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(All Africa)   Turns out you can get your weiner stuck in a hooker's gooch, requiring emergency services to get it out   (allafrica.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, emergency services, guesthouses  
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16771 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2014 at 12:58 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-21 01:24:33 PM  
www.gsmnation.com
 
2014-02-21 01:25:41 PM  
wtfamireading.jpg
 
2014-02-21 01:30:30 PM  
www.theawl.com
 
2014-02-21 01:31:54 PM  

JackieRabbit: Uchiha_Cycliste: Until I see a doctor's input, I'm calling bullshiat.

It is a rare condition called penis captivus, which is a result of an intense vaginal contraction (vaginismus) that is so powerful, it grips the penis so that it cannot be withdrawn.


Which is completely unknown to modern medicine outside of places that believe in curses and witchcraft.

In an article published in the British Medical Journal in 1979, Dr F. Kräupl Taylor reviewed the literature on penis captivus and concluded that while "almost all the cases mentioned in medical publications and in textbooks are based on hearsay and rumour", two papers published by nineteenth-century German gynaecologists - Scanzoni (1870) and Hildebrandt (1872) - who had personally dealt with cases of the condition "leave no doubt about the reality of this unusual symptom"

Two published papers back-to-back, and little to nothing else ever.

I'm gonna file "penis captivus" along with "human spontaneous combustion".

HailRobonia: JackieRabbit: It is a rare condition called penis captivus,

[idigitalcitizen.files.wordpress.com image 640x427]

[cf.imados.fr image 570x257]


OK, fark if that didn't make me spit my drink.
 
2014-02-21 01:32:14 PM  
Maybe her pussy troll grabbed on an would't let go...

content8.flixster.com
 
2014-02-21 01:32:29 PM  

lennavan: First thing I thought of was she forgot she was had an anti-rape device in there.  Don't google it if you don't want to know.


Huh... Learn something new everyday

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-21 01:32:52 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: I'm gonna file "penis captivus" along with "human spontaneous combustion".


While the term may be bullshiat, it's actually quite possible if they have a penile piercing, or if they have a penile shaft fracture while having sex.
 
2014-02-21 01:34:00 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Big or small, thick or thin, super glue will get it in.

[9010survival.com image 500x500]


i1168.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-21 01:41:26 PM  
d2t1xqejof9utc.cloudfront.net
 
2014-02-21 01:43:16 PM  

sincitynewbie: WTF is a gooch?


It's where this pad goes
www.activeforever.com

Why the guy is using that tens unit wrong, I don't know.

/ Who says you can't learn useful info from Jackass?
 
2014-02-21 01:44:57 PM  

JackieRabbit: Uchiha_Cycliste: Until I see a doctor's input, I'm calling bullshiat.

It is a rare condition called penis captivus, which is a result of an intense vaginal contraction (vaginismus) that is so powerful, it grips the penis so that it cannot be withdrawn.


treasure.diylol.com
 
2014-02-21 01:47:51 PM  

hardinparamedic: ArcadianRefugee: I'm gonna file "penis captivus" along with "human spontaneous combustion".

While the term may be bullshiat, it's actually quite possible if they have a penile piercing, or if they have a penile shaft fracture while having sex.


I'm thiniing a piercing came loose and dug in.

Or, total bullshiat.
 
2014-02-21 01:48:08 PM  
The last paragraph was a surprise ending. I can honestly say I didn't see the story going there.
 
2014-02-21 01:51:07 PM  
I'll take being stuck in the girl, please.

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-21 01:51:43 PM  

lordjupiter: hardinparamedic: ArcadianRefugee: I'm gonna file "penis captivus" along with "human spontaneous combustion".

While the term may be bullshiat, it's actually quite possible if they have a penile piercing, or if they have a penile shaft fracture while having sex.

I'm thiniing a piercing came loose and dug in.

Or, total bullshiat.


Penile shaft fracture. (NSFW: Shows an actual penile fracture in the article. Ouch)
 
2014-02-21 01:52:45 PM  
Gooch must be must be much tighter than a twat....
 
2014-02-21 01:54:10 PM  
They only booked the room for 30 minutes? What the hell. Ya couldn't find a bush to go behind somewhere?
 
2014-02-21 01:57:04 PM  
Seems legit.
 
2014-02-21 01:57:15 PM  
I don't think I've ever read a story that involved Africa and black magic that didn't also include a penis.
 
2014-02-21 01:59:58 PM  

Stoker: They only booked the room for 30 minutes? What the hell. Ya couldn't find a bush to go behind somewhere?


A bird in hand is worth two in the gooch.
-Rand Paul
 
2014-02-21 02:03:11 PM  
Maybe it was this.....


cltampa.com
 
2014-02-21 02:07:51 PM  

Santos L. Halper: I don't think I've ever read a story that involved Africa and black magic that didn't also include a penis.


Yeah, but in those stories, the penis gets stolen.  When traveling in Africa, be sure to watch your valuables and your penis, at all times.

/Oh yeah, whatever you do, don't be an albino.
//You don't want to know why, just trust me on this.
 
2014-02-21 02:09:19 PM  
I smell bullshiat.
 
2014-02-21 02:12:41 PM  
Maybe she used this:www.oralcareshop.com

instead of this:www.meritpharm.com
 
2014-02-21 02:18:29 PM  

misanthropic1: unfarkingbelievable: JackieRabbit: Uchiha_Cycliste: Until I see a doctor's input, I'm calling bullshiat.

It is a rare condition called penis captivus, which is a result of an intense vaginal contraction (vaginismus) that is so powerful, it grips the penis so that it cannot be withdrawn.

Uh oh. Should I stop purposefully gripping my BF's cawk when we're doing it? He loves it though.

Depends; can you open walnuts by kegel alone?


Nah, I use a simple nutcracker. Hands are miraculous body parts, ya know.
 
2014-02-21 02:19:09 PM  

Lee451: Maybe she used this:[www.oralcareshop.com image 495x188]

instead of this:[www.meritpharm.com image 240x129]


This is the funniest post. I'm dying laughing over here. Good one!
 
2014-02-21 02:21:13 PM  
I thought the Gooch was Arnold's nemesis on Different Strokes
 
2014-02-21 02:22:15 PM  

sincitynewbie: WTF is a gooch?

If I go my entire life and never come across that word again, I'll be happy.


Then by god, please do not read my name and then google what a gooch is....

/it's the area between your genitals and a**hole
//I'm sure somebody already straightened you out on that
///couldn't resist posting to the gooch headline
 
2014-02-21 02:26:50 PM  
Kinda reminds me of "Step Brothers"

/let's do something illegal
 
2014-02-21 02:31:22 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
Second from the left,  front row.
F. Wigglesworth Gooch.
Inventor of the Gooch Crucible.
You knew that.
 
2014-02-21 02:33:07 PM  
you mean a weasel in her curtains don't you?
 
2014-02-21 02:38:02 PM  

Mister Buttons: FTA:  Some of them attributed the cause of the incident to a curse placed either on the man or the woman and added that rituals had to be performed before they could be separated.


Sounds legit.


It's magic like that why Africa has no infections, disease, hunger.......oh wait.
 
2014-02-21 02:39:19 PM  
Some of them attributed the cause of the incident to a curse placed either on the man or the woman and added that rituals had to be performed before they could be separated

A South African woman I worked with told me she had worked as a family planning volunteer back in SA many years ago.  She had demonstrated how to put a condom on using a broom handle for a 19yo woman who already had 3-4kids.

The woman came back pregnant some months later.  Apparently she thought putting a condom on a broom and setting it in the corner of the room was going to keep her from getting preggers while she had her boyfriend over.

*sigh*
 
2014-02-21 02:47:36 PM  

PainInTheASP: Should have just taken the couple to the local witch doctor.  Some chanting, a couple of turtle eggs, and blam!  Good as new.

/When in Rome...


Sounds like the problem is there was already too much ooh, ee, ooh, ahh ahh, wallawalla, bing-bang.
 
2014-02-21 02:48:34 PM  

RedfordRenegade: I can think of a few other places where it would be worse to get your penis stuck.....like SUBBY'S MOM!!!!


Not sure how it could though...can slip in and barely touches the sides!
 
2014-02-21 02:49:08 PM  

Lee451: Maybe she used this:[www.oralcareshop.com image 495x188]

instead of this:[www.meritpharm.com image 240x129]


There once was a couple named Kelly
who always lived belly to belly
because, in their haste,
they used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly.
 
2014-02-21 02:49:44 PM  

sincitynewbie: WTF is a gooch?


img3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-21 03:02:17 PM  

HailRobonia: JackieRabbit: It is a rare condition called penis captivus,

[idigitalcitizen.files.wordpress.com image 640x427]

[cf.imados.fr image 570x257]


You owe me a new keyboard, desktop, monitor, and a clean shirt. You should be proud of yourself.
 
2014-02-21 03:12:45 PM  

sincitynewbie: WTF is a gooch?

If I go my entire life and never come across that word again, I'll be happy.


www-static.weddingbee.com

Man, you don't want to get your weiner anywhere near the Gooch.
 
2014-02-21 03:24:57 PM  
No problem. Here's your cure:

img2-3.timeinc.net
 
2014-02-21 03:25:47 PM  

unfarkingbelievable: JackieRabbit: Uchiha_Cycliste: Until I see a doctor's input, I'm calling bullshiat.

It is a rare condition called penis captivus, which is a result of an intense vaginal contraction (vaginismus) that is so powerful, it grips the penis so that it cannot be withdrawn.

Uh oh. Should I stop purposefully gripping my BF's cawk when we're doing it? He loves it though.


Well if ya clench up and rip it off you probably over did it on the kegals
 
2014-02-21 03:36:44 PM  
Maybe she's been overdoing it on the Kegels intentionally. Like, practicing for a career upgrade from prostitute to novelty bottle opener at a strip club?
 
2014-02-21 04:10:51 PM  
Let the guy peruse a few "smokin' hot" photos from a Fark thread.

Shrinkage.
 
2014-02-21 04:13:28 PM  
Some of them attributed the cause of the incident to a curse placed either on the man or the woman and added that rituals had to be performed before they could be separated.

West Africa, no flag on moon. And I'm surprised they didn't accuse them of being sorcerers and stab them to death.
 
2014-02-21 04:21:32 PM  

Nix Nightbird: No problem. Here's your cure:


Gah, was that necessary?
 
2014-02-21 04:25:56 PM  

A gooch is the area between a guy's dick and balls.


You got it wrong again subby.

Sounds suspiciously fake.

How do some of these articles get greenlit?

 
2014-02-21 04:28:11 PM  
I always thought it would be a great prank to fill a bottle of personal lubricant with superglue gel.
 
2014-02-21 04:29:19 PM  

hardinparamedic: This happened in the courthouse bathroom in Lexington, Tennessee between the at-that time Mayor and his mistress in the 2000s. He was going at it hard, she shifted, and he fractured his penile shaft inside her and swelled.

The EMS crew had to transport them still knotted together, which is a hilarious thought.


How the hell do you fracture the penis? Humans don't have a bone in there, it's just spongy tissue.
 
2014-02-21 04:41:39 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: Some of them attributed the cause of the incident to a curse placed either on the man or the woman and added that rituals had to be performed before they could be separated.

West Africa, no flag on moon. And I'm surprised they didn't accuse them of being sorcerers and stab them to death.


That is a weak definition of an advanced culture.

India has a flag on the moon and has some pretty superstitious beliefs.
 
2014-02-21 04:46:45 PM  

James10952001: How the hell do you fracture the penis? Humans don't have a bone in there, it's just spongy tissue.


-=-
Imagine ripping tissue.
-----

mod3072: sincitynewbie: WTF is a gooch? [pic of Gooch.]
-=-

Mmmm. With a long neck so deep, she should do a movie remake.
Then we might see "The Cooch" too.
 
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