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(Guardian)   Even knowing this, you'll still do it on your first trip   (theguardian.com) divider line 44
    More: Silly, mental disorders, Godwin's Law  
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15164 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2014 at 5:54 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-21 04:19:02 PM
5 votes:
You know who else killed Hitler?
2014-02-21 07:02:22 PM
3 votes:
Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.
2014-02-21 05:56:37 PM
3 votes:
I wanted this to be about acid.
2014-02-21 05:30:43 PM
3 votes:
No need to kill him, just make sure he somehow got into art school.
2014-02-21 07:30:53 PM
2 votes:

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


Curious how you fit into this thread, what with all the baggage you brought with you.
2014-02-21 07:30:24 PM
2 votes:

lewismarktwo: TomD9938: Assuming that a dead Hitler = no WWII, I probably am never born.

My grandfathers work schedule increased drastically in the late 30s due to the country gearing up for war (he worked in the aviation industry), and his window for plowing my grandma and conceiving my mom in late 1939, was made much narrower as a result.

Probably a different son or daughter would have been born to them around that time, but it wouldn't have been me.

So thanks Hitler!

No the way to stop WW2 would be to lessen the punishment exacted on Germany after 'The Great War' aka WW1.


This is a commonly-accepted rationale for the rise of radical nationalists in Germany but it's just not true. Yes, there were reparations. No, they weren't large. They also went unpaid.

The fact that Germany capitulated is the biggest reason. The Dolchstoss -- "Stab in the Back" -- was a huge propaganda item for the decades between the wars. Not the reparations.

See the creepy-looking Jew defeating the honorable German soldier in the trenches ... stabbing him in the back.

upload.wikimedia.org

The nationalist Germans felt that Germany gave up "without losing". As if they could have won the war except for those pesky Jews, Communists and other undesirables.

They were completely wrong, but as we sadly learned, "truth" is the least of the victims here.
2014-02-21 07:07:10 PM
2 votes:
OK so you kill Hitler.

That's great.

Now WWII doesn't start until 1961, after the Germans perfect their ICBM technology and nuclear weapons.

The war ends the day it starts, as London, Moscow, New York and Tokyo cease to exist.

We lose, and are soon speaking German along with everyone else on Planet Germany.
2014-02-21 06:38:28 PM
2 votes:

Skyd1v: fickenchucker: I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.

There is enough there in one sentence to give a person chills.

/Please tell me that is a reference to something I am missing.


Nope--not a joke.  My sister was killed when I was 13 (she was 23), and it farked up the family something fierce.  I think I'm the only one who emerged predominantly normal, and even that is up for debate.

But that's been so long ago I've "healed", to choose a phrase.  Now it's just part of my formative years.

Given a time machine, I would steal my parents' car, drive to her, force her to alter her plans, and let the biatch who killed her die.

/Long story short, a coont ran her car in mansion's garage and gassed herself for a successful suicide, ignoring the logic that a former servant's-quarters-turned-modern-apartment apartment above the garage might fill up with CO in the process.
2014-02-21 06:36:13 PM
2 votes:
2014-02-21 06:28:44 PM
2 votes:
Meh.  If I had a time machine, I'd use it to go back in time and loan it to my previous self, who would figure out how it works and patent it.  Then I'd return to the present, where I'd be insanely rich from selling time machines, and someone else would have killed Hitler and had to deal with all the paradoxes and crap.

The only problem would be if someone bought a time machine from me for the express purpose of preceding my patent, so I'd have to have a no-prior-invention-ganking clause in the TOS.
2014-02-21 06:09:02 PM
2 votes:
If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.
2014-02-21 10:58:14 PM
1 votes:

DubtodaIll: It does make sense though, you kill Hitler (before he comes to power) and America doesn't have the Baby Boom.


We also probably don't have the huge economic boom of the 50s, since the money that the government spent on the war effort created the huge investment in the machinery and capital that powered industry for generations (as well as providing jobs).  Who knows how long the depression would have went on?  It may also have tamped down the women's rights movement with no more Rosie the Riveter to give women a taste of financial independence.  There would have been no martial plan, either, which put Germany on course to be the economic powerhouse for the EU that they are today.  There is literally no end to the gigantic ripple effects such a thing would have; it may well make the world's power structure look unrecognizable compared to today, and maybe not for the better.
2014-02-21 09:59:21 PM
1 votes:
My target list includes Saul of Tarsus, failing that John of Padmos.
Al!
2014-02-21 09:15:52 PM
1 votes:

studebaker hoch: You can't take "your time" with you to another time any more than you can take "your space" to another location.

You leave one, and go to the other.

In our case, the only way we have to know what space we're in is our eyes.  The only way to know what time we're in is our memory.

If you travel distance, your eyes see the new space and can longer see where you were.
If you travel time, your memories are now in that time frame, and you can't remember any other timeline.

If you travel in space, you get "there".
If you travel in time, you get "then".


I bring to you as a counterpoint the fact that you are currently travelling through both space and time.  Whether sitting still or running at your fastest sprint, you can never overcome the inertia imparted to you by the great travelling spaceship we call Earth.  Also, as you travel through space, you are travelling ever forward in time, unable to stop it even if you wanted.  This seems to bring your position into serious question, as I remember a lot of things, and I am travelling through time.

We could get philosophical and question my memories' validity, but if that is the case I could argue that I am in fact having this discussion with myself, thus the point I take needs not be plausible, or even coherent.
2014-02-21 08:28:43 PM
1 votes:

DubtodaIll: It does make sense though, you kill Hitler (before he comes to power) and America doesn't have the Baby Boom.


Killing anyone, no matter how bad, in history is no way to use a time machine because the possibility is that life would be worse rather than better.  Therefore, if I had a time machine today, I would travel back to this past Wednesday and buy a winning ticket in the Powerball.  Upon return, I'd destroy it and go on with my life managing to eke out an existence drawing on my Powerball winnings of $400+ million.
2014-02-21 08:26:03 PM
1 votes:
The past is obdurate.
2014-02-21 08:13:59 PM
1 votes:

derio42: No one has mentioned wikihistory yet?  I am disappoint.


It's the obligatory link up above.

He beat me to it.

In this timeline that is, Dun Dun DUN!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40
2014-02-21 08:07:12 PM
1 votes:
If I went back in time, I wouldn't kill Hitler, I'd just try to convince him to use the Iron Cross as his symbol instead of the swastika.

/Actually, I'd push him more towards using a christian cross. More potential fun to be had with that.
2014-02-21 08:03:21 PM
1 votes:

studebaker hoch: You can't take "your time" with you to another time any more than you can take "your space" to another location.

You leave one, and go to the other.

In our case, the only way we have to know what space we're in is our eyes.  The only way to know what time we're in is our memory.

If you travel distance, your eyes see the new space and can longer see where you were.
If you travel time, your memories are now in that time frame, and you can't remember any other timeline.

If you travel in space, you get "there".
If you travel in time, you get "then".


I think you are wrong.

How would those memories end up in your head if you never lived in that timeline?  After all, by traveling thru time you are not ending up being born in that time.  You would end up there with all your memories of your time line.

The primary issue I have with time travel is the energy involved.  Basically if you change the timeline you make the entire universe itself explode at every point in time after the point in time you change.
2014-02-21 08:01:48 PM
1 votes:
Id go back in time and tell myself to
"get baptized in front of your wife's mom and pretend you're religious.. Because if you don't, your devil-in-law will talk bad about you until your wonderful wife can't stand the fact you're not religious.. And divorce you because she's not spiritually happy.. Then you'll be depressed for a long time and constantly think of thoughts you don't want to think of.. And think of things that'll never come to be which will bring you into even more depression.. Stop being proud and do it.. You'll be happier for it"..
2014-02-21 07:17:14 PM
1 votes:
Go back and find the very first critter climbing from the primordial ooze.. and squish it.
2014-02-21 07:14:46 PM
1 votes:

studebaker hoch: Spatial correlation wouldn't be a problem because time and space are linked.

People only think it's a problem because they're looking from the wrong coordinate system.

If you time travel back to 1930's Boston, you'll be in Boston, not space.  You would also have no idea you had time-traveled to get there.


I'm not really sure time and space are linked like that. Space requires time but it doesn't seem that time requires space. I'm looking at time travel in that you would remain at the same x,y,z coordinates and modify your t. If that's the case you're going to not be on Earth anymore, provided your machine is terrestrial.
2014-02-21 07:08:44 PM
1 votes:

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.


There is a Twilight Zone short story about that. Everybody who enters the time machine door never returns after activating the machine, because they die in space before they can return and tell anyone.
2014-02-21 07:08:04 PM
1 votes:

TomD9938: Assuming that a dead Hitler = no WWII, I probably am never born.

My grandfathers work schedule increased drastically in the late 30s due to the country gearing up for war (he worked in the aviation industry), and his window for plowing my grandma and conceiving my mom in late 1939, was made much narrower as a result.

Probably a different son or daughter would have been born to them around that time, but it wouldn't have been me.

So thanks Hitler!


No the way to stop WW2 would be to lessen the punishment exacted on Germany after 'The Great War' aka WW1.
2014-02-21 07:06:30 PM
1 votes:

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location.


Futurama did it.
2014-02-21 07:03:10 PM
1 votes:
Maybe someone did go back in time to kill Hitler. The only reason why he wasn't killed at the start was because the assassin compared the different days/years to kill him, watched how it unfolded each time, and found that the best time to kill him would have been right when he did in our timeline to balance out the murder of millions with vast advancement in military, technology and medical sciences. That's pretty heavy.


ArcadianRefugee: Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.


I wouldn't. Having a woman straddle you while gently pulling on your tie to get you even closer it quite hot.
2014-02-21 07:01:55 PM
1 votes:

The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.


You assume too much about time travel. One theory posits that time travel is like a tunnel and, like any tunnel, you can only go as far as it extends. If, say, the tunnel were collapsed in the middle, you could only travel to that point.

Thus, whatever machine you use to time travel only permits travel from whenever you are to as far back as whenever it was turned on. So if the machine is invented in 2015, in 2017 you can only travel back as far as 2015, when it was first turned on. If the machine is turned off and on again in 2016, then those 2017ers can only travel back as far as 2016 -- "the tunnel is collapsed" at that point and you can go no further.

Likewise, you'd only be able to go forward so long as the machine remained powered. If the machine were also rebooted in 2019 for some reason, travel would only be permitted between 2016 and 2019 ... for those using it during those years. Those using it after 2019 would obviously have a different range of temporal motion.
2014-02-21 06:55:34 PM
1 votes:
Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.

That said, there is an xkcd for everything:

imgs.xkcd.com
2014-02-21 06:43:44 PM
1 votes:
I'd travel back to 16th century Italy, find Galileo, and bring him back to our time. Then I'd take him to an observatory and let him see what we can see today using modern technology.

/or I'd go on a Bill and Ted's adventure just to see Genghis Khan trash a mall.
2014-02-21 06:35:16 PM
1 votes:
Red Dwarf was the best dramatic representation of time travel and its potential ramifications.
2014-02-21 06:32:36 PM
1 votes:

Stephen_Falken: If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.


You've got that covered so I'll be gunning for Abraham.
2014-02-21 06:26:05 PM
1 votes:

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


As an atheist myself, I can safely assure that religion is the source of a lot of good things as well, nor does it corner a market for bad things in the world.

Religion is a human construct. And as a human construct, it can be the most beneficial thing or the most destructive thing.
2014-02-21 06:23:50 PM
1 votes:

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: You need Hitler to bleed the Soviets dry and make sure Stalin doesn't take over the world in the 1940s.

You need Stalin to make sure Trotskyism doesn't cause a worldwide communist revolution in the 1930s.

Why you need Trotsky, I don't know, but the alternative version of the 1920s has to be worse.


Without Troysky, The corporate entities had to start treating their workers better so they wouldn't go commie.
2014-02-21 06:20:54 PM
1 votes:

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea

here is what you were looking for
2014-02-21 06:20:20 PM
1 votes:

And do you know who else had a time machine?

themartyoradioshow.files.wordpress.com

/Thanks Obama.
2014-02-21 06:18:54 PM
1 votes:
You need Hitler to bleed the Soviets dry and make sure Stalin doesn't take over the world in the 1940s.

You need Stalin to make sure Trotskyism doesn't cause a worldwide communist revolution in the 1930s.

Why you need Trotsky, I don't know, but the alternative version of the 1920s has to be worse.
2014-02-21 06:03:30 PM
1 votes:
Screw killing Hitler, I'd go back to 1992 and buy a couple thousand shares of ORACLE stock.
2014-02-21 06:00:31 PM
1 votes:
I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.
2014-02-21 05:57:29 PM
1 votes:
Nah, I'd go back and kill young Karl Marx.
2014-02-21 05:50:46 PM
1 votes:

2.bp.blogspot.com

You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell. Let's kill Hitler!

2014-02-21 05:07:13 PM
1 votes:
Nice try, Hitler.
2014-02-21 05:02:13 PM
1 votes:
No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.
2014-02-21 04:17:38 PM
1 votes:
I'd kill the guy who invented the necktie.
2014-02-21 04:17:30 PM
1 votes:
Now that you've changed things, time travel wasn't invented in your lifetime, so either you vanish and the whole thing is undone, or your time machine does. So now you're stranded in wartime Berlin. And you've just killed the beloved leader of one of the most powerful military machines in history.

Doc Brown says that killing Hitler would have a ripple effect throughout time, so you could get back to your relative present before you lost the time machine to non-existence.
 
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