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(NPR)   Old and busted: "I HATE YOU. FARK YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME. GET THIS FARKER OUT....NOW" New hotness: "GET THIS FARKER OUT IN TEN MINUTES. GOD, I HATE YOU"   (npr.org) divider line 53
    More: Interesting, Fark, caesarean sections  
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8981 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2014 at 12:53 PM (31 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-21 12:57:47 PM
Supposedly it is much easier for a woman to give birth on hands and knees.

Lying on her back strapped onto a table with her legs up in the air was invented for the ease of the doctors. It's not good for her.
 
2014-02-21 12:58:02 PM
Don't worry, ladies. He hates you more.

And someday the kid will too.
 
2014-02-21 12:58:20 PM
*MAN* speaking here.

Kidney stones are more painful than giving birth. (I've had them three times.)

I got shot up with morphine three times just to get me out of the fetal position for x-rays.

Women are pussies. *Really*.
 
2014-02-21 12:58:23 PM
Wait. Are you saying a hospital and doctors would opt for a more invasive and extremely more costly procedure instead of letting humans do their most basic biological function?

Shocked I tells ya!

Next thing you are going to tell me is that the steep rise in ADD can be directly linked to children being raised by XBOX.
 
2014-02-21 12:58:36 PM
WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE POOR HOSPITALS AND THEIR RISING MEDICAL COSTS!!!!!
 
2014-02-21 01:02:08 PM
Hm.  Are C-sections considered surgery?  If so, gee I wonder who has been advocating unnecessary surgery?
 
2014-02-21 01:04:34 PM

ChipNASA: *MAN* speaking here.

Kidney stones are more painful than giving birth. (I've had them three times.)

I got shot up with morphine three times just to get me out of the fetal position for x-rays.

Women are pussies. *Really*.


THIS!^^^^^^^^^

And their is no pleasure-pain principle involved with kidney stones. Just the pain and a shiat-load of it. I've had to many honest women tell me that a normal delivery really doesn't hurt that much and much of the so-called pain is just histrionics. Seen too many babies born not to believe them.
 
2014-02-21 01:05:01 PM
My wife had a c section. She was a week past due and they tried to induce for about 12 hours and after that wasn't having any effect we cut him out
 
2014-02-21 01:09:12 PM
Remember that babies grow. Quickly. So the longer the baby is past due, the more difficult labor will become.
 
2014-02-21 01:10:23 PM

ChipNASA: *MAN* speaking here.

Kidney stones are more painful than giving birth. (I've had them three times.)

I got shot up with morphine three times just to get me out of the fetal position for x-rays.

Women are pussies. *Really*.


You're terrible.  Once you pass your stones you have the joy of raising them, holding them, teaching them...then watching them go off and interact and achieve even minor things that make you feel nothing but love and pride for them.  Well I got news for you pal, you should have had an abortion!
 
2014-02-21 01:12:40 PM
My wife pushed for about 2 hours. We watched E.T. in it's entirety during labor.

Elliott is now almost 4 months old.

/serious
 
2014-02-21 01:13:03 PM
The miracle of birth is that, having witnessed it, anyone goes for a second round.

I've seen tidier IRA bombings.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-02-21 01:13:17 PM
www.biography.com

...she grabs by bottom lip...
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-02-21 01:13:52 PM
it would be funnier without my constant god damn typos.
 
2014-02-21 01:14:42 PM

WeenerGord: Supposedly it is much easier for a woman to give birth on hands and knees.

Lying on her back strapped onto a table with her legs up in the air was invented for the ease of the doctors. It's not good for her.


IIRC it was invented by King Louis XIV of France because he wanted a better view of his mistress giving birth.
 
2014-02-21 01:15:06 PM

ChipNASA: *MAN* speaking here.

Kidney stones are more painful than giving birth. (I've had them three times.)

I got shot up with morphine three times just to get me out of the fetal position for x-rays.

Women are pussies. *Really*.


YES.

I got a kidney stone some months before my wife delivered.  After comparing the two, I no longer buy this "women have a higher tolerance for pain" crap.
 
2014-02-21 01:16:38 PM

USCLaw2010: My wife had a c section. She was a week past due and they tried to induce for about 12 hours and after that wasn't having any effect we cut him out


That's pretty much the SOP for an unnecessary c-section. (not saying anything about your particular case)

I would love to see some stats about induced labors that end in c-section.  I'll bet it's huge.
 
2014-02-21 01:17:46 PM

TheNewJesus: My wife pushed for about 2 hours. We watched E.T. in it's entirety during labor.

Elliott is now almost 4 months old.

/serious


Man I wish you'd been watching Flash Gordon.
 
2014-02-21 01:23:03 PM
www.smbc-comics.com
 
2014-02-21 01:24:23 PM

WeenerGord: Supposedly it is much easier for a woman to give birth on hands and knees.

Lying on her back strapped onto a table with her legs up in the air was invented for the ease of the doctors. It's not good for her.


Ditto for,concieving
 
2014-02-21 01:24:37 PM
 
2014-02-21 01:27:46 PM

TheAlgebraist: TheNewJesus: My wife pushed for about 2 hours. We watched E.T. in it's entirety during labor.

Elliott is now almost 4 months old.

/serious

Man I wish you'd been watching Flash Gordon.


Actually we had already decided on the name. It was coincidence that the birth center had E.T. as one of their on demand movies.
 
2014-02-21 01:32:44 PM

IRQ12: USCLaw2010: My wife had a c section. She was a week past due and they tried to induce for about 12 hours and after that wasn't having any effect we cut him out

That's pretty much the SOP for an unnecessary c-section. (not saying anything about your particular case)

I would love to see some stats about induced labors that end in c-section.  I'll bet it's huge.


Just looked up the stats for how often induced labor ends in csection and the study I found said induction increases the likelihood of csection by 67%. Probably because inducing labor makes everything more intense and stressful on the baby.

My son (also named Elliott!) was delivered by csection in just such a circumstance. My water broke, labor wasn't progressing as fast as the hospital would like (I'd only been there for like 6 hrs at this point and baby and I were doing fine), they gave me pitocin, contractions came on like a mofo causing baby's heart rate to go up, so they cut him out because he was in distress. From the strength of the contractions. Because of the pitocin. Sigh.

I'm pregnant with baby #2 now and going to be having another csection simply because I had one with my first and that's just what they do in most cases.
 
2014-02-21 01:43:08 PM

lamecomedian: ChipNASA: *MAN* speaking here.

Kidney stones are more painful than giving birth. (I've had them three times.)

I got shot up with morphine three times just to get me out of the fetal position for x-rays.

Women are pussies. *Really*.

YES.

I got a kidney stone some months before my wife delivered.  After comparing the two, I no longer buy this "women have a higher tolerance for pain" crap.


Lest anyone pull the "apples to oranges" card: my aunt passed a stone while pregnant with my cousin (her firstborn). She initially thought she was going into premature labor and figured this was the agony she had heard so much about. After having the baby, she said the stone was so much worse than actually giving birth.

As for the immediate childbirth -- yeah, I don't blame the parents here. It's like $1000/hour to be in the hospital, every minute counts!
 
2014-02-21 01:46:50 PM
My first kid was induced (I had hypertension and things on the ultrasound started looking a little yuck when I was 2 days overdue) and it SUCKED DONKEY BALLS.  I have a huge pain tolerance and this was seriously one hours-long end of the line contraction turned to +11.  Got an epidural at 6cm, ten minutes later was 10cm and ready to go (dammit).  I pushed for 2.5 hours and was starting to get the Csection warnings when his big head finally popped out.

Second kid I started labour at home, nice and gentle, went Easter shopping, had a nice lunch, water broke, called hubby at 3:30 that things were getting, y'know, impressive.  Walked in the hospital chatting (with every 3-minutes breaks to stop and take a breath) at 4:30, was holding baby at 5:10.  Natural labour, in my anecdotal evidence, was a freaking BREEZE.

And the kidney stones thing upthread...my grandmother in law had three babies and four kidney stones and actually admitted that the stones were tons worse.  Hubby gets the stones every couple years too, and I feel terrible for him.  Labour was totally fine without drugs, but we head to the hospital for morphine at the first twinge for him.
 
2014-02-21 01:47:45 PM
My first son was born after 33 hours of labor.  Second was about 8.

Those 33 hours were the worst--the aches and pains from sleeping on those crappy hospital fold-out beds really made it hard to hold my wife's hand when the crowning started.
 
2014-02-21 01:48:40 PM

IRQ12: USCLaw2010: My wife had a c section. She was a week past due and they tried to induce for about 12 hours and after that wasn't having any effect we cut him out

That's pretty much the SOP for an unnecessary c-section. (not saying anything about your particular case)

I would love to see some stats about induced labors that end in c-section.  I'll bet it's huge.


Maybe. He was really high in the uterus ad wasn't descending as he should have too.
 
2014-02-21 01:51:49 PM
Pain is one of the greatest mysteries in medicine.
What would put you on your knees might not make your brother wince.
AND it's different day to day.

Doctors don't really have a handle on pain at all.
Hell, look at how many addicts doctors make each and every year.
As much as I distain the medical professions I really don't think making addicts from patients is intentional.

I can't believe I wrote that but still - stet
 
2014-02-21 01:54:34 PM

Marcintosh: Doctors don't really have a handle on pain at all.
Hell, look at how many addicts doctors make each and every year.
As much as I distain the medical professions I really don't think making addicts from patients is intentional.


The medical stance is that you should treat the pain and then, later, treat the addiction.  You don't keep someone in pain to avoid a future treatable condition.
 
2014-02-21 01:55:53 PM
One-third? Seriously? How on earth did that happen?

C-sections used to be a way of saving the life of a child and/or the mother who would have died before the technique was available.

In his book Better, the surgeon Atul Gawande wrote an interesting chapter on the growing prevalence of C-sections and how fewer and fewer doctors know how to use foreceps.

I was born in 1975 and was the wrong side up. I was fine, my mom was fine (first labor, 8 hours total.) The doc had to flip me like a pancake ;-) If that were to happen today, she'd probably have been sliced open.
 
2014-02-21 01:57:57 PM

ChipNASA: *MAN* speaking here.

Kidney stones are more painful than giving birth. (I've had them three times.)

I got shot up with morphine three times just to get me out of the fetal position for x-rays.

Women are pussies. *Really*.


I've also had three. Calcium oxalate on each of them. I would kill anyone on this board to keep from going through that again. Luckily, I was given a list of foods to avoid/reduce and the advice that Tums will help lock up oxalate in my gut instead of kidneys.
 
2014-02-21 02:03:11 PM

Nogale: One-third? Seriously? How on earth did that happen?

C-sections used to be a way of saving the life of a child and/or the mother who would have died before the technique was available.

In his book Better, the surgeon Atul Gawande wrote an interesting chapter on the growing prevalence of C-sections and how fewer and fewer doctors know how to use foreceps.

I was born in 1975 and was the wrong side up. I was fine, my mom was fine (first labor, 8 hours total.) The doc had to flip me like a pancake ;-) If that were to happen today, she'd probably have been sliced open.


Here in Canada, where surgical cost isn't really an issue (IDK what the situation is in the US; for the majority of Farkers), they really push for c-sections. The doctor doesn't want to wait around. Period. If it's close to end of shift... That lady's getting cut open.
 
2014-02-21 02:10:20 PM
Geez, subby, ya could've at least warned us about the image.

/ugly little bastards
//yes, I just hate children
///especially babbys
 
2014-02-21 02:15:07 PM
Subby, that headline reminded of some Politics Tab threads.  Those I exit quickly.  (Then reboot the computer and check the locks on the doors and windows.)

My ex and I tried Lamaze when our child was born.  But after 6-7 hours, she shouted "FARK THIS - GIMME DRUGS."
 
2014-02-21 02:16:36 PM

TheNewJesus: My wife pushed for about 2 hours. We watched E.T. in it's entirety during labor.

Elliott is now almost 4 months old.

/serious


You named your kid Elliott?

/He's going to hate you.
 
2014-02-21 02:20:52 PM

bikerbob59: TheNewJesus: My wife pushed for about 2 hours. We watched E.T. in it's entirety during labor.

Elliott is now almost 4 months old.

/serious

You named your kid Elliott?

/He's going to hate you.


If he does hate you, you could make him feel better by saying, "Hey, your name could have been Gertie."
 
2014-02-21 02:34:50 PM

WeenerGord: Supposedly it is much easier for a woman to give birth on hands and knees.

Lying on her back strapped onto a table with her legs up in the air was invented for the ease of the doctors. It's not good for her.


This. So much this.
 
2014-02-21 02:41:44 PM

Brittabot: IRQ12: USCLaw2010: My wife had a c section. She was a week past due and they tried to induce for about 12 hours and after that wasn't having any effect we cut him out

That's pretty much the SOP for an unnecessary c-section. (not saying anything about your particular case)

I would love to see some stats about induced labors that end in c-section.  I'll bet it's huge.

Just looked up the stats for how often induced labor ends in csection and the study I found said induction increases the likelihood of csection by 67%. Probably because inducing labor makes everything more intense and stressful on the baby.

My son (also named Elliott!) was delivered by csection in just such a circumstance. My water broke, labor wasn't progressing as fast as the hospital would like (I'd only been there for like 6 hrs at this point and baby and I were doing fine), they gave me pitocin, contractions came on like a mofo causing baby's heart rate to go up, so they cut him out because he was in distress. From the strength of the contractions. Because of the pitocin. Sigh.

I'm pregnant with baby #2 now and going to be having another csection simply because I had one with my first and that's just what they do in most cases.


Actually VBACs (vaginal births after Caesarians) are on the rise now, see if your doctor/hospital will do one.  If you don't like the answer you get, and you have time, consider another doctor or hospital.  It's not remotely automatic that you NEED one anymore, and you won't know unless you ask.
 
2014-02-21 02:52:43 PM

kitsuneymg: Tums will help lock up oxalate in my gut instead of kidneys.



You saying that Tums prevent some types of kidney stones?
 
2014-02-21 02:56:01 PM

bikerbob59: TheNewJesus: My wife pushed for about 2 hours. We watched E.T. in it's entirety during labor.

Elliott is now almost 4 months old.

/serious

You named your kid Elliott?

/He's going to hate you.


His parents are very attractive and confident people. He is going to be just fine. How maybe Breydens and Aidens does the world need?
 
2014-02-21 03:09:08 PM
starsrift:
Here in Canada, where surgical cost isn't really an issue (IDK what the situation is in the US; for the majority of Farkers), they really push for c-sections. The doctor doesn't want to wait around. Period. If it's close to end of shift... That lady's getting cut open.


To some extent, it depends a lot on the doctor here, as well.  Some doctors are okay to let you tough it out, as long as mom and baby are tolerating it.  However, some docs just have that reputation that they'll section at the drop of a hat.  I work on a post-op women's unit.  One of my co-workers was talking about her delivery (twins) and how she was laboring all night long, and was getting to the end of the shift.  She knew what doctor was coming in next, and she said, "We'd better deliver these babies NOW, I'm not having a c-section after all of this!"

I recently read a study in one of my nursing magazines about the use of midwives decreasing the rate of cesarean as well.  It referred to hospital based midwives vs. doctors, with patients at the same risk level.  I would assume that this can be largely attributed to the idea that the midwife is more likely to wait out the natural process.
 
2014-02-21 03:11:38 PM

starsrift: Nogale: One-third? Seriously? How on earth did that happen?

C-sections used to be a way of saving the life of a child and/or the mother who would have died before the technique was available.

In his book Better, the surgeon Atul Gawande wrote an interesting chapter on the growing prevalence of C-sections and how fewer and fewer doctors know how to use foreceps.

I was born in 1975 and was the wrong side up. I was fine, my mom was fine (first labor, 8 hours total.) The doc had to flip me like a pancake ;-) If that were to happen today, she'd probably have been sliced open.

Here in Canada, where surgical cost isn't really an issue (IDK what the situation is in the US; for the majority of Farkers), they really push for c-sections. The doctor doesn't want to wait around. Period. If it's close to end of shift... That lady's getting cut open.


It depends on the doctor and hospital I think. My first was upside down. The pushing part of labour took five hours. There was never any mention of a c section. We tried to flip him, but I ended up pushing him out face up about 2 minutes after my dr said "maybe we should think about forceps"
/women's hospital
//female dr.
 
2014-02-21 03:15:10 PM

Nogale: One-third? Seriously? How on earth did that happen?

C-sections used to be a way of saving the life of a child and/or the mother who would have died before the technique was available.

In his book Better, the surgeon Atul Gawande wrote an interesting chapter on the growing prevalence of C-sections and how fewer and fewer doctors know how to use foreceps.

I was born in 1975 and was the wrong side up. I was fine, my mom was fine (first labor, 8 hours total.) The doc had to flip me like a pancake ;-) If that were to happen today, she'd probably have been sliced open.


Appealing to "well, I was done this way, and I'm fine" is a completely backward way to look at things.  It's all a stats game - mother and child mortality/injury rates due to complication.  C-sections became more common when it was found that the rates of mortality dropped to a low and predictable level compared to more natural means once a couple of complicating circumstances are introduced.

Since hospital births are a massive statistical sample, the actuarial tables on birthing processes are pretty straightforward at this point.  Natural births are best until a combination of X, Y, and Z complications hit to a certain level, then you're better off cutting.

Now, if doctor's aren't following that and are falling back on c-sections out of laziness, they need to lose their license.
 
2014-02-21 03:18:36 PM
A pregnant philosopher squeeled,
"Though I believe pain is not real,
As this fat little baby-a
Squeezes out of my labia,
I don't like what I think that I feel."
 
2014-02-21 03:29:43 PM

WeenerGord: Supposedly it is much easier for a woman to give birth on hands and knees.

Lying on her back strapped onto a table with her legs up in the air was invented for the ease of the doctors. It's not good for her.


Soooo basically this:

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-02-21 03:32:35 PM
Kidney stone thread!

I've had 12 - count 'em - TWELVE kidney stones.  Just about once a year since I was 19.  The first one I hadn't a clue what was going on, ending up collapsing, dry heaving, and literally "tasted" pain.  No other way to describe it.  The second one?  Got stuck halfway out the pipe after weeks of life-altering pain.  Finally passed that one at work (I was young and just landed my first really good job) after chugging 3 liters of Dasani.  The rest have just been nuisances.  I suppose you can get used to any kind of pain.

Women's bodies are meant to give birth.  Making your own miniature models of the asteroid from Armageddon and passing them through delicate internal tissues?  That's both unholy, and unnatural.
 
2014-02-21 03:41:19 PM

Glendale: WeenerGord: Supposedly it is much easier for a woman to give birth on hands and knees.

Lying on her back strapped onto a table with her legs up in the air was invented for the ease of the doctors. It's not good for her.

Soooo basically this:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 400x300]


So, in the same position she got knocked up.  Makes sense.
 
2014-02-21 04:02:41 PM

Brittabot: IRQ12: USCLaw2010: My wife had a c section. She was a week past due and they tried to induce for about 12 hours and after that wasn't having any effect we cut him out

That's pretty much the SOP for an unnecessary c-section. (not saying anything about your particular case)

I would love to see some stats about induced labors that end in c-section.  I'll bet it's huge.

Just looked up the stats for how often induced labor ends in csection and the study I found said induction increases the likelihood of csection by 67%. Probably because inducing labor makes everything more intense and stressful on the baby.

My son (also named Elliott!) was delivered by csection in just such a circumstance. My water broke, labor wasn't progressing as fast as the hospital would like (I'd only been there for like 6 hrs at this point and baby and I were doing fine), they gave me pitocin, contractions came on like a mofo causing baby's heart rate to go up, so they cut him out because he was in distress. From the strength of the contractions. Because of the pitocin. Sigh.

I'm pregnant with baby #2 now and going to be having another csection simply because I had one with my first and that's just what they do in most cases.


weknowmemes.com
 
2014-02-21 04:05:26 PM
One week 1 day late. Admitted at 6 a.m. for induction. Babby born at 8:58 p.m. She had a short umbilical cord we found out after she popped out with the assistance of the vac.

If by some miracle I get knocked up again, not going the induction route again. I thought I had a high pain tolerance, I was wrong.
 
2014-02-21 04:08:44 PM

ChipNASA: *MAN* speaking here.

Kidney stones are more painful than giving birth. (I've had them three times.)

I got shot up with morphine three times just to get me out of the fetal position for x-rays.

Women are pussies. *Really*.


I blew my face off with a rocket engine when I was around 13.  2nd degree burns are...uncomfortable.  I remember lying in the gurney, screaming my head off thinking "this is just sensory input; there is no new information here and screaming won't make it any less unpleasant.  And my mother is already freaking out; this is NOT helping.".  But I still couldn't stop screaming.  When I woke up in the burn unit, they told me they'd given me morphine.  I didn't think anything of it--felt pretty normal, all things considered.

Then I tried to stand.
 
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