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(Daily Mail)   The wife of Scientologist leader David Miscavige isn't missing. She's being held by force at a secret Scientology compound without contact with the outside world after questioning her husband's infallibility. See, very different   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 41
    More: Asinine, Sea Org, David Miscavige, Leah Remini, Scientology, Mike Rinder  
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14643 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2014 at 2:32 AM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-21 12:06:39 AM  
8 votes:
Somebody hold down Subby, it's time for grammar and punctuation auditing.
2014-02-21 05:06:12 AM  
5 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-02-21 02:53:51 AM  
5 votes:

2chris2: David Miscavich, the head of scientology's wife isn't missing

I had to read that about 10 times before I finally figured out what subby was trying to say.

Scientology head David Miscavige's wife isn't missing.


No David Miscavige is his wife's missing head
2014-02-21 06:21:09 AM  
4 votes:
Sounds like someone needs...POWER OF ATTORNEY!

i218.photobucket.com

He'll take the case!
x23
2014-02-21 03:15:28 AM  
4 votes:
how short is Miscavige if he is being dwarfed by the 5'7" Tom Cruise? what is he? like 4'11" or something?

i.dailymail.co.uk
2014-02-21 03:10:23 AM  
4 votes:

Khazar-Khum: AverageAmericanGuy:

So it's not a religion that asks you to accept it all at once. You're gradually eased in. The teachings are both allegorical and prescriptive. You learn how to take control of your own life and emotions, and the sense of belonging and support keeps most people involved, much like a regular religion.

Except that, unlike every other religion, you have to pay through the teeth for the enlightenment. If you go to  a Rabbi and ask him about Judaism, he'll gladly talk to you for free. Same with every priest, pastor, imam, priestess or whatever you want. Many will happily give you information, maybe even a copy of their holy books--which, incidentally, can also be found in any library, or openly for sale. In Scientology, you have to pay for the books, which cannot be found anywhere else and are not sold to outsiders.  If you feel awful and need to talk, Pastor is there for you. In Scientology, you have to pay. And pay, and pay, and pay. It's not at all unusual to hear of people who sank several hundred thousand dollars into it.


Hell, Bob only asks for $30, and he offers triple money back in the event that you don't happen to get eternal salvation.
2014-02-21 07:32:25 AM  
3 votes:

mhd: Gyrfalcon: They're just living, breathing examples for the legalization of unrestricted drone strikes.

Can we make the drones look like B-52s?


They tried, but all the tin roofs rusted.
2014-02-21 07:15:56 AM  
3 votes:

x23: how short is Miscavige if he is being dwarfed by the 5'7" Tom Cruise? what is he? like 4'11" or something?


I have a theory Scientology is nothing more than the natural result of little man syndrome reaching its extreme
2014-02-21 04:17:05 AM  
3 votes:

x23: how short is Miscavige if he is being dwarfed by the 5'7" Tom Cruise? what is he? like 4'11" or something?

[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x464]


Is Cruise really 5'7? Does he wear platform heels in all his movies? How does he get to all his movie sets from way out in the Shire?
2014-02-21 04:02:42 AM  
3 votes:

Frederick: I've always wanted to ask a scientologist, why -why did you decide to be a scientologist?


Think of it like an extremely bad, extremely expensive MMO. It starts off fun, but progressively, imperceptibly, the grind increases, the micropayments increase, and every time you level up it becomes that much harder for you want to leave. A few brain wash cycles later and you're head banging cult member.
2014-02-21 03:37:23 AM  
3 votes:
So, the guy who runs Scientolology's wife won't give him head?

Maybe that's why he hangs with Tom Cruise....
2014-02-21 02:49:55 AM  
3 votes:
David Miscavich, the head of scientology's wife isn't missing

I had to read that about 10 times before I finally figured out what subby was trying to say.

Scientology head David Miscavige's wife isn't missing.
2014-02-21 02:43:48 AM  
3 votes:
Scientology: the tolerant 'religion'.  It's like Christians feeding their own to the lions, without the need for Romans.
2014-02-21 12:33:39 PM  
2 votes:

Confabulat: I do understand why Scientologists are a bit defensive though, even though they are whackadoodle nutjobs. I went to the first Anonymous protest in Clearwater but I didn't join the protest; I just wanted to watch. So members of Anonymous noticed me watching and immediately decided I was a Scientologist and started hurling insults at me, much to my amusement. Later I joined up with them and no one would talk to me, even though I swore I wasn't a Scientology spy. It was sort of a weird experience.


Just imagine the trouble you could be in, if both Scientology and 4chan decided they really didn't like you.  At the same time.


farm4.staticflickr.com
2014-02-21 11:03:05 AM  
2 votes:

Grammatik Polizei: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 850x535]

I wonder if she is here...

/Scientology compound near me
//Supposed to be some sort of data archive bunker complete with tacky McMansion


Exeter will destroy your Interoctior for this!
2014-02-21 09:22:00 AM  
2 votes:

Shadi: [img.fark.net image 669x358]


Well, yeah tomatoes scream... in pleasure.

"Cut me, you big strong human! You plucked me from the branch, what are you going to do with me now?  Oohh, tell me!  Slice me and lay me out on some lettuce!  Dice me and serve me in your pasta! Yeah, you  own me don't you?  Make it hurt! Stab with with your steel prongs.... EAT ME!"

They're really some twisted little farks in the end.
2014-02-21 07:26:30 AM  
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2014-02-21 04:54:15 AM  
2 votes:

wildcardjack: Frederick: I've always wanted to ask a scientologist, why -why did you decide to be a scientologist?

I give you one of their "you must be a pedophile" routine but I don't have it in me. Just check some of the YouTube vids of people trying to ask questions. They're not pleasant once they get entrenched. In a strange bit of projection, they become what they'd call repressive personalities.


i0.wp.com

2014-02-21 03:59:02 AM  
2 votes:
I read that as:   'Tiny cult dude dungeoned his beard the instant he met slightly-less-vertically-challenged Tom Cruise so tiny cult dude could make with the woowoo love talk in Tomster's sound holes without bearded lady threatening to call Ronnie on planet Xenu every five seconds.'

/oops.jpg
2014-02-21 03:31:57 AM  
2 votes:
I felt bad for the cat in the photo.
2014-02-21 03:15:49 AM  
2 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: If ever a cult needed to be Wacoed...


They're just living, breathing examples for the legalization of unrestricted drone strikes.
2014-02-21 03:12:35 AM  
2 votes:

ransack.: 2chris2: David Miscavich, the head of scientology's wife isn't missing

I had to read that about 10 times before I finally figured out what subby was trying to say.

Scientology head David Miscavige's wife isn't missing.

No David Miscavige is his wife's missing head


What's in the box?  What's in the f*cking box?!!
2014-02-21 02:47:34 AM  
2 votes:
if only there were some sort of bureau that could federally investigate this

/who ya gonna call
2014-02-21 12:19:50 AM  
2 votes:
They probably dropped her into a volcano.
2014-02-21 12:12:14 AM  
2 votes:
If ever a cult needed to be Wacoed...
2014-02-21 05:11:28 PM  
1 votes:

generallyso: It sounds like your criteria is the number of people providing the source material and how long before modern record-keeping they lived rather than the fact one supposes invisible space ghosts and the other supposes invisible sky wizards.


The difference is rather simple:

Religon is a used car, whose odometer has rolled over several times, is covered in rust, dents and bumper stickers, and upon which no two pieces of the body match up in color or manufacturing date. There is little left from the original construction, apart from the frame, which is sagging badly as it's being held together with duct tape and faith.

Scientology is a factory fresh pile of sh*t which has been stamped out on a press, vaugely in the shape of a car.

I wouldn't want to try and drive either of them, but they aren't really the same thing.
2014-02-21 01:40:26 PM  
1 votes:

daemoncan: Is it just me, or....

[i.dailymail.co.uk image 306x525]

.....  is this guy the next Bond Villain?


f.edgesuite.net

A teeny-tiny Bond villain.

Goldpinky?
Ant
2014-02-21 10:48:24 AM  
1 votes:

Mad_Radhu: but we KNOW that L. Ron Hubbard and Joseph Smith were both con men who we shouldn't trust further than we can throw them.


I'm gonna bet that Joseph Smith is probably pretty light now. You could probably throw him pretty far.
2014-02-21 07:47:38 AM  
1 votes:

x23: how short is Miscavige if he is being dwarfed by the 5'7" Tom Cruise? what is he? like 4'11" or something?

[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x464]


Tom's obviously standing on the box he carries around with him. He even looks taller than Katie.
2014-02-21 07:33:38 AM  
1 votes:
This is what I think about every time I read about Scientology:

www.useragentman.com
2014-02-21 07:27:32 AM  
1 votes:

ransack.: 2chris2: David Miscavich, the head of scientology's wife isn't missing

I had to read that about 10 times before I finally figured out what subby was trying to say.

Scientology head David Miscavige's wife isn't missing.

No David Miscavige is his wife's missing head


David Miscavige is missing head from his wife.
2014-02-21 07:26:35 AM  
1 votes:
You don't have to be mentally unstable to join a cult, but it sure helps.
2014-02-21 06:57:56 AM  
1 votes:
It's really too bad the of all the SF writers in the world that L Ron Hubbard was the one who formed a religion.  Why couldn't it have been Heinlein?

Where Michael Valentine Smith when you need him?
2014-02-21 06:02:49 AM  
1 votes:

bloobeary: ransack.: It's no more ridiculous than a lot of other religions.

That phrase seems to be dragged out every time someone mentions Scientology. I think it's about time that it was put to rest.

Most religions come from a mixture of folk tales and basic survival rules passed down generation to generation over hundreds of years, and mangled a bit during the journey. They're pretty much what you'd expect any ancient mythology to be after such a long passage of time, warts and all. There is likely to be some nugget of truth at their core, even if the content has been "made better" so many times, that it's about as historically accurate as the tales of Pecos Bill, Paul Bunyan and John Henry.

Scientology is bullsh*t through and through. Hubbard created it as a bar bet, wrote it down exactly as it is, and it therefore has no excuse.



It sounds like your criteria is the number of people providing the source material and how long before modern record-keeping they lived rather than the fact one supposes invisible space ghosts and the other supposes invisible sky wizards.
2014-02-21 05:56:06 AM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: rappy mindset of tackling your own problems and taking control of your life. At this point, there's a lot of support for you from other members, so you begin to develop an attachment to them and grow uncomfortable with outsiders who begin to be seen as people who will weigh you down. My guess is that most people stay at this level for the entirety of their religious life with them.

After a while, you've learned techniques that allow you to control your emotions and this empowers you to act in very aggressive ways without getting caught up in your own sense of humility or empathy. People are there to be used, and you are there to use them. It preys on the tendency of people to go along and get along. The truly sociopathic make it to this level and stay there becoming more sociopathic.

Along the way, you've unwittingly (or wittingly) been divulging your secrets to the church, and any attempt to break away is thwarted by the threat of blackmail or worse.

So it's not a religion that asks you to accept it all at once. You're gradually eased in. The teachings are both allegorical and prescriptive. You learn how to take control of your own life and emotions, and the sense of belonging and support keeps most people involved, much like a regular religion.


Sounds like becoming a Republican to me.
2014-02-21 04:13:36 AM  
1 votes:

mhd: Gyrfalcon: They're just living, breathing examples for the legalization of unrestricted drone strikes.

Can we make the drones look like B-52s?


No, Hemet has got some pretty beautiful mountains and is in the middle of a National Forest.  With as little rain that California has had, it would lead to a massive wildfire.

However, we could turn in into an amusement park in the vein of  The Most Dangerous Game.  That way, instead of spending money on it, we can make money.

It's a win/win solution.
mhd
2014-02-21 03:53:04 AM  
1 votes:

Gyrfalcon: They're just living, breathing examples for the legalization of unrestricted drone strikes.


Can we make the drones look like B-52s?
2014-02-21 03:15:40 AM  
1 votes:
I was wondering why this guy's wife was called David. Glad to see it has been addressed already.
2014-02-21 03:05:26 AM  
1 votes:
I'm still waiting for Scientology to release the details of Leah Remini's lurid experimentations into lesbianism and chocolate syrup wrestling.
2014-02-21 03:02:17 AM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: Frederick: I've always wanted to ask a scientologist, why -why did you decide to be a scientologist?

I think it's pretty easy to explain.

In the beginning, you're lured in by the very bootstrappy mindset of tackling your own problems and taking control of your life. At this point, there's a lot of support for you from other members, so you begin to develop an attachment to them and grow uncomfortable with outsiders who begin to be seen as people who will weigh you down. My guess is that most people stay at this level for the entirety of their religious life with them.

After a while, you've learned techniques that allow you to control your emotions and this empowers you to act in very aggressive ways without getting caught up in your own sense of humility or empathy. People are there to be used, and you are there to use them. It preys on the tendency of people to go along and get along. The truly sociopathic make it to this level and stay there becoming more sociopathic.

Along the way, you've unwittingly (or wittingly) been divulging your secrets to the church, and any attempt to break away is thwarted by the threat of blackmail or worse.

So it's not a religion that asks you to accept it all at once. You're gradually eased in. The teachings are both allegorical and prescriptive. You learn how to take control of your own life and emotions, and the sense of belonging and support keeps most people involved, much like a regular religion.


People are stupid.


/just kidding, that was a very insightful answer
//people really are stupid
2014-02-21 12:48:47 AM  
1 votes:
I've always wanted to ask a scientologist, why -why did you decide to be a scientologist?
 
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