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(Guardian)   Even knowing this, you'll still do it on your first trip   (theguardian.com) divider line 182
    More: Silly, mental disorders, Godwin's Law  
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15162 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2014 at 5:54 PM (21 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



182 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-21 04:17:30 PM
Now that you've changed things, time travel wasn't invented in your lifetime, so either you vanish and the whole thing is undone, or your time machine does. So now you're stranded in wartime Berlin. And you've just killed the beloved leader of one of the most powerful military machines in history.

Doc Brown says that killing Hitler would have a ripple effect throughout time, so you could get back to your relative present before you lost the time machine to non-existence.
 
2014-02-21 04:17:38 PM
I'd kill the guy who invented the necktie.
 
2014-02-21 04:19:02 PM
You know who else killed Hitler?
 
2014-02-21 04:34:20 PM
Are you kidding?
Kill baby Jesus with a M-60 and a few thousand rounds and doing it while wearing Hell's Angels regalia and colors.

Few thousand years later, they'll think twice about wishing upon a star.
 
2014-02-21 05:02:13 PM
No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.
 
2014-02-21 05:07:13 PM
Nice try, Hitler.
 
2014-02-21 05:30:43 PM
No need to kill him, just make sure he somehow got into art school.
 
2014-02-21 05:50:46 PM

2.bp.blogspot.com

You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell. Let's kill Hitler!

 
2014-02-21 05:56:37 PM
I wanted this to be about acid.
 
2014-02-21 05:57:29 PM
Nah, I'd go back and kill young Karl Marx.
 
2014-02-21 06:00:31 PM
I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.
 
2014-02-21 06:00:39 PM
Bah.. screw it all and just kill Eve...
 
2014-02-21 06:03:30 PM
Screw killing Hitler, I'd go back to 1992 and buy a couple thousand shares of ORACLE stock.
 
2014-02-21 06:05:55 PM
Screw that, I'm going back to kidnap Lady Godiva and have my way with her
 
2014-02-21 06:07:10 PM
Lee Harvey Oswald

/strolls away whistling
 
2014-02-21 06:09:02 PM
If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.
 
2014-02-21 06:11:14 PM

fickenchucker: I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.


There is enough there in one sentence to give a person chills.

/Please tell me that is a reference to something I am missing.
 
2014-02-21 06:14:25 PM

Skyd1v: fickenchucker: I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.

There is enough there in one sentence to give a person chills.

/Please tell me that is a reference to something I am missing.


Maybe he should kill Glenn Beck?
 
2014-02-21 06:15:18 PM
Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.
 
2014-02-21 06:15:20 PM
 
2014-02-21 06:15:59 PM
 
2014-02-21 06:16:55 PM

The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.


b-townblog.com
 
2014-02-21 06:18:54 PM
You need Hitler to bleed the Soviets dry and make sure Stalin doesn't take over the world in the 1940s.

You need Stalin to make sure Trotskyism doesn't cause a worldwide communist revolution in the 1930s.

Why you need Trotsky, I don't know, but the alternative version of the 1920s has to be worse.
 
2014-02-21 06:19:09 PM

Solid State Vittles: I wanted this to be about acid.


Yup.

I was trying to think of what everyone does on their first trip, but like, it's a different experience for each individual journey. Whoa.

/got sunburn
 
2014-02-21 06:20:20 PM

And do you know who else had a time machine?

themartyoradioshow.files.wordpress.com

/Thanks Obama.
 
2014-02-21 06:20:54 PM

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea

here is what you were looking for
 
2014-02-21 06:23:25 PM
Just don't get your grandfather killed and then sleep with your grandmother - thus becoming your own grandfather.  I hear it'll affect your brainwaves.
 
2014-02-21 06:23:50 PM

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: You need Hitler to bleed the Soviets dry and make sure Stalin doesn't take over the world in the 1940s.

You need Stalin to make sure Trotskyism doesn't cause a worldwide communist revolution in the 1930s.

Why you need Trotsky, I don't know, but the alternative version of the 1920s has to be worse.


Without Troysky, The corporate entities had to start treating their workers better so they wouldn't go commie.
 
2014-02-21 06:25:50 PM
Not me. I'd convince Pilate to let Jesus go free.

Because I'm that big if an asshole.
 
2014-02-21 06:26:05 PM

lennavan: No, I'd probably spend some time trying to identify the key players in continuing various religions and stopping them in some manner.  Religion is the basis for pretty much all of the bad things in our world.

Of course, without all of the killing in the name of religion, we'd have overpopulation issues.


As an atheist myself, I can safely assure that religion is the source of a lot of good things as well, nor does it corner a market for bad things in the world.

Religion is a human construct. And as a human construct, it can be the most beneficial thing or the most destructive thing.
 
2014-02-21 06:26:14 PM
 
2014-02-21 06:28:44 PM
Meh.  If I had a time machine, I'd use it to go back in time and loan it to my previous self, who would figure out how it works and patent it.  Then I'd return to the present, where I'd be insanely rich from selling time machines, and someone else would have killed Hitler and had to deal with all the paradoxes and crap.

The only problem would be if someone bought a time machine from me for the express purpose of preceding my patent, so I'd have to have a no-prior-invention-ganking clause in the TOS.
 
2014-02-21 06:29:49 PM
David Gerrold did an excellent novel that explains time travel quite clearly: The Man Who Folded Himself
 
2014-02-21 06:32:28 PM

Smeggy Smurf: The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.

[b-townblog.com image 459x215]

 
2014-02-21 06:32:36 PM

Stephen_Falken: If all we're allowed to do is kill someone, I'd go back to Persia in 630 BC and kill Zoroaster instead.


You've got that covered so I'll be gunning for Abraham.
 
2014-02-21 06:33:46 PM

Smeggy Smurf: The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.

[b-townblog.com image 459x215]


www.overclock.net

/2nd times a charm
 
2014-02-21 06:35:16 PM
Red Dwarf was the best dramatic representation of time travel and its potential ramifications.
 
2014-02-21 06:36:13 PM
 
2014-02-21 06:38:28 PM

Skyd1v: fickenchucker: I'd go back to June 1st, 1983, the day before my sister was killed, and warn her not to go home that night.

/fark Hitler--I had no-one from my family die during WWII.

There is enough there in one sentence to give a person chills.

/Please tell me that is a reference to something I am missing.


Nope--not a joke.  My sister was killed when I was 13 (she was 23), and it farked up the family something fierce.  I think I'm the only one who emerged predominantly normal, and even that is up for debate.

But that's been so long ago I've "healed", to choose a phrase.  Now it's just part of my formative years.

Given a time machine, I would steal my parents' car, drive to her, force her to alter her plans, and let the biatch who killed her die.

/Long story short, a coont ran her car in mansion's garage and gassed herself for a successful suicide, ignoring the logic that a former servant's-quarters-turned-modern-apartment apartment above the garage might fill up with CO in the process.
 
2014-02-21 06:41:51 PM

Smeggy Smurf: The Southern Dandy: Look. I've been thinking about this.  Nobody will ever time travel (in a significant way). If they had, we would already know.

[b-townblog.com image 459x215]


3.bp.blogspot.com

PROOF!
 
2014-02-21 06:43:44 PM
I'd travel back to 16th century Italy, find Galileo, and bring him back to our time. Then I'd take him to an observatory and let him see what we can see today using modern technology.

/or I'd go on a Bill and Ted's adventure just to see Genghis Khan trash a mall.
 
2014-02-21 06:44:02 PM
I'd give guns and electricity to Rome
 
2014-02-21 06:45:47 PM
To summarize the article: If you kill Hitler, things would change and that might be bad.  Sound of Thunder style reactionary pessimism.
 
2014-02-21 06:46:03 PM
Why all the Hitler hate.

Hitler did nothing wrong.
 
2014-02-21 06:48:56 PM
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-21 06:49:32 PM

DubtodaIll: Red Dwarf was the best dramatic representation of time travel and its potential ramifications.


You're welcome smeghead
 
2014-02-21 06:50:47 PM

toraque: Meh.  If I had a time machine, I'd use it to go back in time and loan it to my previous self, who would figure out how it works and patent it.  Then I'd return to the present, where I'd be insanely rich from selling time machines, and someone else would have killed Hitler and had to deal with all the paradoxes and crap.

The only problem would be if someone bought a time machine from me for the express purpose of preceding my patent, so I'd have to have a no-prior-invention-ganking clause in the TOS.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Patent_No._1
 
2014-02-21 06:52:15 PM
Assuming that a dead Hitler = no WWII, I probably am never born.

My grandfathers work schedule increased drastically in the late 30s due to the country gearing up for war (he worked in the aviation industry), and his window for plowing my grandma and conceiving my mom in late 1939, was made much narrower as a result.

Probably a different son or daughter would have been born to them around that time, but it wouldn't have been me.

So thanks Hitler!
 
2014-02-21 06:54:37 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I'd give guns and electricity to Rome


I'd go see Heron in Alexandria and tell him to hook up his steam-spinning toy to something useful. Voila, the Industrial Revolution, 1800 years earlier.
 
2014-02-21 06:55:10 PM
Well I guess there's nothing wrong with creating a better breed of human.  We all do it to some degree when we select a hot mate.

It was the whole "wipe out or enslave everyone else" thing that pissed everyone off.
 
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