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(Guardian)   Even knowing this, you'll still do it on your first trip   (theguardian.com) divider line 182
    More: Silly, mental disorders, Godwin's Law  
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15191 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2014 at 5:54 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



182 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-21 04:17:30 PM  
Now that you've changed things, time travel wasn't invented in your lifetime, so either you vanish and the whole thing is undone, or your time machine does. So now you're stranded in wartime Berlin. And you've just killed the beloved leader of one of the most powerful military machines in history.

Doc Brown says that killing Hitler would have a ripple effect throughout time, so you could get back to your relative present before you lost the time machine to non-existence.
 
2014-02-21 04:17:38 PM  
I'd kill the guy who invented the necktie.
 
2014-02-21 04:19:02 PM  
You know who else killed Hitler?
 
2014-02-21 04:34:20 PM  
Are you kidding?
Kill baby Jesus with a M-60 and a few thousand rounds and doing it while wearing Hell's Angels regalia and colors.

Few thousand years later, they'll think twice about wishing upon a star.
 
2014-02-21 05:02:13 PM  
No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.
 
2014-02-21 05:07:13 PM  
Nice try, Hitler.
 
2014-02-21 05:30:43 PM  
No need to kill him, just make sure he somehow got into art school.
 
2014-02-21 05:50:46 PM  

2.bp.blogspot.com

You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell. Let's kill Hitler!

 
2014-02-21 05:56:37 PM  
I wanted this to be about acid.
 
2014-02-21 05:57:29 PM  
Nah, I'd go back and kill young Karl Marx.
 
2014-02-21 06:00:31 PM  
I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.
 
2014-02-21 06:00:39 PM  
Bah.. screw it all and just kill Eve...
 
2014-02-21 06:03:30 PM  
Screw killing Hitler, I'd go back to 1992 and buy a couple thousand shares of ORACLE stock.
 
2014-02-21 06:05:55 PM  
Screw that, I'm going back to kidnap Lady Godiva and have my way with her
 
2014-02-21 06:07:10 PM  
Lee Harvey Oswald

/strolls away whistling
 
2014-02-21 06:09:02 PM  
If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.
 
2014-02-21 06:11:14 PM  

fickenchucker: I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.


There is enough there in one sentence to give a person chills.

/Please tell me that is a reference to something I am missing.
 
2014-02-21 06:14:25 PM  

Skyd1v: fickenchucker: I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.

There is enough there in one sentence to give a person chills.

/Please tell me that is a reference to something I am missing.


Maybe he should kill Glenn Beck?
 
2014-02-21 06:15:18 PM  
Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.
 
2014-02-21 06:15:20 PM  
 
2014-02-21 06:15:59 PM  
 
2014-02-21 06:16:55 PM  

The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.


b-townblog.com
 
2014-02-21 06:18:54 PM  
You need Hitler to bleed the Soviets dry and make sure Stalin doesn't take over the world in the 1940s.

You need Stalin to make sure Trotskyism doesn't cause a worldwide communist revolution in the 1930s.

Why you need Trotsky, I don't know, but the alternative version of the 1920s has to be worse.
 
2014-02-21 06:19:09 PM  

Solid State Vittles: I wanted this to be about acid.


Yup.

I was trying to think of what everyone does on their first trip, but like, it's a different experience for each individual journey. Whoa.

/got sunburn
 
2014-02-21 06:20:20 PM  

And do you know who else had a time machine?

themartyoradioshow.files.wordpress.com

/Thanks Obama.
 
2014-02-21 06:20:54 PM  

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea

here is what you were looking for
 
2014-02-21 06:23:25 PM  
Just don't get your grandfather killed and then sleep with your grandmother - thus becoming your own grandfather.  I hear it'll affect your brainwaves.
 
2014-02-21 06:23:50 PM  

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: You need Hitler to bleed the Soviets dry and make sure Stalin doesn't take over the world in the 1940s.

You need Stalin to make sure Trotskyism doesn't cause a worldwide communist revolution in the 1930s.

Why you need Trotsky, I don't know, but the alternative version of the 1920s has to be worse.


Without Troysky, The corporate entities had to start treating their workers better so they wouldn't go commie.
 
2014-02-21 06:25:50 PM  
Not me. I'd convince Pilate to let Jesus go free.

Because I'm that big if an asshole.
 
2014-02-21 06:26:05 PM  

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


As an atheist myself, I can safely assure that religion is the source of a lot of good things as well, nor does it corner a market for bad things in the world.

Religion is a human construct. And as a human construct, it can be the most beneficial thing or the most destructive thing.
 
2014-02-21 06:26:14 PM  
 
2014-02-21 06:28:44 PM  
Meh.  If I had a time machine, I'd use it to go back in time and loan it to my previous self, who would figure out how it works and patent it.  Then I'd return to the present, where I'd be insanely rich from selling time machines, and someone else would have killed Hitler and had to deal with all the paradoxes and crap.

The only problem would be if someone bought a time machine from me for the express purpose of preceding my patent, so I'd have to have a no-prior-invention-ganking clause in the TOS.
 
2014-02-21 06:29:49 PM  
David Gerrold did an excellent novel that explains time travel quite clearly: The Man Who Folded Himself
 
2014-02-21 06:32:28 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.

[b-townblog.com image 459x215]

 
2014-02-21 06:32:36 PM  

Stephen_Falken: If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.


You've got that covered so I'll be gunning for Abraham.
 
2014-02-21 06:33:46 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.

[b-townblog.com image 459x215]


www.overclock.net

/2nd times a charm
 
2014-02-21 06:35:16 PM  
Red Dwarf was the best dramatic representation of time travel and its potential ramifications.
 
2014-02-21 06:36:13 PM  
 
2014-02-21 06:38:28 PM  

Skyd1v: fickenchucker: I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.

There is enough there in one sentence to give a person chills.

/Please tell me that is a reference to something I am missing.


Nope--not a joke.  My sister was killed when I was 13 (she was 23), and it farked up the family something fierce.  I think I'm the only one who emerged predominantly normal, and even that is up for debate.

But that's been so long ago I've "healed", to choose a phrase.  Now it's just part of my formative years.

Given a time machine, I would steal my parents' car, drive to her, force her to alter her plans, and let the biatch who killed her die.

/Long story short, a coont ran her car in mansion's garage and gassed herself for a successful suicide, ignoring the logic that a former servant's-quarters-turned-modern-apartment apartment above the garage might fill up with CO in the process.
 
2014-02-21 06:41:51 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.

[b-townblog.com image 459x215]


3.bp.blogspot.com

PROOF!
 
2014-02-21 06:43:44 PM  
I'd travel back to 16th century Italy, find Galileo, and bring him back to our time. Then I'd take him to an observatory and let him see what we can see today using modern technology.

/or I'd go on a Bill and Ted's adventure just to see Genghis Khan trash a mall.
 
2014-02-21 06:44:02 PM  
I'd give guns and electricity to Rome
 
2014-02-21 06:45:47 PM  
To summarize the article: If you kill Hitler, things would change and that might be bad.  Sound of Thunder style reactionary pessimism.
 
2014-02-21 06:46:03 PM  
Why all the Hitler hate.

Hitler did nothing wrong.
 
2014-02-21 06:48:56 PM  
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-21 06:49:32 PM  

DubtodaIll: Red Dwarf was the best dramatic representation of time travel and its potential ramifications.


You're welcome smeghead
 
2014-02-21 06:50:47 PM  

toraque: Meh.  If I had a time machine, I'd use it to go back in time and loan it to my previous self, who would figure out how it works and patent it.  Then I'd return to the present, where I'd be insanely rich from selling time machines, and someone else would have killed Hitler and had to deal with all the paradoxes and crap.

The only problem would be if someone bought a time machine from me for the express purpose of preceding my patent, so I'd have to have a no-prior-invention-ganking clause in the TOS.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Patent_No._1
 
2014-02-21 06:52:15 PM  
Assuming that a dead Hitler = no WWII, I probably am never born.

My grandfathers work schedule increased drastically in the late 30s due to the country gearing up for war (he worked in the aviation industry), and his window for plowing my grandma and conceiving my mom in late 1939, was made much narrower as a result.

Probably a different son or daughter would have been born to them around that time, but it wouldn't have been me.

So thanks Hitler!
 
2014-02-21 06:54:37 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I'd give guns and electricity to Rome


I'd go see Heron in Alexandria and tell him to hook up his steam-spinning toy to something useful. Voila, the Industrial Revolution, 1800 years earlier.
 
2014-02-21 06:55:10 PM  
Well I guess there's nothing wrong with creating a better breed of human.  We all do it to some degree when we select a hot mate.

It was the whole "wipe out or enslave everyone else" thing that pissed everyone off.
 
2014-02-21 06:55:16 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-21 06:55:34 PM  
Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.

That said, there is an xkcd for everything:

imgs.xkcd.com
 
2014-02-21 06:59:16 PM  

Lee451: David Gerrold did an excellent novel that explains time travel quite clearly: The Man Who Folded Himself


That is a fantastic book and greatly altered the way I saw time travel.  I loaned it out to a couple of friends in 9th grade and we spent hours discussing the possibilities.  It's still in print, too, though I have the edition from your link.
 
2014-02-21 06:59:19 PM  
It does make sense though, you kill Hitler (before he comes to power) and America doesn't have the Baby Boom.
 
2014-02-21 06:59:22 PM  

Serious Black: Now that you've changed things, time travel wasn't invented in your lifetime, so either you vanish and the whole thing is undone, or your time machine does. So now you're stranded in wartime Berlin. And you've just killed the beloved leader of one of the most powerful military machines in history.

Doc Brown says that killing Hitler would have a ripple effect throughout time, so you could get back to your relative present before you lost the time machine to non-existence.


yea but what happens if you go back in time and hitler falls in love with you and starts calling you calvin klein so you have to take him to the Verzauberung unter dem Meer tanz.
 
2014-02-21 07:00:28 PM  
Give the Romans gunpowder, the blast furnace, the steam engine, and electricity.

Brilliant!

Actually you would vanish the instant you did that, because in that timeline, mankind nuked itself out of existence around 300 AD.

On the timeline we occupy now, we still have 18 years before that happens, and the country that does it isn't even nuclear capable yet.
 
2014-02-21 07:01:55 PM  

The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.


You assume too much about time travel. One theory posits that time travel is like a tunnel and, like any tunnel, you can only go as far as it extends. If, say, the tunnel were collapsed in the middle, you could only travel to that point.

Thus, whatever machine you use to time travel only permits travel from whenever you are to as far back as whenever it was turned on. So if the machine is invented in 2015, in 2017 you can only travel back as far as 2015, when it was first turned on. If the machine is turned off and on again in 2016, then those 2017ers can only travel back as far as 2016 -- "the tunnel is collapsed" at that point and you can go no further.

Likewise, you'd only be able to go forward so long as the machine remained powered. If the machine were also rebooted in 2019 for some reason, travel would only be permitted between 2016 and 2019 ... for those using it during those years. Those using it after 2019 would obviously have a different range of temporal motion.
 
2014-02-21 07:02:11 PM  
I know what I'd do with a time machine...

img.auctiva.com
 
2014-02-21 07:02:22 PM  
Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.
 
2014-02-21 07:03:10 PM  
Maybe someone did go back in time to kill Hitler. The only reason why he wasn't killed at the start was because the assassin compared the different days/years to kill him, watched how it unfolded each time, and found that the best time to kill him would have been right when he did in our timeline to balance out the murder of millions with vast advancement in military, technology and medical sciences. That's pretty heavy.


ArcadianRefugee: Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.


I wouldn't. Having a woman straddle you while gently pulling on your tie to get you even closer it quite hot.
 
2014-02-21 07:05:48 PM  

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.


dontremaketotalrecall.com
 
2014-02-21 07:06:30 PM  

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location.


Futurama did it.
 
2014-02-21 07:06:49 PM  

RoxtarRyan: ArcadianRefugee: Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.

I wouldn't. Having a woman straddle you while gently pulling on your tie to get you even closer it quite hot.


Fine, so sell it as a sex toy no goddamned reason I should have to wear one to "look professional". I mean, who the fark came up with the idea that a noose makes you look professional?
 
2014-02-21 07:07:10 PM  
OK so you kill Hitler.

That's great.

Now WWII doesn't start until 1961, after the Germans perfect their ICBM technology and nuclear weapons.

The war ends the day it starts, as London, Moscow, New York and Tokyo cease to exist.

We lose, and are soon speaking German along with everyone else on Planet Germany.
 
2014-02-21 07:07:52 PM  

RoxtarRyan: DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location.

Futurama did it.


Sorta, they ended up like 10 ft from where they started. Even if you jumped by a day you'd be off the planet.
 
2014-02-21 07:07:54 PM  

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.


If anybody asks, you just wave you hands and explain that the time machine follows along the warped space time corridor that is caused the the Earth's gravity well, so you get hauled along at the current relative (moving) location.

Yeah, I've thought about this a bit...
 
2014-02-21 07:08:00 PM  
Why would I? How does that make me rich?
 
2014-02-21 07:08:04 PM  

TomD9938: Assuming that a dead Hitler = no WWII, I probably am never born.

My grandfathers work schedule increased drastically in the late 30s due to the country gearing up for war (he worked in the aviation industry), and his window for plowing my grandma and conceiving my mom in late 1939, was made much narrower as a result.

Probably a different son or daughter would have been born to them around that time, but it wouldn't have been me.

So thanks Hitler!


No the way to stop WW2 would be to lessen the punishment exacted on Germany after 'The Great War' aka WW1.
 
2014-02-21 07:08:44 PM  

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.


There is a Twilight Zone short story about that. Everybody who enters the time machine door never returns after activating the machine, because they die in space before they can return and tell anyone.
 
2014-02-21 07:08:45 PM  
People always have such bad luck killing Hitler. I decided I would go to the root of the problem and kill Jesus instead.  So I joined the Judean Liberation Front or possibly the Judean People's Front. Honestly, the place was crawling with conspiracies and revolutionaries and I can't tell them apart even now.

My first attempt to kill Jesus was a fiasco. He bent over to pick up a child and the bullet hit Lazarus. Fortunately, Lazarus was rich and over-insured. He died but he made a full recovery. A man of many talents as they say.

Then I tried to hit the Big Guy at the Sermon on the Mount. He was a hard man to get a bead on because he was always surrounded by crowds and disciples with stiletto daggers in their garters. Apparently the Big Guy was well-connected in a few of the more heavily armed sects and conspiracies, notably the stabby-stabby guys, whatchamacallits, Zealots. In fact his security point man was a known Zealot named Simon or something.

I figured that on the Mount he would be up high, away from the crowds. I had not counted on my fellow time travelers getting in the way. There were thousands of people there. They only had food for 400.

I was close enough to one of the disciples to hear the food order: 4,000 fishes and 4,000 loaves of bread. Also 85,000 KFC super-value packs and hamburgers for 20,000. I don't know what they would have done if I wasn't there to explain the concept of chicken and beef. There wasn't a damn cow in the whole of rural Judea. So they had goat burgers and deep-fried Coney, Morocco style. I'm just kidding. Morocco hadn't been invented yet. And the camel, apparently, was something of an anacronism except.

To make a long story short, I took another shot at Himself. A lot of good it did. Somebody in the crowd had deep-fried vulture instead of coney and probably complained so much nobody could hear the bit about the artisanal goat cheese-makers.

Some people are harder to kill than Herpes. Maybe that is what the H. stands for. I always thought it stood for Herschel.
 
2014-02-21 07:10:33 PM  
Spatial correlation wouldn't be a problem because time and space are linked.

People only think it's a problem because they're looking from the wrong coordinate system.

If you time travel back to 1930's Boston, you'll be in Boston, not space.  You would also have no idea you had time-traveled to get there.
 
2014-02-21 07:11:32 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: RoxtarRyan: ArcadianRefugee: Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.

I wouldn't. Having a woman straddle you while gently pulling on your tie to get you even closer it quite hot.

Fine, so sell it as a sex toy no goddamned reason I should have to wear one to "look professional". I mean, who the fark came up with the idea that a noose makes you look professional?


It's there to hide the buttons on your shirt because you don't want your shirt to button up the back they way they used to. It's the descendant of the cravat.

The tie is also very useful because it can be constructed to hide an actual strangling cord. And believe me, those can come in handy when the audit suddenly turns south.
 
2014-02-21 07:13:06 PM  

lewismarktwo: TomD9938: Assuming that a dead Hitler = no WWII, I probably am never born.

My grandfathers work schedule increased drastically in the late 30s due to the country gearing up for war (he worked in the aviation industry), and his window for plowing my grandma and conceiving my mom in late 1939, was made much narrower as a result.

Probably a different son or daughter would have been born to them around that time, but it wouldn't have been me.

So thanks Hitler!

No the way to stop WW2 would be to lessen the punishment exacted on Germany after 'The Great War' aka WW1.


change the treaty of Versailles, make it less harsh than it was.
 
2014-02-21 07:13:11 PM  

brantgoose: I always thought it stood for Herschel.


img.fark.net

DubtodaIll: Sorta, they ended up like 10 ft from where they started. Even if you jumped by a day you'd be off the planet.


Well, a self-contained machine *might* be able to be able to compensate for it (or at least protect the user should they re-appear in the middle of space), but at that point, it is almost a combination of FTL and time travel... though the two are often used in sync when used in stories.... Huh. I'm pretty sure of all the time-travel stories out there, there must be at least one that covers the subject.
 
2014-02-21 07:14:46 PM  

studebaker hoch: Spatial correlation wouldn't be a problem because time and space are linked.

People only think it's a problem because they're looking from the wrong coordinate system.

If you time travel back to 1930's Boston, you'll be in Boston, not space.  You would also have no idea you had time-traveled to get there.


I'm not really sure time and space are linked like that. Space requires time but it doesn't seem that time requires space. I'm looking at time travel in that you would remain at the same x,y,z coordinates and modify your t. If that's the case you're going to not be on Earth anymore, provided your machine is terrestrial.
 
2014-02-21 07:17:14 PM  
Go back and find the very first critter climbing from the primordial ooze.. and squish it.
 
2014-02-21 07:18:39 PM  

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: You need Hitler to bleed the Soviets dry and make sure Stalin doesn't take over the world in the 1940s.

You need Stalin to make sure Trotskyism doesn't cause a worldwide communist revolution in the 1930s.

Why you need Trotsky, I don't know, but the alternative version of the 1920s has to be worse.


Trotsky lived in Spring Hill, Nova Scotia, for a while. Maybe he had something to do with the Springhill Mine Disaster. Perhaps he suggested life insurance for the miners, or tried to unionize them. He died in Mexico. He was stabbed by a zealot, IIRC.

The Universe is all one giant beautiful oneness as the Buddhists say.

Eventually I did kill Jesus, which is a shame because it turns out he was a Buddhist proselytizer. If he hadn't been martyred he would have converted the Jews to the One True Faith and the world would be peaceful and rich in the many blessings which Jesus promulgated on the Mount. Oops! Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa! That's Latin for My bad!

History is like a rubber sheet--no matter how hard you pull, it won't cover the whole GD bed.
 
2014-02-21 07:19:27 PM  

timujin: You know who else killed Hitler?


Masterful. You saw your opportunity and didn't hesitate.
 
2014-02-21 07:21:08 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I'd give guns and electricity to Rome


Then they wouldn't burn the damn Christians to light the Colosseum and we'd be over-run by their descendants. Socialism everywhere. Forever. Nope, I still think the Buddhists were the way to go.
 
2014-02-21 07:21:51 PM  

gopher321: I'd kill the guy who invented the necktie.


It was the Croatians, IIRC. Go get 'em!
 
2014-02-21 07:22:43 PM  
Time and space are the same thing (or rather, time and distance).

If you move to another point in space, you're there.  You're not where you were.  Silly, right?

Well, same goes for time.  If you time travel to the past, you're there.  You're in that timeline now.  Not here anymore, and you never were.

Your memories of the past can't tell you what time you came from any more than your eyes looking out the window can tell you what place you came from.  You're not there anymore.

You're memories are as much in that time, as your feet are on the ground in that space.
 
2014-02-21 07:23:56 PM  
I'll just go back to 1936 and show Hitler Inglorious Basterds and tell him it was a documentary.

Then a bunch of Downfall clips just for fun.
 
2014-02-21 07:25:04 PM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: Nah, I'd go back and kill young Karl Marx.


But he was such a cute kid!

delong.typepad.com
Either Karl Marx or a young Dave Lister

 
2014-02-21 07:28:18 PM  

Doc Batarang: DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.

There is a Twilight Zone short story about that. Everybody who enters the time machine door never returns after activating the machine, because they die in space before they can return and tell anyone.


upload.wikimedia.org

The only movie or TV show I can think of that even tried to deal with it.
 
2014-02-21 07:28:32 PM  

studebaker hoch: Time and space are the same thing (or rather, time and distance).

If you move to another point in space, you're there.  You're not where you were.  Silly, right?

Well, same goes for time.  If you time travel to the past, you're there.  You're in that timeline now.  Not here anymore, and you never were.

Your memories of the past can't tell you what time you came from any more than your eyes looking out the window can tell you what place you came from.  You're not there anymore.

You're memories are as much in that time, as your feet are on the ground in that space.


That doesn't really sound right. Time and space are certainly not the same thing. Though I hadn't really thought about it in the way that time in only linear and it would somehow affect you personally if you were able to travel along it. I've always viewed time as the energy that allows matter to move from one moment to the next without crushing itself. So I figure if you're able to somehow circumvent that process you'd have to do it in a fashion where you somehow create a bubble of personal time so that your own personal matter wouldn't destroy itself.
 
2014-02-21 07:29:48 PM  
I'd go back in time and bang your mom...oops already did that, Now you all owe my Fathers day presents.
 
2014-02-21 07:29:59 PM  

symptomoftheuniverse: Go back and find the very first critter climbing from the primordial ooze.. and squish it.


24.media.tumblr.com

Stupid bug! You go squish now!
 
2014-02-21 07:30:24 PM  

lewismarktwo: TomD9938: Assuming that a dead Hitler = no WWII, I probably am never born.

My grandfathers work schedule increased drastically in the late 30s due to the country gearing up for war (he worked in the aviation industry), and his window for plowing my grandma and conceiving my mom in late 1939, was made much narrower as a result.

Probably a different son or daughter would have been born to them around that time, but it wouldn't have been me.

So thanks Hitler!

No the way to stop WW2 would be to lessen the punishment exacted on Germany after 'The Great War' aka WW1.


This is a commonly-accepted rationale for the rise of radical nationalists in Germany but it's just not true. Yes, there were reparations. No, they weren't large. They also went unpaid.

The fact that Germany capitulated is the biggest reason. The Dolchstoss -- "Stab in the Back" -- was a huge propaganda item for the decades between the wars. Not the reparations.

See the creepy-looking Jew defeating the honorable German soldier in the trenches ... stabbing him in the back.

upload.wikimedia.org

The nationalist Germans felt that Germany gave up "without losing". As if they could have won the war except for those pesky Jews, Communists and other undesirables.

They were completely wrong, but as we sadly learned, "truth" is the least of the victims here.
 
2014-02-21 07:30:53 PM  

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


Curious how you fit into this thread, what with all the baggage you brought with you.
 
2014-02-21 07:31:09 PM  

RoxtarRyan: Maybe someone did go back in time to kill Hitler. The only reason why he wasn't killed at the start was because the assassin compared the different days/years to kill him, watched how it unfolded each time, and found that the best time to kill him would have been right when he did in our timeline to balance out the murder of millions with vast advancement in military, technology and medical sciences. That's pretty heavy.


ArcadianRefugee: Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.

I wouldn't. Having a woman straddle you while gently pulling on your tie to get you even closer it quite hot.


Or, Hitler was about to pull off a last second Hail Mary that that time traveller stopped. Killing him earlier just lead to other, more competent, people to take his place.

So the time traveller struck right as the Nazis were at their weakest and threw their leadership into disarray at a point that allowed the Allies to succeed in their final push.
 
2014-02-21 07:32:07 PM  
If you get your hands on a time machine, go back to the earliest humans you can sexually reproduce with, knock up the females, ta-da, the entire course of human history is farked.
 
2014-02-21 07:34:36 PM  
You can't take "your time" with you to another time any more than you can take "your space" to another location.

You leave one, and go to the other.

In our case, the only way we have to know what space we're in is our eyes.  The only way to know what time we're in is our memory.

If you travel distance, your eyes see the new space and can longer see where you were.
If you travel time, your memories are now in that time frame, and you can't remember any other timeline.

If you travel in space, you get "there".
If you travel in time, you get "then".
 
2014-02-21 07:42:27 PM  

RoxtarRyan: DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location.

Futurama did it.


Bill & Ted too.
 
2014-02-21 07:48:50 PM  
You wouldn't have to kill Hitler anyway, just go back in time and hire Hitler's Dad to make a barbecue pit for you and get him out of the house for a week.  Hitler's mom's egg will have gone down unfertilized and the spermatozoa that was Hitler will have gotten too old in his Dad's ball sack to win the race and when you return to the present you'll be able to say you saved millions of Jews WITHa barbecue.

But of course no one will have a clue wtf you're talking about.
 
2014-02-21 07:49:12 PM  

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.

4.bp.blogspot.com

/Of course this would mean alot more Jews in the world like me and there can only be so many bankers! :-P
 
Ant
2014-02-21 07:50:49 PM  
Maybe instead of killing Jesus, you could just kidnap him before he does his thing at the temple, and show him what his cult becomes.

"Is this really what you want?"
"You know that nothing you do or say is going to get the Romans out of Palestine any quicker, right?"
 
2014-02-21 07:51:27 PM  
http://www.viruscomix.com/page417.html

Mandatory reading for would-be time machine inventors.
 
2014-02-21 07:52:45 PM  
Unless there was a time when you were off the planet gasping in space, you don't have to worry about accidentally finding yourself there.

You would also have to worry about velocity.  The earth spinning, orbiting the sun, the motion of the galaxy, the Universe expanding.

Photons travel time by going the speed of light (hurp), and they don't explode or go missing when they get "now."  They all arrive in perfect condition, they don't miss the Earth because it moved in the time it took them to get from the Sun to here.

It's all about (relative) reference frames.
 
2014-02-21 07:54:46 PM  
Take extra vitamin C?
 
2014-02-21 08:01:48 PM  
Id go back in time and tell myself to
"get baptized in front of your wife's mom and pretend you're religious.. Because if you don't, your devil-in-law will talk bad about you until your wonderful wife can't stand the fact you're not religious.. And divorce you because she's not spiritually happy.. Then you'll be depressed for a long time and constantly think of thoughts you don't want to think of.. And think of things that'll never come to be which will bring you into even more depression.. Stop being proud and do it.. You'll be happier for it"..
 
2014-02-21 08:02:22 PM  
I'd just ring the door bell as Hitlers dad is about to boink his mom.

Hitler never born, and no one the wiser.
 
2014-02-21 08:03:21 PM  

studebaker hoch: You can't take "your time" with you to another time any more than you can take "your space" to another location.

You leave one, and go to the other.

In our case, the only way we have to know what space we're in is our eyes.  The only way to know what time we're in is our memory.

If you travel distance, your eyes see the new space and can longer see where you were.
If you travel time, your memories are now in that time frame, and you can't remember any other timeline.

If you travel in space, you get "there".
If you travel in time, you get "then".


I think you are wrong.

How would those memories end up in your head if you never lived in that timeline?  After all, by traveling thru time you are not ending up being born in that time.  You would end up there with all your memories of your time line.

The primary issue I have with time travel is the energy involved.  Basically if you change the timeline you make the entire universe itself explode at every point in time after the point in time you change.
 
2014-02-21 08:03:42 PM  
My first trip will resemble Back to the Future's Biff, with my future self giving my past self money tips. Buy Microsoft stock and Google's, and Apple's stock right after Microsoft makes an investment in it. Then, since I guess I'll be rich then I';ll never have to worry about that bad relationship I had in my 20's because I'll never be working at that shiatty job I had. But that girl I was attracted to in college and didn't know until too late it was mutual: go for it.
 
2014-02-21 08:04:02 PM  
See the creepy-looking Jew defeating the honorable German soldier in the trenches ... stabbing him in the back.

Why does the "Jew" have boobs?
 
2014-02-21 08:04:49 PM  
Killing Woodrow Wilson before he got us into WW1 would be a better idea.
 
2014-02-21 08:06:43 PM  
Depends on how the universe responds to time meddling. BtF style, observe but try not to interact. The Doctor has no trouble, but that's because the universe is a projection from the TARDIS.

Now, you get to Heinlein's Circle of Oroborus, and reality was a series of backgrounds to storyteller milieus. There they could hand a condom to prevent the conception of a dictator and see it ends with nukes.

I can't wait for the new Peabody and Sherman cartoon. Potential for weird.
 
2014-02-21 08:07:12 PM  
If I went back in time, I wouldn't kill Hitler, I'd just try to convince him to use the Iron Cross as his symbol instead of the swastika.

/Actually, I'd push him more towards using a christian cross. More potential fun to be had with that.
 
2014-02-21 08:09:52 PM  
No one has mentioned wikihistory yet?  I am disappoint.
 
2014-02-21 08:11:06 PM  

stuffy: I'd just ring the door bell as Hitlers dad is about to boink his mom.

Hitler never born, and no one the wiser.


Go back to shortly before the Hitlers meet and became a couple and seduce Hitler's mom
 
2014-02-21 08:11:08 PM  

timujin: Lee451: David Gerrold did an excellent novel that explains time travel quite clearly: The Man Who Folded Himself

That is a fantastic book and greatly altered the way I saw time travel.  I loaned it out to a couple of friends in 9th grade and we spent hours discussing the possibilities.  It's still in print, too, though I have the edition from your link.


I also have it in pdf form.


/CSB: The sequence of events in the book started on my 16th birthday (May 19, 1976)
 
2014-02-21 08:13:54 PM  
If you go back you should kill Jack Spart.  The biggest asshole in history.
 
2014-02-21 08:13:59 PM  

derio42: No one has mentioned wikihistory yet?  I am disappoint.


It's the obligatory link up above.

He beat me to it.

In this timeline that is, Dun Dun DUN!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40
 
2014-02-21 08:20:38 PM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

Disapproves.
 
2014-02-21 08:22:58 PM  
www.liveforfilms.com
 
2014-02-21 08:24:02 PM  
Can we kill Pol Pot? Ho Chi Min? Chairman Mao?
How about Pat Robertson's mother?
The entire 700 club?
Ray Croc?
The guy who shot Larry Flynt?
Lincoln?
So much work, so little time(travel).
 
2014-02-21 08:24:34 PM  
I would go back 15 minutes ago and kill myself before Iread this article/thread
 
2014-02-21 08:26:03 PM  
The past is obdurate.
 
2014-02-21 08:26:37 PM  

Oldiron_79: stuffy: I'd just ring the door bell as Hitlers dad is about to boink his mom.

Hitler never born, and no one the wiser.

Go back to shortly before the Hitlers meet and became a couple and seduce Hitler's mom


And become Hitler's father. Awkward!
 
2014-02-21 08:27:43 PM  
Show up when Hitler was 12 wearing a yarmulke, give him a hug, tell him you believe in him and that he can be great artist.
 
2014-02-21 08:28:43 PM  

DubtodaIll: It does make sense though, you kill Hitler (before he comes to power) and America doesn't have the Baby Boom.


Killing anyone, no matter how bad, in history is no way to use a time machine because the possibility is that life would be worse rather than better.  Therefore, if I had a time machine today, I would travel back to this past Wednesday and buy a winning ticket in the Powerball.  Upon return, I'd destroy it and go on with my life managing to eke out an existence drawing on my Powerball winnings of $400+ million.
 
2014-02-21 08:34:05 PM  

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.


It's moving backwards in the 4th dimension that's the hard part. If you've mastered that direction in that dimension, the other three are already trivial. It's basically extrapolation. Heck, that extrapolation was already pretty much under basic control hundreds of years ago. So by the time one's got a time device, extrapolating some spatial coordinates onto a moving and rotating celestial body in the gravitational field imposed by many neighboring bodies from one time to another has got to be nothing more than calling an existing open source routine - it'll be that simple at that point.

/Just consider this to be the reason that most time travel stories don't worry about this spatial aspect.
It's just classical  mechanics really...
 
2014-02-21 08:34:13 PM  

Jeng: derio42: No one has mentioned wikihistory yet?  I am disappoint.

It's the obligatory link up above.

He beat me to it.


Point of order: issues related to previously linked articles ought to go in the archive forum.
 
2014-02-21 08:36:49 PM  

rattchett: Show up when Hitler was 12 wearing a yarmulke, give him a hug, tell him you believe in him and that he can be great artist.


Or just convince the art school admission officers in Vienna to let this one slide.
 
2014-02-21 08:40:10 PM  

gnosis301: Oldiron_79: stuffy: I'd just ring the door bell as Hitlers dad is about to boink his mom.

Hitler never born, and no one the wiser.

Go back to shortly before the Hitlers meet and became a couple and seduce Hitler's mom

And become Hitler's father. Awkward!


But you would be able to humbly brag that your penis saved several million people.
 
2014-02-21 08:46:37 PM  

Doc Batarang: DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.

There is a Twilight Zone short story about that. Everybody who enters the time machine door never returns after activating the machine, because they die in space before they can return and tell anyone.


Not to self: before testing time machine, have space probes in place monitoring earlier positions of Earth for incoming bodies.
 
2014-02-21 08:48:53 PM  

DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.


Space travel is needed even for trips of less than a second.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=speed+of+earth%27s+movement+through+space
 
2014-02-21 08:49:19 PM  

studebaker hoch: Time and space are the same thing (or rather, time and distance).

If you move to another point in space, you're there.  You're not where you were.  Silly, right?


Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime doubly so.
 
2014-02-21 08:56:02 PM  
I went back in time to 1490 to kill Velacuche, the man who discovered what is now known as the Velacucharan Empire.

/I guess I succeeded.
 
2014-02-21 08:57:13 PM  

WelldeadLink: DubtodaIll: Something I've never seen anyone incorporate in to time travel is spatial location. Say you have a machine that can travel time. It had better be able to handle the vacuum of space because if you go back a few hundred years and you'll be millions of miles away from Earth if you arrive at the same spot from which you leave.

Space travel is needed even for trips of less than a second.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=speed+of+earth%27s+movement+through+space


You would be wrong on that. For about 45% of the Earth's surface at any given time, trips of 1 second would require tunneling machines to extract your corpse. (Areas on the forward half of the planet near the maximum circumference would allow you to pass through, but other forward sides just drive you into the core.)
 
2014-02-21 09:00:28 PM  

Jeng: studebaker hoch: You can't take "your time" with you to another time any more than you can take "your space" to another location.

You leave one, and go to the other.

In our case, the only way we have to know what space we're in is our eyes.  The only way to know what time we're in is our memory.

If you travel distance, your eyes see the new space and can longer see where you were.
If you travel time, your memories are now in that time frame, and you can't remember any other timeline.

If you travel in space, you get "there".
If you travel in time, you get "then".

I think you are wrong.

How would those memories end up in your head if you never lived in that timeline?  After all, by traveling thru time you are not ending up being born in that time.  You would end up there with all your memories of your time line.

The primary issue I have with time travel is the energy involved.  Basically if you change the timeline you make the entire universe itself explode at every point in time after the point in time you change.


...total pro tonic reversal? Is that what happens when you cross the time streams?
 
2014-02-21 09:07:54 PM  
Jeng

I think you are wrong.

How would those memories end up in your head if you never lived in that timeline? After all, by traveling thru time you are not ending up being born in that time. You would end up there with all your memories of your time line.


If you travel time, you end up in a place where you existed all along.  Just as surely as if you travel in distance, you are truly physically where you end up.  You won't know the difference.  Bringing your current temporal reference frame to another time would make about as much logical sense as bringing a point in space to another point in space.

The primary issue I have with time travel is the energy involved. Basically if you change the timeline you make the entire universe itself explode at every point in time after the point in time you change.

You're doing it the hard way.  You can time travel effortlessly and we do it all the time just by moving relative to a fixed reference frame.  The astronauts on the ISS move a (small) fraction of a second "into the future!" (echo effect here) on long missions.  They expend no energy to do this, they pay that ticket when they reached orbital velocity.  They return to earth in the future (according to us), but can't tell because as far as they're concerned they've been on that timeline all along.
 
2014-02-21 09:09:30 PM  

StopLurkListen: See the creepy-looking Jew defeating the honorable German soldier in the trenches ... stabbing him in the back.


img.fark.net

That Jew has some tittays!
 
Al!
2014-02-21 09:15:52 PM  

studebaker hoch: You can't take "your time" with you to another time any more than you can take "your space" to another location.

You leave one, and go to the other.

In our case, the only way we have to know what space we're in is our eyes.  The only way to know what time we're in is our memory.

If you travel distance, your eyes see the new space and can longer see where you were.
If you travel time, your memories are now in that time frame, and you can't remember any other timeline.

If you travel in space, you get "there".
If you travel in time, you get "then".


I bring to you as a counterpoint the fact that you are currently travelling through both space and time.  Whether sitting still or running at your fastest sprint, you can never overcome the inertia imparted to you by the great travelling spaceship we call Earth.  Also, as you travel through space, you are travelling ever forward in time, unable to stop it even if you wanted.  This seems to bring your position into serious question, as I remember a lot of things, and I am travelling through time.

We could get philosophical and question my memories' validity, but if that is the case I could argue that I am in fact having this discussion with myself, thus the point I take needs not be plausible, or even coherent.
 
2014-02-21 09:20:51 PM  
Screw it, I'll take personal gain instead. Stop myself from going out that night and meeting my ex.
 
2014-02-21 09:22:37 PM  

FuzedBox: Oops, correction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq1JhGNKs1s


First thing I thought of. :D

/Herr Hitler... is out of the way.
 
2014-02-21 09:34:33 PM  
I would do the world a solid and target Al Gore.  Thus stopping the whole internet.
 
2014-02-21 09:35:22 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I'd give guns and electricity to Rome


They had electricity, actually.
 
2014-02-21 09:43:36 PM  

Stephen_Falken: If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.


Why?
 
2014-02-21 09:44:35 PM  

vudukungfu: Are you kidding?
Kill baby Jesus with a M-60 and a few thousand rounds and doing it while wearing Hell's Angels regalia and colors.

Few thousand years later, they'll think twice about wishing upon a star.


Someone else would just come along and invent him anyway.
 
2014-02-21 09:46:05 PM  
Doesn't matter.

We exist in a multiverse. The point you travel to in the past would be a branch that would not include your own origin's time. Feel free to stomp on prehistoric bugs, kill your grandfather as a child, or find yourself and give new meaning to masturbation.

I suspect that if we are able to physically travel back in time, scientists will use history like a big sandbox, and observe the effects.  They will be "Alter-historians" and provide real feedback on how things might have turned out given alternative outcomes to key events.
 
2014-02-21 09:51:57 PM  
If Time Travel were possible we wouldn't be wondering about whether or not it's possible, now, would we?
 
2014-02-21 09:58:16 PM  

bratface: Stephen_Falken: If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.

Why?


Perhaps so that those other religion-founding clowns don't get any funny ideas.
 
2014-02-21 09:59:21 PM  
My target list includes Saul of Tarsus, failing that John of Padmos.
 
2014-02-21 10:11:28 PM  

Solid State Vittles: I wanted this to be about acid.


That's where my mind went. I was thinking..."do another hit after 20 minutes of not feeling anything?"
 
2014-02-21 10:12:16 PM  

bratface: Stephen_Falken: If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.

Why?


Yea, then there would be no Freddie Mercury.
 
2014-02-21 10:14:41 PM  
I'd go to the 16th century and give Nostradamus a glimpse into the future...

or did I?
 
2014-02-21 10:15:56 PM  
Since Hitler rise was, in a large part, a reactionary response to the threat of communist Russia and the spread of the communist ideology to Germany, killing both Lenin and Trotsky, would have prevent both, Hitler's and Stalin's ascent, thus, saving the lives of tens of millions.
 
2014-02-21 10:16:37 PM  
I like the theory that originally, Hitler didn't exist, and so the world was destroyed in a thermonuclear war.  So they actually trained a volunteer to be Hitler.  But Earth was still destroyed in a thermonuclear war.  So they had to train other genocidal maniacs all the way back to Genghis Khan.  A whole battalion of murderous tyrants, sent back in time to wipe out those bloodlines that would eventually destroy the world, one way or another.
 
2014-02-21 10:19:50 PM  

jaylectricity: Solid State Vittles: I wanted this to be about acid.

That's where my mind went. I was thinking..."do another hit after 20 minutes of not feeling anything?"



back in the day we dropped a few hits, one guy ended up in the emergency room from an accident.  It was bad enough for me to sitting in the waiting room tripping balls with his mother, can't imagine what he went though
 
2014-02-21 10:22:34 PM  

studebaker hoch: Spatial correlation wouldn't be a problem because time and space are linked.

People only think it's a problem because they're looking from the wrong coordinate system.

If you time travel back to 1930's Boston, you'll be in Boston, not space.  You would also have no idea you had time-traveled to get there.


Umm... Bostons IS in space, and so are you, and so am I.
 
2014-02-21 10:31:25 PM  

RedVentrue: studebaker hoch: Spatial correlation wouldn't be a problem because time and space are linked.

People only think it's a problem because they're looking from the wrong coordinate system.

If you time travel back to 1930's Boston, you'll be in Boston, not space.  You would also have no idea you had time-traveled to get there.

Umm... Bostons IS in space, and so are you, and so am I.


"Yes, but, Boston is in a "special" space, (wink) right?"
"Go along with him, he's from Boston.  Plus, he probably thinks it is 1930, because he doesn't know how to work the calendar."
 
2014-02-21 10:46:58 PM  
You don't need to kill Hitler.

Just one of his parents.

Problem solved.
 
2014-02-21 10:58:14 PM  

DubtodaIll: It does make sense though, you kill Hitler (before he comes to power) and America doesn't have the Baby Boom.


We also probably don't have the huge economic boom of the 50s, since the money that the government spent on the war effort created the huge investment in the machinery and capital that powered industry for generations (as well as providing jobs).  Who knows how long the depression would have went on?  It may also have tamped down the women's rights movement with no more Rosie the Riveter to give women a taste of financial independence.  There would have been no martial plan, either, which put Germany on course to be the economic powerhouse for the EU that they are today.  There is literally no end to the gigantic ripple effects such a thing would have; it may well make the world's power structure look unrecognizable compared to today, and maybe not for the better.
 
2014-02-21 11:01:52 PM  
img.fark.net

Looks like Nicholas Cage has already done it.
 
2014-02-21 11:11:59 PM  

Duke_leto_Atredes: lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea

here is what you were looking for


I think you could accomplish it just by whacking Saul Paulus of Tarsus.  Without Paul, I don't think Christianity survives the first century.
 
2014-02-21 11:12:53 PM  
Al!

I bring to you as a counterpoint the fact that you are currently travelling through both space and time. Whether sitting still or running at your fastest sprint, you can never overcome the inertia imparted to you by the great travelling spaceship we call Earth. Also, as you travel through space, you are travelling ever forward in time, unable to stop it even if you wanted. This seems to bring your position into serious question, as I remember a lot of things, and I am travelling through time.

And you didn't notice any jumps or discontinuities, did you?

We could get philosophical and question my memories' validity, but if that is the case I could argue that I am in fact having this discussion with myself, thus the point I take needs not be plausible, or even coherent.

I agree with everything you're saying.  You're travelling time, indeed.

And you can't tell.
 
2014-02-21 11:13:08 PM  

lindalouwho: Lee Harvey Oswald

/strolls away whistling


That was the premise of Stephen King's recent book 11/22/63. Fun read, interesting take on the premise.
 
2014-02-21 11:17:03 PM  
In Dan Carlin's recent (October?) Hardcore History podcast about the beginning of World War I, he argues that Gavrilo Princip is the most important man in the last 100 years, and he makes a very solid case. The world's a whole lot different if Princip doesn't kill an Austrian archduke and his wife.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gavrilo_Princip
 
2014-02-21 11:19:17 PM  

Vitamin Pb: ArcadianRefugee: RoxtarRyan: ArcadianRefugee: Nonsense. There are far crueler men in history. Like the asshole who invented the tie. First trip I make, I'm gonna choke him to death with his prototype.

I wouldn't. Having a woman straddle you while gently pulling on your tie to get you even closer it quite hot.

Fine, so sell it as a sex toy no goddamned reason I should have to wear one to "look professional". I mean, who the fark came up with the idea that a noose makes you look professional?

It's there to hide the buttons on your shirt because you don't want your shirt to button up the back they way they used to. It's the descendant of the cravat.


Hurm.... I have no problem with buttons.

The tie is also very useful because it can be constructed to hide an actual strangling cord. And believe me, those can come in handy when the audit suddenly turns south.

Go on....
 
2014-02-21 11:21:20 PM  

BravadoGT: I'd go to the 16th century and give Nostradamus a glimpse into the future...

or did I?


Try it again and make sure he pays attention this time.
 
2014-02-21 11:32:45 PM  

fusillade762: BravadoGT: I'd go to the 16th century and give Nostradamus a glimpse into the future...

or did I?

Try it again and make sure he pays attention this time.


He did but since he spent that afternoon listening to a time traveler instead of going on a carriage ride his driver was able to get enough time with a maid to create a son. The resulting butterfly effect is why all his predictions are off.
 
2014-02-21 11:57:30 PM  

Spanky McStupid: [img.fark.net image 261x193]

Looks like Nicholas Cage has already done it.


celebrities.ninemsn.com.au

Jay-Z, too.
 
2014-02-22 12:14:45 AM  
What a stupid farming story. These guys have obviously read a grand total of like 3 Sci-fi stories... If any time travel stories actually even consider killing Hitler, then they deal with the cons that would result, or time's perceived defense mechanism to right itself.

I've read a lot of sci-fi over the years, and I don't know that I've ever read one that was actually "pro" kill Hitler.

It seems that they're cranking out a lot of these uninformed Sci-fi bits lately, they just had the one earlier this week about all of the "mistakes" they make with alien planets, and then didn't name and planets created by actual credible Sci-fi authors.

I wish I had the journalism 'story generation' dartboard. Sounds like a great way to earn a living without knowing shiat.
 
2014-02-22 12:34:28 AM  

The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.


or multiple universes exist and we're in a universe that has absolutely no time travel what so ever.
 
2014-02-22 01:20:58 AM  

Flragnararch: The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.

or multiple universes exist and we're in a universe that has absolutely no time travel what so ever.


Or time travel is what creates the multiple universes.
 
2014-02-22 02:02:24 AM  

drumhellar: [www.smbc-comics.com image 361x1500]
From SMBC


If Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter got made...

Why not, Adolf Hitler, Time Travel Ninja.
 
2014-02-22 02:15:24 AM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: drumhellar: [www.smbc-comics.com image 361x1500]
From SMBC

If Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter got made...

Why not, Adolf Hitler, Time Travel Ninja.


Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter was a book, so it was an existing franchise, of sorts...

But, thanks to this comic, I guess Adolf Hitler: Time Travel Ninja is now an existing franchise. Maybe it will get made.
 
2014-02-22 02:22:53 AM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I'd give guns and electricity to Rome


Better complete world maps, Japanese sword making and naval chronometers, compasses sextants and frigate ship plans for the constitution. As well as gunpowder. I would give all if this to Octavian Cesar.
 
2014-02-22 03:06:25 AM  

TomD9938: his window for plowing my grandma


Jeez, I don't know about you, but there's just some things I don't like to think about, even if my existence depended on it.

On the other hand, "Plowing Grandma" would be a good name for a swing band.
 
2014-02-22 03:26:26 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: You assume too much about time travel. One theory posits that time travel is like a tunnel and, like any tunnel, you can only go as far as it extends. If, say, the tunnel were collapsed in the middle, you could only travel to that point.

Thus, whatever machine you use to time travel only permits travel from whenever you are to as far back as whenever it was turned on.


If you haven't seen it, I recommend you (and anyone else interested in this take on time travel) watch Primer.  Great movie.
 
2014-02-22 03:36:18 AM  
I'm content with traveling slightly slower through time at night and slightly quicker during the day... though the perception is somewhat the opposite.
 
2014-02-22 09:29:40 AM  

Mikey1969: What a stupid farming story. These guys have obviously read a grand total of like 3 Sci-fi stories... If any time travel stories actually even consider killing Hitler, then they deal with the cons that would result, or time's perceived defense mechanism to right itself.

I've read a lot of sci-fi over the years, and I don't know that I've ever read one that was actually "pro" kill Hitler.

It seems that they're cranking out a lot of these uninformed Sci-fi bits lately, they just had the one earlier this week about all of the "mistakes" they make with alien planets, and then didn't name and planets created by actual credible Sci-fi authors.

I wish I had the journalism 'story generation' dartboard. Sounds like a great way to earn a living without knowing shiat.


I know a fellow who wrote a good book for you to read about how journalists pass off crap as news
 
2014-02-22 10:21:18 AM  
Anyone else remember John Titor?
 
2014-02-22 10:52:38 AM  

ransack.: Anyone else remember John Titor?


Not yet, but soon.
 
2014-02-22 12:28:12 PM  

uber humper: Spanky McStupid: [img.fark.net image 261x193]

Looks like Nicholas Cage has already done it.



Jay-Z, too.


I wish there was a whole web site just chronicling this, this is great
 
2014-02-22 04:53:43 PM  
I didn't read through all of the comments, but I guess the problem of time travel without space travel has been mentioned.

The solution is quite simple (as a concept, not from an engineering viewpoint of course). Turn a spaceship into a time machine. You can probably spend a lifetime jumping around space-time and never bump into anything else than the vacuum of space. We've been able to build space-ships that can withstand this vacuum and sustain human life for half a century. They'll have gotten better, faster, stronger by the time we've mastered time travel.

Assume you can either use space travel mode or time travel mode.

If you're making small jumps (days? weeks? months? maybe years?) you'll end up relatively near the solar system and may be able to travel back/forward to the desired location. It depends on your maximum speed if this is desirable. If you jump back a week and take a day to cover the resulting space trip, just jump back eight days and a sliver to arrive exactly a week earlier. If you jump back a week and take two weeks to cover the trip, you've used up two weeks of your resources (fuel, food, but also your own body) to obtain the same result you would have by staying put for a week. This could still have useful applications though. School paper due next week and you still have two weeks of work on it? You'll die in 24 hours and it takes 30 hours to synthesize the cure? (It would take 48 hours in a movie, and be administered in the nick of time. Perhaps with a dramatic countdown in glowing red digits.) All the while, you'd be close to temporal 'home' and be able to return there. In the case of sporadic short trips, a return journey might not even be necessary. You'll die 'sooner' by living those days twice, but other life extension techniques might cover for that.

For long jumps (thousands? millions of years?) you'll just end up somewhere. Most of the time it'll probably be a very boring place. Once in a while, you might have an adventure. A very precise navigation log (spatial and temporal) would be necessary if you want to be able to reverse course and get back home. You'll either it need to make every part of the voyage exactly the opposite way, or to calculate a return journey in fewer longer time jumps and space trips with the same net result.

Does anyone know if you have a guarantee that you'll end up in the same place? If the endpoint of a time jump would be a random spot in the universe, every jump no matter how small would render it practically impossible to ever return. That might be the reason we've never been visited by time travellers. It will be invented but none of them ever end up anywhere near the solar system.
 
2014-02-22 05:10:46 PM  
I just watched Looper.

/I hate time travel plots.
 
2014-02-22 06:04:51 PM  

yakmans_dad: I just watched Looper.

/I hate time travel plots.


Then why did you watch it? Were you unaware of the premise?
 
2014-02-22 07:20:30 PM  
I'd teach Shakespeare some modern English, and if he refused to use it in his plays, then I'd kill him.
 
2014-02-22 07:34:30 PM  
lh5.googleusercontent.com
Believe it or not, but My Little Pony got this right.  Going back in time to change history will do nothing but set into motion the very events you were attempting to change.  We can't change history, because we make history what it is.
 
2014-02-22 08:43:11 PM  

fusillade762: yakmans_dad: I just watched Looper.

/I hate time travel plots.

Then why did you watch it? Were you unaware of the premise?


I thought it was about the Dalai Lama
 
2014-02-23 04:40:42 AM  
Geeze you don't have to KILL him, just give him a forged acceptance letter from The Academy of Fine Arts Vienna.

img.fark.net
 
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