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(Gizmodo)   A map showing which states have the longest and shortest sex reveals Virginia is NOT for lovers   (sploid.gizmodo.com) divider line 101
    More: Interesting, West Virginia, New Mexico  
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9492 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2014 at 3:28 AM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-20 12:18:18 AM
Nerve teamed up with Spreadsheets, a sex activity app that monitors data from movement and audio levels using your phone's accelerometer and microphone, to figure out the average sex duration for each state. The app measures more than that too, like thrusts per minute, decibel peak, frequency and so forth.

Perfect for someone who wants to be an exhibitionist but isn't quite ready to commit fully.
 
2014-02-20 12:26:46 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com

And going and coming and going and coming and always too soon.
 
2014-02-20 12:38:49 AM
Well, since it relies on accelerometers, it tells you how long people that keep their phones on them during sex manage to go for. I wonder if that self-selection influenced the results.
 
2014-02-20 01:57:30 AM
Jesus I'm no studman69 but if my average session was less than the 7:00 minutes which is the max on this map I'd jump off a farking bridge.
 
2014-02-20 02:08:05 AM
Seven minutes of sex is considered a long time? That's barely enough time to break out the accessories and lay down plastic.
 
2014-02-20 02:56:44 AM
I'm here to congratulate Mississippi for not only not finishing dead last in something, but for finishing all the way in the top 20!

Of course, the survey doesn't mention which cousin y'all need to have sex with to last beyond the 3:00 minute mark, but good on you all the same.
 
2014-02-20 03:36:55 AM
California, here I come...
 
2014-02-20 03:38:15 AM
Reason No. 257 why Maryland is better than Virginia.

/Suck it Commonwealth.
 
2014-02-20 03:38:34 AM

loveblondieo: Seven minutes of sex is considered a long time? That's barely enough time to break out the accessories and lay down plastic.


No kidding. It takes me longer than that to dig someone up from the basement.
 
2014-02-20 03:43:41 AM

CipollinaFan: Reason No. 257 why Maryland is better than Virginia.

/Suck it Commonwealth.


It's not VA's fault their women look better.
 
2014-02-20 03:43:48 AM
Christ.

I should feel better about myself given how farking terrible my state is at sex.
 
2014-02-20 03:45:04 AM
Note: This is based on a sample of people who downloaded an app to document their sex lives. These are not normal people.
 
2014-02-20 03:47:31 AM
Does this include street hookers?
 
2014-02-20 03:47:38 AM

NobleHam: Note: This is based on a sample of people who downloaded an app to document their sex lives. These are not normal people.


You mean two minutes isn't normal? Uh oh.
 
2014-02-20 03:52:58 AM

supichoo: Jesus I'm no studman69 but if my average session was less than the 7:00 minutes which is the max on this map I'd jump off a farking bridge.


Yeah... I thought that seemed more than a bit short. Jesus. Is it because Americans are fat? Or are we just a bunch of premature ejaculators?
 
2014-02-20 03:53:20 AM

farkingismybusiness: NobleHam: Note: This is based on a sample of people who downloaded an app to document their sex lives. These are not normal people.

You mean two minutes isn't normal? Uh oh.


Two minutes isn't normal. But on meth it is.
 
2014-02-20 03:55:21 AM
FTA : The duration stats come from 10,000 early adopters of the app (so obviously small sample size) and doesn't cover foreplay

Just add 10 seconds to whatever time you come up with.

/ math is hard...
 
2014-02-20 03:56:25 AM

HotWingAgenda: farkingismybusiness: NobleHam: Note: This is based on a sample of people who downloaded an app to document their sex lives. These are not normal people.

You mean two minutes isn't normal? Uh oh.

Two minutes isn't normal. But on meth it is.


I was told there would be no meth.
 
2014-02-20 03:56:44 AM
Yay!  I'm average for my state...

/commence sobbing
 
2014-02-20 03:59:53 AM
With how fat women are these days, shouldn't these numbers be higher? I mean...it should take longer to jizz when you're doing some 150+ pound beast.
 
2014-02-20 04:09:10 AM

robohobo: With how fat women are these days, shouldn't these numbers be higher? I mean...it should take longer to jizz when you're doing some 150+ pound beast.


Ouch.
 
2014-02-20 04:18:05 AM

diaphoresis: robohobo: With how fat women are these days, shouldn't these numbers be higher? I mean...it should take longer to jizz when you're doing some 150+ pound beast.

Ouch.


I should amend that to include height/weight proportion. Clearly, Christina Hendricks is curvier, probably about 160 but she's also 5'7 and has a huge rack that's like 20 pounds. But an actual rack, not a fat rack, There's a difference.
 
2014-02-20 04:18:56 AM
DNRTFA:  but... apparently Virginia boys know about foreplay!
 
2014-02-20 04:19:23 AM
" movement and audio levels using your phone's accelerometer and microphone, to figure out the average sex duration"
There is the difference. They need to subtract for the married.  If the other married couples have a wife like mine the readings are 0. She never moves or makes a sound.
 
2014-02-20 04:20:57 AM

robohobo: With how fat women are these days, shouldn't these numbers be higher? I mean...it should take longer to jizz when you're doing some 150+ pound beast.

Nope, fat women are wetter, so you cum faster
Or so I heard
 
2014-02-20 04:21:24 AM
Thank you.
This is why I love Fark.
More people with which to laugh the pain away. Or just snark.


/the best average was seven minutes? That's it? Really? Wow.
//I'm glad I married above average.
///Yes I will toot my hubby's horn far and wide. Hell, I'll even say nice things about him in public from time to time

=^D
 
2014-02-20 04:22:00 AM

robohobo: Christina Hendricks


*looks up Christina Hendricks*

Wow..! I wonder if she would consider some girl-girl time...
 
2014-02-20 04:23:37 AM

DreamSnipers: " movement and audio levels using your phone's accelerometer and microphone, to figure out the average sex duration"
There is the difference. They need to subtract for the married.  If the other married couples have a wife like mine the readings are 0. She never moves or makes a sound.


Did she before you were married? Cause really, that's grounds for divorce. You got suckered. I'm not even kidding. You were misled.
 
2014-02-20 04:23:50 AM

DreamSnipers: " movement and audio levels using your phone's accelerometer and microphone, to figure out the average sex duration"
There is the difference. They need to subtract for the married.  If the other married couples have a wife like mine the readings are 0. She never moves or makes a sound.


Maybe you're doing it wrong...   Actually you are....
 
2014-02-20 04:29:57 AM

diaphoresis: robohobo: Christina Hendricks

*looks up Christina Hendricks*

Wow..! I wonder if she would consider some girl-girl time...


You've been on Fark 3+ years and you have yet to run into a Christina Hendricks thread? I don't even know how that's possible. Truly, I do not.
 
2014-02-20 04:30:13 AM

DreamSnipers: " movement and audio levels using your phone's accelerometer and microphone, to figure out the average sex duration"
There is the difference. They need to subtract for the married.  If the other married couples have a wife like mine the readings are 0. She never moves or makes a sound.


Did you marry a corpse?
 
2014-02-20 04:36:52 AM

ILoveBurritos: DreamSnipers: " movement and audio levels using your phone's accelerometer and microphone, to figure out the average sex duration"
There is the difference. They need to subtract for the married.  If the other married couples have a wife like mine the readings are 0. She never moves or makes a sound.

Did you marry a corpse?


One should be honest, she does say things: "Hand me my romance novel so I have something interesting to do."  "Again, we did this last year." "Hurry up and get this fun over with." "If you want oral, you better practice yoga and get a flexible spine."
 
2014-02-20 04:41:50 AM

TheMysticS: Thank you.
This is why I love Fark.
More people with which to laugh the pain away. Or just snark.


/the best average was seven minutes? That's it? Really? Wow.
//I'm glad I married above average.
///Yes I will toot my hubby's horn far and wide. Hell, I'll even say nice things about him in public from time to time

=^D


In my experience sex times are wildly divergent, and I have no idea why. A few guys can go half an hour to an hour. But mostly they only go 2-5 minutes. You'd think there'd be more middle ground, but that's just what I've observed.
 
2014-02-20 04:58:22 AM

diaphoresis: robohobo: Christina Hendricks

*looks up Christina Hendricks*

Wow..! I wonder if she would consider some girl-girl time...


Are you kidding? She'll eat anything.
 
2014-02-20 05:00:09 AM

Dibikad: diaphoresis: robohobo: Christina Hendricks

*looks up Christina Hendricks*

Wow..! I wonder if she would consider some girl-girl time...

Are you kidding? She'll eat anything.


That slutty YoSaffBridg.
 
2014-02-20 05:04:10 AM

DreamSnipers: " movement and audio levels using your phone's accelerometer and microphone, to figure out the average sex duration"
There is the difference. They need to subtract for the married.  If the other married couples have a wife like mine the readings are 0. She never moves or makes a sound.


i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-02-20 05:37:25 AM
People kept the phone on themselves while doing this just to be measured? How self absorbed can you get? Were they Tweeting the whole time too? I can just see it: "Dude I'm boning my girl right now!" and "Yeah the A-Hole is humping me now, he'll be done in a minute."
 
2014-02-20 05:46:40 AM

robohobo: diaphoresis: robohobo: Christina Hendricks

*looks up Christina Hendricks*

Wow..! I wonder if she would consider some girl-girl time...

You've been on Fark 3+ years and you have yet to run into a Christina Hendricks thread? I don't even know how that's possible. Truly, I do not.


There's nothing saying I spend my entire life on Fark.. ;-)  I usually come here to find fresh snark on the topics greenlighted.
 
2014-02-20 05:48:23 AM

Lapdance: People kept the phone on themselves while doing this just to be measured? How self absorbed can you get? Were they Tweeting the whole time too? I can just see it: "Dude I'm boning my girl right now!" and "Yeah the A-Hole is humping me now, he'll be done in a second."


FTFM
 
2014-02-20 05:53:04 AM
Two minutes or less AVERAGE?  Wtf?

Is there some correlation to the average age of the people having sex in those states or something?
 
2014-02-20 05:55:53 AM

optikeye: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 480x204]

And going and coming and going and coming and always too soon.


That's a nice set of pickelhauben!

/it's twoo!
 
2014-02-20 05:59:13 AM
Done in two.

//I win.
 
2014-02-20 06:05:47 AM
We use a large vibrating egg.
 
2014-02-20 06:43:34 AM
I'm just very busy, you see.
 
2014-02-20 06:44:34 AM

TomD9938: FTA : The duration stats come from 10,000 early adopters of the app (so obviously small sample size) and doesn't cover foreplay

Just add 10 seconds to whatever time you come up with.

/ math is hard...


Poking her in the back with it while she lays next to me takes 3 seconds max.
 
2014-02-20 06:49:22 AM

diaphoresis: robohobo: Christina Hendricks

*looks up Christina Hendricks*

Wow..! I wonder if she would consider some girl-girl time...


She was great in her well known role on FireFly too!
 
2014-02-20 07:19:25 AM

TheMysticS: Thank you.
This is why I love Fark.
More people with which to laugh the pain away. Or just snark.


/the best average was seven minutes? That's it? Really? Wow.
//I'm glad I married above average.
///Yes I will toot my hubby's horn far and wide. Hell, I'll even say nice things about him in public from time to time

=^D


No tooting his horn w/o pics :)
 
2014-02-20 07:22:04 AM

Kiwimann: Two minutes or less AVERAGE?  Wtf?

Is there some correlation to the average age of the people having sex in those states or something?


I'm guessing they're measuring younger folks, since it involves an app and all.

I didn't go as long as I do now when I was younger, I can tell you that.

/above average now, that's for sure.
 
2014-02-20 07:22:05 AM
Of course Alaska is last, have you seen Inuit women? You want to be done with that as fast as you can.
 
2014-02-20 07:30:35 AM
7 minutes? Farking amateurs.
 
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