Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Stuff.co.nz)   What your coffee order says about you. Hipster, retro-cool or snob?   (stuff.co.nz ) divider line
    More: Interesting, coffee order, snob, morally superior, coffee  
•       •       •

7998 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2014 at 12:56 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



158 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-21 11:47:52 PM  
Black?
 
2014-02-21 11:50:57 PM  
Well, since I had to give up caffeine because of a heart condition (P. A C.), I rarely order coffee anymore and when I do it is decaf.

Boring as hell, but at least I don't feel like my heart is skipping beats anymore.
 
2014-02-21 11:53:05 PM  
Just give me a goddamned cup of coffee

/my order says I'm grumpy first thing in the morning
 
2014-02-21 11:55:45 PM  
Free.  If there's a courtesy coffee pot around and I'm tired, I'll drink it.  Otherwise I'll pass.
 
2014-02-22 12:07:17 AM  
It says I don't pollute my coffee with any sort of creamer, and that I keep it light on the sweetener.
 
2014-02-22 12:08:09 AM  
Caffè crema. Macchiato if I'm in the mood for something slightly sweeter. No word in TFA where caffè crema stands in the hipster league table. Don't know whether to be concerned or not.

/not
 
2014-02-22 12:18:03 AM  
Mine says I like coffee, and not sweet milk with coffee in it.
 
2014-02-22 12:18:41 AM  
Espresso (double, if you please) with a lemon rind and real sugar.
 
2014-02-22 12:20:39 AM  
Coffee sucks.
 
2014-02-22 01:00:31 AM  
maybe i'm blind but i don't see just coffee anywhere.

i drink coffee.
double cream.

WHAT DOES THAT SAY??
 
2014-02-22 01:00:39 AM  
Double americano with just a little bit of non-fat milk.

Sometimes a crema or a latte. No sweetener, ever*.

I love coffee, but if it's not *good* coffee, I would rather just go without. If a place has an espresso machine primarily to produce ingredients for pricey milkshakes, I'll just keep my change unless I really need a fix.

* - unless it's iced. Then put two double espressos over lots of ice with a little sweetener in a cocktail shaker, shake, drain, add cold skim milk. Enjoy.
 
2014-02-22 01:03:40 AM  
I don't even know what several of those are.

/remembers when there were only two types... fresh, and not fresh.
 
2014-02-22 01:04:08 AM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
" I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon."
 
2014-02-22 01:04:34 AM  
Coffee regular (milk and two sugars).

Back the fark off, it's just a beverage.
 
2014-02-22 01:04:48 AM  
I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.
 
2014-02-22 01:04:50 AM  
My coffee says give it to me or people die. Black. No sugar, no cream, just farming coffee.
 
2014-02-22 01:05:14 AM  
Iced coffee, shot of espresso, cream (sometimes soy milk), six Splenda.

I'm apparently some kind of Lovecraftian entity.
 
2014-02-22 01:06:24 AM  

HotWingAgenda: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.


I'd prefer my coffee to not be in my nose, thank you very much.
 
2014-02-22 01:09:07 AM  
I drank coffee before it was cool.

Burned my mouth pretty badly.
 
2014-02-22 01:10:04 AM  
Take the contents of the carafe and put it in my cup. That is all I require.
 
2014-02-22 01:11:04 AM  
I drink coffee one of two ways:

With half&half and maple syrup.

Or

With Cruzan Black Strap.

What does this say about me?
 
2014-02-22 01:11:16 AM  
The same color and consistency of used motor oil
 
2014-02-22 01:12:09 AM  
How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."
 
2014-02-22 01:12:38 AM  
That coffee disgusts me unless it's in ice cold smoothie form with whipped cream, at least one kind of flavored syrup, and maybe some m&M's in it to completely eradicate the taste of coffee.  Voila. I get the caffeine and I'm not disgusted.
 
2014-02-22 01:13:21 AM  
1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)
 
gja
2014-02-22 01:15:57 AM  
Coffee, splenda or some other variant of non-sugar sweetener, a little 1/2&1/2,  then gimme the effing coffee before I tear your ears off.
/grumpy old dude without my morning cup.
 
2014-02-22 01:17:04 AM  
I order coffee product based on what the menu in front of me presents. You nosy, pretentious, judgemental farks really have nothing better to do?
 
2014-02-22 01:17:06 AM  
Yea, I'm a black coffee person too.  The slight taste variations don't really mean crap to me.  However, Irish coffee is a better way to start the day.
 
2014-02-22 01:18:18 AM  
Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy. Aside from that, French pressed if possible, or an Americano as last resort.
 
2014-02-22 01:18:45 AM  
Or you taste in men.
 
2014-02-22 01:19:03 AM  
Black, and leave the pot, because you won't be able to keep it filled and cover your section otherwise.

lh6.googleusercontent.com
 
2014-02-22 01:19:22 AM  
I order Spanish Lattes (basically a latte with foamed condensed milk).
 
2014-02-22 01:19:28 AM  

RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)


Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.
 
2014-02-22 01:20:19 AM  
I did have the now-famous catshiat coffee some years ago. Got to try it for free. I have to admit it was a smooth cuppa.
 
2014-02-22 01:21:49 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy. Aside from that, French pressed if possible, or an Americano as last resort.


Cafe Cubano IS an option, when I'm in Miami. And LOTS of them...
 
2014-02-22 01:22:33 AM  
Locally roasted organic fair-trade cortado with enough steamed milk to make a little leaf design on top. Sugar or not, doesn't matter because I don't actually drink it, I just need something to post on my Instagram in the mornings.
 
2014-02-22 01:23:38 AM  

Fark You I'm Drunk: Or you taste in men.


Your. fark me.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-02-22 01:25:24 AM  

LincolnLogolas: I did have the now-famous catshiat coffee some years ago. Got to try it for free. I have to admit it was a smooth cuppa.


smooth cuppa

...

Sodomize yourself
 
2014-02-22 01:25:28 AM  

Fark You I'm Drunk: Your. fark me.


You have the right handle, at least.
 
2014-02-22 01:25:56 AM  

hubiestubert: LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy. Aside from that, French pressed if possible, or an Americano as last resort.

Cafe Cubano IS an option, when I'm in Miami. And LOTS of them...


Any coffee shops near Mia you recommend? I'm in Miami about twice a year on business.
 
2014-02-22 01:27:20 AM  
It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.
 
2014-02-22 01:27:33 AM  

hubiestubert: Black, and leave the pot, because you won't be able to keep it filled and cover your section otherwise.

[lh6.googleusercontent.com image 640x512]


This

I had some major dental work about 6 weeks ago. I couldn't smoke or have anything hot for a while. I went back to the coffee after a couple of days, throwing ice cubes in it just to get a fix. I haven't smoked since though.
 
2014-02-22 01:29:36 AM  
Dry cappuccino, whole milk.


/I like my coffee like I like my women, strong, sweet, and mostly air up top
or
/I like my coffee like I like my women, fifty dollars for a cup that has had five dicks in it today.
or
/I like my coffee like I like my women, mail ordered from from the third world.
 
2014-02-22 01:30:13 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: LincolnLogolas: I did have the now-famous catshiat coffee some years ago. Got to try it for free. I have to admit it was a smooth cuppa.

smooth cuppa

...

Sodomize yourself


Already doing so. Typing one handed while sodomize myself with the other, fantasizing about my next cup of Kopi Luwak.
 
2014-02-22 01:31:21 AM  
I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MY WOMEN. TIED UP AND CRYING IN THE BASEMENT.
 
2014-02-22 01:32:03 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.


That last one? Yeah, it's about 250 calories of fat when made to "ketogenic"  "bulletproof coffee" "LA Laker coffee" standards. A bit too caloric for me, so I use about 1/3rd the butter and often leave out the coconut oil.  The oil is supposed to be very good for you.

I do find that blending coffee with butter really is tasty, though it sounds pretty gross.
 
2014-02-22 01:32:11 AM  

Dragonblink: It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.


One cup is fine per day. Besides, the chemicals used in the decaf process probably aren't good for babby.
 
2014-02-22 01:32:56 AM  
Black..if I really need it, boosted with a double espresso.
 
2014-02-22 01:33:30 AM  

Beerguy: Well, since I had to give up caffeine because of a heart condition (P. A C.), I rarely order coffee anymore and when I do it is decaf.

Boring as hell, but at least I don't feel like my heart is skipping beats anymore.


Gave up caffeine 12 years ago because it was triggering a flood of migraines... (after removing it from my intake, my migraine frequency dropped from 3-4/month to 1-2/year) ...don't really regret it. Been sleeping better ever since.

Norad: Coffee sucks.


i.imgur.com
But it was a fresh pot!
 
2014-02-22 01:34:36 AM  
SFPD Inspector Callahan, black coffee drinker.


thepigmancometh.com

Scene: Harry Callahan goes back into a diner where he just ordered and took out a coffee. He walks in to see a robbery is in progress in the diner.

Crook: What's you doing, you pighead sucka?

Harry Callahan: Every day for the past ten years, Loretta there's been giving me a large black coffee, today she gives me a large black coffee only it has sugar in it, a lotta sugar. I just came back to complain. Now, you boys put those guns down.

Crook: Say what?

Harry Callahan: Well, we're not just gonna let you walk out of here.

Crook: Whose we sucka?

Harry Callahan: [slowly drawing his .44 Magnum] Smith and Wesson... and me.
 
2014-02-22 01:36:22 AM  
Coffe good.  Me no care how prepare
 
2014-02-22 01:36:26 AM  
Injected like am IV. Black, please.
 
2014-02-22 01:36:30 AM  

RoyBatty: ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.

That last one? Yeah, it's about 250 calories of fat when made to "ketogenic"  "bulletproof coffee" "LA Laker coffee" standards. A bit too caloric for me, so I use about 1/3rd the butter and often leave out the coconut oil.  The oil is supposed to be very good for you.

I do find that blending coffee with butter really is tasty, though it sounds pretty gross.


I do keto every now and then. I can usually handle a few months before wanting to add in more carbs. I never could deal with the butter in the drink. I would always buy the good stuff like kerrygold but it was a no go.
 
2014-02-22 01:41:46 AM  
Fresh-ground beans of whatever's on sale this week, brewed in the Gevalia coffee maker, with cream and honey.  Yum.
 
2014-02-22 01:45:08 AM  
Energy drink for the before 6am, 9:00-10:00 is usually a large coffee with two shots and a few splenda,  12-1 is diet mountain dew with lunch,   3-3:30 is triple shot espresso,  and if I'm doing a late shift will probably throw in another large coffee with a few splenda around 8
 
2014-02-22 01:46:38 AM  

HotWingAgenda: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.


with a spoon in them?
 
2014-02-22 01:47:37 AM  
Black, for christsake. Unless I REALLY need a pick me up, then lots of sugar. Anything else is something else.

It's really like whiskey drinkers vs, cocktail drinkers, if you think about it.
 
2014-02-22 01:48:15 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.

That last one? Yeah, it's about 250 calories of fat when made to "ketogenic"  "bulletproof coffee" "LA Laker coffee" standards. A bit too caloric for me, so I use about 1/3rd the butter and often leave out the coconut oil.  The oil is supposed to be very good for you.

I do find that blending coffee with butter really is tasty, though it sounds pretty gross.

I do keto every now and then. I can usually handle a few months before wanting to add in more carbs. I never could deal with the butter in the drink. I would always buy the good stuff like kerrygold but it was a no go.


Carbs are so nice. We could go to the moon, but we can't make a decent carbless bread.
 
2014-02-22 01:49:01 AM  
Black.
If I want fat and sugar I'll eat a donut.
 
2014-02-22 01:50:29 AM  
Colombian Green Mountain in a French press enjoyed with a cigarette.
 
2014-02-22 01:56:20 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.


So Hipsters don't just limit their redefining of cultures or styles to just subcultures I see (I always complain about Hipsters redefining Goth into terms like "post punk" or other terms so it doesn't sound so "evilly" to them). This revelation doesn't comfort me, just shows me Hipsters are more dangerous as they redefine history to make it more palatable and marketable for them.
 
2014-02-22 01:56:38 AM  
I like my coffee like I like my women.

Ground up, and in the freezer.
 
2014-02-22 01:56:55 AM  
WTF is wrong with these psychos?  The idiot didn't even LIST coffee as one of the options.

Cof·fee: noun
1. Hot water filtered through ground coffee beans.

I'm not sure what all that pussified shiat is in the article, but it ain't COFFEE.
 
2014-02-22 02:01:55 AM  
This article is from NZ where they have a whole different nomenclature for pretentious coffee. Imagine people from the hills in West Virginia trying to name coffee with slightly different amounts of milk in it and you've got it about right.
 
2014-02-22 02:03:57 AM  
Irish coffee.
Hold the coffee.
Leave the bottle.
 
2014-02-22 02:06:22 AM  

whatshisname: This article is from NZ where they have a whole different nomenclature for pretentious coffee. Imagine people from the hills in West Virginia trying to name coffee with slightly different amounts of milk in it and you've got it about right.


So, like, what hobbits drink?
 
2014-02-22 02:06:59 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.


Coffee, coconut oil, butter, and Splenda. I put it in a mason jar, screw the blender attachment on top, and blend for 5 seconds. That's my breakfast every morning. Bulletproof coffee.
 
2014-02-22 02:12:48 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.

Coffee, coconut oil, butter, and Splenda. I put it in a mason jar, screw the blender attachment on top, and blend for 5 seconds. That's my breakfast every morning. Bulletproof coffee.


I kept reading all these crazy people putting butter in their coffee. Absolutely disgusting, amirite?

And now I really am surprised BPC is not an option at Starbucks and other places.
 
2014-02-22 02:13:11 AM  
Caffe latte
In some parts of the world, a small latte gets you a flat white. But here, a latte is milkier in its composition than a flat white, and often a lot larger in size, meaning that the coffee is diluted and less flavoursome. Most often, you get a glass of warm milk with a tiny it of coffee flavour. Also, after that one time I was in a park in the glitzy Sydney suburb of Double Bay and a woman ran past me in her heels calling after a dog called "Latte", I find it a bit difficult to order them without wincing.


The only time I've ever ordered a latte and had it come out the way this person describes was the one time I ordered it as large as possible and didn't get the extra shots needed to fill it out. Yes, I just wanted a cup of hot milk with coffee flavoring that day. No, I don't care that you have a problem with it.
 
2014-02-22 02:14:18 AM  
I drink coffee for YOUR protection.
 
2014-02-22 02:17:09 AM  
I just tried Burger King's' coffee for the first time a couple days ago. It was actually pretty decent. Then again my work day starts at 3 PM so maybe they had to brew fresh for me.
 
2014-02-22 02:21:44 AM  
Just a damm cup of joe with cream and sugar.


I  smell old.
 
2014-02-22 02:25:21 AM  

davynelson: maybe i'm blind but i don't see just coffee anywhere.
i drink coffee.
double cream.
WHAT DOES THAT SAY??


It says you're highly susceptible to self-delusion.
 
2014-02-22 02:25:33 AM  
Gimme a double-shot Americano, please. Thank you.
 
2014-02-22 02:36:02 AM  

Ennuipoet: Black?


Like your men? Sorry, could resist.:)

HotWingAgenda: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.


I'm the same, but I like them soft and sweet, or handy with peeling paint off the walls from the taste, and able to perk me up, or get me drunk in an instant. Don't all the hipsters know irish creme and amaretto is SUPPOSED to be alcoholic?
 
2014-02-22 02:38:18 AM  
Black. No sugar, no cream. And fill it to the top of my 20 ounce mug. They don't make those anymore, they last too long. Fill it up in the morning, coffee is still hot/warm hours later.
 
2014-02-22 02:38:22 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.


They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.
 
2014-02-22 02:43:27 AM  
I ain't got time, so just give me the beans.  I'll brew them in my belly.
 
2014-02-22 02:49:52 AM  

Enigmamf: LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.

They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.


Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.
 
2014-02-22 02:53:04 AM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.


Most Americans aren't even aware they have feet.
 
2014-02-22 03:02:44 AM  
In general I prefer dark roasts. My preferred grind is Turkish. It tastes best made in an ibrik a.k.a cezve, but I'll often strain out the grounds or even use an espresso maker (which is what I order in fancy coffee places, double/triple espresso). Then I'll put honey and/or sugar in it and a bit of cream or half-&-half. It's better if the dairy product is heated or steamed too, that's what I prefer to do at home, but most coffee places don't want to steam anything but whole or even 2% milk, which is what I have to tell people who gawp at me like I just pissed in their oatmeal. The principle is simple: stronger blacker coffee can handle more "adulteration," and it's my coffee and my money so fark you. (Yes sometimes espresso or even ristretto black and even without sugar is great but I have to be in the mood for it.)

Picture this: Vienna roast, powdered as finely as possible, prepared a la Turkish but poured through one of those "gold" filter baskets into a mug with a spoonful of honey sitting on the bottom, then capped off with quickly heated (or at most room temperature) glug of heavy cream and stirred, then let cool just enough to not burn yourself. Booze is optional but amaretto and rum or ouzo or grappa or White Horse works well, as long as you add the booze after all the heating is done and let it sit instead of stirring the concoction further.
What does this say about ME?!?

By the way, AFAIC the coffee at the Med was better in the '70s or even '80s (and it's too noisy inside anyway), and those North Beach places were always too pricey and crowded with tourists. In '82 the Grand Piano was the best place in Frisco but of course that closed long ago. Etc. Etc. Etc. The long and short of it is it's so hard to get a really first-class cup in public, when you do it costs at least twice what it should, and it any case you have to put up with so many lemming-like hipsters and book-learned afficianados in the process; if what you want is a good cup of coffee you might as well experiment at home and come up with something you like, instead of trying to make "the perfect la-di-da as they did someplace back in Ye Olde Daze," even if purists connipt at your concoctions.

And when you just want a cup of coffee to warm you up on a chilly dreary day there's nothing wrong with McDonald's regular roast. For that the perfect adulteration is Pikesville Rye if you can get it.
 
2014-02-22 03:02:58 AM  
Two heaping teaspoons of Folger's Instant in 8oz of distilled water (neat only).  Or, when time allows, fresh ground Guatemalan Antigua with which to wash down a couple of 50mg Caffeine tabs.

The modern world was organized by mavens whose stems were wound tight by methylated xanthines in the coffee houses of London. "Just say - Bottomless Cup"
 
2014-02-22 03:07:23 AM  
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot, creamy, sweet, and whipped to a lather by a pretty college chick.
 
2014-02-22 03:10:46 AM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."


Yea. I don't know why our kind isn't included in any of the many lists of coffee drinking types around.

Get up, turn on coffee pot, crack a few eggs, drink a glass of water, eat eggs.  drink coffee.
 
2014-02-22 03:16:12 AM  
Article should have been much shorter, like this:

Black coffee, no cream, no sugar: You're a manly man.
Anything else: You're either a girl or a homosexual.
 
2014-02-22 03:17:58 AM  

Smackledorfer: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."

Yea. I don't know why our kind isn't included in any of the many lists of coffee drinking types around.

Get up, turn on coffee pot, crack a few eggs, drink a glass of water, eat eggs.  drink coffee.


Some of us prefer to cook the eggs first.
 
2014-02-22 03:23:23 AM  

cyberspacedout: Smackledorfer: Nicholas D. Wolfwood: How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."

Yea. I don't know why our kind isn't included in any of the many lists of coffee drinking types around.

Get up, turn on coffee pot, crack a few eggs, drink a glass of water, eat eggs.  drink coffee.

Some of us prefer to cook the eggs first.


I usually do.

Sometimes I only half cook em and smother them in hot sauce.
 
2014-02-22 03:30:21 AM  

RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)


banned, your too hairy
 
2014-02-22 03:41:58 AM  
lifeisalabyrinth.files.wordpress.com

/I like my coffee like I like my women.
//Ground up and in the freezer.
 
2014-02-22 04:12:36 AM  
Apparently New Zealand doesn't have Dunkin Donuts regular with a vanilla creamer in it.  And what it says about me is "This guy likes coffee that tastes food and doesn't cost $5."
 
2014-02-22 04:14:49 AM  
I don't drink much coffee anymore, after finding that guzzling gallons of it on the night shift just made me a nervous wreck, it can cause my heart to start firing off irregular beats and after 6 or 7 cups, it sours my stomach and leaves kinda a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

However, I have fond memories of the rare, hard to find, primo, excellent cuppa Joe that you want to curl up around, in front of a fire, among friends and the taste of which pleases and satisfies your taste buds, with that soft, lingering, mellow after taste that reminds you of a bright, new morning.

I drank this elixir of the Gods from heavy, clunky ceramic mugs, thin, white, lightweight pressed glass cups, paper cups with handles you unfolded and shallow, cheap little cups with handles I could poke two fingers through.

On long lonely roads, often during long lonely nights, I might stop in at a small diner to recharge my batteries, soak in the heavenly scent of a REAL greaseburger and onions sizzling on the grill, served up in a mashed but absolutely genuine bread bun along with a cup of the magical elixir, poured from a battered, commercial tin serving pot probably older than me, or a worn, stained glass one which had somehow survived for years.

The scent would get my attention first. No bitterness was good. No bitterness and a pleasant 'fresh' scent was even better -- meaning someone washed the pot probably for the first time that month. No 'curious' funny smell either, like the grounds have been cut with something not coffee or the fresh water used has it's source too close to a sulfur water well.

I drank this glorious brew one time at a Woolworth's lunch counter, elbow to elbow with businessmen, family men in bowling shirts and women wearing high heels and skirts below their knees.

I drank it from a thick, heavy ceramic mug at a truck stop wearing penny loafers, blue jeans with cuffs and gruff, grizzled men loudly talked around me, their big hands forever stained with grease and calluses.

I had it at a Mom and Pop diner, sitting on a stool at a counter top long out of date and worn to a comfortable sheen as I ate passable bacon, eggs and hash browns with a home made biscuit that was heavy enough to use as an anchor in a boat.

One time, I had it, surprisingly, in an early KFC, sitting in the back with the counter girl I knew, and discovering that their bean grinder was a fake. It was full of their own brand of instant coffee and I have never had anything -- in the way of instant -- that tasted so good before or since.

None of the recent high end coffee houses and shops please me. One annoys me since it has hundreds of bags of different coffee on display -- but you can only buy cups of their house blend.

Sobering up one night after shutting down a strip club, I had a wonderful cup in a tiny diner where the dancers congregated after work. The owners were grumpy and charged me too much because all I ordered was coffee and they wanted my table for clients who would buy a full meal. However, they turned out a prime cup of coffee.

I don't know the secret of these places, but you can keep your Starbucks and hipster coffee shops. I like to stumble upon that odd place that holds the magic. Like the Howard Johnson's diner in the next city served a magnificent cup, but the one in my town seemed produce a version of paint thinner.

I had Irish Coffee in a high end bar and the coffee sucked, burnt and bitter, but the booze was good.

So if coffee can determine my personality, I think eclectic would be the diagnosis.
 
2014-02-22 04:20:28 AM  
I only drink Starbucks and Peets.  Not because I'm a snob.  Because medium and low grade coffee does not stimulate my brain in a way in which I would pay even a dollar to have.
 
2014-02-22 04:38:58 AM  
An Australian guy I knew in Perth was explaining all the different types of coffee available at this coffee shop we were at. After explaining the flat whites, long blacks, short blacks, etc, I asked him (as I sometimes prefer not to drink caffeine after noon) what they called decaf Down Under. His reply: "it's called 'why farking bother?'"

/I've lived in Italy and Australia. I thought Italians were coffee crazy, the Aussies seem to take it to another level (granted, it was Italian immigrants who brought the espresso culture to Australia)
//they must need the caffeine to get away from all the deadly things that I'm told exist there but never actually saw for myself (even drop bears)
 
2014-02-22 04:48:11 AM  
i'm not gay, so i dont order any of that crap. just a coffee....milk and sugar. duh.
 
2014-02-22 05:04:04 AM  
Essentially all coffee in New Zealand coffee shops is espresso-based. You can't get drip-brewed coffee, it does not exist in stores and I don't think I've seen a drip coffee machine anywhere. At home you either have a French press ("plunger") or a stovetop coffee maker (moka pot). Both are much better than drip coffee makers.

What I'm saying is New Zealand coffee is awesome.
 
2014-02-22 05:07:49 AM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Enigmamf: LincolnLogolas:

Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.

They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.

Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.


Or that the Turks killed millions of them during WW1, a feat that inspired Hitler to do it even better on the Jews.  ("The Turks got away with it, why can't we?")

One key distinction between the two genocides is the matter of scale: the Ottomans only wanted to murder the Armenians under their control at the time, while Hitler wanted to conquer as much of the world as he could and "exterminate" the entire Jewish "race" if at all possible. In both cases these killings of civilians were (as well as just plain wrong) a stupid diversion of resources from the wars currently being fought, though the Nazi's version was conceived as being such an important part of the war against "Judeo-Bolshevism" that the effort to murder Jews increased as it became clear that Germany would lose the war against the USSR. Funny that Stalin hated Jews too and was glad the war ended so he could start smashing "his" Jews in turn.

But anyway.

Survey question: which is better, Nescafe Classic or Folger's Crystals?
 
2014-02-22 05:10:46 AM  

Asphyxium: I only drink Starbucks and Peets.  Not because I'm a snob.  Because medium and low grade coffee does not stimulate my brain in a way in which I would pay even a dollar to have.


I.e. because you are a snob.
 
2014-02-22 05:21:57 AM  
Cumberland farms 16oz. For $1.08 black with sugar.
 
2014-02-22 05:41:49 AM  
I'll stick with my tea.
 
2014-02-22 05:51:38 AM  
The same way I like my women: costing me less than 3 bucks.
 
2014-02-22 06:05:23 AM  

fireclown: The same way I like my women: costing me less than 3 bucks.


The same way I like my women: large cup size.
 
2014-02-22 06:13:09 AM  

Fark You I'm Drunk: Fark You I'm Drunk: Or you taste in men.

Your. fark me.

[i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]


I like my coffee how I like my women. One every morning, some ground up in the freezer and some on the way from Brazil tied up in a sack on the back of a donkey. Also strong, short, creamy, and fairly thick.

I like ristretto with some frothy milk. Specifically a short cortado. Nobody can understand the coffee I ask for at coffee shops in the UK so I bought my own Krups machine. Might move up to a slightly larger model that gets plumbed in but that will be later in the year.

Over here they have trouble understanding `short`, the people on the other side of the counter call it `expresso` (and then still serve it slowly) Half the time they do not understand the difference between `less` and `more`.

It goes like this. Your order will be eaten by an orangutan and shat out. Then an attempt will be made to `read` the droppings of the orangutan by a civet using voodoo. This will be shown to a crow using interpretive dance who will then relay the message via telepathy to the monkey that actually makes your coffee. Who makes it with the orangutan poop.

It`s probably less involved than that but the results are the same.

I once spent about 2 minutes trying to get the coffee server to understand I wanted 4 shots of espresso but with less water than normal and some milk so it would end up very strong and short.

I ended up with a cup filled to the brim with weak coffee and some milk in a jug and these people were Italian...

I like the coffee in Spain. You order a cafe con leche (coffee with milk) and what you get is pretty much a perfect cortado (naturally *all* coffee is espresso, you want at least three shots in your cup, and all milk is warmed and frothed, what are you, barbarians?) and to get different you have to make a specific order. And it`s £2 on the lovely beach front cafe and £1 in town.

Perfect.
 
2014-02-22 06:32:14 AM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Coffee regular (milk and two sugars).

Back the fark off, it's just a beverage.


THANK you! Just a damn coffee regular.
 
2014-02-22 06:33:58 AM  

erveek: With half&half and maple syrup.


<eyes the bottle of Canadian dark amber in the fridge seductively...>
 
2014-02-22 06:48:07 AM  
a good cup of coffee does not need sweetener. if you're adding sweetener, your coffee is shiat.
 
2014-02-22 06:48:13 AM  
Espresso.  Cappuccino is strictly for breakfast ... and girls who don't like coffee but like to be seen with a cup in their hand.
 
2014-02-22 06:56:48 AM  
I just like coffee, usually from a French Press....but, I will admit that a while back there was a coffee shop that had a drink called a pile driver....5 shots of espresso topped with strong black coffee.  I drank more of those that I probably should have.

So...in  short, no milk, no sugar, no other crap in my coffee, it is about the caffeine not the calories.
 
2014-02-22 06:58:21 AM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."




This. And I think it says I don't have time for a fandom based around a beverage.

/I do sometimes blend it with butter or add some skim milk
//aeropress with the darkest roast I can find
 
2014-02-22 07:02:05 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.




I drink it blended with just butter sometimes. It's a lot better than cream and gives it a really silky texture. Also more filling and makes the caffeine kick in a bit slower.
 
2014-02-22 07:15:54 AM  
Plain black coffee. No milk, no cream, no sugar, and no FREAKING FLAVOURS. Coffee flavoured coffee please.
/just like the Dennis Leary rant from years ago
 
2014-02-22 07:21:38 AM  
Your favorite Coffee is whatever you get Used to. Many years ago I stopped at this one 7-11 every AM for my coffee and paper. That was the routine, Then some time later they built a Royal Farm Store just 2 blocks from my office so I started stopping there every AM. More years later I was sent to another location and not far from that place was a Dunkin Donuts so that became my regular stop. I noticed long ago that if I went on a trip somewhere either on business or on my own, drinking anyone else's coffee in the AM just didn't taste right. So I came to the conclusion that it's whatever you become accustomed to. Now where I'm located there are no stops enroute to work except for 3 different Gas Stations and I've decided that I don't want to stop at those places in the morning so I've stopped drinking coffee. I don't miss it anymore.
 
2014-02-22 07:31:07 AM  
i94.photobucket.com
Freshly ground Tanzanian Peaberry with a touch of Rapadura after a clean siphon.....

Yeah!   I'm gonna have to go with SNOB...uber Coffee SNOB....but OMG it's the best ever.
 
2014-02-22 07:37:51 AM  
I apologise in advance for the offence I'm about to cause, but American-style coffee is appalling. Buy an espresso machine or a French press or even a little Italian perker, and you'll make great black coffee.

That brewed stuff you drink tastes like boiled testicles.
 
2014-02-22 07:47:26 AM  

Ennuipoet: Black?


Yeah, I couldn't see that option either. You can't get a farking cup og coffee in USA? Is this about having to tip the server? Sorry, Barrista...
 
2014-02-22 07:47:51 AM  
I get my caffeine the way God intended:


 static.guim.co.uk


/Never liked the taste of coffee
 
2014-02-22 07:50:44 AM  
weknowmemes.com
 
2014-02-22 07:54:19 AM  
I usually order a Caffe Maserati Testarossa. Some places don't know what this is so I explain it's a Diet Pepsi with a shot of 5-Hour Energy and a Twix bar on the side.
 
2014-02-22 08:09:38 AM  

laid back w/bud light: Cumberland farms 16oz. For $1.08 black with sugar.


Ayuh.
 
2014-02-22 08:09:59 AM  
I don't smoke- I've seen what happens to someone who dies from emphysema, not pretty.
I don't do drugs- My parents would have literally killed me when I was younger so I never really got into that.
I don't drink except on very rare occasions.

My only real vice: caffeine.
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-22 08:14:25 AM  
googledrive.com
 
2014-02-22 08:17:56 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Dragonblink: It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.

One cup is fine per day. Besides, the chemicals used in the decaf process probably aren't good for babby.


Lots of decaf these days is extracted with supercritical carbon dioxide, so no residue at all. Still, a little caffeine, like a little alcohol, isn't going to hurt a baby. And keeping mommy sane is a noble goal.
 
2014-02-22 08:19:06 AM  
It's baffling to me that people still pigeonhole each other into little groups based on some trivial matter... and that they pay for coffee to be made for them.  It's just a drink.
 
2014-02-22 08:33:40 AM  

steerforth: I apologise in advance for the offence I'm about to cause, but American-style coffee is appalling. Buy an espresso machine or a French press or even a little Italian perker, and you'll make great black coffee.

That brewed stuff you drink tastes like boiled testicles.


You're mostly right. At its best, American cafe is getting closer to what they serve in Sweden or Austria. Just in bigger cups. Most is still nasty weak stuff that needs to be diluted with milk and sweetened just to be drinkable.
 
2014-02-22 08:36:31 AM  
If you don't drink your coffee straight-up black without any of that foppish cream or sugar in it you're little girl who should probably just get some hot chocolate.
 
2014-02-22 08:40:40 AM  
So it seems that if you drink coffee in any form, you are an asshole of some level? Do I have that right?
 
2014-02-22 08:51:45 AM  

Beerguy: Well, since I had to give up caffeine because of a heart condition (P. A C.), I rarely order coffee anymore and when I do it is decaf.

Boring as hell, but at least I don't feel like my heart is skipping beats anymore.


I feel your pain. Coffee does the same thing to me. Back when I was a receptionist and made the coffee for the office, I drank too much of it during the day and my heart was skipping beats every thirty seconds. That was fun. I've since quit coffee and switched to tea.
 
2014-02-22 08:52:18 AM  

LincolnLogolas: Dragonblink: It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.

One cup is fine per day. Besides, the chemicals used in the decaf process probably aren't good for babby.


I have noted a direct correlation between me having coffee (or Coke) and the baby deciding sleep is for suckers. So I get one cup of tea in the morning and that's it as far as real caffeine. If I hadn't hooked my wife on lattes my espresso machine would be gathering dust.

Used to have a pretty serious caffeine habit before I started the whole "trying to get knocked up" process. Lemme tell you, I'm counting the days till I can get back to it. On the bright side, I have yet more evidence that despite what people assume, my chronic insomnia is  not caused by caffeine ...

/drank cough syrup from the bottle at age 8 trying to get to sleep
//wasn't even allowed to drink Coke at that age
 
2014-02-22 08:56:42 AM  

henryhill: So it seems that if you drink coffee in any form, you are an asshole of some level? Do I have that right?


Pretty much. But cut off our caffeine at your own risk...
 
2014-02-22 09:20:05 AM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Coffee regular (milk and two sugars).

Back the fark off, it's just a beverage.


Regular coffee and a bagel.

The breakfast of champions.

/well, one of them.
//don't ask about the others
 
2014-02-22 09:31:35 AM  

I eat mop: a good cup of coffee does not need sweetener. if you're adding sweetener, your coffee is shiat.


Or, you know, you like sugar in your coffee.
 
2014-02-22 09:36:57 AM  
I'm sitting in Starbucks right now so I'm getting a kick...
/black
 
2014-02-22 09:42:33 AM  
On weekdays, I'll do the bulletproof coffee thing with kerrygold butter and MCT oil.

On weekends, three egg yolks, some coconut oil, cocoa powder, and a little chocolate stevia. Yes, it's weird, but it's better than anything at any coffee shop I've been to. Creamy and chocolatey.

Lunch can wait until mid afternoon after that.
 
2014-02-22 09:58:06 AM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Enigmamf: LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.

They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.

Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.


I would venture to guess every single American knows the Kardashians. To our eternal shame.
 
2014-02-22 10:03:06 AM  

Derkins: I'm sitting in Starbucks right now so I'm getting a kick...
/black


that's racist

/americano from indonesian beans.
 
2014-02-22 10:28:49 AM  

cwolf20: That coffee disgusts me unless it's in ice cold smoothie form with whipped cream, at least one kind of flavored syrup, and maybe some m&M's in it to completely eradicate the taste of coffee.  Voila. I get the caffeine and I'm not disgusted.



Sounds like cwolf here hasn't had coffee in Europe...
 
2014-02-22 10:34:05 AM  

Dragonblink: It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.


I had the occasional cup of joe when I was knocked up*.  The kid turned out fine.  No health issues, no allergies, almost never gets sick.  She's 6 years old---the youngest kid in her first grade class---and she's been identified as being "gifted".

*I also enjoyed carpaccio, sushi, sashimi, soft cheeses, and nuts while preggers.
 
2014-02-22 10:46:07 AM  
I do not order coffee.  I make it at home.
 
2014-02-22 11:07:08 AM  
Folger's Instant...at home.

*shrugs*
 
2014-02-22 11:24:39 AM  
Bialetti moka pot at home. French press in my office. Locally roasted, freshly ground beans for both (espresso for Moka, French roast for the other). Hit it with a bit of whole milk. No sugar.

It only seems complicated if you're dumb.
 
2014-02-22 11:44:57 AM  
Cappuccino. Given that I would be quite happy to drink it listening to the Cure or Cocteau Twins must put me in the 80s retro category.
 
2014-02-22 11:48:10 AM  
There's some borderline hipsters in here throwing around the word hipster like they think it will distance themselves from it.
 
2014-02-22 11:59:09 AM  

LockeOak: Essentially all coffee in New Zealand coffee shops is espresso-based. You can't get drip-brewed coffee, it does not exist in stores and I don't think I've seen a drip coffee machine anywhere. At home you either have a French press ("plunger") or a stovetop coffee maker (moka pot). Both are much better than drip coffee makers.

What I'm saying is New Zealand coffee is awesome.


Then I'm bringing drip coffee to New Zealand, and there's nothing you can do about it! By my hand, it will become a norm!!!
 
2014-02-22 12:00:30 PM  
Have never bought coffee in a coffee joint.
 
2014-02-22 12:06:40 PM  
Caffeine gives me violent diarrhea.  Decaf still has enough caffeine in it to potentially set me off, so I drink roasted barley from the homebrew store.  Now...if I could just find a nice mild stimulant to go with it.  I'd probably try khat if it was legal.
 
2014-02-22 12:07:03 PM  
As long as the thread is still active...

In Robert A, Heinlein's novel 'Glory Road', Oscar declares that

"there are five grades of coffee - Coffee, Java, Jamoke, Joe, and Carbon Remover.  This stuff was no better than grade four."

Buddy of mine was acting as a SysAdmin / Developer at a big place, tells me one time management was hosting a client meeting - and grabbed the pot of Programmer Coffee by mistake.
 
2014-02-22 12:57:00 PM  

johnny queso: DreamyAltarBoy: Enigmamf: LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy.

They could go with Armenian, though I suppose most Americans aren't aware Armenians are predominantly Christian.

Most Americans aren't even aware of Armenians.

I would venture to guess every single American knows the Kardashians. To our eternal shame.


I had blocked them from my mind.
 
2014-02-22 01:43:29 PM  

Fark You I'm Drunk: Fark You I'm Drunk: Or you taste in men.

Your. fark me.

 

Go home, Fark You I'm Drunk, you're drunk.
 
2014-02-22 03:07:41 PM  

henryhill: So it seems that if you drink coffee in any form, you are an asshole of some level? Do I have that right?


Actually, to be absolutely correct, everybody is some kind of asshole. Regardless of who they are or what they do. Even little girls. If nobody has ever called you an asshole you're so spineless you can't avoid sucking your own toes standing up.

"Christ, what a witty farker!"
 
2014-02-22 03:24:38 PM  
'Keep complaining about Starbucks while I and my delicious coffee combinations go happily about our day.'
 
2014-02-22 03:36:38 PM  

KidneyStone: Cafe Bustello


The ghetto grocery across the parking lot used to have that because of the large number of Latinos in Lexington, KY these days. It was $3.99 for a small can; expensive for Save-a-Lot but cheap for drinkable coffee. Then they quit carrying it for some reason, but Dollar General had those bricks of it marked down so I got three. The Wal-Mart up the street has cans for $3.88, but that's almost a mile away in the frigging winter: refusing to let winter get me down already gave me a case of bronchitis that for two weeks has had me coughing till my ribs hurt and then choking on the phlegm.

Today it's 60 F. but even after 4 days of Z-pak I felt too crappy to walk 8/10 of a mile to the ex's to give the dogs good walks around the neighborhood and walk back; in fact I've spent most of the day in bed knock out by my last muscle relaxant. And of course it's going to rain tomorrow and then get cold again next week. There's no telling when the next pretty Springlike day will be: last year there was no Spring, it was chilly and rainy till mid-July when it got hot literally overnight.

But at least I've got a pot of Bustello to drink, and an ibrik for when my mood cries for a stronger cup. And there's really no reason (besides prudence, temperance and discipline) to not start pouring rum into it already: I should use the yawning emptiness of another day of sickness to do a little housework, or maybe even read something intelligent and/or write something in my livejournal, but nothing appeals to me as much as getting groggy and dozing off again.
 Thanks O my fellow Farkers for keeping me company against your will.
 
2014-02-22 03:45:07 PM  

trappedspirit: There's some borderline hipsters in here throwing around the word hipster like they think it will distance themselves from it.


Don't look at me, I'm a gap-tooth white-trash psycho.  In Lexington, KY, which is almost as good as West Virginia to y'all arch-sophisticates in Peoria. If I hadn't run away to California in 1978 I'd probably still be boiling Folger's Crystals in a saucepan on the stove.

When I call myself a hipster where people can see me obvious non-hipsters take it as a joke and people who ain't so far from the hipster stereotype think I'm straining for "irony." Oh well.

On the Internet nobody knows you're not a hipster.
 
2014-02-22 03:48:59 PM  

DreamyAltarBoy: johnny queso:

I would venture to guess every single American knows the Kardashians. To our eternal shame.

I had blocked them from my mind.


I don't own a TV and only know about them from "news" coverage on the Internet. The only reason I pay any attention is does have a great body and looks so much hotter without all that rainbow spackle on her face: sometimes it takes more than snapshots of Drew to get my pecker up.
 
2014-02-22 04:35:43 PM  
My office supplies the pantries around the building with the absolute worst coffee I have ever tasted.  However, it's free caffeine and I'm not bringing in good coffee just to have the assholes in the office drink it all.

So, I'll fill a 24 ounce insulated cup with about 20 ounces of coffee, add four ounces of milk and three packets of sweetener.  My office mates refer to this as "Snow white and seven cubes".
 
2014-02-22 04:58:36 PM  
I prefer my coffee in a number of ways. To wit:

1. If I'm in desperate need for a caffeinated jolt to my system, I go for either a double (or even triple) espresso.

2. If it's prior to 10am, black and made to Navy regs. As in--thick as motor oil and strong enough to strip paint.

3. If I just need to relax with coffee, large, black drip coffee with cream, plenty of sugar, and maybe even flavoring syrup if I feel like it.

4. If someone else is paying--white chocolate mocha, large.

5. I occasionally have a cappucino or latte, but those are exceedingly rare.
 
2014-02-22 06:28:18 PM  

FizixJunkee: Sounds like cwolf here hasn't had coffee in Europe..



Nope. And maybe my opinion would change.

However, i grew up with chain drinking coffee drinkers aka my parents.  It took a while to get that smell out of my nostrils at age 7 on up.  I'm disgusted by the smell and flavor. The only exception being chocolate covered coffee beans.
 
2014-02-23 07:13:23 AM  
TFA leaves out that in most cafes in New Zealand, you also have to specify which beans you want. There will also be a choice of several types of sweetener. NZ being a small benign country of no real significance, we can expend our mental energy on stupid things like that.
 
2014-02-23 07:40:42 AM  
My girlfriend makes fun of me, because I screw up ordering her fancy coffees.  I get an americano when I feel fancy.  I can always remember the name and it's just super strong coffee and some hot water.
 
2014-02-23 01:44:08 PM  

cwolf20: FizixJunkee: Sounds like cwolf here hasn't had coffee in Europe... 

Nope. And maybe my opinion would change.

However, i grew up with chain drinking coffee drinkers aka my parents.  It took a while to get that smell out of my nostrils at age 7 on up.  I'm disgusted by the smell and flavor. The only exception being chocolate covered coffee beans.


You have terrible taste if you cannot enjoy the smell of coffee. Any coffee.
 
Displayed 158 of 158 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report