in the '70s or even '80s (and it's too noisy inside anyway), and those North Beach places were always too pricey and crowded with tourists. In '82 the Grand Piano was the best place in Frisco but of course that closed long ago. Etc. Etc. Etc. The long and short of it is it's so hard to get a really first-class cup in public, when you do it costs at least twice what it should, and it any case you have to put up with so many lemming-like hipsters and book-learned afficianados in the process; if what you want is a good cup of coffee you might as well experiment at home and come up with something you like, instead of trying to make "the perfect la-di-da as they did someplace back in Ye Olde Daze," even if purists connipt at your concoctions.

And when you just want a cup of coffee to warm you up on a chilly dreary day there's nothing wrong with McDonald's regular roast. For that the perfect adulteration is Pikesville Rye if you can get it.
 
2014-02-22 03:02:58 AM  
Two heaping teaspoons of Folger's Instant in 8oz of distilled water (neat only).  Or, when time allows, fresh ground Guatemalan Antigua with which to wash down a couple of 50mg Caffeine tabs.

The modern world was organized by mavens whose stems were wound tight by methylated xanthines in the coffee houses of London. "Just say - Bottomless Cup"
 
2014-02-22 03:07:23 AM  
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot, creamy, sweet, and whipped to a lather by a pretty college chick.
 
2014-02-22 03:10:46 AM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."


Yea. I don't know why our kind isn't included in any of the many lists of coffee drinking types around.

Get up, turn on coffee pot, crack a few eggs, drink a glass of water, eat eggs.  drink coffee.
 
2014-02-22 03:16:12 AM  
Article should have been much shorter, like this:

Black coffee, no cream, no sugar: You're a manly man.
Anything else: You're either a girl or a homosexual.
 
2014-02-22 03:17:58 AM  

Smackledorfer: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."

Yea. I don't know why our kind isn't included in any of the many lists of coffee drinking types around.

Get up, turn on coffee pot, crack a few eggs, drink a glass of water, eat eggs.  drink coffee.


Some of us prefer to cook the eggs first.
 
2014-02-22 03:23:23 AM  

cyberspacedout: Smackledorfer: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."

Yea. I don't know why our kind isn't included in any of the many lists of coffee drinking types around.

Get up, turn on coffee pot, crack a few eggs, drink a glass of water, eat eggs.  drink coffee.

Some of us prefer to cook the eggs first.


I usually do.

Sometimes I only half cook em and smother them in hot sauce.
 
2014-02-22 03:30:21 AM  

RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)


banned, your too hairy
 
2014-02-22 03:41:58 AM  
lifeisalabyrinth.files.wordpress.com

/I like my coffee like I like my women.
//Ground up and in the freezer.
 
2014-02-22 04:12:36 AM  
Apparently New Zealand doesn't have Dunkin Donuts regular with a vanilla creamer in it.  And what it says about me is "This guy likes coffee that tastes food and doesn't cost $5."
 
2014-02-22 04:14:49 AM  
I don't drink much coffee anymore, after finding that guzzling gallons of it on the night shift just made me a nervous wreck, it can cause my heart to start firing off irregular beats and after 6 or 7 cups, it sours my stomach and leaves kinda a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

However, I have fond memories of the rare, hard to find, primo, excellent cuppa Joe that you want to curl up around, in front of a fire, among friends and the taste of which pleases and satisfies your taste buds, with that soft, lingering, mellow after taste that reminds you of a bright, new morning.

I drank this elixir of the Gods from heavy, clunky ceramic mugs, thin, white, lightweight pressed glass cups, paper cups with handles you unfolded and shallow, cheap little cups with handles I could poke two fingers through.

On long lonely roads, often during long lonely nights, I might stop in at a small diner to recharge my batteries, soak in the heavenly scent of a REAL greaseburger and onions sizzling on the grill, served up in a mashed but absolutely genuine bread bun along with a cup of the magical elixir, poured from a battered, commercial tin serving pot probably older than me, or a worn, stained glass one which had somehow survived for years.

The scent would get my attention first. No bitterness was good. No bitterness and a pleasant 'fresh' scent was even better -- meaning someone washed the pot probably for the first time that month. No 'curious' funny smell either, like the grounds have been cut with something not coffee or the fresh water used has it's source too close to a sulfur water well.

I drank this glorious brew one time at a Woolworth's lunch counter, elbow to elbow with businessmen, family men in bowling shirts and women wearing high heels and skirts below their knees.

I drank it from a thick, heavy ceramic mug at a truck stop wearing penny loafers, blue jeans with cuffs and gruff, grizzled men loudly talked around me, their big hands forever stained with grease and calluses.

I had it at a Mom and Pop diner, sitting on a stool at a counter top long out of date and worn to a comfortable sheen as I ate passable bacon, eggs and hash browns with a home made biscuit that was heavy enough to use as an anchor in a boat.

One time, I had it, surprisingly, in an early KFC, sitting in the back with the counter girl I knew, and discovering that their bean grinder was a fake. It was full of their own brand of instant coffee and I have never had anything -- in the way of instant -- that tasted so good before or since.

None of the recent high end coffee houses and shops please me. One annoys me since it has hundreds of bags of different coffee on display -- but you can only buy cups of their house blend.

Sobering up one night after shutting down a strip club, I had a wonderful cup in a tiny diner where the dancers congregated after work. The owners were grumpy and charged me too much because all I ordered was coffee and they wanted my table for clients who would buy a full meal. However, they turned out a prime cup of coffee.

I don't know the secret of these places, but you can keep your Starbucks and hipster coffee shops. I like to stumble upon that odd place that holds the magic. Like the Howard Johnson's diner in the next city served a magnificent cup, but the one in my town seemed produce a version of paint thinner.

I had Irish Coffee in a high end bar and the coffee sucked, burnt and bitter, but the booze was good.

So if coffee can determine my personality, I think eclectic would be the diagnosis.
 
2014-02-22 04:20:28 AM  
I only drink Starbucks and Peets.  Not because I'm a snob.  Because medium and low grade coffee does not stimulate my brain in a way in which I would pay even a dollar to have.
 
2014-02-22 04:38:58 AM  
An Australian guy I knew in Perth was explaining all the different types of coffee available at this coffee shop we were at. After explaining the flat whites, long blacks, short blacks, etc, I asked him (as I sometimes prefer not to drink caffeine after noon) what they called decaf Down Under. His reply: "it's called 'why farking bother?'"

/I've lived in Italy and Australia. I thought Italians were coffee crazy, the Aussies seem to take it to another level (granted, it was Italian immigrants who brought the espresso culture to Australia)
//they must need the caffeine to get away from all the deadly things that I'm told exist there but never actually saw for myself (even drop bears)
 
2014-02-22 04:48:11 AM  
i'm not gay, so i dont order any of that crap. just a coffee....milk and sugar. duh.
 
2014-02-22 05:04:04 AM  
Essentially all coffee in New Zealand coffee shops is espresso-based. You can't get drip-brewed coffee, it does not exist in stores and I don't think I've seen a drip coffee machine anywhere. At home you either have a French press ("plunger") or a stovetop coffee maker (moka pot). Both are much better than drip coffee makers.

What I'm saying is New Zealand coffee is awesome.
 
2014-02-22 05:07:49 AM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Enigmamf: LincolnLogolas:

Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.

They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.

Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.


Or that the Turks killed millions of them during WW1, a feat that inspired Hitler to do it even better on the Jews.  ("The Turks got away with it, why can't we?")

One key distinction between the two genocides is the matter of scale: the Ottomans only wanted to murder the Armenians under their control at the time, while Hitler wanted to conquer as much of the world as he could and "exterminate" the entire Jewish "race" if at all possible. In both cases these killings of civilians were (as well as just plain wrong) a stupid diversion of resources from the wars currently being fought, though the Nazi's version was conceived as being such an important part of the war against "Judeo-Bolshevism" that the effort to murder Jews increased as it became clear that Germany would lose the war against the USSR. Funny that Stalin hated Jews too and was glad the war ended so he could start smashing "his" Jews in turn.

But anyway.

Survey question: which is better, Nescafe Classic or Folger's Crystals?
 
2014-02-22 05:10:46 AM  

Asphyxium: I only drink Starbucks and Peets.  Not because I'm a snob.  Because medium and low grade coffee does not stimulate my brain in a way in which I would pay even a dollar to have.


I.e. because you are a snob.
 
2014-02-22 05:21:57 AM  
Cumberland farms 16oz. For $1.08 black with sugar.
 
2014-02-22 05:41:49 AM  
I'll stick with my tea.
 
2014-02-22 05:51:38 AM  
The same way I like my women: costing me less than 3 bucks.
 
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