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(Boing Boing)   The best opening paragraph of any magazine story, ever   (boingboing.net) divider line 75
    More: Amusing  
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21166 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2014 at 11:03 PM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-21 12:48:12 AM

cirby: Not a bad opening paragraph. Really. But it's no better than second place.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"


No, here's second place IMO

Richard Nixon is gone now, and I am poorer for it. He was the real thing -- a political monster straight out of Grendel and a very dangerous enemy. He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. He lied to his friends and betrayed the trust of his family. Not even Gerald Ford, the unhappy ex-president who pardoned Nixon and kept him out of prison, was immune to the evil fallout. Ford, who believes strongly in Heaven and Hell, has told more than one of his celebrity golf partners that "I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon."

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1994/07/he-was-a-crook/3 08 699/
 
2014-02-21 01:15:40 AM

SauronWasFramed: Video link?:   http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DJYm-nm5LtU


Not safe for work, or lunch either?

And remember, these are the future leaders of our country


Came for this, leaving satisfied. This video is always good for a laugh.
 
2014-02-21 01:25:09 AM
Can't believe there are people who still haven't seen Jackass. (Steve-O did this I don't know how many years ago, they also did one where they put the bottle rocket up his arse and tied a string to it and the other end of the string to Pontious's dangle)
 
2014-02-21 01:33:10 AM
As far as magazines go, I think this one is worthy:  "The Enema Within" by Ian Belcher

"When photographer Anthony Cullen heard the clank of glass on porcelain, he didn't need to examine the contents of the toilet bowl between his legs. He instinctively knew he had just passed the marble he had swallowed as a five-year-old; the small coloured sphere - "I think it was a bluey" - had lodged in his colon for 22 years. His nonchalance was understandable. Having flushed 400 pints of coffee and vinegar solution around his large intestine through 10 enemas, and taken 100 herbal laxatives, he had become hardened to extraordinary sights. He had already excreted yards of long stringy mucus "with a strange yellow glaze", several hard black pellets and numerous pieces of undigested rump steak. Like an iceberg breaking away from a glacier, the marble was simply the latest object to drop off the furred up wall of his colon."

http://www.theguardian.com/travel/2002/mar/09/restandrelaxation.shop pi ng
 
2014-02-21 01:41:05 AM

OhioUGrad: Can't believe there are people who still haven't seen Jackass.


You can't believe there are people who have good taste and a basic sense of decency?
 
2014-02-21 01:41:47 AM

cirby: Not a bad opening paragraph. Really. But it's no better than second place.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"


Only good part of that book.
 
2014-02-21 01:52:02 AM

SlothB77: why not just link directly to the article in The Atlantic?


I think it was smart because Boing Boing has a good reputation and provided a much more succinct headline that promised joy than the Atlantic article.
 
2014-02-21 02:01:27 AM

SlothB77: why not just link directly to the article in The Atlantic?


Because this is the digital age.  We're no longer capable of evaluating things on our own; we need one of our approved vanguards of culture to alert us to the fact that this was indeed worth reading before we could actually take the chance of reading it ourselves.
 
2014-02-21 02:17:55 AM

Mentat: They couldn't, which is why they set up their own organizations and insured themselves.  Then they hang the members out to dry by diverting the litigation to the member and their parents.


The part about "We pretty much just pillage their homeowner's insurance" was terrifying.
 
2014-02-21 02:29:05 AM
The lead-up was ok but the last sentence was good for a LOL. I always thought that guy was just some clown, not a future leader.
 
2014-02-21 02:33:26 AM

BKITU: OhioUGrad: Can't believe there are people who still haven't seen Jackass.

You can't believe there are people who have good taste and a basic sense of decency?


Pretty much, especially a 20 year old college student.
 
2014-02-21 03:28:23 AM
it wasn't bad...but it wasn't that great either.
 
2014-02-21 03:57:19 AM

Flatulent_Flea: Would this be an Invited Explosive In Anus or IEIA?


Oh, you...
 
2014-02-21 06:21:44 AM
TL;DR

Summary: Frat bros are douchebags
 
2014-02-21 07:28:20 AM
Headline was SO right on the money.  I think I might've seen this in the very firs "jackass" movie.
 
2014-02-21 08:20:48 AM

Darth_Lukecash: More Henmingway, less hunter s. Thompson,please.


Wait. Strike that. Reverse it.

/also, I thout the best opening was "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me..."
 
2014-02-21 08:21:56 AM

Johnny Bananapeel: It was like his own personal Challenger Disaster!

[i.imgur.com image 625x451]


Too soon.
 
2014-02-21 08:26:09 AM
I don't get why the goatse thing is banned here when you folks seems to enjoy discussing butt holes


// You have no idea.......
 
2014-02-21 09:06:12 AM

Super Chronic: Tight sphincter... so, he's a pledge who hasn't been initiated yet?


He chose to eat the toast instead.
 
2014-02-21 09:10:35 AM

RoyBatty: SlothB77: why not just link directly to the article in The Atlantic?

I think it was smart because Boing Boing has a good reputation and provided a much more succinct headline that promised joy than the Atlantic article.


this.

subby here... I saw the blurb on boingboing, it had the opening paragraph which I found amusing... I didn't think anyone would want to read the whole article... I considered using the Atlantic article... but the boingboing link had the funny bit and the link to the full article in case anyone wanted to read the rest... and myself, having not read the whole article didn't know if it would need a nsfw tag or not... so the boingboing link was safe.
 
2014-02-21 10:59:18 AM

OhioUGrad: Can't believe there are people who still haven't seen Jackass. (Steve-O did this I don't know how many years ago, they also did one where they put the bottle rocket up his arse and tied a string to it and the other end of the string to Pontious's dangle)


I can't believe there are people who actually watched Jackass, so I guess we're even.
 
2014-02-21 12:00:06 PM
Twilght's last gleaming OW, MY BALLS!
 
2014-02-21 12:43:03 PM

Chariset: Mentat: They couldn't, which is why they set up their own organizations and insured themselves.  Then they hang the members out to dry by diverting the litigation to the member and their parents.

The part about "We pretty much just pillage their homeowner's insurance" was terrifying.


"You farked up... you trusted us!"
 
2014-02-21 04:10:28 PM
Reads like Tarantino dialog.
 
2014-02-21 08:54:52 PM

stirfrybry: I don't get why the goatse thing is banned here when you folks seems to enjoy discussing butt holes


It's called the Politics tab.
 
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