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(Stuff.co.nz)   What your coffee order says about you. Hipster, retro-cool or snob?   (stuff.co.nz) divider line 159
    More: Interesting, coffee order, snob, morally superior, coffee  
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7857 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2014 at 12:56 AM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



159 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-21 11:47:52 PM
Black?
 
2014-02-21 11:50:57 PM
Well, since I had to give up caffeine because of a heart condition (P. A C.), I rarely order coffee anymore and when I do it is decaf.

Boring as hell, but at least I don't feel like my heart is skipping beats anymore.
 
2014-02-21 11:53:05 PM
Just give me a goddamned cup of coffee

/my order says I'm grumpy first thing in the morning
 
2014-02-21 11:55:45 PM
Free.  If there's a courtesy coffee pot around and I'm tired, I'll drink it.  Otherwise I'll pass.
 
2014-02-22 12:07:17 AM
It says I don't pollute my coffee with any sort of creamer, and that I keep it light on the sweetener.
 
2014-02-22 12:08:09 AM
Caffè crema. Macchiato if I'm in the mood for something slightly sweeter. No word in TFA where caffè crema stands in the hipster league table. Don't know whether to be concerned or not.

/not
 
2014-02-22 12:18:03 AM
Mine says I like coffee, and not sweet milk with coffee in it.
 
2014-02-22 12:18:41 AM
Espresso (double, if you please) with a lemon rind and real sugar.
 
2014-02-22 12:20:39 AM
Coffee sucks.
 
2014-02-22 01:00:31 AM
maybe i'm blind but i don't see just coffee anywhere.

i drink coffee.
double cream.

WHAT DOES THAT SAY??
 
2014-02-22 01:00:39 AM
Double americano with just a little bit of non-fat milk.

Sometimes a crema or a latte. No sweetener, ever*.

I love coffee, but if it's not *good* coffee, I would rather just go without. If a place has an espresso machine primarily to produce ingredients for pricey milkshakes, I'll just keep my change unless I really need a fix.

* - unless it's iced. Then put two double espressos over lots of ice with a little sweetener in a cocktail shaker, shake, drain, add cold skim milk. Enjoy.
 
2014-02-22 01:03:40 AM
I don't even know what several of those are.

/remembers when there were only two types... fresh, and not fresh.
 
2014-02-22 01:04:08 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
" I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon."
 
2014-02-22 01:04:34 AM
Coffee regular (milk and two sugars).

Back the fark off, it's just a beverage.
 
2014-02-22 01:04:48 AM
I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.
 
2014-02-22 01:04:50 AM
My coffee says give it to me or people die. Black. No sugar, no cream, just farming coffee.
 
2014-02-22 01:05:14 AM
Iced coffee, shot of espresso, cream (sometimes soy milk), six Splenda.

I'm apparently some kind of Lovecraftian entity.
 
2014-02-22 01:06:24 AM

HotWingAgenda: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Strong, bittersweet, and handed off to me by a tatted up hipster after he adds a little cream.


I'd prefer my coffee to not be in my nose, thank you very much.
 
2014-02-22 01:09:07 AM
I drank coffee before it was cool.

Burned my mouth pretty badly.
 
2014-02-22 01:10:04 AM
Take the contents of the carafe and put it in my cup. That is all I require.
 
2014-02-22 01:11:04 AM
I drink coffee one of two ways:

With half&half and maple syrup.

Or

With Cruzan Black Strap.

What does this say about me?
 
2014-02-22 01:11:16 AM
The same color and consistency of used motor oil
 
2014-02-22 01:12:09 AM
How about, "I don't go to coffee shops, I buy ground coffee, brew it myself, and drink it black.  At a diner or restaurant, I take what they've got.  Black."
 
2014-02-22 01:12:38 AM
That coffee disgusts me unless it's in ice cold smoothie form with whipped cream, at least one kind of flavored syrup, and maybe some m&M's in it to completely eradicate the taste of coffee.  Voila. I get the caffeine and I'm not disgusted.
 
2014-02-22 01:13:21 AM
1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-02-22 01:15:57 AM
Coffee, splenda or some other variant of non-sugar sweetener, a little 1/2&1/2,  then gimme the effing coffee before I tear your ears off.
/grumpy old dude without my morning cup.
 
2014-02-22 01:17:04 AM
I order coffee product based on what the menu in front of me presents. You nosy, pretentious, judgemental farks really have nothing better to do?
 
2014-02-22 01:17:06 AM
Yea, I'm a black coffee person too.  The slight taste variations don't really mean crap to me.  However, Irish coffee is a better way to start the day.
 
2014-02-22 01:18:18 AM
Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy. Aside from that, French pressed if possible, or an Americano as last resort.
 
2014-02-22 01:18:45 AM
Or you taste in men.
 
2014-02-22 01:19:03 AM
Black, and leave the pot, because you won't be able to keep it filled and cover your section otherwise.

lh6.googleusercontent.com
 
2014-02-22 01:19:22 AM
I order Spanish Lattes (basically a latte with foamed condensed milk).
 
2014-02-22 01:19:28 AM

RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)


Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.
 
2014-02-22 01:20:19 AM
I did have the now-famous catshiat coffee some years ago. Got to try it for free. I have to admit it was a smooth cuppa.
 
2014-02-22 01:21:49 AM

LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy. Aside from that, French pressed if possible, or an Americano as last resort.


Cafe Cubano IS an option, when I'm in Miami. And LOTS of them...
 
2014-02-22 01:22:33 AM
Locally roasted organic fair-trade cortado with enough steamed milk to make a little leaf design on top. Sugar or not, doesn't matter because I don't actually drink it, I just need something to post on my Instagram in the mornings.
 
2014-02-22 01:23:38 AM

Fark You I'm Drunk: Or you taste in men.


Your. fark me.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-02-22 01:25:24 AM

LincolnLogolas: I did have the now-famous catshiat coffee some years ago. Got to try it for free. I have to admit it was a smooth cuppa.


smooth cuppa

...

Sodomize yourself
 
2014-02-22 01:25:28 AM

Fark You I'm Drunk: Your. fark me.


You have the right handle, at least.
 
2014-02-22 01:25:56 AM

hubiestubert: LincolnLogolas: Turksish with assloads of sugar. It says "Fark you, I want more caffeine than your measly espresso machine can muster". Hard to find a coffee shop that does it, and most that do call it "Greek Coffee" so they don't sound all Muslimy. Aside from that, French pressed if possible, or an Americano as last resort.

Cafe Cubano IS an option, when I'm in Miami. And LOTS of them...


Any coffee shops near Mia you recommend? I'm in Miami about twice a year on business.
 
2014-02-22 01:27:20 AM
It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.
 
2014-02-22 01:27:33 AM

hubiestubert: Black, and leave the pot, because you won't be able to keep it filled and cover your section otherwise.

[lh6.googleusercontent.com image 640x512]


This

I had some major dental work about 6 weeks ago. I couldn't smoke or have anything hot for a while. I went back to the coffee after a couple of days, throwing ice cubes in it just to get a fix. I haven't smoked since though.
 
2014-02-22 01:29:36 AM
Dry cappuccino, whole milk.


/I like my coffee like I like my women, strong, sweet, and mostly air up top
or
/I like my coffee like I like my women, fifty dollars for a cup that has had five dicks in it today.
or
/I like my coffee like I like my women, mail ordered from from the third world.
 
2014-02-22 01:30:13 AM

ThatDarkFellow: LincolnLogolas: I did have the now-famous catshiat coffee some years ago. Got to try it for free. I have to admit it was a smooth cuppa.

smooth cuppa

...

Sodomize yourself


Already doing so. Typing one handed while sodomize myself with the other, fantasizing about my next cup of Kopi Luwak.
 
2014-02-22 01:31:21 AM
I LIKE MY COFFEE LIKE I LIKE MY WOMEN. TIED UP AND CRYING IN THE BASEMENT.
 
2014-02-22 01:32:03 AM

ThatDarkFellow: RoyBatty: 1. Turkish/Greek/Israeli (heavy sweetener) with chaser of water
2. Double espresso (a little cream and some splenda) (been told I should get a macchiato instead)
3. Drip with cream and splenda
4. Drip blended with cream, melted butter and perhaps melted coconut oil and splenda. (which is shockingly tasty)

Sounds like a fat bomb someone would drink on a ketogenic diet.


That last one? Yeah, it's about 250 calories of fat when made to "ketogenic"  "bulletproof coffee" "LA Laker coffee" standards. A bit too caloric for me, so I use about 1/3rd the butter and often leave out the coconut oil.  The oil is supposed to be very good for you.

I do find that blending coffee with butter really is tasty, though it sounds pretty gross.
 
2014-02-22 01:32:11 AM

Dragonblink: It means I want a goddamn latte, and I'm stuck with decaf so I don't caffeinate the baby. That's all.


One cup is fine per day. Besides, the chemicals used in the decaf process probably aren't good for babby.
 
2014-02-22 01:32:56 AM
Black..if I really need it, boosted with a double espresso.
 
2014-02-22 01:33:30 AM

Beerguy: Well, since I had to give up caffeine because of a heart condition (P. A C.), I rarely order coffee anymore and when I do it is decaf.

Boring as hell, but at least I don't feel like my heart is skipping beats anymore.


Gave up caffeine 12 years ago because it was triggering a flood of migraines... (after removing it from my intake, my migraine frequency dropped from 3-4/month to 1-2/year) ...don't really regret it. Been sleeping better ever since.

Norad: Coffee sucks.


i.imgur.com
But it was a fresh pot!
 
2014-02-22 01:34:36 AM
SFPD Inspector Callahan, black coffee drinker.


thepigmancometh.com

Scene: Harry Callahan goes back into a diner where he just ordered and took out a coffee. He walks in to see a robbery is in progress in the diner.

Crook: What's you doing, you pighead sucka?

Harry Callahan: Every day for the past ten years, Loretta there's been giving me a large black coffee, today she gives me a large black coffee only it has sugar in it, a lotta sugar. I just came back to complain. Now, you boys put those guns down.

Crook: Say what?

Harry Callahan: Well, we're not just gonna let you walk out of here.

Crook: Whose we sucka?

Harry Callahan: [slowly drawing his .44 Magnum] Smith and Wesson... and me.
 
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