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(Boing Boing)   The best opening paragraph of any magazine story, ever   (boingboing.net) divider line 22
    More: Amusing  
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21179 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2014 at 11:03 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-20 11:04:29 PM  
4 votes:
"It takes a certain kind of personal-injury lawyer to look at the facts of this glittering night and wrest from them a plausible plaintiff and defendant, unless it were possible for Travis Hughes to be sued by his own anus."
2014-02-20 08:55:31 PM  
4 votes:
mmmm...tight 20 year old sphincter.
2014-02-20 11:35:56 PM  
3 votes:

W.C.fields forever: I like 20 cent bottle rockets.
I hate man ass.

/kinda torn


So was he.
2014-02-20 11:10:30 PM  
3 votes:
Tight sphincter... so, he's a pledge who hasn't been initiated yet?
2014-02-20 11:34:22 PM  
2 votes:
It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.
2014-02-20 11:31:42 PM  
2 votes:
It was a dark and stormy night...
2014-02-20 11:25:18 PM  
2 votes:
Not a bad opening paragraph. Really. But it's no better than second place.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"
2014-02-20 10:33:15 PM  
2 votes:
We went from 'One night...' to explosives in the ass in what, five sentences?

/slow clap
2014-02-21 01:33:10 AM  
1 votes:
As far as magazines go, I think this one is worthy:  "The Enema Within" by Ian Belcher

"When photographer Anthony Cullen heard the clank of glass on porcelain, he didn't need to examine the contents of the toilet bowl between his legs. He instinctively knew he had just passed the marble he had swallowed as a five-year-old; the small coloured sphere - "I think it was a bluey" - had lodged in his colon for 22 years. His nonchalance was understandable. Having flushed 400 pints of coffee and vinegar solution around his large intestine through 10 enemas, and taken 100 herbal laxatives, he had become hardened to extraordinary sights. He had already excreted yards of long stringy mucus "with a strange yellow glaze", several hard black pellets and numerous pieces of undigested rump steak. Like an iceberg breaking away from a glacier, the marble was simply the latest object to drop off the furred up wall of his colon."

http://www.theguardian.com/travel/2002/mar/09/restandrelaxation.shop pi ng
2014-02-20 11:44:12 PM  
1 votes:
Damn near killed him!
2014-02-20 11:34:42 PM  
1 votes:

SauronWasFramed: Video link?:   http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DJYm-nm5LtU


Not safe for work, or lunch either?

And remember, these are the future leaders of our country


I can imagine the LULZ if this guy applies for any job that has even a cursory background check.
2014-02-20 11:34:28 PM  
1 votes:

cirby: Not a bad opening paragraph. Really. But it's no better than second place.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"


I just loathe feeling fear like that.
2014-02-20 11:32:55 PM  
1 votes:
I like 20 cent bottle rockets.
I hate man ass.

/kinda torn
2014-02-20 11:26:22 PM  
1 votes:

DiggidyDan: I read that entire article today.  It was good, but pretty much stated the obvious that anybody who has been to college already knew.


TL:DR Frats are dangerous and risk filled places fueled by idiots and miscreants on copious booze/drugs making bad decisions.  ORLY?


Let them be.  Their suffering amuses us.
2014-02-20 11:19:58 PM  
1 votes:
Why was that article 178 pages long? Has anyone ever finished it? Why?

I did enjoy the opening paragraph, but I basically just skimmed the rest to find out if the unfortunate idiot with the bottle rocket was ever able to poop again.
2014-02-20 11:12:58 PM  
1 votes:
This asshat that I used to work with tried that, but instead he had it between his butt cheeks.
/He couldn't lay on his back side for a week
2014-02-20 11:08:55 PM  
1 votes:
Boring Boring lives up to its name.

SlothB77: why not just link directly to the article in The Atlantic?


The Atlantic doesn't suck Drew's cock for linking.
2014-02-20 11:08:15 PM  
1 votes:
Video link?:   http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DJYm-nm5LtU


Not safe for work, or lunch either?

And remember, these are the future leaders of our country
2014-02-20 11:04:28 PM  
1 votes:
More Henmingway, less hunter s. Thompson,please.
2014-02-20 10:53:38 PM  
1 votes:

Flatulent_Flea: Correction: four sentences.

/applause.gif

Would this be an Invited Explosive In Anus or IEIA?

The results would, I assume, be remarkable.


Chocolate starfish meets roman candle.
2014-02-20 10:47:46 PM  
1 votes:
Correction: four sentences.

/applause.gif

Would this be an Invited Explosive In Anus or IEIA?

The results would, I assume, be remarkable.
2014-02-20 05:45:04 PM  
1 votes:
Wow, that is good.  Thanks.
 
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