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(CNN)   Two American security officers found dead on Captain Phillips' ship. Who's the captain now?   (cnn.com) divider line 46
    More: Sad, Maersk Alabama, Captain Phillips, maritime security, Americans, security officers, Seychelles  
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7251 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2014 at 2:17 AM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-20 01:54:50 AM  
Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.
 
2014-02-20 02:20:48 AM  
There's a serious lack of information in the article. "Found dead," "a postmortem will be carried out this week in order to establish the cause of their sudden deaths," so they weren't shot or stabbed, visibly at least, I guess?

OD? Poison? Coincidental heart attacks? Lots of room for speculation, and that's it.
 
2014-02-20 02:21:05 AM  
Pirates snuck on board, took out the security team, then snuck off again.

Just to keep the game interesting.

/the game
 
2014-02-20 02:21:53 AM  
So? What do we think, Fark? (A) Lovers' suicide pact, or (B) tandem erotic auto-asphyxiation gone wrong?

/what?
//hey Mr. Hanks, I smell sequel!
 
2014-02-20 02:23:34 AM  

studebaker hoch: Pirates snuck on board, took out the security team, then snuck off again.


That would put them at risk of angering the ninja union for infringement.
 
2014-02-20 02:28:16 AM  
So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?
 
2014-02-20 02:33:10 AM  
I bet it was the salmon mousse.
 
2014-02-20 02:34:19 AM  

brimed03: So? What do we think, Fark? (A) Lovers' suicide pact, or (B) tandem erotic auto-asphyxiation gone wrong?


I was going to suggest lovers' quarrel. Most likely not but stranger things have happened.
 
2014-02-20 02:36:06 AM  
Below decks? I'm guessing some sort of gas buildup overcame them.
 
2014-02-20 02:38:22 AM  
C18H27NO3 

I was going to suggest lovers' quarrel. Most likely not but stranger things have happened.

Nothing's queer once you leave the pier.
 
2014-02-20 02:54:02 AM  

Gyrfalcon: So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?


I think the current posture on private military contractors is that it's a politically correct term for the word mercenary. But we aren't allowed to use that word because it has negative connotations and we don't want to hurt the feelings of mercenaries or the family members of mercenaries.

Unless it's from a country we hate. Then we can use the word mercenary.

/mercenary
 
2014-02-20 03:06:17 AM  

JonnyBGoode: Below decks? I'm guessing some sort of gas buildup overcame them.


Must have been burrito night.
 
2014-02-20 03:07:24 AM  
I would prefer the term mercenary.

Sounds waaaaay more badass.
 
2014-02-20 03:18:44 AM  
fc07.deviantart.net
\wanted for questioning
\\and being hotlinked
 
2014-02-20 03:21:59 AM  

Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?

I think the current posture on private military contractors is that it's a politically correct term for the word mercenary. But we aren't allowed to use that word because it has negative connotations and we don't want to hurt the feelings of mercenaries or the family members of mercenaries.

Unless it's from a country we hate. Then we can use the word mercenary.

/mercenary


Hell, our regular armed forces are little more than 'mercs these days.

A few people made a lot of money off the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. And was all that American blood worth it to protect oil we no longer need? (i.e. America is now a net oil exporter.)
 
2014-02-20 03:22:20 AM  

Triumph: Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.


www.marinemammalcenter.org

Oort!

/took a while to find a picture with exactly 6 seals.
 
2014-02-20 03:23:12 AM  
They should have gone with Steroid and MD to start with.
 
2014-02-20 03:29:03 AM  

Prophet of Loss: Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?

I think the current posture on private military contractors is that it's a politically correct term for the word mercenary. But we aren't allowed to use that word because it has negative connotations and we don't want to hurt the feelings of mercenaries or the family members of mercenaries.

Unless it's from a country we hate. Then we can use the word mercenary.

/mercenary

Hell, our regular armed forces are little more than 'mercs these days.

A few people made a lot of money off the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. And was all that American blood worth it to protect oil we no longer need? (i.e. America is now a net oil exporter.)


But are they good guys or bad guys? I just can't tell anymore, and I really need to parrot the correct talking points!
 
2014-02-20 03:41:02 AM  

Triumph: Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.


$2.50 says there will be a stream of FWD:FWD:FWD emails claiming that these were members of Seal Team 6 and this was retaliation for the killing of Bin Laden. And they will go even further to say Obama set the whole thing up to appease his Muslim masters.
 
2014-02-20 03:48:50 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Prophet of Loss: Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?

I think the current posture on private military contractors is that it's a politically correct term for the word mercenary. But we aren't allowed to use that word because it has negative connotations and we don't want to hurt the feelings of mercenaries or the family members of mercenaries.

Unless it's from a country we hate. Then we can use the word mercenary.

/mercenary

Hell, our regular armed forces are little more than 'mercs these days.

A few people made a lot of money off the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. And was all that American blood worth it to protect oil we no longer need? (i.e. America is now a net oil exporter.)

But are they good guys or bad guys? I just can't tell anymore, and I really need to parrot the correct talking points!


Just march while the music plays, but when it stops be ready to kill a man for his chair.
 
2014-02-20 04:05:24 AM  
Were bottles of mineral water found nearby?
 
2014-02-20 04:56:19 AM  
Daryl Dragon?
 
2014-02-20 05:22:29 AM  
Suicide?  Accident?  Murder?  Carbon Monoxide poisoning?  Other poison?  Crushed by shifting cargo?

Not enough information.
 
2014-02-20 05:37:43 AM  

ongbok: Triumph: Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.

$2.50 says there will be a stream of FWD:FWD:FWD emails claiming that these were members of Seal Team 6 and this was retaliation for the killing of Bin Laden. And they will go even further to say Obama set the whole thing up to appease his Muslim masters.


All true.
I'll also say that you work for 'them' and once you realized this one will leak out, you decide to release it as a joke in a preemptive strike so when the real news comes out, no one will believe it
 
2014-02-20 05:40:53 AM  
Murder suicide lovers quarrel because if you have to go through BUDS and SEAL training just to prove to yourself that you're a real man the chances are pretty good you're not.
 
2014-02-20 07:10:09 AM  
For the record, any Maersk ship flying American flags, particularly if its named after something very American (like a state),  is almost guaranteed to be transporting goods owned by the US military and satellite organizations.
 
2014-02-20 07:19:58 AM  
I wanna see the boat movie
 
2014-02-20 07:25:35 AM  

Prophet of Loss: Gyrfalcon: Prophet of Loss: Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?

I think the current posture on private military contractors is that it's a politically correct term for the word mercenary. But we aren't allowed to use that word because it has negative connotations and we don't want to hurt the feelings of mercenaries or the family members of mercenaries.

Unless it's from a country we hate. Then we can use the word mercenary.

/mercenary

Hell, our regular armed forces are little more than 'mercs these days.

A few people made a lot of money off the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. And was all that American blood worth it to protect oil we no longer need? (i.e. America is now a net oil exporter.)

But are they good guys or bad guys? I just can't tell anymore, and I really need to parrot the correct talking points!

Just march while the music plays, but when it stops be ready to kill a man for his chair.


Wait, wait, wait...I can't kill a guy for his chair while the music's still playing?

Damnit...

No, I'm not starting over.

I LIKE this chair.
 
2014-02-20 07:31:23 AM  

ongbok: Triumph: Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.

$2.50 says there will be a stream of FWD:FWD:FWD emails claiming that these were members of Seal Team 6 and this was retaliation for the killing of Bin Laden. And they will go even further to say Obama set the whole thing up to appease his Muslim masters.



24.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-20 07:32:01 AM  

ongbok: Triumph: Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.

$2.50 says there will be a stream of FWD:FWD:FWD emails claiming that these were members of Seal Team 6 and this was retaliation for the killing of Bin Laden. And they will go even further to say Obama set the whole thing up to appease his Muslim masters.


No, thats not it all.

See Osama is not dead.  Seal Team 6 members know this and this is Obama keeping things quiet.   You'll say I'm crazy or wearing a tin foil hat, but we'll see who crying when Obama declares martial law in 2016 and installs Osama as head muslim in charge of FEMA camps for white christians.
 
2014-02-20 07:46:03 AM  
Fan death.
 
2014-02-20 07:51:12 AM  

OscarTamerz: Murder suicide lovers quarrel because if you have to go through BUDS and SEAL training just to prove to yourself that you're a real man the chances are pretty good you're not.


So you're saying that homosexual men aren't "real men"?
 
2014-02-20 07:51:16 AM  

C18H27NO3: brimed03: So? What do we think, Fark? (A) Lovers' suicide pact, or (B) tandem erotic auto-asphyxiation gone wrong?

I was going to suggest lovers' quarrel. Most likely not but stranger things have happened.


Was there bottled spring water laying nearby?
 
2014-02-20 08:10:07 AM  

OscarTamerz: Murder suicide lovers quarrel because if you have to go through BUDS and SEAL training just to prove to yourself that you're a real man the chances are pretty good you're not.


Yes, because if you are gay you aren't a real mean.  Do you even begin to comprehend how stupid you sound?

/I'm guessing you sound stupid because you are stupid.
 
2014-02-20 08:11:30 AM  
I'd put money on the two of them sharing some hot batch of drugs, likely heroin given the region.
 
2014-02-20 08:19:34 AM  
"The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane protect this ship, but who didn't have fish for dinner."

i1.ytimg.com

/was probably carbon monoxide
 
2014-02-20 08:30:07 AM  

State_College_Arsonist: I'd put money on the two of them sharing some hot batch of drugs, likely heroin given the region.


What else is there to do on a cargo ship in the middle of the ocean?
 
2014-02-20 08:59:36 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Prophet of Loss: Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?

I think the current posture on private military contractors is that it's a politically correct term for the word mercenary. But we aren't allowed to use that word because it has negative connotations and we don't want to hurt the feelings of mercenaries or the family members of mercenaries.

Unless it's from a country we hate. Then we can use the word mercenary.

/mercenary

Hell, our regular armed forces are little more than 'mercs these days.

A few people made a lot of money off the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. And was all that American blood worth it to protect oil we no longer need? (i.e. America is now a net oil exporter.)

But are they good guys or bad guys? I just can't tell anymore, and I really need to parrot the correct talking points!


I personally think mercenaries are despicable pieces of syphilitic rat sh*t. But I don't necessarily think that former military members acting as security on a ship automatically makes them merc's, any more than off-duty police working as event security would be.
 
2014-02-20 09:30:20 AM  

Boojum2k: There's a serious lack of information in the article. "Found dead," "a postmortem will be carried out this week in order to establish the cause of their sudden deaths," so they weren't shot or stabbed, visibly at least, I guess?

OD? Poison? Coincidental heart attacks? Lots of room for speculation, and that's it.


Indeed. Add "unexpectedly pure heroin" to the spicy masala.

http://gcaptain.com/trident-group-contractor-deaths/

/sailor on FARK
//the water is too hard for sailing today.
 
2014-02-20 09:41:50 AM  
b.vimeocdn.com

Captain say "Wot" ?
 
2014-02-20 11:10:14 AM  

Triumph: Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.


I just found out that the reason that "Seal Team 6" is so famous is because it was the  first SEAL team, and the Navy figured it'd be that much more badass if the evildoers they encountered thought there were at least five even better teams available just in case.

/got nothing
 
2014-02-20 11:16:26 AM  

Gyrfalcon: So they used to be SEALs but now are PMCs.

Do we love them or hate them? What's the current posture on private military contractors?


I don't think anyone's too upset about security on merchant ships operating where pirates are and navies aren't.

It's when one country hires two militaries, sets wildly different rules for them, gives them two slightly-to-massively contradictory missions, and sticks them in the same war zone together among civilians who can't tell the difference, that you get problems.
 
2014-02-20 11:39:54 AM  

semiotix: Triumph: Don't even farking tell me these guys were from Seal Team 6.

I just found out that the reason that "Seal Team 6" is so famous is because it was the  first SEAL team, and the Navy figured it'd be that much more badass if the evildoers they encountered thought there were at least five even better teams available just in case.

/got nothing


Just in case you were joking, it was actually the 3rd SEAL team. Prior to its creation, there were the west coast SEALs (SEAL Team 1 based in San Diego) and east coast SEALs (SEAL Team 2 based in Virginia). Those two teams formed in the 60s. 6 formed in the wake of the clusterfark to rescue the American hostages in Iran.

But it is true (according to his autobiography) that the units first head, Richard Marcinko, chose the number 6 to make people think that their were units 3 through 5.
 
2014-02-20 11:43:15 AM  

semiotix: I just found out that the reason that "Seal Team 6" is so famous is because it was the  first SEAL team, and the Navy figured it'd be that much more badass if the evildoers they encountered thought there were at least five even better teams available just in case.


Close, but no. DEVGRU (it stopped being called SEAL Team 6 in the late 1980's) was the third SEAL team created. Team One was on the West coast, and Team Two on the East coast, (with various unconverted UDT units and SDV units also around) and DEVGRU was designated Team Six to make the Soviets think there were more SEAL teams than there really were.

They're "famous", however, because they're the Navy's Tier 1 unit, equivalent in many respects to the Army's "Delta Force", and fall under the aegis of SOCOM and JSOC.
 
2014-02-20 11:44:09 AM  

dsmith42: Just in case you were joking...


That's what I get for getting distracted mid-post by real life work.
 
2014-02-20 08:23:27 PM  

dsmith42: Just in case you were joking, it was actually the 3rd SEAL team.


I wasn't joking, but then my source was "something some dude said on the internet" so I'm sure you're right. In any event, you sound more knowledgeable than the last dude.
 
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